by Traci DePree
“But I was avoiding being with her,” Chad confessed. “I could’ve brought work home. At least then I’d have been with her.”
“We apologized to each other.” Kim glanced from Kate to Paul. “What you said about believing the best about each other really stuck with me. I’d been thinking that Chad hated me and blamed me for not being able to carry a baby to term.”
“I guess I was blaming myself,” Chad said. “And I was angry with Kim for still holding on to a dream that obviously isn’t going to happen.”
Even with Chad’s continued pessimism toward the couple’s fertility, Kate was amazed at the difference a week could make. She sat back in her chair. Chad glanced at Kim. Kate could see the love he had for his wife in his eyes.
“This is progress,” Paul said, a smile on his face. “I’m very encouraged, for both of you.”
Husband and wife both nodded their agreement.
“I’m glad to see that you’ve stopped playing the blame game,” Paul went on. “Forgiveness is what makes a marriage work.”
Kate gazed at Kim and Chad, thinking of how desperately they wanted a child. It had been so easy for her and Paul to have children. When they decided to have kids, the kids just came.
“Kate and I have been talking about your situation,” Paul said, pulling Kate’s attention back into the conversation. “We were wondering if you’ve ever thought about adoption.”
Kate was surprised that he’d brought it up since he’d said he didn’t think the Lewises were ready yet. The expression on Kim’s face said they’d had this discussion many times. She glanced at Chad, who seemed to stiffen at the comment. He took a quick sip of his water.
“We have talked about it,” Chad began. “There are risks with adoption too. I don’t think we could survive it if a birth mother decided to take her baby back after we’d had it. I know Kim thinks she can handle it, but I’m not so sure she can...” His words faded.
“I’m willing to take the chance,” Kim said. Then she seemed to think again and shook her head. “But maybe Chad is right. When I miscarried, I became so depressed...”
“I have a friend,” Kate said. Chad and Kim turned to look at her. “Maybe you know her. Betty Anderson?”
Kim nodded, though only slightly, so Kate wasn’t sure if that meant she knew Betty or was just listening intently.
“I wonder if talking to her and her husband would help.” Kate glanced at Paul. “She and Bob have gone through a lot of the same things you have, with infertility and miscarriage. I think she might be able to offer some comfort and insight.”
“Did they adopt their children?” Chad asked.
“Yes,” Kate said. “Their first son, anyway. Their second son is biological. But I think because they’ve been in your shoes, they might be able to help you work through some of the issues that Paul and I aren’t as familiar with. I haven’t talked to them about it, so I’d have to see if they were willing...”
Kate saw the expression of hope in Kim’s eyes and the doubt in Chad’s. If only he could see how wonderful adoption could be, as Kate had seen it in Betty’s eyes the day they’d talked about it at the salon.
“We can talk to her,” Chad finally said. Kim squeezed his hand, and he smiled. “What can it hurt, right? But I’m a private person. I don’t necessarily want to lay out my life story for a stranger.”
“Of course,” Kate agreed. “You don’t have to share anything you’re uncomfortable sharing. I’ll give Betty a call tonight.”
“WE’D BE HAPPY TO TALK TO THEM,” Betty said when Kate called right after the Lewises left. “It’s hard to comprehend the feeling of loss that comes with not being able to have your own kids unless you’ve been there. It’s as if you’ve had your mind made up your whole life about how things are supposed to work, and when they don’t...it’s like the death of something.”
Kate was glad she’d thought to ask Betty and Bob Anderson if they could talk to Kim and Chad. The Lewises were bound to be encouraged by her story, to know that another couple had gone through what they were going through and had come out on the other side with a happy and vibrant marriage.
KATE LIFTED HER FACE to the ceiling as she sat on the bed in their bedroom that night. She couldn’t stop thinking about Ashley. Was she Mouse?
“Lord, help me find this girl. And help her to have the courage to tell me who she is.”
Mouse had seemed desperate for a friend, yet when Kate had tried to reach out to Ashley, she’d resisted. Maybe she was Mouse, too afraid of telling her parents to take that risk. Or maybe Kate had been on the wrong track all along.
Just then, Paul came in from the living room.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Kate shook her head. “I felt I was getting close to discovering who Mouse was, but I’m not so sure anymore.”
“Meaning?” He tilted his head.
“If it’s Ashley, why won’t she open up to me? How am I going to help her if I can’t break through?”
“You have been helping her,” Paul reminded. “On FriendsForever.”
Kate knew Paul was right. It took some getting used to, thinking of a Web site as her portal to helping a living, breathing person, but this was where the girl came to find support and hope.
WHILE PAUL WAS GETTING READY for bed, Kate padded into the study and booted up the computer. She waited several long minutes to connect to the Internet, then she clicked open her FriendsForever page and went to her in-box. Her heart skipped when she saw another message from Mouse.
Dear Mrs. Hanlon,
Thanks for the link to the adoption agency. I’ll look into it later when I know no one will be looking over my shoulder.
You have become my only friend these days.
Don’t worry that I haven’t told my folks yet. But I can’t keep it secret much longer. The way Dad’s been treating me lately, it’s as if he already knows. I tried to tell him today. I’d only told him that me and my boyfriend broke up, and he went off on me about how he didn’t like him in the first place, and that’s what I get for going out with someone so much older than me. He’ll freak when I tell him the rest.
I’ve been thinking that it’d be easier to just run away, but I can’t do that to my mom. I want to tell you who I am. I really do.
But I just can’t. Can you understand that?
Mouse
Kate wanted to shout at the computer that she couldn’t understand it. She couldn’t understand it at all.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When Kate got home from running errands the next morning, there was a message on her answering machine. The little red light was blinking off and on. She punched the Play button, and Livvy’s voice came on.
“Kate, it’s Livvy. There was an ambulance at the vet clinic about half an hour ago. I heard that they took Ashley Williams to the ER. I thought you might want to know.”
Kate immediately thought of Ashley’s parents and wondered if they knew and were able to come to the hospital. Pulling out the Copper Mill phone book, she found their number and dialed, but there was no answer. Kate assumed that meant they were at the hospital with Ashley already. She quickly wrote a note for Paul and then ran back to the car.
A thousand thoughts battered her mind as she drove the torturous miles to the hospital in Pine Ridge. The drive felt eerily familiar as she recalled trying to find Mouse the time before. What if Ashley really was Mouse? Would she lose the baby this time? What exactly had happened?
The medical center was a one-story brick building in the heart of Pine Ridge. Kate parked and got out of her car, climbing the steps to the ER door. The receptionist raised her head.
“I’m looking for Ashley Williams,” Kate said.
She pointed Kate to the waiting room where she spotted Doris and Edward Williams. The petite elderly woman paced the small waiting room, wringing her delicate hands. Edward was sitting. His head was bent down as if in prayer, and Kate saw the tremor in his shoulders.
Kate
immediately went over to Doris. “I heard about Ashley and wanted to see if there was anything I could do,” she said.
Doris grasped her hand for a moment and then patted it before letting go.
“Have you heard anything?” Kate asked.
“She passed out at work,” Edward said. “When they couldn’t revive her, they called the ambulance.”
Kate sat with them for what seemed an eternity before the lanky dark-haired doctor appeared with news.
“She’s awake,” Dr. McLaughlin said. Doris sighed in relief.
“Why did she pass out?” Edward asked, rising to stand beside his wife. His legs shook, and he held onto a chair.
“She’s hypoglycemic...Has she been diagnosed before?” the doctor asked.
Finally it all came to Kate—the weight gain, the nausea, the sudden fainting episodes. It all added up.
“Her glucose levels were so low, it’s a miracle she’s even here,” the doctor said, drawing Kate’s attention back to the conversation. “We’re going to need to keep her for a day to get her blood sugar regulated and get her on a healthy diet.”
Edward and Doris nodded. Kate placed a comforting hand on Doris’ back. The woman glanced at her with a tear-filled smile.
“So her weight gain and nausea were symptoms of hypoglycemia?” Doris asked the doctor.
Dr. McLaughlin nodded.
“I knew something was wrong,” she said, looking to Edward. “She’d break out in a cold sweat and get so jittery, but she hates to be dependent on us. She’s so independent.”
“She’s at risk for developing diabetes, and we need to check to make sure the hypoglycemia isn’t being prompted by a tumor.”
Doris fluttered a hand to her chest, and Edward wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
When she had calmed herself, she asked, “Can we go see her?”
“Of course,” the doctor said. “I’ll get a nurse to show you where she is.”
While they waited for the nurse, Doris said, “Would you like to come see Ashley too?”
“This is your time with your daughter. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”
“I’d feel better if you came,” the sweet woman insisted.
Kate finally conceded and followed with Doris and Edward as the nurse led the way to Ashley’s room a few minutes later. She was hooked up to a heart monitor and had an IV in her arm. Her skin was just getting its color back.
She turned her head toward them and smiled. “Sorry about all this,” she said in a weak voice.
“Oh, Ashley.” Her mother moved next to her bed with her father close behind. He took the chair that flanked the bed, Kate suspected because he had difficulty standing for long.
“Mrs. Hanlon,” Ashley said, “it was so nice of you to come.”
“I thought your folks could use a little moral support, and I was worried about you.” Kate smiled into her eyes, then turned to Doris. “Did someone bring you? Do you have a way home?”
“We have our car,” she said, glancing at her husband, who had taken Ashley’s hand in his big paw. He had the callused hands of a man used to hard labor. They reminded Kate of her own father’s hands.
“I’ll be back home in no time,” Ashley assured them. “You two need to get some rest. You look tired.”
Edward laughed. “We were worried.”
“I mean it.” Ashley looked at Kate. “Can you make sure they get home and take care of themselves?”
Kate was impressed by the young woman’s selflessness.
She touched her warm hand and said, “I’ll take care of them if you take care of yourself. Deal?”
Ashley nodded. “Deal.”
KATE FOLLOWED DORIS and Edward’s car back to Copper Mill. After they had pulled into the driveway, Kate walked them up to the quaint house. Edward offered his thanks, then went inside while Doris lingered with Kate.
“No wonder Ashley’s been feeling bad,” Kate said.
“She keeps so much to herself. I worry about her.” Doris shook her gray head. “We found out that Carl Wilson broke up with her too. She hadn’t told us. The poor dear.”
Kate squeezed the woman’s hand. “She’s going to be okay.”
“I hope so.”
KATE HAD BEEN on the wrong trail all along. When Kate got home, she pulled out the two handwritten messages she’d gotten from Mouse and looked at them. Who was she? And why hadn’t Kate been able to find her?
That question was the most troubling of all. Kate had spoken with the girl—she’d said so herself—and yet Kate hadn’t been able to guess her identity. Kate was usually so good at intuiting such things.
She turned to lay her handbag on the kitchen table when she saw a package on the counter alongside the day’s mail. Paul must have left it there.
There was no return address, but she knew instantly who it was from. If the loopy handwriting hadn’t given it away, the Celtic cross drawn in the bottom left-hand corner would have.
She carefully pulled the red string across the top to open it. Inside was a beautiful scarf. It looked handmade with fine embroidered flowers running its length, and a tiny mouse peeking its head out of the foliage. On one end were Kate’s initials in a delicate font. The note inside read:
Dear Mrs. Hanlon,
I made this especially for you. I hope you like it. I feel like I have a friend in you, and that is something new for me. Thanks.
Mouse
Staring at the beautiful scarf, Kate couldn’t help but think that it was an important clue. Suddenly, a fog started to lift.
KIM AND CHAD ARRIVED early for their meeting with Betty and Bob Anderson on Thursday. Kate had made a batch of oatmeal cookies and a fresh pot of coffee, which she set on the coffee table alongside the cups and napkins and cream and sugar.
Chad was on the edge of his seat again, as he seemed to be whenever he was nervous. Or maybe he was ready to flee, Kate thought. It was practically the starting pose for a three-hundred-meter dash. Kim touched his arm in a comforting way, and she leaned toward his ear to whisper something to him.
Kate had seen a real change in the way this couple related to each other. It seemed they’d taken her and Paul’s advice to heart, which was deeply gratifying and humbling at the same time.
Finally the doorbell rang, and Paul went to answer it. Betty was there with a huge grin on her face. She stepped inside, followed by her husband, Bob. He was a smallish man, but he had an easy way about him that complemented Betty’s sometimes flamboyant side. They followed Paul to the living room, where he made introductions. Chad and Kim stood to shake their hands, and Kate came over motioning to the coffee and cookies she’d set on the coffee table earlier.
Once everyone was settled, Paul turned to Betty and Bob.
“Thanks for coming. We’ve been counseling Chad and Kim for a little while,” he began. “We thought your experiences would help them.” He nodded to the couple.
“And,” Kim took over, “we want to thank you for being willing to meet with us.” She blew out a breath that spoke of the raw emotion that was churning inside her.
Betty, who was in the chair closest to the couch where Kim and Chad were, reached out to touch the pretty kindergarten teacher on the sleeve. “Oh, honey. I know how hard this is. Believe me. We’ve been there. Do you have specific questions, or would you like us to start with our story? I’m sure it’s not too far off from what you’re facing. These stories never are, you know.”
Kate motioned for her to go on, and Kim nodded as if getting a word out was too much for her. Then she reached for her husband’s hand as Betty began to talk.
“We’d always wanted babies,” Betty said. “Not like some people who are gaga over little ones, but it’d always been a part of our plan from the time we first talked about getting married. Well, you know how it goes. You’re married a while, then you think you’re ready. And nothing. Then you finally get the news you want...You’re pregnant and so excited.”
Betty inhaled as if the memory
were fresh and not of something that had happened twenty-some years before. “We thought we were like everyone else. Then we lost that child.” She patted Bob’s hand, and his eyes crinkled into a smile as he gazed at her. “Then we lost the next and the next. It was devastating. Each time, my hopes soared so high, only to be crushed. The doctors were no help at all, even though they charged us an arm and a leg to try to find answers. But there were no easy solutions.”
Kate turned her head to watch Kim and Chad. The moisture in Kim’s eyes said she understood Betty’s story all too well. Chad placed his free hand on top of hers, then he stroked his wife’s arm.
“It was as if a part of me died each time,” Betty went on. “And then to come to the realization that we might never have children. I tell you, I grieved over that for many months. Wouldn’t talk about it, not even with Bob.”
Kate saw the expression of guilt cross Chad’s face as he glanced at Kim. But Kim was watching Betty, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.
“We had a friend who told us that there were children who needed families just as much as we needed a child.” Betty smiled. “It’s just like getting married. People can tell you all about it, and you can understand it in your head, but until you look it square in the face and decide ‘I can do this’ it isn’t real to you. But then when you see those children, as perfect as any other child...” Her voice trailed off, and she touched a hand to her collarbone. “You understand that one of these precious babies might be the one God has planned for you.”
She sat upright and went on. “We adopted George, our eldest. He was—and still is—the light of our life. He’s thoughtful and talented, just an amazing kid. Then miracle of miracles, I got pregnant again and carried to term. I don’t know if it was that I was so much more relaxed or what, but I didn’t even have preterm labor with John. So there we were. George was ten months old, and he already had a little brother. That only happens in adoption, I tell you.”
