by Rice, Anne
“ ‘Yes, he was right by the gate. He was very strong, but you must realize my talents for such perception are, if anything, rather over-developed. For me the world’s a crowded place.’
“ ‘Was he angry or bitter?’ I asked.
“ ‘Neither,’ he said, ‘but rather glad to be seen.’
“At this point Mona spoke up, taking our arms as she interposed, ‘Why don’t I invite him in? We’ll make a place at the table for him?’
“ ‘No, not tonight,’ I said. ‘I want to be selfish. He has his moments. This is one of mine.’
“The dinner went on swimmingly, with lots of conversation about whether I should in fact go to Europe, and Michael felt that there comes in each person’s life a perfect time to go to Europe and one can go either too early or too late. I agreed with that heartily and then dared to ask if it was at all possible for Mona to go if Aunt Queen would agree to bring another female chaperone dedicated entirely to Mona, and I made it clear in euphemisms, which the august dining room seemed to require, that I would never risk Mona’s health or well-being for cheap lust.
“I hope I made half the potent figure that I tried to be. When only Mona consented to everything I said, Rowan went on to state matter-of-factly that Mona couldn’t be away from Mayfair Medical at this time, it was simply out of the question, and that if it was at all possible she and Michael would take Mona to Europe so that Mona could have the experience again.
“In fact, Mona went on to explain that it had been on her trip to Europe that her ‘condition’ had been discovered and the tour had been cut short for that reason and she had come home to undergo intense study at the medical center, plus injections of hormones and nutrients and other drugs as well.
“Throughout, nobody mentioned Mona’s mysterious child. And I didn’t mention the mysterious stranger.
“We went into the double parlor after the supper and there I drank more brandy than I should. But I fixed the situation with a call to Clem to come get me in Aunt Queen’s stretch limousine, with Allen to drive the Mercedes home, which worked out very well, since Aunt Queen was ‘entertaining’ in her room.
“Michael and Rowan showed no letup of interest in me, or if they did I was a perfect fool. Stirling Oliver was affable and curious as well. We talked about seeing ghosts and I told them all the entire story of Rebecca, again using all the appropriate euphemisms, which the parlor seemed to require. I had the feeling in my semidrunken pride that Mona was enjoying all of this.
“Her eyes were glistening and she never once interrupted me, which struck me as amazing given how very brilliant I found her to be. When she did talk it was to bring me out for Rowan and Michael and Stirling, or to bring them out to me. Of the three, Michael was by far the more talkative and the more given to laughing at himself, though Stirling had a great sense of humor, but Rowan was modest for a doctor, and, as I had found her in the afternoon, her husky voice was much warmer and sweeter than her finely angled face.
“She had the sharp gray eyes of a beauty, and one could believe she was a neurosurgeon by the look of her long tapering hands. Michael was the older one, the rugged one, the one who had worked on ‘this house’ with his hammer and nails. He spoke of feeling its embrace and of loving its shining floors and its creaks and groans in the small hours. And all of these three alluded modestly and naturally to having seen ghosts.
“Stirling talked of a childhood full of spirits in an English castle. And of discovering the Talamasca during his university years at Cambridge. Michael spoke of nearly drowning off the coast of San Francisco and being rescued by, of all people, Rowan, and of his having come through it with a power to know certain paranormal things through touch.
“Mona told them all laughingly that Oncle Julien had ransacked the pantry for Royal Antoinette to serve me the hot chocolate, and I told them about the poem by Christopher Morley which I had loved so as a child, and about the cocoa and animal crackers, which I had altogether forgotten to tell any of them until then, and they were impressed with it, and we speculated as to how spirits make up what they do.
“ ‘But it means God exists, doesn’t it?’ asked Mona. There was the most poignant tone in her voice.
“ ‘God or the Devil,’ said Dr. Rowan.
“ ‘Oh, it would be too cruel if the Devil existed without God,’ said Mona.
“ ‘I don’t think so,’ said Rowan. ‘I think it’s entirely possible.’
“ ‘Nonsense, Rowan,’ said Michael. ‘God exists and God is love.’ And with a very deliberate nod to Mona he cautioned Rowan, and I saw at that moment that Mona was looking anxiously away. Then Mona spoke up.
“ ‘I guess I’ll know soon,’ she said, ‘or I’ll know nothing. That’s the hard part. Blinking out like a burnt-out bulb.’
“ ‘That’s not going to happen,’ I said. ‘When you have your treatments at Mayfair Medical, is it tiresome? Can I come and sit with you? Is it possible we could talk or I could read to you? What is it like?’
“ ‘That would be lovely,’ said Rowan, ‘until you get tired of it, which would happen at some point.’
“ ‘Rowan, for the love of Heaven,’ said Michael. ‘What’s gotten into you?’
“Mona started to laugh. ‘Yes, Quinn,’ she said, laughing still, ‘I have to be there for hours. I take the treatments intravenously, that’s why I wear long sleeves, to hide the marks. It would be wonderful if you were with me. It doesn’t have to be every time. And Rowan’s right. When you get tired, I’ll understand.’
“ ‘I’m ashamed that I’ve never asked if I could visit you during these treatments,’ said Stirling. ‘We’ve had so many suppers at the Grand Luminière Café. Why, it never crossed my mind.’
“ ‘And don’t think that you have to,’ said Mona. ‘I watch the worst television imaginable. I’m hooked on vintage sitcoms. Don’t give it another thought.’
“I wanted to vow that I would never get tired. I would bring flowers, and books of poetry to read. But I knew that the realist among us would think all this very lame, and so I let it go for the moment, thinking that later, when it came time to leave, I would ask when I could see Mona again.
“ ‘I know one thing,’ Mona announced, quite suddenly. ‘When it comes my time to die, I don’t want it to be at Mayfair Medical. I still cherish my dream of going out like Ophelia, on a boat of flowers in a softly running stream.’
“ ‘I don’t think it works very well,’ said Michael. ‘I think the flowers and the floating part of it are wonderful, but then comes the drowning and it’s not so peaceful at all.’
“ ‘Well, then, I’ll settle for a bed of flowers,’ she said. ‘But there has to be a lot of them, you know, and no tubes and needles and bottles of morphine and such things as that. I can imagine the water as long as I’m on a bed of flowers. And there are no doctors around.’
“ ‘I promise,’ said Michael.
“Dr. Rowan said nothing.
“It was an extraordinary moment. I was horrified. But I didn’t dare to speak.
“ ‘Come on, everybody, I’m so sorry I made it glum,’ said Mona. ‘Quinn, let me cheer you up. Have you ever read Hamlet? Will you read it to me sometime at Mayfair Medical?’
“ ‘I’d love to,’ I responded.
“We had all seen Kenneth Branagh’s landmark film of Hamlet and we’d loved it, and of course I knew the Ophelia underwater scene so very well. It had been a still shot after Gertrude’s long description, all of it beautifully done, due to the fact that Branagh is a genius, we all agreed. I wanted to tell them all about Fr. Kevin’s warning about speaking to ghosts, based on what happened to Hamlet, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about it so I let it slide.
“The remainder of the evening was marvelous. We talked of so many things. Michael Curry loved books, the way that my old teacher Lynelle had loved them, and he thought it was fabulous that I had a new teacher in Nash Penfield, and he thought it perfectly fine that I had never gone to school.
“Row
an agreed wholeheartedly that I had probably missed nothing, that except for a certain margin of affluent American kids who occupy a tiny portion of the classes in ultrafine schools, ‘organized educational experience’ was more painful and unprofitable than anything else.
“Stirling Oliver thought it incredibly wonderful that I was getting such an intense education, wondering aloud what it would be like if so many others could have the same benefits. As for Tommy, whom I described to everyone, everyone believed that he and his brothers and sisters should be given ‘every chance.’ It wasn’t playing God to show them another world.
“I was very surprised by all this, and in a very real way I did not want to go home. I wanted to live in this house with Michael and Rowan and Mona forever. I wanted to know Stirling forever. But in another way, I couldn’t wait to go home. I couldn’t wait to be ‘me’ again, because I had been so strongly accepted. I wanted to tell Nash and Aunt Queen about it. I wanted to set about my studies with Nash. I wanted to set up my visits with Mona. I wanted once more to postpone my trip abroad.
“Now as to that—postponing my trip—Michael had a suggestion. Why not go for a couple of weeks? ‘One can see a lot of Europe in that time,’ he told me. ‘And if you have to choose one country then let me suggest either England or Italy. Either one will send you back transformed.’
“Everybody seemed to think it was a good idea. Stirling and Rowan also suggested Italy. I had to admit it was a good idea. It would quiet Aunt Queen’s desires for me for a little while and Mona would be waiting, she vowed, to hear of all my adventures when I returned.
“Meantime, Clem had come for me, and though the conversation was moving along fiercely, with Michael describing his own visit to Italy, I knew it was time to go.
“Besides, I was really getting drunk.
“On the front porch I took Mona in my arms, vowing to call her the next day and get the times during which she would let me visit with her at Mayfair Medical.
“ ‘I spend my life there, egregious and beautiful boy,’ she said. ‘Pick a time, any time.’
“ ‘When do your spirits flag?’
“ ‘Four o’clock. I’m so tired of it. I begin to cry.’
“ ‘I’ll come at two and stay with you as long as you allow.’
“ ‘That will be till six,’ she said. ‘Then we have dinner in the Grand Luminière Café.’
“ ‘You can dismiss me then or have my attendance, as you wish. I come with no strings attached.’
“ ‘You really do love me, don’t you?’
“ ‘Passionately and undyingly.’
“Our final kisses were long and lingering, and drunkenly sweet.
“Then Michael Curry saw me to the gate, which did need a key to unlock it.
“He took me in his arms. He held me tight, and he kissed me, European-style, on each cheek. ‘You’re a good boy, Quinn,’ he said.
“ ‘Thank you, Michael,’ I said. ‘I really adore her.’
“As soon as Goblin and I were securely in the back of the limousine I burst into tears.
“On and on we drove, and I couldn’t stop crying. And as we crossed the black waters of Lake Pontchartrain, Goblin put his arms around me and he said in his low voice, rather like Ariel in The Tempest, ‘I’m sorry, Quinn; if I were human, I would cry too.’ ”
32
“It had been some time since Aunt Queen had held Full Court in her bedroom, or boudoir, as we called it on such occasions, but when I entered the house I was informed by an exquisitely dressed Jasmine—read slinky black cocktail dress and murderous high heels—that this was a special night.
“She was entertaining Nash, of course, because the two were getting on far better than Aunt Queen had ever dreamed, but also a visitor had arrived with gifts of stunning cameos such as Aunt Queen had never beheld. Jasmine threw in a bit of mockery with a roll of her eyes and a lift of her eyebrows. ‘All carved out of jewels,’ she said.
“I was solemnly requested to go upstairs, freshen up, put on my best black Italian suit with handmade English shirt and Church’s shoes and come down to meet the bearer of the stunning gifts. Since I was already pretty much dressed this didn’t involve much inconvenience.
“As to the courtly life, I welcomed the distraction. The liquor I’d drunk had worn off and left me electrified with love and concern for Mona, and I could not possibly have fallen asleep. The night seemed my enemy, with my frightened Goblin no doubt hovering near, and I wanted the lights and cheerful conversation of Aunt Queen’s room.
“ ‘Come, Goblin,’ I said, ‘let’s do this together. We’ve been apart too much lately, you know it. Come with me.’
“ ‘Evil, Quinn,’ he responded, with a sad face, which surprised me. Evil in Aunt Queen’s room? But he was dressed as I was, down to the hand-stitching of his collar and the lacquer of his shoe leather, and he came with me down the stairs. I felt his right hand in my left. I felt a gentle pressure, and then I felt his soft lips against my cheek.
“ ‘I love you, Quinn,’ he said.
“ ‘And I love you, Goblin,’ I replied.
“All this was very unexpected, as was the invitation to visit with Aunt Queen. I hoped the night would continue to give me wonderful things. I hoped I wouldn’t have to crash suddenly amid the knowledge that Mona was seriously sick and that she might not survive her illness, that that was exactly what she and her family had been trying to tell me all during the lively dinner, and Rowan Mayfair’s one outbreak of pessimism had been a sharp admission of the truth.
“What had Mona said, ‘blinking out like a dim bulb.’
“All was light and laughter in Blackwood Manor. A group of the guests were at the piano in the double parlor, and in the dining room yet another little group played cards.
“I passed all this with a cheerful smile and a wave and headed for the back bedroom, finding the door ajar and pushing it wide slowly to announce my presence to the convivial group inside.
“They made a circle, the company, with Aunt Queen in her glory, clothed in one of her priceless feathered white negligees, with a wide white ribbon and a glorious cameo on her bare throat. Her high heels were as always much in evidence, and right opposite her sat Nash, in black tie for the occasion, who stood up as I entered as if I merited such a thing, when I did not.
“Cindy, the nurse, was there in her crisp white uniform and she rose too, to deposit kisses on my cheek, which made me very happy.
“And then I saw, in full clarity, the guest of honor, the generous bringer of fine cameos, the newcomer to Blackwood Manor, who sat at the very opposite of me and did not rise and had no reason to rise as our eyes met.
“At first I simply could not identify what I saw. I knew but I did not know. I understood but I did not understand. All was abundantly clear. Nothing was clear at all. Then very gradually my mind absorbed the details, and do let me record them here so as to brand them into your mind, so as to make them plain to you as they came to be plain to me.
“That this was the mysterious stranger I had no doubt. I knew the shape of the head. I knew the shape and cut of the shoulders. I knew the high square forehead with its beautifully rounded temples, and the black eyebrows and the large black eyes. I knew the long mouth and the smile. I even knew the long black hair.
“But it wasn’t tied back now, this hair. No, it was a wealth of gorgeous waves and curls, tumbled down over the stranger’s shoulders. And it was perfectly obvious from the taut cut of the mysterious stranger’s black satin vest that the mysterious stranger had large full breasts. But the rest of the black tie ensemble of dinner jacket and trousers indicated a man’s body, and indeed the mysterious stranger, despite having glowing skin and rouged lips, was about six feet tall and did have a rather firm jaw.
“Was this a man? Was this a woman? I had no idea.
“And whatever it was, it sat there—sideways on the chair, with its right arm on the high back and its long legs comfortably in front of it and its left hand in its
lap—challenging me with its silence, with its sly smile, as Aunt Queen reached for that slack hand, saying:
“ ‘Quinn darling, come here and meet Petronia. She’s brought me the most exquisite cameos, and she made them herself.’
“Shock. Heart-pounding shock. Fury and delirium combined in me as never before.
“ ‘The pleasure’s all mine, Petronia,’ I said. I felt all the liquor I’d drunk rising in me again. ‘But you are very beautiful, let me be so bold as to tell you. Having seen you twice or thrice by moonlight, before this moment, I could only guess.’
“ ‘How generous of you,’ she answered me, and I heard exactly the voice I’d heard in my ear last night, hushed and soft. Of course it was female. Or was it? ‘And you, just come from your red-haired vixen,’ she went on. ‘One would have expected to find you quite blinded by her light.’
“ ‘She’s not a vixen in any sense,’ I declared, my face burning. ‘But don’t let me be wearisome defending her. It’s a pleasure that you and I are now properly introduced.’
“She turned, laughing under her breath to Aunt Queen.
“ ‘He is quite the versatile gentleman,’ she said. She looked back at me, the eyes flashing. ‘I rather thought I would like you if we came to really know each other. And do stop trying to determine if I am a man or a woman. The fact is I’m a good part both and therefore neither one. I was just explaining to your Aunt Queen. I was born endowed with the finest traits of both sexes and I drift this way and that as I choose.’
“Nash had brought a chair for me to join the circle. Jasmine had poured the champagne in my tulip glass. I sat down across from this spectacle, this creature, and I felt Goblin take hold of my shoulder.
“ ‘Caution, Quinn,’ he said to me. And well he might because I was dangerously feverish of mind and soul and once again drunk. I was appalled by what was happening and monstrously exhilarated.
“I saw the mysterious stranger’s eyes shoot to my left where Goblin stood, but she could not see Goblin. She only knew that Goblin was there.
