by Laura Kemp
She’d never been this close before. Steadier, stronger, she felt the tide crashing over her and he responded with an urgent strength, on her heels, sharing her glow. Then Frankie was possessed, trance-like, blinded, sucked under but still able to breathe in Floyd as a violent softness exploded – and kept exploding until the tremors took over completely when her cry became a blissed-out duet. Together they stilled; their heartbeats banging as pleasure trailed their veins, slowly subsiding, receding until the air held the magic like fireflies before it was extinguished and they were in darkness, silent and motionless.
Frankie’s euphoria of finally experiencing an orgasm had settled into a serenity of fulfilment: this was what it had all been about. It had had nothing to do with position or pretence, she realized. She had let go – the fear of losing herself hadn’t materialized. Instead, she had been empowered, but it hadn’t been selfish or violently passionate, rather it was a resounding awakening. This simple act – in the missionary, no less – she had done on instinct without instruction or direction. But what was behind it? She knew the only way she could find out would be if she tried it with Jason.
‘Well, that was some goodbye,’ Floyd said from up above. ‘I’m not sure I could do that every time I bid someone farewell. It’d be exhausting not to mention a bit too… nude.’
‘I know!’ Frankie laughed. ‘To think that’s what I’ve been missing out on all this time. And for you that’s completely normal.’
Floyd pulled his face back and shook his head. ‘Er, no. I’m having a think but… nope, it was quite a bit more than that.’
He was very cute, saying that, but she didn’t believe him, what with all of the hundreds and thousands of times he’d done it. ‘How the flip did that happen?’ she said, asking a metaphorical question. Then she felt sheepish. ‘I didn’t mean it to. I didn’t force you, did I? After what you said on Saturday night.’
‘You have used and abused me, Frankie Green. For your own wicked, depraved ends… Nah. I wanted to. I could because I wasn’t your teacher any more. Just Floyd. Named after Dad’s favourite band Pink Floyd.’
The tension whooshed from her in a high-pitched squeak. ‘And I’m not your student. I’m just Frankie, after Dad’s favourite singer Frank Sinatra,’ she giggled.
‘I think it happened because it had to happen,’ he said, now contemplative. Frankie knew exactly what he meant: weeks of build-up, it was like closure. An end to that period of her life.
‘And we had to do that before we could move on,’ she said. ‘What with Sasha home tomorrow and Jason…’
‘Absolutely,’ he said. They were both being very emphatic about this.
‘Um… Floyd…’
‘Yes?’ he said quickly, his eyes searching hers.
‘There’s something I have to tell you…’
His eyes bored in to hers now; he looked pensive for some reason. ‘What is it?’ he said, quickly.
‘The thing is… I can’t feel my legs now. You’re a dead weight.’ She snorted at her joke, feeling pleased she’d caught him out the way he had with her so many times.
‘Right, yes, of course,’ he said, giving a weak smile as he moved to her side and reached for the sofa’s throw, which was in all sorts of tangled trouble. Pulling her in to get comfy next to him, he said: ‘Isn’t it funny, that after all these years, after what nearly happened at Debbie Yates’ fifteenth, that we’re here now, doing this.’
‘You remembered! I never thought you would!’ she said, sitting up with shock before settling down again. ‘I was a bit teenage and confused, I think.’
‘Charming!’ he laughed. ‘Course I remember. How could I forget the biggest Em bollocking of my life?’
‘I wonder why she was so cross? I mean, I get why she was grossed out but… we were just kids.’
‘She’s very black and white. It didn’t fit into her categorized perspective.’
Frankie nodded. That was Em all right.
‘Before all of this,’ Frankie said, ‘I was a bit like that. Very certain about things. But now…’
‘It’s called experience, Frankie,’ Floyd said, ‘When you love someone, you love them for what they are, not what you think they are.’
‘Maybe that’s why it all went wrong with Jason. He had been my knight in shining armour. I’d had such a rough time growing up that I had looked at him as my saviour. Not as my husband.’
‘And perhaps he saw you as helpless. So instead of discussing how he felt about the way things were going in your relationship, he bottled it up because he didn’t want to put it on you. In his eyes, maybe, you were a glass princess. When in actual fact you have more balls than Manchester United.’
Floyd was bang on. If only Jason had spoken to her about it all. Yet she had been just as responsible in her own way for idolizing him rather than acting as his equal.
‘Yes! And knowing this, knowing our mistakes, means we’ll have a stronger marriage.’
Her words were steady and clear because she was convinced she had grasped where things had gone wrong, and how she could fix it.
‘Do you ever doubt you’re doing the right thing, wanting Jason back?’ Floyd said, playing with her hair.
‘Of course not!’ Frankie said, playfully slapping his chest. ‘Why else would I have put myself through all of this? I can do this, Floyd. I’m certain of it. I’ve changed. Why? Do you wonder about Sasha?’
‘No. Yeah. A bit. Just… I worry we’re not the same people we were.’
Leonardo suddenly appeared on the back of the sofa then jumped down and stood with two paws on her lap and two paws on Floyd’s.
‘Wow, he’s quite choosy, he is.’
‘I’m touched,’ he said, smoothing the cat until he settled into a tight ball between them.
Then, wrapped up in each other, they fell into a silence. But Frankie wasn’t quiet inside. She was wondering if Jase would appreciate how she had grown. He’d wanted some excitement, that’s why he’d suggested the separation. Well, what wouldn’t he like about the new her? She was more adventurous in every single way now, not just in bed. Not exactly Bear Grylls, but you know… And he was bound to have had a journey too. An excitement grew as she considered what she’d find changed in him. All the good bits would still be there, but what would she see different about him? Perhaps he’d be more open to discussing things rather than hiding his thoughts as before. She could see now they had fallen into the habit of not communicating.
Unlike Mr Snoreypants here, she smiled. If she could just move Leonardo, she could get up… but Floyd looked so still. What was the harm of just lying here for a bit until he woke up to go?
Staring at the moon, she decided to enjoy the company; it’s not as though this would ever happen again.
Wednesday
Letty
‘Oh my GOD!’ Letty said, closing her eyes as her head rolled back. ‘That’s heavenly.’
‘Let me try!’ Frankie demanded, swiping the cup off her for a swig. The effort rocked her momentarily on the edge of the worktop on which they were sat, but Frankie just about saved herself from a fall and gasped with laughter.
Letty licked the green foam off her top lip and watched her friend with curiosity. Did she seem brighter than normal? It was hard to remember when Frankie last seemed so alive. But that could be because Letty’s mind was an unmerry-go-round of niggles about work, her massive overdraft and Lance’s depression after he’d dropped Eddy back to Helen’s, which were increasingly keeping her awake at night. Frankie was pissed, that was all.
They were having a ball of an early evening – a trim from Frankie had turned into an impromptu drinking sesh, which they hadn’t done for yonks. It was just what Letty needed; everything had been so sensible of late. They were on their fourth cocktail, made with Lance’s beloved NutriBullet. It was lucky he was at work because he’d never approve of boozy smoothies; his body was a bloody temple. She didn’t mind but, come on, everyone had to have a blowout now and again.
Their first creation had been virgin, but then, with naughty giggles, they’d splashed rum, gin and Bacardi into combinations of blueberries, spinach, beetroot, banana, ice and berries.
‘This one,’ Letty explained as Frankie knocked it back, ‘I’ve called the Vitamin V, which is kale, apple, mint, cucumber and a shitload of vodka. I tell you, babes, it’s a liquid orgasm!’
‘It’s good,’ Frankie said, her eyes glassy, ‘but… not that good.’
Letty drew a breath until she saw Frankie doing comedy eyebrows, waggling them up and down in a sign she had news. ‘You haven’t! Have you?’ Letty shouted with glee.
‘I have!’ Frankie grinned back.
‘No. Way. When?’
‘Last night!’
Letty stared at her friend. Frankie wasn’t covering her face or blushing. She was slapping her thighs and laughing. Frankie had had her first ever orgasm and she was still on a high. The irony didn’t escape Letty’s attention: she was supposed to be the siren but she’d had not a squeak of action since before Eddy’s visit. She sympathised with Lance’s misery over not seeing Eddy every day – she’d seen how much he adored his son, it was a love that rivalled no other, as it should be. As her father should’ve felt about her. But it had taken him away from her: he was withdrawn and anxious, monotone and unresponsive. When she tried to speak their language, the reassurance of being desired and paying homage to each other’s bodies, it fell on deaf ears.
‘With your sex teacher?’
Frankie nodded with a beam that lit up her entire body. ‘I’m a newly qualified sex kitten!’ she said.
‘Well, hallelujah, babes!’ Letty was chuffed to bits for Frankie. Not that she didn’t think she had it in her, but that it would be buried so deep, she’d have needed a lot to find it. Like a JCB rather than a few lessons. She’d followed Frankie’s progress from the beginning and it had increasingly looked like Frankie wasn’t even going to do the deed because the guy was too much of a gent. That or he had some major issues going on. ‘Come on then, tell me!’
‘It was amazing. I can still feel it if I do my pelvic floors.’ Frankie shut her eyes and giggled.
‘Are you going to explain how this bloke finally succumbed?’
‘Sorry, yes,’ she said, pulling herself together. ‘So, as you know, he had stuck to the lesson plan every time with no deviation. Then we had to finish the course all of a sudden – I can’t say why, so don’t even ask – but last night he came round to say goodbye and it just happened. On the sofa. And the funniest thing is, even though we’d covered loads of exciting stuff, we did it in the missionary!’ Frankie was pink with the glow of the memory. ‘I wasn’t sure at first but then I had this feeling, like I was on the crest of a wave, and then I was riding it, on and on it went and… well, if it was that fantastic with someone I have no feelings for then I think I might die when it happens with Jase. See, what I’ve realized is the lessons weren’t about sex but about unlocking the bit of me which wasn’t safe and boring.’
Letty nodded supportively but she also noted Frankie’s unnecessary acknowledgement of having ‘no feelings’ for this guy who had brought her out of herself. Hadn’t she done the same thing when she was falling for Lance?
‘But what about this teacher? Did you have any chemistry? You must’ve!’
Frankie stopped to think then shrugged. ‘I don’t even know what chemistry is! I trusted him and he was really understanding and helpful… and funny and handsome in a sort of odd way. He’s a really good listener too. Really insightful.’ Then, finally, Frankie had the decency to acknowledge she was gushing. ‘God, listen to me! But I don’t fancy him. I mean, he stayed over accidentally, he fell asleep on the sofa and then in the morning there was no attempt at doing it again, like you would if there was more to it. We had breakfast and there was no atmosphere or cringing or anything. He’s not my type. Too… dunno, just not…’
‘Jason?’ Letty said, dangling his name in the hope she’d realize she’d never spoken about Jason like this. I mean, was Frankie stupid?
‘Completely. That. I mean, I did have a little crush on him in the middle but it was just me putting all my feelings for Jase onto him.’
This was a possibility, Letty conceded. But something puzzled her. ‘I’m not being funny, right, but I don’t understand why he did it this time?’
‘I can answer that!’ Frankie said, triumphantly pointing a finger at her. ‘Because he wasn’t my teacher anymore!’
‘But why did that matter?’
‘Because… there was no lesson plan last night so we could just do it. That’s why!’ Frankie looked at her as if she was thick. Letty bristled with a prick of indignation at the insinuation that she was the idiot not Frankie.
‘I’m sorry but I don’t get it. He won’t do it when he’s supposed to, then does it when he isn’t.’ She sincerely hoped he wasn’t a player.
‘It just felt right. Completely natural. Like it was meant to be.’
‘And you say you haven’t fallen for him?’ Letty said, laughing, wondering who the bobbins this sex guru was. She would ask, but Frankie would only refuse to tell.
‘Don’t you understand? I’ve been training for this make-or-break moment for weeks. I’m ringing Jase tomorrow to set up a date. I have to do this.’
‘Fair play,’ Letty shrugged. ‘Just keep an open mind about things.’
But Frankie’s chest started heaving. ‘I’m not that naive, you know. I know what I’m doing.’
‘I just want you to be happy. I kind of thought you’d get over Jason, if truth be told. Not that he isn’t a great bloke, but you’re braver now than I’ve ever seen you. As if you’ve thrown off the chains of whatever it was that was holding you back.’ She was beginning to think a return to her husband would undo all of the work Frankie had achieved.
Frankie broke into a smile. ‘Please, don’t remind me of chains. That’s what got me into this in the first place! Look, this is my last shot, I have to do it. I have to see if I can save my marriage.’
‘How you going to do that then?’
Letty listened as Frankie ran through her planned repertoire and was astounded to see how far she’d come. From nowhere, a sob came from deep inside her.
Frankie jumped, wide-eyed. ‘Christ. Is it bad, Letty? Do I need to change it?’
‘No, babes, it’s perfect,’ she whispered. Listening to Frankie, animated and happy, had reminded Letty how far she was from that herself. ‘It’s me, it is.’
‘What’s up?’
‘Lance and me, it’s just not what I expected,’ she admitted. ‘It’s like we’re an old married couple already. It’s not the sex, it’s the intimacy that came with it. It’s gone. For the first time, we went to bed last night with our backs to one another. We’d had an argument about Eddy. He wanted to see more of him, have him mid-week but how can we when he works evenings? He can’t expect me to have him after work, feed him, put him to bed and all that. It’s not fair on Eddy, that was my point, he doesn’t really know me. And I’m not sure I’m prepared to do it. I dunno, Lance has got so much baggage and I know I have too, but it feels like I’m not strong enough to hold his as well as mine. I’m not sure I’ve done the right thing.’
‘Oh, my love,’ Frankie said, holding her tight, ‘things have changed so quickly for you, no wonder you’re confused.’
‘And I’m finding it hard to cope, not being the most important person in Lance’s life. I know it’s selfish and stupid but...it makes me feel like I’m still that little girl who craved her dad’s attention. That I’m worthless without a man.’
Saying it out loud, Letty realized she had uncovered something important about herself: all this time she had thought she was the worldly one out of the three of them. But all those notches on the bedpost weren’t a sign she was more mature and more knowing; in fact, they were just endless one-dimensional repeats of her need to be loved.
The realization that she was still basing her self-worth
on her success with a man spurred her into action.
‘I’ve got to do something for myself, for me, Frank,’ she said, feeling sober. ‘That’s the answer. I’ve been thinking it for a while and now I’ve got to act on it. Then I’ll know if I’m with Lance because I love him or because I’m not bold enough to be on my own.’
Meanwhile…
Em
Irritated by Sasha’s sunny ‘hiya!’ over the intercom, Em crossed her arms as she listened for footsteps on the stairs. She wanted to hear heavy shuffling jet-lagged feet, but in their place came a light two-steps-at-a-time tap dance. Well, of course Sasha’s dainty toes would sound like that, Em thought. She could’ve walked back the six-thousand-and-forty-four miles from Bangkok to Cardiff and still be as fresh as a daisy.
Ugh, why hadn’t she gone back to her mum’s place? She’d left Floyd in the lurch. Why did she have to turn up here? Because she needed to make an entrance, that’s why, she thought, as nervous bubbles rose in her stomach. Well, Em thought as she saw the top of Sasha’s head coming round the bend, there was no way she was going to be in the audience this time because—
Em was pole-axed when Sasha dropped her enormous rucksack on the floor then came at her with arms spread. She was even more beautiful than Em remembered. Her thick golden wavy hair was almost down to her waist, her oval green eyes shone and her teeth were even whiter next to her honey-coloured skin. A tight black vest and tiny cut-off denim shorts caressed her slender body, and the straps of her silver gladiator sandals curled round her calves like angels’ fingers.
Em knew it: when Floyd got in from work he was going to be absolutely smitten all over again. The poor dab didn’t stand a chance.
Sasha took Em’s face in her hands, pausing to gaze at her, before she rubbed noses, just like old times. Irritated, Em was transported back to the days when she’d been her confidante.
