by Traci DePree
“I know you didn’t come for counseling because you were ready to quit,” Paul went on.
Kim and Chad’s gazes met tentatively.
“You came here because deep inside you believe there’s a solution, that you two can come together again. That your love can grow instead of die. Is that right?”
Kim turned to Chad, a vague hopeful expression in her eyes.
Paul smiled kindly. “We kind of danced around it last time. After giving it more thought, what do you think is the core of the problem?” He turned to Kim.
There was a long silence while she thought. She chewed her lower lip, and her brown eyes crinkled. Kim and Chad had only been attending Faith Briar for a few short months, since moving to Copper Mill from Chattanooga. She was a kindergarten teacher, and Chad was a CPA with a promising tax-accounting business in Pine Ridge.
“We came to Copper Mill for a fresh start,” Kim began. She stared at her hands, which were folded in her lap. “Chad’s parents are both deceased, and mine had just left for Indonesia to be missionaries. We wanted to be in a small town that felt close, like family...We’re both only children, and I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.” She smiled at a memory, then said, “During my growing-up years, I used to gather all the little kids in my neighborhood to play school. If their parents didn’t know where they were, odds were I had them in my tree fort coloring or learning their ABCs. I was meant to be a mother. That’s a big part of why I became a kindergarten teacher...my love of children.”
Her eyes moved to her husband’s, the pain-filled look in them unmistakable.
“I think a big part of our problem is just the stress of medical tests and miscarriages. So many disappointments. The doctors tell us there’s no medical reason we can’t have kids, but still...” She shrugged as unshed tears glistened in her eyes.
“But she blames me,” Chad said under his breath.
“I do not,” Kim said. “He thinks I do, but the truth is, he blames himself. No matter how much I tell him it isn’t his fault. He stays late at work so he doesn’t have to talk to me.”
“You’ve filled your life with plenty of activities,” Chad accused. “It’s not like you’re there even if I did come home.”
“What am I supposed to do? Sit and wait? Even when you are home, you don’t talk to me. You go into the bedroom and watch TV.”
The volume of the conversation had risen considerably. Tension crackled in the air.
Kate set her coffee cup on the table and said simply, “You two need some ground rules.”
Both of them gave Kate confused looks.
“When Paul and I first got married,” Kate began, careful to keep any accusation out of her tone, “we laid down ground rules for arguing. They keep you from fighting dirty. When you start accusing and name calling, it’s not constructive. For example, rule number one is ‘always show respect.’ That means listening with an open ear, being willing to really hear even those things we don’t want to hear. None of us always says what we mean, so we need to learn to probe and find the intent behind the words.” She paused and looked over to Paul, who was nodding his agreement, then she turned back to the couple. “You’ll have to come up with your own rules, of course.”
“That’s a good point,” Paul interjected. “And maybe we’ll make that part of your homework for next week. I want you to sit down together and come up with five rules for arguing, as well as some spiritual ground rules, that you both agree on. Like praying for each other every day. Once you agree, then you should commit to abide by them. It might even be a good idea to post them on the fridge.”
“Do you have any suggestions?” Kim asked.
“Well,” Kate began, then paused in realization. “We don’t argue as much as we did when we were first married...”
Truth was, Kate couldn’t remember the last time she and Paul had gotten into an all-out argument. They’d found such a natural way of living together that the very concept felt foreign. Of course, they still had their disagreements—all couples did—but they’d learned to understand each other even in the midst of them.
“Aside from ‘always show respect,’ another one of our ground rules for arguing is ‘no changing subjects.’ Changing the subject is a defense mechanism to point the finger back at your partner, but it defeats coming to a resolution.
“Another one is ‘no leaving.’ Leaving is dramatic, and it makes a big point when someone gets in the car and takes off, even if for a short time. But once you allow yourself to leave, it just gets easier and more tempting to go for good.”
Kim and Chad exchanged guilty looks, and Kate suspected she’d touched a nerve.
“That’s just a few, but you get the idea,” Paul said. “Once you establish ground rules and respect your marriage enough to abide by them, you’ll be on the right track.”
Chad and Kim exchanged glances. Fear mixed with hope, Kate thought.
“You’re on unsteady ground right now,” Paul went on, “regardless of whether you can have kids. Besides, kids won’t hold a marriage together—trust me. It gets harder once the children come. But you made a vow to God and to each other. Right now you need each other. Learning to come together during the hard times, not just the easy ones—that’s what marriage is all about.” He sat back in his chair and folded his arms. “So, tell me why you got married in the first place. What attracted you to each other?” He glanced from one to the other. “Kim?”
Kim fiddled with her wedding ring as she thought, then she smiled. “Well, I—”
“Don’t tell me,” Paul interrupted and motioned toward Chad. “Tell your husband.”
A blush overtook her face as she turned. “I fell in love with you. That’s why I married you. Because I like to spend time with you. You’re funny and smart. You spoil me...” Her words fell away.
“Remember how I used to take you to the Chattanooga Choo Choo?” Chad said, then let out a soft laugh. “Those were good times.”
“We were...a couple.” Kim lifted her eyes to Chad’s.
Kate noted his watery gaze. He straightened his back and moistened his lips with his tongue.
“I do love you,” he said. His eyes flicked to Paul and Kate, then he went on. “I miss the walks we used to take, visiting that railway museum or just walking around Chattanooga.”
Kim laughed. “By walking, you mean hiking. Eighteen miles in a single day.” Then she sobered. “I miss that too.”
“I married you because I want to spend my life with you,” Chad went on. “You’re a good cook. You’re beautiful. You laugh at my jokes...” He sighed heavily. Then his gaze turned to Paul.
“We’re already making progress,” Paul said. “But this is just a first step. The negative habits you’ve established over these past few years need to be broken. I’d like each of you to take five minutes every day and tell your partner what you appreciate about him or her. You need to develop an attitude of gratefulness for your spouse.”
Kim and Chad both nodded that they would do as instructed. Paul turned to Kate. “Is there anything you’d like to add?”
Kate shook her head.
“All right, then,” Paul went on, rising to his feet. “We’ll see you next Monday. In the meantime, work on those ground rules we talked about.”
He shook hands with Chad, and they moved to the door.
“Thank you,” Kim said, a tentative smile on her lips as she turned to Kate. “I feel like we made progress today. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way.”
The young couple left, and Kate slipped her arm around Paul’s waist as they returned to the living room.
“Did I ever tell you that I love you?” she said.
“I think you mentioned it once or twice.” He smiled and kissed her forehead.
KATE THOUGHT ABOUT the young couple all the rest of the evening, as well as the girl who’d sent the letter to Paul. There were so many disappointments in life. So many turns in the road that seemed impossib
le to maneuver at the time. Her own life had had its hardships, yet God had brought her through, and he’d made her a better person because of them.
The letter with the loopy script lay on her nightstand. Kate picked it up and brought it to bed, turning on the light next to her. Paul was working in his study. She read the desperate words one more time. Her heart ached for this girl, and for Chad and Kim Lewis.
Paul’s words echoed. True love starts when the feelings dim. And yet she’d found that on the other side of those hard times and passionless phases, there had been a deeper sense of love between them. Feelings always returned, fickle suitors that they were, stronger and more resonant. She loved Paul after all the years they’d been together, and she hoped Chad and Kim would someday know the kind of deep connection those decades together had brought to her own marriage.
A prayer welled up inside of her. “Lord,” she began. “You’ve given me people to care for, to guide and help. There are two situations I know you’re well aware of. The Lewises need wisdom and courage to make their marriage strong. Encourage them.” She fingered the letter in her hand, the pink stationery so clearly that of a girl, not a woman ready to face the challenges of motherhood. “I don’t know who wrote this letter. But you do. You know her and you love her. Help me to find her. She needs someone in her life who cares, who won’t judge her...Someone who will show her what forgiveness is all about. Please stay near her, Lord.”
As she ended the prayer, one thought remained: She had to find this girl. She had to reassure her that everything could be okay even if life itself seemed ready to tear her apart.
Paul came in from the study, kicking off his slippers into his side of the closet. He turned, and his eyes landed on the letter still in Kate’s hands.
“Thinking about the girl?” he said.
Kate nodded. “And praying. I need to find her, Paul.” She held up the letter.
Paul sat on the edge of the bed and smiled into her eyes. “I wondered how long it would be before you’d make this mystery your own.”
Chapter Three
Kate had been cleaning all morning. She’d emptied out the refrigerator of its older residents and wiped the shelves and the condiment bottles. She’d swept and mopped the kitchen floor. She’d cleaned her teapot collection, which had gathered dust since her last tea party. Finally she moved to the living room, where she dusted and vacuumed, then swept the slate entryway.
Her thoughts were far from her tasks; instead, they focused on how to go about finding the stranger who’d mailed the letter. Paul had been surprised to find it on his desk so late on a Sunday...
She returned to the kitchen and called Millie Lovelace, the church’s secretary.
The phone rang three times before Millie answered, “Faith Briar Church.”
Kate pictured her tight gray curls and the way her face wrinkled in that irritated way when the phone pulled her away from whatever task she’d been doing. She was a gruff woman who had come with the church when Paul had taken over the pastorate. Her voice was scratchy, like someone who’d puffed on cigarettes for a lifetime, though she swore it was her husband and sons who partook of the habit and not her.
“Good morning, Millie, this is Kate.”
“What can I do you for, Kate?” She sniffed.
“I’m wondering if you can help me with something.”
“Depends,” she said. “What do you have in mind?”
“Paul got a letter on Sunday. It was in a pink envelope with a Hello Kitty stamp in the lower left-hand corner. Do you remember seeing it?”
“You know, Pastor Hanlon already asked me about this.”
“He did?”
“And I’ll tell you the same thing I told him: it was just a regular letter. Came with Friday’s mail, but since I had to leave for my job in Pine Ridge, I didn’t get to sort it until Sunday. It’s not like it’s a big mystery or anything—just a letter in the mail. I couldn’t tell you who it was from...Just another letter as far as I’m concerned.”
“Oh.” Kate sighed.
“You don’t have to sound like your cat just died.” Millie said in her unapologetic way. “What was in the letter anyway?”
“Millie,” Kate interrupted as a thought came to her. “You’ve been around Faith Briar longer than I have. Tell me what you know about Marlee Jones.”
“Marlee Jones? That little girl with the braces? Nothing really.”
“What about her family? Do you know anything about her parents?”
“No. I’ve seen her father around town, I guess. Why do you want to know about them anyway? Was the letter from her?”
“No...I mean, I’m just curious about her.”
“They don’t come to church. I don’t think they go to any church. But like I said, I don’t really know.”
“Would you say her father is judgmental?” Kate recalled the girl’s fear of his reaction to her news.
“Don’t all daughters think their fathers are judgmental?”
Kate thought about the comment. She supposed that any father who learned that his daughter was pregnant out of wedlock would be upset.
“I appreciate your talking to me,” Kate said.
“Didn’t have much of a choice. It’s my job to answer the phone.”
Kate smiled to herself as she hung up. The woman had a way about her, that was for sure.
She returned to the bedroom for the letter, then laid it out on the kitchen table alongside a yellow legal pad and began a bullet list of clues with the heading “Anonymouse,” spelling the word the way the girl had in her letter. Was it a Freudian slip? Did she consider herself a mouse in a corner somewhere? Unnoticed, just scurrying about in her life with no one to turn to?
The first point Kate listed was “Pregnant.” While it was a given considering the content of the letter, the clue offered a plethora of symptoms that Kate could base her evaluation on. She guessed the girl was in the morning-sickness phase of her pregnancy or would be soon, since no one else knew of her condition. She was bound to experience weight gain and moodiness, which typically accompanied the hormonal changes of pregnancy, not to mention sleepiness. With each of Kate’s three pregnancies, she’d been unbelievably sleepy during the first few months, often going to bed just after supper and sleeping clean through to morning. Of course, pregnancies were as individual as people.
The second clue on her list was “Father issues.” The girl was afraid of telling her dad the difficult news. Who could blame her? Even the best of fathers would have a hard time hearing such tidings. But there seemed to be more to this aspect than regular trepidation. And the girl had finished the letter by mentioning her father again.
Kate wondered if the girl even had a mother. She’d said, “It’s not as if my mom’s around for me to talk to.” Kate made a special note to ask around town if there were any families who’d lost their mother or were divorced. Perhaps Livvy would remember any such families.
She lifted the envelope and noted the postmark. The letter was indeed sent from Copper Mill. That didn’t prove the sender was a resident, but Kate felt it was a pretty strong indicator. Kate wrote the third point: “Probably a Copper Mill resident.”
She studied the page again and wrote her fourth bullet point: “Boyfriend is older; doesn’t know about baby.” But how much older is he? Kate thought. Significantly? Or was he merely a year or two ahead of her in school, or just a few months older? She made a note to ask around about any May–December romances floating through the rumor mill.
Then she wrote her fifth and sixth points: “Works, but not enough to pay for baby” and “Has big plans once she’s on her own.” Her fear of being kicked out implied that she was still living at home.
Who is she? Kate tapped the pen against her chin. The pool of candidates in a town of thirty-five hundred was simply too big to narrow down.
Then realizing she’d forgotten another point she added, “Faith Briar member?” The letter hadn’t said anything about where or if the girl
went to church; she’d only said she heard that Paul and Kate cared about people. That would seem to indicate that the girl wasn’t a Faith Briar attendee. Yet when Kate looked back through the letter, she noticed the sentence that read, “I know that you really care,” which seemed to support the supposition that she was at least familiar with the church.
Kate lifted her face to the ceiling. She couldn’t think of any young women who matched these clues. Frustration bubbled.
Just then, the front door opened. Kate could hear Paul taking off his spring jacket and hanging it on the coat tree.
“Katie? Where are you?” he called.
“In the kitchen,” Kate said, realizing she hadn’t started making lunch.
Being a pastor at a church just down the road meant that Paul could stop home in the middle of the day.
He came around the corner, a smile on his handsome face. “Say, do we have any plans tonight? I was thinking of going fishing with Sam and Danny later today. I’ve been invited to meet them at Danny’s after he’s done teaching for the day.” He gave her a beguiling grin and lifted his eyebrows.
Sam Gorman, the church organist, owned the local Mercantile, and Danny Jenner was a teacher at the Copper Mill High School.
“That’s fine with me, but isn’t it a little chilly out for fishing?” She moved to the refrigerator and pulled out cold cuts, lettuce, onions, and mayonnaise, then reached for the fresh loaf of whole-wheat bread in the cupboard and began to make sandwiches.
“Nah, it’s fine,” Paul said. “We’re not planning on getting wet, just casting our lines out over Copper Mill Creek.”
Kate shook her head, then broke into a grin.
“You’re always into something, you know that?” She tugged him close by the front of his shirt.
“And that’s a problem?” He smiled down at her as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
Kate lifted up on her toes and kissed his cheek. “Not a problem at all.” Then she released him and turned to go. “I need to run into town to see Livvy and do some errands. Need anything?”
