by Traci DePree
Kim turned to Chad, hope building in her eyes. “What do you think?”
“Six months is a long time to wait,” he said.
“I’d venture that most adoptions take a lot longer,” Kim said. “Besides it’s not nearly as long as we’ve been waiting. And it’s less than nine months...”
Chad smiled, reaching to squeeze his wife’s hand. “Can you set up a meeting?”
Kate glanced at Chad. His expression wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic as his wife’s.
WHEN THE LEWISES finally met with Angie the following Friday, she wouldn’t look them in the eye, not at first, at least. Kate watched as Angie, her parents, the Lewises, and Paul sat together in the Hanlons’ living room. Angie was next to her mother on the couch, holding her hand. She chewed her bottom lip and fidgeted with the hem of her blouse with her free hand.
“So, Kate tells us you want to study to be a fashion designer,” Chad said, “and that you’ve been accepted at Parsons?”
Angie nodded. “That’s always been a dream of mine.”
“It’s hard to get into that school, isn’t it?” Kim said.
Angie shrugged. Kim glanced at Kate, the expression on her face clearly asking her to ease the awkwardness.
“Angie,” Kate said. “Do you have questions for the Lewises? Or Mona, Ryan, do you have questions?”
“I read through your packet,” Mona began, referring to the information Kim and Chad had put together to tell them a bit about their home life. “You seem like a very nice couple. You share our faith, which is really important to us.” She glanced at Ryan.
He sat with his arms crossed in front of him, his face twisted in sadness.
“This is all so difficult for us,” Mona went on. “The thought of making an adoption plan for this baby...” She sighed, and tears came to her eyes. “I don’t know.” She looked over at Kate. “This is our grandchild.”
“This is going to sound presumptuous,” Kate said, “and that’s not my intent, so take it with a grain of salt. But I feel this is the reason God placed both of you in my life at the same time. Because he’s offering a solution for two very difficult situations. That’s how God is, illuminating hope when it’s hard to find.”
“I know God does that,” Mona said, “but the thought of not seeing this baby grow up...”
“We’d like an open adoption,” Kim said. “We want you to know this child and to love him or her. After all, no child is a possession to hold on to tightly. We’re only stewards for a little while. He or she would be better off knowing you, we feel.”
Mona blew out her breath as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Really?” the word squeaked out.
“The truth is,” Chad added, “we don’t have a lot of family. Both Kim and I are only children. My parents are deceased, and Kim’s are missionaries in Indonesia. We could use some grandparents for this baby, and an auntie.” His gaze met Angie’s.
An auntie. It struck Kate as a perfect solution.
Finally Angie held out a hand to shake with Kim and Chad.
“I want you to have this baby,” she said. “You’ll love it and take good care of it.”
Kate glanced at Kim, whose face was wet with mascara smudges. She opened her mouth to speak, then she closed her eyes as emotion overwhelmed her. Her shoulders shook, and she sobbed while her husband held her hand.
Finally she managed, “I didn’t think this day would ever come.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kate was putting on her lipstick when the doorbell rang the next morning. She opened the door to find Betty Anderson, with her bleached-blonde hair and dark roots, and Renee Lambert in a pink velour pantsuit and leopard-print hat. She looked like something out of a Dr. Seuss children’s book.
Kate glanced questioningly at Betty, who said, “I hope you don’t mind. I was telling Renee about making it up to you for Ronda’s hair fiasco with our little prom-shopping excursion, and she wanted to come.”
“Of course I don’t mind,” Kate said. “Where’s Livvy?”
“We’re going to pick her up at the library. She had something to finish up.”
Kate grabbed her handbag and came outside, closing the door behind her. She could hear Kisses whimpering in Renee’s designer tote.
“What’s wrong with Kisses?” she asked.
“Oh, he doesn’t want to go shopping,” Renee said.
Kate exchanged a glance with Betty as she climbed into Betty’s big green SUV. A dog who had an opinion on shopping?
Kate couldn’t resist. “What does he have against shopping?”
“He thinks I don’t give him enough attention when we go. He’s gotten so spoiled.”
Betty started the vehicle, and they were off to get Livvy. Then the group set off for Chattanooga.
The drive was uneventful. It was a warm April day, no need for a coat. The women talked about the afterprom party and could scarcely believe it was coming up so soon.
By the time they reached Hamilton Place, the biggest and best mall in the area on the outskirts of Chattanooga, it was almost ten o’clock.
LuAnne rubbed her hands together. “Are we ready to hit the stores?” she said with a glint in her eyes.
“I don’t know about you all, but I was born ready,” Renee said. She patted Kisses’ head and climbed out of the SUV.
The mall was fairly quiet, though there were always some shoppers even in the middle of the week. They made their way to Belk, by far the largest store in the mall, with its separate locations for women’s and men’s apparel, home decor, and kids’ clothing and accessories.
Kate pulled out her list of needed prizes for the afterprom party and found a shopping cart. LuAnne and Betty each took one too, knowing that the gifts would fill the back of the big SUV. They made quick work of spending the money they’d earned at the car wash for the event and took the items to the SUV. Then they got lunch and left the mall, heading east of Signal Mountain in search of the Va-Va Vintage clothing store.
“The kids are going to eat this up,” Livvy said.
She’d been pretty quiet all morning. Kate glanced at her and smiled.
“Did you tell James what we’re doing?” she said.
“No. I want to surprise him. When he sees me in a tacky prom dress going out the door to the Grand March where all his friends will be...” She laughed.
“That will be priceless,” Kate said. “Who is he taking to prom?”
“Anne. They’re going as friends. Teenagers are amazingly resilient,” Livvy said, shaking her head.
With plenty of shopping in downtown Chattanooga, the women cruised between stores. It was a perfect day for strolling. Betty pulled the vehicle to a stop on Hixson Pike, north of the Tennessee Riverpark, and killed the engine.
“This is going to be fun,” Renee said, with a wink at Kate.
The women laughed at each other as they tried on dress after dress. Livvy put on an off-the-shoulder number with beaded sequins across the bodice and a skirt that fit a bit too snugly until it hit the knees, where it flared out in a big ruffle. It was a sea-foam color that complemented her auburn hair. She turned around in front of the mirror, looking at it from every angle.
“I look like a mermaid,” she said. Then her eyes met Kate’s as a smirk lit on her lips. “I think I’ll take it.”
Kate laughed so hard, she thought she’d cry. Then Renee came out in a very tame, for her, red dress. It had short capped sleeves and a square neckline with an empire waist. The fabric was light and airy and flowed gracefully when she moved. She turned her thin frame around as she looked at it in the mirror, then she shook her head and said, “Not this one.”
Kate and Betty had already purchased their dresses. Kate’s was a 1970s-era dress with patchwork-like fabric and platform shoes that added the perfect touch. Betty had gone for a fringed cowgirl-themed dress, with a hat and boots. She was still perusing the store, looking at racks and occasionally holding an item up for Kate to see.
Kate glanced
at her watch. Knowing Renee, they’d be there another hour, and it was already closing in on three o’clock.
Livvy came back out with her mermaid dress draped over her arm and went to the checkout to pay for it.
Within a few minutes, Renee came out of the dressing room again. This time she sported a bright orange eyelet dress that was actually quite tasteful. She grinned at the mirror and fluttered a manicured hand to her chest.
“Now this is more like it,” she said.
The hemline was a bit short for Kate’s taste, but on Renee’s skinny frame, it looked rather good.
“So, you’re going to take it?” Kate said.
Renee nodded, keeping her gaze focused on herself. “I’ll need to find a bag and shoes to match.”
Kate smiled, thinking that would take another three hours.
Betty plopped into the padded chair alongside Kate and opened her shopping bag. “I found the cutest top for George’s birth mom,” she said, pulling out a pink ruffled blouse.
Just then, Kate’s cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her massive handbag and glanced at the display screen. It read Kim Lewis. Punching the Talk button, she said, “Kim, what’s up?”
“Kate,” the kindergarten teacher’s frantic-sounding voice came over the line, “Chad’s gone.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t have any idea where he is. I think he left me.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
When Kate arrived at the Lewises’ home that evening, Kim was a panicked mess. Mascara smudges lined her cheeks and face all around her eyes, no doubt from an afternoon of crying.
“Come in,” she said.
Kate had come as soon as Betty dropped her off at home to retrieve her car, and she’d told Paul what was going on.
Kim and Chad’s two-story house was tan inside and out, with little in terms of style or decor. Kim plopped onto a yellow couch that reminded Kate of something she would’ve had in the 1970s, with its square, boxy look.
“How can he do this to me?” She looked as forlorn as a lost child. “Everything was going so well. How can he just walk away like that?”
“I’m sorry,” Kate soothed. She placed an arm across the woman’s back. She was shaking like a leaf.
“Did he leave a note or a message?” Kate asked.
Kim pointed to a wrinkled piece of paper on the coffee table. She picked it up and read its contents again before handing it to Kate.
My dear Kim,
I’m sorry. When I saw that girl and how eager you were to adopt her baby...well, all I can say is, I didn’t know what to think. I panicked.
I love you. I really do. But I don’t know if I’m ready to be a father. I want to be ready for your sake, for the baby’s sake. But I don’t feel ready. I guess what I’m saying is I’m scared. I know it’s stupid of me to leave like this. But I need time to sort all this out. Time away from you and all the pressure I feel from Mr. and Mrs. Hanlon to be the perfect husband. To do all the things the church says I’m supposed to do.
Kate paused, surprised. She hadn’t meant to pressure the young man, though in retrospect she supposed she could understand why he might have felt that way.
I don’t want to jump into this without being sure. Can you understand that? I know this will hurt you. And I’m sorry for that. I seem to be saying I’m sorry a lot. I don’t know what will happen if I can’t get past this.
I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
I need to find what I’ve lost. If I don’t go back to the person I once was, I’m not sure I’ll ever be the person I want to be.
Chad
Kate laid the letter back on the table.
“Do I look for him?” Kim lifted her tear-stained face to Kate. “Or do I take the chance that he’ll never come back to me?”
Kate wasn’t sure what to say. It was clear that Chad was confused and anxious. Had Paul been right that they weren’t ready for adoption? And would tracking him down aggravate those frustrated emotions or dispel them? But when she looked at Kim and saw the agony in her eyes, she knew there was no choice.
“I know he’s scared,” Kim said, “and I know he feels a bit lost...but he wants a baby. He does. And I refuse to let our marriage fall apart because of fear. I want to find him, Kate.”
KATE WAITED WHILE KIM put on a pot of coffee. Soon the smell of the rich Columbian brew reached their nostrils. Kate poured them each a cup, then they sat at the kitchen table, and Kate pulled a pencil and paper out of her handbag.
“I need you to think of where he might be,” she said.
Kim shook her head. “I called his office and all of our friends. No one’s seen him all day.”
“What time did he leave the house?”
“This morning.” Then she paused and took a breath. “He’d told me yesterday that he was taking garbage to the dump early. They had that computer trash day, where you can drop off stuff that can’t just be tossed. He was going to take some of the PCs from the office down there.”
Kate wrote as the young woman talked. “What time was that?”
“Eight o’clock?” She shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly.”
“Did he say anything before he left?”
“We had breakfast—sausage and eggs. He actually seemed calmer than he’d been in a long time. I thought it was a good sign. I didn’t know he was plotting to leave me! We were reminiscing about when we were dating that morning...”
Kate picked up the note and read it through again. “Where did you first fall in love?” she asked.
“Why do you ask?” Kim gave Kate a confused look.
“See this line—If I don’t go back to the person I once was, I’m not sure I’ll ever be the person I want to be. That’s what he’s searching for.”
Kate held the note in front of each of them in turn. “If we can figure out what that means to him, I think we can find him.”
“But I have no idea what he meant by that.”
“What was he like in college?” Kate asked.
Kim paused to consider. “A lot of fun. Carefree. He got great grades, but he never needed to study. He loved life...and me.” Tears returned, and Kim reached for another tissue from the box on the table.
Kate glanced at the oak surface, where several letters were strewn.
“What are those?” she asked.
Kim turned her head as she dabbed her eyes. “Oh, they’re some old love letters Chad sent me in college.” She shrugged. “I thought they might comfort me.”
“Do you mind?” Kate said, motioning to the letters. “They might hold some clues.”
“Help yourself.”
Kate read several. There was nothing of much importance in them, at least not as far as finding out where he was. They were messages from a lovesick boy to the girl of his dreams.
Kim rubbed her eyes and looked at her watch. An hour had passed. She sent a text message to Chad.
“What did you say to him?” Kate asked, nodding toward the cell phone.
“Just that I love him and want him home.”
“You didn’t ask where he was?”
“No.” She tossed the cell onto the table.
Kate glanced at the phone, and her eyes met Kim’s.
“Don’t search-and-rescue workers use cell-phone coordinates to find lost people?” Kim said.
“He’s a grown man,” Kate said. “It isn’t like you can call search and rescue on him. He left of his own free will.”
“True,” Kim said. “But some cell phones have GPS capability. If he has it turned on...”
“But has he picked up at all today?” Kate asked.
Kim shook her head sadly. “It’s gone to voice mail every time.”
“Then it’s probably not on,” Kate said.
She reached for the last love letter from the pile and pulled out the unlined stationery. She’d come to recognize Chad’s squared printing in the past hour.
My dear Kimmie,
I�
�m still reliving the glow of our day spent in Rock City.
Kate lifted her head as a thought came to her. “Didn’t Chad mention Rock City in one of our counseling sessions?”
Kim nodded. “We used to go there all the time when we were in school. It’s so pretty up there. We loved Deer Park and Swing-A-Long Bridge.”
“What do you mean by ‘all the time’?”
“Like every week, practically. He proposed to me on Lover’s Leap.”
Kate paused to consider the possibility that Chad had gone to Rock City. Wouldn’t old memories have come crashing back there, breaking down his defenses? Yet he’d ignored Kim’s many text messages. No, Kate decided, odds were he hadn’t gone to the romantic spot. Kate had seen the way he’d looked at Kim during their counseling sessions, the love in his eyes. If he’d gone to Rock City he would’ve at least let Kim know he was okay.
There was another reason Chad had left—Kate felt it instinctively.
She said, “What is it that Chad really wants? Why do you think he left?”
Kim inhaled and thought for a moment. “He thinks he has to be perfect—the perfect husband, the perfect provider, the perfect father. That’s why he drives himself so hard at work. And it’s why not being able to have our own baby was such a big deal to him. Because not having a baby meant he was...a failure. Adopting means we really will be parents. It takes the whole idea out of the hypothetical and into reality. I think he’s terrified that he’ll put his all into being a dad only to fail at that too.” She fidgeted with the centerpiece for a moment, then said in a soft voice, “He was adopted himself, you know.”
“What?” Kate said. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“It’s not something he talks about. You remember when he said that not all adoptions work out? He was talking about his own experiences. He’s always had this idea that if he had stayed with his birth parents, things would’ve been easier, especially when his adoptive parents died in a car crash. He wouldn’t have been an orphan at eighteen.”
