I wasn’t sure she would respond as she had quit YourQuote around three months ago, after her experience with Rishabh. Her boyfriend Kartik was also going to return from France since his exchange program had come to an end. Half an hour later, my mobile beeped with an SMS from her. It said ‘Sure. Show at 10?’ I was pleasantly surprised.
A few hours later, I found her waiting for me outside the movie hall. ‘How’s Priya?’ Shikha asked me after we were done with our initial hellos.
‘She’s at home. Haven’t talked to her for quite some time,’ I didn’t tell her about the break-up, thinking it would draw unwanted sympathy from her.
‘Oh that’s why you could go out with me today?’ she said good-naturedly.
‘No, it’s not that. She’s not so possessive. She’s rather liberal,’ I asserted, but my mind questioned the very assertion.
‘You know what? I really like Priya. She is smart, understanding, and witty,’ she complimented.
The statement went through me like an arrow. Was she being sarcastic? But the sincerity in her voice said otherwise.
‘Yeah, she is. How’s Kartik? He would have come back by now, isn’t it?’ I asked, intentionally changing the topic.
‘Don’t ask about him,’ she said, the expression on her face going from happy to that of disgust. I asked her what had happened.
‘He came back around a month ago, and since then my life has been hell. On the very first day I met him, I told him everything that happened between Rishabh and me. I told him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. At first I felt guilty of having cheated on him, but then he started abusing me, cussing at me, and finally I lost my mind. I left him and came back to my hostel. He called me and started crying. I was unconcerned. He bugged me for over an hour, after which I convinced him that ending our relation was for his own good. I told him that he deserved someone better. But he disconnected the call.’
‘So he understood you? That’s nice,’ I uttered, reflecting on my own condition at that point of time.
‘No, he didn’t. For two days, he didn’t say a word. But on the third day, he made my life hell. One of the gravest mistakes of my life has been that I allowed him to snap photos of each other in intimate positions. He started blackmailing me that he would spread it in the hostel through LAN if I didn’t go back to him. I couldn’t tell anyone and he kept torturing me for the next two days, ultimately forcing me to get back together with him.’
‘What? You’ve got back with him?!’ I exclaimed, horrified.
‘I couldn’t think of anything else, I was so damn frightened. You can’t imagine what I’ve been facing for the past few days. He even has a topless picture of me!’
‘A topless picture?! Damn, how did you ultimately solve the matter?’ I uttered trying to sound sensible, though the voyeur in me wanted to see the picture.
‘I got back with him for a week, during which he took full advantage of me. He forced me to get intimate with him, assaulted me, and …’ her voice cracked. Two drops of tears rolled down her face.
Awkwardly, I took her right hand and comforted her by wiping her tears with the other hand. I could not say anything.
‘What happened next?’ I asked. Her hands still clasped mine.
‘Nothing. I felt wasted. I told my parents everything. My father took my phone and I was grounded for one week. As expected, Kartik called on my number but my father warned him not to call me again. He couldn’t believe my parents were by my side. Ultimately, seeing his blackmailing would not have the desired effect, he left for good.’
‘Huh. Good riddance. It’s time for the movie,’ I sighed. We had booked the rear seat and entered the cinema hall.
As we sat and the movie began, she leaned against me and kept her head on my shoulders. Her smell was intoxicating and I found it difficult to concentrate on the rest of the movie. I desperately waited for the interval to come and when it did, I made an excuse to go to the loo.
Once I got back, I was normal. I realized that she had removed the divider between our seats.
‘I was thinking it’s not surprising that Kartik was so obsessed. Even Priya was like that. Obsessed about me,’ I said, as I took my seat.
‘Was? What do you mean?’ she asked.
‘We broke up some time ago.’
‘Oh, it must be like your regular break-ups.’
‘No, not at all. In regular break-ups, you patch up within a day or two. This one is for good. It has gone on for almost two weeks,’ I said. I don’t know what provoked me to exaggerate five days to two weeks.
She took my hand in hers to comfort me. As the end credits rolled, we walked out, hand in hand, unable to find a topic to chat on. It was half-past midnight. The roads were empty, with only a few autowallahs waiting in the corners.
Since it was late at night, I decided to escort her home. We went to the bunch of autowallahs who seemed like eager dogs waiting to grab a bone.
‘Bhaiya, IIT and then back to Malviya Nagar?’ I asked.
‘200 rupees,’ they replied unanimously, which seemed too expensive for my wallet. At that moment, I did the unthinkable. I asked her to come to my place instead.
‘If you don’t mind, you can stay over at my place. It’s right across the street. I would drop you tomorrow morning, when these exorbitant rates would fizzle down a bit.’
‘Umm, Rishabh will be there, won’t he?’
‘No, nobody is there.’
‘Not even Mishra?’
‘No, all of them have gone home,’ I said, hoping she’d say yes.
‘I have got an AC as well,’ I mentioned out of the blue.
‘Okay.’
My heart started thumping as loudly as a jet engine. I contracted a headache too.
At 1 o’clock in the night, we entered my den.
‘Do you want to change? I have got some capris that will fit you,’ I asked, handing her a glass of water from the fridge. She nodded and I went and pulled out the capris from my cupboard drawers. She took them from me and went to the loo to change.
I went to the bedroom and switched on the AC. Our inner room had a big double bed, which was so large that it could fit three people. Mishra, Rishabh, and I would sleep on the very same bed in the very same room, since it was the only room with an AC. I didn’t know what sleeping arrangement would be the best.
Meanwhile, Shikha came out wearing my three-quarters, which looked too broad on her. Nevertheless, I told her she looked cute.
‘Shikha, this is where you are going to sleep,’ I said, pointing to the massive bed.
‘What about you?’
‘I will sleep in the other room.’
‘Does that room have an AC?’
‘No, but it’s okay. I’ll manage.’
‘Do you consider me a friend?’ she suddenly asked me.
‘Yes. Why do you ask?’
‘Because you are treating me like a guest. Chill Amol, chill.’
‘Sure. I just wanted you to be comfortable, that’s all.’
‘I’m comfortable. And you should be comfortable as well. Sleep here itself. The bed is big enough for the both of us,’ she said. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It delighted as well as scared me at the same time.
‘Here’s your blanket. The AC makes the room really cold at night. This one’s the thickest blanket I have,’ I said.
‘Thank you. What about your blanket?’
‘I will use this bed sheet.’
‘What if it gets too cold?’
‘Umm, I’ll manage.’
‘Come inside mine, then. It’s big enough to cover two people.’
‘Okay,’ I said, thoughtfully. She was giving me signs. Very blatant signs. It was an eerie feeling, with no anticipation about what would happen a moment later. My headache had worsened, after the sudden change of temperature due to the air conditioner. I took out a balm and started applying it to my forehead.
‘Headache?’
‘Yeah, severe.’
‘Sure,’ I said gladly. More than the massage, I was happy that I wasn’t initiating it—she was.
‘Give me the balm. I’ll rub it on your shoulders,’ she said. I did as instructed.
She began massaging me. Her slender long fingers squirmed against the agitated tissues of my shoulders, the tips of her fingers brushed my scalp, and oozed out every tinge of pain that resided there.
‘Take off your shirt,’ she ordered.
‘What?’ I could not believe what I’d heard.
‘Yes, take off your shirt. I need to apply the balm on your shoulders,’ she said casually. There was no sign of flirtation from her side. I took off my shirt and lay on her lap.
‘Does it feel better now?’
‘Yes, thank you. I owe you a treat to repay this debt,’ I said, happily.
‘I want the treat now.’
‘Are you hungry? Wait, I can make maggi for you.’
‘No silly, not food. I want the favour, the massage. Now it’s your turn.’
‘What! I haven’t massaged anyone before,’ I said, lying. The truth was that I had tried to massage Priya once but she hated it so much that she stopped me in less than two minutes. She called me ‘Iron Man’ after that, a back-handed compliment for my hands being hard.
‘There is a first time for everything. I’ll teach you,’ she said, as she lay down.
‘Where do I massage you? Your head?’
‘No, I don’t like when someone touches my head. Massage my waist instead,’ she uttered. I felt weird. I could feel myself getting aroused.
‘How? You’ll have to take off your T-shirt for it,’ I hesitantly said.
‘So ask me to do it. You can’t become a good masseur if you’re shy. Ask me,’ she ordered.
‘Shikha, take off your tee,’ I faltered, sedating my conscience. She did it in a snap.
There she was, without her tee, in a white bra that held her big bosom, waiting for me to rub my hands against her scintillating waist.
‘Sit on my bum, so that you can massage my waist well,’ she ordered. I, very meekly, followed her direction but there was a serious problem. The arousal had made me extremely uneasy.
Nevertheless, I began slowly massaging her. After a few minutes, she asked me cover a wider area—from the beginning of her butt line till her bra strap; then it went a step beyond to the entire back as she asked me to unhook her bra, which, though I had experience with, took me six tries to nail.
‘I’m done,’ I said as I got up from my comfy seat, hoping that she would ask me to hook her bra once again. But she was not in the mood. She turned to face me instead. I don’t know why, what, or how, in that moment, I grabbed her hands and sealed my lips on hers. She was taken aback at first, but reciprocated a moment later. As my body settled against hers, Priya’s image flashed in my head. But as soon as I remembered her words: ‘We are done’, they removed every trace of guilt within me. I lifted Shikha’s hands up and moved to pull down the three-quarters that she was wearing, only to encounter a resistance. It was her hand.
‘No,’ she said sternly. And I stopped at once.
I didn’t know how and why what happened had happened. I just wanted to make sure that I hadn’t, in any way whatsoever, taken advantage of her.
‘No, Amol. Don’t go there,’ I realized that I had tried to go a step further without permission.
‘I’m sorry, really sorry. I really like you. I got carried away,’ I said, in some way, trying to defend myself.
‘No need to be sorry. You can do whatever you want but just answer me one thing—can you promise me your loyalty?’
Frankly speaking, I was sick and tired of the whole concept of relationship. I didn’t have frigging time or energy or money or even enthusiasm for it. Inwardly, I knew that when Mishra and Rishabh would return, I would not get time for her at all. Moreover, she was Shikha, Rishabh’s ex-fling and YourQuote’s ex-employee, and it complicated the situation further.
I didn’t want to get into a relationship. Surely not with Shikha.
‘I really like you, I have since that trip to Mumbai,’ I lied, bitten by the bug of lust, and moved my hands towards the straps of her trousers that didn’t encounter any hindrance this time.
We didn’t go all the way; she didn’t allow me to. After pestering her twice, I surrendered. She had never gone all the way before, not even with Kartik or Rishabh. After her disastrous tryst with Kartik, she had made a promise to her Mom that she would never get physical with any guy till her marriage, a promise that she had however let a little loose for me, just because she trusted me a lot. Interestingly, she liked orange.
She told me, ‘You aren’t any other guy for me. I have immense trust and faith in you. I can bend the rules for you, but not entirely.’
‘I am really not sure how this relationship is going to work since there are so many complications, but I can assure you, I would give my 100 percent to make it work,’ I said, even though it was an unsure promise.
The next morning, I dropped her back in an auto. Something that I had never done for Priya.
When I came back, my eyes accidentally fell on a notepad on my desk. I opened it and a rose fell on the ground.
All of a sudden, Priya was all around. Her smell, her smile, her voice, her eyes, her hair, her body. Her thoughts pervaded my very soul. Frightened, I began trembling. Did I kill her faith? I pulled out the page that contained a romantic poem she had written for me, shredded that page into pieces, and threw it from the second floor balcony to the ground. As I looked at the small pieces of paper, swaying in the morning breeze racing amongst themselves to first kiss the ground, my body stiffened.
I felt bad. Until bad turned into terrible and I broke down into sobs.
Goodbye, Forever
I didn’t talk to anyone the day after. No calls, no chats, no messages, no self-talk. I tried to immerse myself in work, but even work couldn’t take my mind off Priya. She was like oxygen for my soul—my own invisible lifeline. I wanted to speak to her but didn’t have the courage to do so. I just messaged her asking when she would be back, but she didn’t reply.
Before going for a bath in the evening, I sat in front of the mirror and studied myself. My face looked swollen and there were dark circles under my eyes. I couldn’t look myself in the eye and turned away from my own image. I then took a towel and went into the bathroom. As drops of cold water kissed my body, which still carried the imprints of my betrayal to Priya, I froze in fear. I started rubbing the water against my body, my hands, my chest, my cheeks, my legs, my face, my neck, my back, trying to erase every evidence of the previous night that had seeped into my life like a dark, permanent scar. No matter how much water I splashed against my body, I had robbed it of the respect it deserved and it was never going to come back again.
Disgusted with myself, I came out after a quick bath. There was a call on my phone. It was from Shikha. I didn’t pick it up. But I soon realized I couldn’t fix things on my own, so I decided to meet Shikha and try and sort everything out, tell her that things between Priya and me weren’t yet over and whatever happened the previous night was a grave mistake on my part.
So I called her up. She insisted on coming over to my place for more massage sessions like the day before, but I didn’t trust myself with her anymore. I asked her to wait for me at IIT. My tone was serious.
Half an hour later, I was with her, seated in the middle of the grass field, where there was so little light that our faces couldn’t be seen from a distance.
‘You look really serious. What happened?’
‘I…’ I said, struggling to find the right words. My throat was parched and I was almost ready to burst into tears.
‘Amol, it’s okay. Why are you so sad when I am here?’
How could I tell her that I was sad precisely because she was there.
‘I feel really bad for Priya. I feel as though I ha
ve cheated on her,’ I wailed.
‘You broke up with her, didn’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then there is no reason to feel guilty,’ she said. Her words comforted me and I felt less guilty.
‘Hmm,’ I said. My tears had subsided.
‘What was yesterday all about?’ I asked her.
‘We are in a relationship. Do you have any doubts about it?’
‘No doubts whatsoever,’ I said in a doubtful tone.
For the next half an hour, we discussed about our future together which in reality seemed completely bleak to me. But, at least Shikha succeeded in making one thing clear to me—that Priya and I were not in love.
‘Why don’t you call Priya and tell her everything?’
‘She is at home. Her Mom will ground her if she even finds out that she is seeing a guy. I will tell her when the time is right.’
We went for dinner, hand in hand, chatted about our families, our ambitions, and took utmost delight in bitching about Rishabh. When I received an unexpected message from Priya saying, ‘I’m back. What did you want to talk about?’, I left for home immediately and asked Shikha not to accompany me until I fixed things with Priya on my own.
Shikha complied after much reluctance. As soon as I reached home, I called Priya.
‘Hi, how are you?’ she said. Her cordial tone surprised me.
‘Hi, I’m fine,’ I said formally.
‘Why so serious? What did you want to talk about, tell me?’ Her curiosity implied that she was expecting a patch-up talk.
‘You wanted a break-up. So, let’s do it. I want to come tomorrow and return everything that we had exchanged. The letters, gifts—all of it,’ I uttered in a hurtful tone.
‘What? I have already broken up with you,’ she said in anger. ‘No need to return the things, you can just burn them.’
I asked for the guitar that I’d gifted her on our first anniversary which she couldn’t learn despite my desperate attempts at teaching her. Since I used to make some pocket money to sustain myself by teaching guitar over weekends to some college students, I added, ‘I’ll use it to teach my students here.’
Because Shit Happened Page 13
