“That sounds better than your pickup,” Brother Zarate laughed, rubbing his hands together.
“Joel,” I heard Gaye furiously whisper as Brother Castro left the living room. “That was to be our bedroom . . . ”
“Shh,” he whispered, “We can sleep in the truck. Come on.”
“Wait, Joel,” I interrupted. “You and Gaye can have my trailer. I can sleep in the big house with the girls.”
He grinned and patted my shoulder. “That big brother of yours is coming tonight. You’ll need to put him up. We have a bed all made in the back of the truck, and it’s romantic under the stars.” He winked at Gaye.
She stared at Joel and shook her head. A smile tugged at her lips. “Well, I hope you plan on cuddling real close to me, darling, so we don’t freeze to death while we admire all those stars.”
I watched, amused, as Brother Zarate and Brother Castro happily carried their bags into the boys’ room. Lucy stopped short, looking confused, then shrugged as Joel motioned her to silence.
Soon the living room was wall to wall blankets, pillows, and boys. Once they had all settled down, I left. I wondered what time Jay would arrive.
It was the wee hours of the morning before he tapped on my trailer window. “Oh, JAY!” I kissed his cheek over and over, my tears running freely as I held on to him. “It’s so darn good to see you, I don’t even know how to act,” I croaked. “I’ve been so lonesome, and I’m so, so glad you came.”
He held me back from him, peering at my face under the poor light. “Are you all right, Sis? Everyone treating you okay?”
“Oh, yes, it’s not that. It’s just that Verlan is gone most of the time, and I get so lonely. I miss having family around. I’ve missed you so much, and I miss Mom and Dad . . . ” I choked again and hid my face against his chest.
“Hey!” he said softly, “Cheer up, would you? You’d think somebody had died.”
I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. “I’m sorry. I just haven’t felt well for a while. It’s good to see you.”
As I turned up the lamp, Jay looked at me. “What do you mean? Are you sick?”
I nodded and grinned. “Morning sick. Morning, noon, and night sick.”
Jay whistled, his eyes twinkling. “Now, ain’t that something? So is Carmela.”
“You’re kidding!” I squealed. “Oh, Jay, we’re both going to be parents!” I shook my head with the enormity of it. Jay solemnly shook my hand. “Congratulations, Sis. I’ll bet Verlan’s happy.”
“I haven’t told him yet. He’s been gone . . . I can hardly wait for him to get here, so I can tell him.”
Soon Jay was snuggled in, on my tiny couch, gently snoring away. We visited over breakfast the next morning, then Jay borrowed my trailer so he could take a spit-bath. I went into the big house to help prepare food for the guests.
It was noon before Verlan and Charlotte arrived. I badly wanted to take Verlan aside so I could tell him about the baby, but there were too many people, all demanding his attention. Lucy, Charlotte, and I were constantly running to fill the many plates.
By early afternoon the yard was empty of vehicles. All of the men were at the meeting in town. I watched the clock impatiently, hoping that it wouldn’t last too late. It was my night with Verlan, and tonight was going to be special.
Car after car arrived right after dusk. As the men shuffled into the house, Lucy and I served them food. I glanced out the living room window whenever I had a spare moment. Soon Jay and Brother Leany trudged through the door. “Come get some food, you guys,” I called to them.
“Don’t worry about us, Suze,” Jay said as he entered the kitchen. “Theron and I stopped with some of the other guys to get a taco in Ensenada. Verlan and Lillie showed up there, too. So I don’t think you need to fix any more food.”
“Verlan and Lillie?” I said blankly.
“Yeah, you know, Joel’s stepdaughter. Lillie. They came in just as we were leaving. Lillie sure has grown up pretty, don’t you think?”
I could feel the color leave my face. Verlan and Lillie? Together?
Don’t be silly, I thought quickly. That’s absurd and you know it. Lillie is Verlan’s niece, at least by marriage. Just because he takes her to supper doesn’t mean anything. But it was strange. Especially since he hadn’t taken me to supper since our honeymoon. And, why was he eating in town, without me, on my night?
Jay and I visited in my trailer until past ten, catching up. I told him how sweet Lucy had been, and about the girls being my friends. And I told him about Lorna and her situation. I also told him how we had to catch the bus into town for groceries because we had no transportation unless Verlan or Charlotte was home, and, how the last time Verlan was here, we’d all gone to the beach and had a great time. And I said how sad it was to me to be living only three miles away from the ocean and so rarely see it. I didn’t tell him about Beverly, or how she still didn’t speak to me, or how infrequently we all saw Verlan.
Jay told me that the family at home was well. Our sister Rose Ann had given birth to another boy. Carmela was living in the colony at last, in the little house Jay had built across from Mom and Dad’s. He also told me that Ervil and Dan were in Colonia LeBaron, openly criticizing Joel and his teachings to anyone who would listen. “I don’t know what is going to come of it all,” Jay sighed. “Ervil’s absence here, from this general priesthood gathering, tells me that he refuses to back Joel anymore. I hear that he’s succeeded in recruiting some of our church members to his way of thinking. Has Verlan said anything about it?”
I shook my head. “Verlan doesn’t talk about church business in front of me very much. I guess he thinks it’s not something for the women to worry about. Who has Ervil swayed to his side?”
Jay hesitated. “I don’t want to say anything until I’m sure, but I have a feeling that if things don’t change soon, there is going to be a real split in the church.”
I looked at him, stunned. “You mean, Ervil might start his own church, apart from Joel’s?”
“It’s heading in that direction, Sis.”
I leaned back, shocked and dismayed, and the conversation lagged. Soon Jay excused himself to go to Lucy’s to sleep. After he left, I mulled over what he’d told me about Ervil. It was so crazy! I couldn’t imagine any of our members choosing to follow Ervil instead of Joel except for, of course, Dan Jordan. The whole thing was unbelievable. I would ask Verlan about it tonight.
I peered out the window. It was almost eleven, and Verlan’s car was still missing from the yard. The meeting was long over, the other men who were staying with us were settled into various corners of Lucy’s house, and yet Verlan was still not home. Worry and uncertainty knotted my insides as I got ready for bed and blew out the lamp. The trailer was chilly, and I tossed under the covers, shivering. Nausea added to my discomfort.
Suddenly the lights of a car moved across the curtain at the side of my bed and came to a stop only yards away from my trailer. It had to be Verlan. I felt a mixture of relief and annoyance, and waited expectantly for him to swing my door open. I waited and waited. Maybe he’d gone into the big house to tell his wives goodnight, or to Beverly’s. Sitting up in bed, I pulled the curtain back and peered out. No lights were on in the big house. The only light at all, was coming from a single bulb over the front porch, plus a small sliver of moon. As I dropped the curtain, a movement inside Verlan’s car caught my attention. Startled, I pulled the curtain back again.
The porch light was dim, but it was enough to catch the reflection of Verlan’s broad forehead. He sat behind the steering wheel, and cuddled next to him, so close that the two bodies almost looked like one, was Lillie’s slender form.
I dropped the curtain as though it were on fire, and scooted away from the window, wide-eyed with shock and too stunned to mentally process what I’d seen.
Surely I was imagining things. I blinked rapidly, my stomach churning dangerously as I sat stiff and tense in the middle of my bed. I was losing my mind. Verlan, cuddled up to Lillie, his own brother’s stepdaughter? No, it couldn’t be real. I was really losing my mind.
I stared at the curtain. The window and what was behind it seemed to tug at me, compelling me to look again. I crawled to the side of the bed, and with shaking fingers, I carefully pulled the faded material back. I stared at the tight huddle behind the steering wheel, and physically shook as I dropped the curtain back into place.
I pulled the covers back and dove under them, huddling in a rigid ball beneath the heavy blankets. This couldn’t be happening. Verlan wouldn’t be doing this to me; he loved me. Surely he wouldn’t be courting another girl when he had hardly seen me in the four months since we’d been married. Yet I knew my eyes did not deceive me.
My body trembled under the covers as I fought nausea and hysteria. Soon Verlan would be coming in, expecting me to receive him in loving arms. Well, he was in for a disappointment in that area. Jumping up, I bolted the door.
Time passed slowly. Twice more, I peeked out the window, only to see the same sight, in the same position as before. Finally I could stand it no longer.
I had to get up and go outside, go relieve the churning in my stomach. I put a coat over my nightgown and slipped my shoes on, carefully opened the door and raced toward the privy. I yanked on the door of the outhouse, surprised that the door held. I yanked again, harder, desperate to get inside. Suddenly from behind the door, Beverly’s muffled voice said, “It’s busy.”
“Oh, sorry,” I stammered. I glanced quickly around the dark yard, searching for a place to vomit in peace without Verlan and Lillie, on the other side of my trailer, seeing me. I dashed away from the outhouse, and ducked under the clothesline, holding my hand over my mouth as I ran. I reached the weeds past the clothesline just in time.
When the worst of it was over, I leaned against the wooden pole, my legs trembling. Fatigue and illness, coupled with the trauma of Verlan and Lillie’s betrayal, left me stunned and weak. I felt detached from myself, unable to cope with the hurt that drove deep into my soul. I held on to the pole, sobbing brokenly.
“Susana, are you all right?” Beverly softly asked behind me.
Swallowing back my sobs, I clutched the pole and turned my face away from her.
Suddenly she reached out and touched me. Just for a moment her hand lingered, warm and soft, on my arm. Then she let it drop to her side.
Surprised, I glanced at her. Her features were unreadable in the darkness, but her voice was filled with emotion as she said, “I know what you’re going through, Susana. I understand how hard it is. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry . . . ”
CHAPTER TWENTY
Beverly’s short figure retreated into the shadows of the yard. I leaned against the damp clothesline pole and stared after her, hearing a soft grating as she closed her door.
“ . . . I understand how hard it is . . . ” she had said. I was certain she’d seen Verlan with Lillie and felt the same shock and distress as I had felt. She’d known that I was crying, but surprisingly, I felt no embarrassment. Beverly understood my pain, and for the first time, I understood her resentment.
I stole back to the trailer, conscious of Verlan’s car. I didn’t want him or Lillie to see me and to think I was spying on them. Locking the door, I went to bed. My initial anger at Verlan had left me with a dull ache, and a mute questioning of his actions. Had his courtship of Lillie been lengthy . . . or was today the beginning? I knew the answer. As cozy as they appeared, their relationship wasn’t something new. Past experience reminded me that Verlan didn’t behave that way, not until he knew a girl well . . . which meant when Lillie and I had gone to the movie, she’d been hiding their relationship.
I tried to be reasonable. Hey, dummy, I reminded myself, you knew there was a possibility you wouldn’t be Verlan’s last wife. But I’d seen very little of him in four months . . . four and a half months, to be exact. I sat up and began counting. I had spent only seven nights with Verlan since our marriage, and four had been the nights of our honeymoon.
I smiled wryly, realizing Verlan’s other wives must also feel neglected. Irene and Ester, in Los Molinos, rarely saw him. I wondered if his desire for Lillie was a righteous one or if he was letting the lust of the flesh be his guide. Surely this was rushing into another relationship by anybody’s standards.
I lay down again and pulled the quilts higher. It had been more than an hour since Verlan’s arrival. How much longer would he stay with Lillie? I wrestled with my pillow, punching it, as I tried to become comfortable. My body and mind slowly relaxed.
Sometime later, a loud pounding startled me. My eyes opened as Verlan’s voice called, “Susan, open up.”
Immediately awake, I lay still. Instant fury engulfed me. So! I raged to myself. He has finally told that simpering girl goodnight. He’s tired now, so it’s my turn. Stiff and sullen, I waited as Verlan knocked repeatedly.
“Susan, open this door!” he suddenly bellowed. The trailer shook as he angrily yanked on the door handle. “I know you can hear me. Stop being silly and let me in.”
So I was being silly! I grimly enjoyed Verlan’s ranting, and I let a full minute pass before I turned the lock. He yanked the door open and stormed in, his heavy frame causing the trailer to sway. “What do you mean by locking me out?” he snapped. “You knew I would be coming to spend the night with you.” By the dim light coming through the window, I could see his body silhouetted against the curtain. He ripped his shirt open with obvious annoyance.
In the four and a half months since I had become his wife, I hadn’t spoken an angry word to Verlan. The words had been there, but I had bitten them back. Now they flew out of my mouth, sarcastic and insolent. “Yes, Verlan. You’re absolutely right! I knew you would be coming to spend the night with me. I knew it was my night. My night—what a joke! You have just spent half my night hugging up to Lillie LeBaron!” I flounced on the bed, glaring at him through the darkness. “Oh, I saw you. All snuggled up to that skinny little . . .”
“Susan LeBaron, you hold it right there,” he roared. “What I do with Lillie is none of your business.” He stared at me, his eyes gleaming in the darkness. Suddenly his voice dropped, taking on a tone of disbelief. “You know, I can hardly believe that my sweet Susan is talking this way. You’ve never shown me disrespect before! What has gotten into you that you would start now?” As he stood in front of me in his long, white garments, I could sense the puzzled expression on his face.
Suddenly I laughed—a hysterical, weak, female sound. I wanted to scream and cry, but I laughed because his words were so sincere, so innocent of any wrongdoing on his part. He honestly couldn’t understand my problem, why I was so mad and hurt. As he stepped toward the bed, I quickly scooted over, far against the wall. He climbed in next to me and tiredly lay his head down. I cringed as he reached out and absently patted my leg.
“It’s been a long, wearing day, and I’ve got an early priesthood meeting in the morning,” he yawned. “It’s good to see you, Susan.”
“Right,” I growled. Additional words of hurt and rejection were battling to be voiced. They raced through my mind, thoughts fighting for precedence. So, he didn’t think his courtship of Lillie was any of my business, huh? Now wasn’t that something, when I would be forced into sharing my husband with her, and be stuck living around her for the rest of my life! I took a ragged breath and opened my mouth to say the sentence, just like that. The words were well chosen, perfect. He would have to chew on that one.
From next to me, a sudden, gentle snore erupted from Verlan’s nose, followed by a louder, deeper sound escaping from his mouth.
“Hell and damn!” I said aloud. Amazed, I rolled over in bed to peer at his sleeping form in the darkness.
Totally exasperated, I snapped my mouth closed and swallowed back the flood of angry words that coursed through my mind.
Boy, wasn’t Verlan LeBaron something! He hadn’t been in bed two minutes and already he was asleep. Lillie had worn him out, and now he had no time for me. I fought the urge to yank the pillow from under his head as tears slid down my face, wetting my hair and pillow. I’m too late, I thought disconsolately. I didn’t say anything soon enough, and I didn’t tell him about the baby. But what does it matter? He doesn’t deserve to know.
I barely stirred as Verlan got out of bed the next morning. Keeping my eyes closed, I ignored his movements as he dressed. Soon he left the trailer, and I snuggled deeper under the covers. The first rays of sunlight made my temples throb so I quickly closed my eyes. Tired from the emotional stress of the last hours, I drifted back to sleep.
Later when someone tapped on my trailer door, I struggled to awaken. Wrapping a blanket around my shoulders, I opened the door and sleepily peered into the sunlight. Beverly stood before the trailer, a tentative smile on her lips as she looked up at me. “Susana,” she said quietly, “Would you have breakfast with me this morning?”
“Are you . . . are you sure you want me to?” I stuttered, pulling the blanket tighter around me.
She looked down at her feet, shifting uncomfortably. “Yes, I do. It’s not much what I have made, just huevos rancheros, but I would like to have you share them with me. Yes?”
Warmth and gladness rushed through me, and I wanted to hug her. “I would be happy to,” I grinned, pushing the hair out of my eyes. “I’ll get dressed and be there in a few minutes.”
Stunned at the change in her attitude, I quickly dressed. What had come over her? She was actually reaching out to me, offering me her friendship! It seemed that all Verlan’s wives could rely on was each other. To survive the loneliness, we needed to stick together.
Favorite Wife Page 24
