She opened her mouth to say yes, I want to stay, but couldn’t force the words out.
Get out, her mother’s voice screamed in her head. Don’t look back.
His gaze narrowed. “Where you?”
What if she could be happy here with him? What if… “What if I did? Change my mind, I mean.”
Alarm flashed in his expression and he immediately shook his head. “No. You need to go. You need to see what else is out there for you or you’ll always wonder.”
“And you’re such an expert on life, hiding out here at the lodge.”
His jaw tensed. “I’ve already figured out where I fit, you haven’t. That’s why you need this. That’s why I…I want you to go.”
Those last five words reached in, grabbed hold of her heart, and squeezed so hard her breath caught at the pain. “You want me to go?”
He nodded, though he didn’t look happy. Actually, he looked pretty damn miserable.
Good.
“Mallory, you need to go.”
She couldn’t get past the fact he’d openly admitted he wanted her to leave. Less than ten minutes after sleeping with her, he was telling her to get out of his life.
She bent to gather her clothes, but when the tears she’d been valiantly fighting started to gain a foothold on her tattered emotions, she quickly straightened again.
“You’re right. After this,” she gestured to the bed, “I definitely need to go.” She lifted her chin as her vision blurred. “And so do you. Get out.”
“Mallor—”
“Get. Out.” Hot tears spilled over her lashes, burned down her face. She didn’t bother to wipe them as she glared at him.
Jaw set, he snagged his jeans and shirt from the floor and dressed in silence. She watched every move he made even as the pain in her chest swelled with each heavy beat of her heart. Words battered her tightly compressed lips, but she held them in—until he picked up his boots and moved toward the door.
She took an involuntary step forward. “Levi.”
He paused in the bedroom doorway, but didn’t turn back.
“It didn’t have to be like this,” she whispered, her throat raw. “All you had to do was ask.”
His spine stiffened, but he didn’t say a word as he left.
Mallory sank down onto the bed, her hand wrapped in the sheet and stuffed into her mouth to stifle her sobs.
Chapter 24
Walking away from her was the hardest thing he’d ever intentionally done. And he’d wondered every day—every minute—of the past three weeks if he hadn’t made the biggest mistake of his life.
He’d finally bought a cell phone two weeks ago. A half-dozen times since then, he’d walked into the lodge to ask Janelle for Mallory’s cell phone number. A half-dozen times he’d turned away from her office and ended up at the gift shop. He left each time with a cup of coffee and a slip of paper from the goodwill jar.
Each saying, whether written by Mallory’s hand or a stranger’s, made him feel like he was still connected to her in some small way. They also helped balance out her voice in his head. Positive messages to silence her accusation of hiding from life at the lodge.
Until this morning.
He stood on the patio, the cold air biting at his lungs. The first snowflakes of the season fell silently around him as he read the words on the piece of paper in his shaking hands.
There is only one thing that remains to us, that cannot be taken away: to act with courage and dignity and to stick to the ideals that have given meaning to life. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru
Four words burned hotter than the poker that’d scarred his flesh in an Afghan cell.
To act with courage.
His pulse pounded loud in his ears as the truth hit hard.
She was absolutely right. He was hiding here like a damn coward. He hadn’t asked her to stay because he was terrified of not being enough for her. But he’d never know if he didn’t take a risk, act with courage, and ask her.
A nudge against the back of his knee alerted him to Daisy’s arrival. He twisted slightly and absently reached down to pet the top of her head. “Hey gir—”
His voice froze with his hand. It was Duke who stood looking up at him with those light blue eyes, not Daisy. His heart thudded at the significance of the male husky standing close enough for him to touch.
Slowly, he finished extending his hand. The dog allowed one stroke before backing away with a low woof.
Then he trotted a short distance away as Daisy came around the corner of the coffee shop. Still dumbfounded, Levi set his cup on a nearby table and squatted down to pet her, but his focus remained on Duke.
Unflinching, the dog held his gaze, almost as if to say, if I can do it, so can you.
He swallowed past the lump in his throat as a second realization surfaced. Mallory had been right, but he hadn’t been completely wrong. He may have been afraid to ask her to stay, but she’d still needed to go.
And now that she had gone, there was nothing saying he couldn’t ask her to come back.
His pulse gave an excited skip. After giving Daisy a hug and one last quick ruffle on the neck, he stood and reached for his coffee. “Thanks, buddy,” he said to Duke before heading inside.
A drop of moisture on his ear had him running a hand through his hair to brush away the melting snowflakes. Lowering his arm, he paused in the doorway of Mark’s office when he saw his boss holding Hazel. Janelle sat nearby, one hip propped on a corner of the desk as they talked and she watched the two play. The red-headed baby giggled and grabbed for her daddy’s nose each time he drew back from blowing raspberries against her neck.
She was now almost six months old, and the heart-warming scene made him smile even as longing for his own family surged forward. He and Mallory would make beautiful babies—if he could convince her to speak to him again.
After the way they’d parted, that was a big if.
His soft knock drew Mark’s gaze as his wife swiveled toward the door. They both welcomed him in, and he entered the room to grip the back of a chair with his free hand.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I was hoping to speak with Mark.”
Janelle reached for the baby at the same time Mark handed her off. They exchanged a quick look before she said, “No problem.” Halfway to the door, she stopped and turned back as Hazel played patty-cake on her chest. “Everything’s okay, right? You’re not leaving or anything?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not leaving.”
Relief edged her smile. “Okay, good.”
Levi watched her go, then forced himself to turn back and meet the major’s gaze dead on. Interest sharpened his already curious gaze.
This was the easy part. “I’d like to ask if I could take a more active role in the work I do for you here at Whispering Pines.”
Mark smiled as he gestured to the chair. “Sounds like we have a lot to talk about. Have a seat.”
An hour later, he left the office, excited about the possibilities they’d discussed to get him more involved in the lodge’s charity operations and the community of Pulaski. Merely existing in his life was no longer an option.
One down, two to go.
The snow fell harder as he left the lodge in his truck shortly after nine a.m. Right after the festival, temperatures had taken a nose dive, so the heavy, wet flakes stuck to everything, making the roads snow-covered and slippery as he pressed his foot on the gas pedal.
He was barely a mile out of town and had just passed a side road when red and blue lights flashed in the corner of his eye. The wail of a siren followed. A quick check of his speedometer registered sixty-five miles per hour, and a glance in the rearview confirmed the squad car behind him.
Sonofabitch. The speed limit was fifty-five. Muttering a few more choice curses under his breath, he slowed to pull off onto the shoulder. He really didn’t have time for this.
He leaned to pull his wallet from his back pocket when he caught a glimpse of the approaching officer in the
side mirror. He rolled down his window with a curious grunt and a whole lot of suspicion.
Unsmiling, Shane Parker crossed his arms over his broad chest. “First snow of the season, Jenkins, the roads are getting slick. Where you going in such a hurry?”
The man’s glare and use of his last name told Levi he probably knew more of what happened between him and his sister than he’d like. “To see you, actually.”
Surprise registered in his brown eyes. “Why’s that?”
“I wanted to see how Mallory’s doing.”
His gaze narrowed. “So call her.”
“I don’t have her number.”
He uncrossed his arms and braced one hand on the edge of the door. “Well, I talked to her last night and she’s doing great. Loves her new job. Loves her co-workers. Loves the city even more.”
Levi winced as doubt crept in. She’d never once said she loved him. His right hand flexed on the steering wheel as he stared through the windshield.
“Then again, you know Mal.”
Shane’s tone brought Levi’s head around.
The cop squinted down the road, then swung his gaze back to Levi. “Always putting up a good front with that positive attitude of hers.”
He allowed the smallest of grins with his relief. “Yeah. I’ve seen it a time or two.”
“Figured you did.” The guy cocked an eyebrow. “Question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“That’s why I was coming to see you. I need a favor.”
“Name it.”
Five minutes later, he lifted a hand as Shane shut off his lights and headed into town. Snow melted on the truck’s windshield, and he watched the flakes riding the rivulets down the glass while contemplating his next move.
To act with courage.
Easier to say than put into action. He set his cell phone on the passenger seat, shifted the truck into drive, and swung around in a U-turn.
Two down, one to go, but he wasn’t quite ready to dial that number.
Chapter 25
Mallory flipped the deadbolt, dropped her keys on the table near the door, and her bag on the floor. This past week had been even longer than the first two, and as much as she was enjoying the job, she was exhausted. It was almost eight o’clock on a Friday evening and she wanted nothing more than to sit in her apartment and be away from the hustle and bustle for two whole days.
Minneapolis was nothing like the quiet of Pulaski, where a person could still hear themselves think. She missed the peacefulness of the lake at the lodge. She missed a lot of things, and telling herself she simply needed time to adjust to her new life didn’t hold as much weight as it had the first week.
Not more than two steps into her living room, and a knock sounded behind her.
She retraced her steps to check the peephole. When she saw her small, elderly neighbor from next door, she unlocked the door and opened it with a warm smile. “Hi, Mrs. Lewis. How was your day?”
“Good. And I’m glad to see you’re remembering to check before you open.”
“Got the deadbolt, too.”
“Good girl.”
Mallory’s gaze dropped to the square brown package in the older woman’s hands.
“Oh, right, this came for you a little while ago.” She handed it over. “The delivery man left it outside your door, but I didn’t want someone to steal it.”
“Thank you.”
As she frowned at the empty space where the return address should be, Mrs. Lewis said, “Well, dear, I’ll let you be.”
Mallory stepped back and swung the door wider. She knew the woman was lonely. They’d shared coffee a couple times already, and it was nice to have a friend nearby. Her only friend so far in the big city.
“Would you like to come in?”
“No, thank you. My show is on in a few minutes. Maybe tomorrow. Good night.”
“’Night.” She closed the door, dead-bolted it again, and then slowly walked down the hallway with the mysterious box. It wasn’t heavy, but when she gave it a light shake, she could hear something moving inside.
Setting it on the kitchen counter, she reached into the refrigerator to grab a bottle of ice tea. As she shut the door, her gaze caught on the lonely slip of paper she’d stuck up with a magnet. She traced her finger over the words, closed her eyes, and replayed the memory of Levi’s first smile in her mind.
God, she missed him.
Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Sometimes she managed to get lost in her work, but the ache in her heart never left.
Lately, she’d been thinking she shouldn’t have left. She’d stopped being mad at him before she even crossed the state line, but what could she do now? She’d made a commitment, and she had left. She had a job to do, a new life to live.
The job was great—she hadn’t been lying when she told Shane that. But it was basically the same job she’d been doing at Whispering Pines. Whether she was here or there, it made her just as happy. The rest…not so much. She missed Wisconsin, her cabin, her brother and friends, almost as much as she missed Levi.
Mallory turned away from the refrigerator and stared at the box with no return address. For some reason, it made her stomach turn flip flops. She wasn’t sure she wanted to open it.
Five minutes later, she’d changed into a pair of lounge pants, a tank and sweater, and warm socks. She pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail, washed her face, and returned to the kitchen to stare at the box as she sipped her ice tea.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, this is ridiculous.”
She plunked down the bottle of tea, grabbed the package, and used her nail to start the edge of the tape. Gripping the start with her fingers, she ripped the box open. Nestled in a bed of tissue paper was a clear fish bowl. Inside the bowl sat a bunch of slips of paper. Some colored, some white.
What the heck?
She dumped the papers out on the counter and started looking at them. The first white one had a date written on it. From a week ago.
The next one she grabbed was blue. It read: Smoked everyone at monopoly.
She frowned, even as she recalled paying monopoly with Shane and Reid a couple months ago. Shane had won.
A green one read: Got drunk and sang karaoke.
Okay, that she’d done with Josie and Tessa the day after the daycare closed.
Another white one—another date.
Red: Met the woman I love.
Her breath caught in her lungs. Levi? The flip flop of her stomach became a somersault. Instead of staring at it, she forced herself to set it aside and move on.
Yellow: Laughed watching Mark get bucked off into the manure pile.
Once they were sure he was unharmed, she and Janelle had nearly doubled over. He’d brushed himself off, claiming to be thankful for the soft landing.
Purple: Enjoyed the best meatloaf I’ve ever tasted, and even better company.
Levi. It had to be Levi. And the next orange one: Swings a mean ax.
White: just a date again.
She frowned and grabbed another white one. A date. Picking out the rest of the white slips to put them in order, she realized there was one for every single day since the day she’d left Pulaski.
Her gaze shifted back to the colored ones. Her heart started a steady increase as she read more.
Who knew painting could be so fun? Levi. She put her hand over her heart as tears stung her eyes.
Best roommate ever. Could be Nikki or Shane. She laughed. Nope, definitely Nikki.
Great early morning heart-to-hearts. Josie, at the Bakery Box.
Amazing listener. Technically that could be Shane, Josie, or Levi, but the handwriting said Levi.
Watched a movie with my favorite sister.
“I’m your only sister,” she murmured, though they’d joked with that line for years.
Better the second time.
That one made her entire body blush—and at the same time she wished for a third.
Taught me to live again.
Kisses like a dream.
In the end, she realized there were some from everyone she loved back home, but more from Levi. She lifted her hand to wipe the tears streaking down her face and gathered all the notes except one to put them back into the jar.
Met the woman I love.
Her elbow bumped the shipping box off the counter. When she picked it up, an envelope fell out from alongside the tissue paper. Her hands shook as she opened the flap and slid out the plain card.
You left your jar here, so we figured you could use a new one. Didn’t want you to get too lonely.
Everyone had signed it. Emotion welled her tears once more, but there was more under all the names. In his handwriting.
P.S. Call me when you figure it out. 715-555-0132
He’d gotten a phone. Wow.
P.S.S. Please don’t take too long.
She laughed, wiped the moisture from her cheeks, and leaned back against the cushions, her eyes closed.
Figure it out. She shouldn’t have a clue what that meant, and yet she had a feeling she’d been doing exactly that for the past couple weeks.
The conversation with her dad had refused to leave her alone. Levi’s bowl brought it right back to the forefront, and also added another dimension.
Dad had said he’d offered to move, go somewhere else, but Mom always said no. He’d tried time and again to make her happy, to love her enough. But Mallory was coming to understand, her dad wasn’t the one who hadn’t been enough.
She suspected Mom had been afraid. If they’d moved, and she’d discovered she wasn’t any happier somewhere else, where would that have left her? So she’d said no. Because it was easier to blame the man she was supposed to love for trapping her in the small town of Pulaski than to admit she was afraid to try in case she failed.
The truth of that sank in. Her mother hadn’t been left with nothing, she’d felt like nothing.
All this time, Mallory had let her mother’s bitterness convince her she couldn’t be happy in Pulaski, but the truth was, it was where she was the happiest. Had been all along, even through the crap. And if she went back, it wouldn’t be for anyone other than herself.
Autumn Bliss Page 16
