by Penny Wylder
Lonnie walks into my office. “How are you?” he asks.
“Nervous,” I admit.
He takes my hand and touches the ring on my finger. “Everything is going to be fine. Just be yourself—obsessed with me,” he teases.
I laugh. I know he’s joking, but it’s true. I have become obsessed with him. Maybe I always have been.
I hug him, and I’m comforted by the strength of his arms around me. “Thank you for helping me relax.”
“That’s what husbands are for.”
I love it when he says things like that. It’s bittersweet because he’s not really my husband, but it still feels great to hear him say it.
We sit on the couch and go over the details of our marriage once again. We cover everything that Mr. Sapline could possibly ask.
Lonnie goes back to his office to draw up papers. I take a deep breath when Mr. Sapline finally arrives. Mick leads Mr. Sapline to the meeting room and gives me the kind of look that implies “good luck.” I smile at him and nod.
I can do this.
Mr. Sapline walks in. He’s no more than five-foot-six, yet his presence fills the room. His features are sharp, pointed, just like his gaze. He wears an expensive suit, tailored in a way that makes him seem taller than he is.
He shakes my hand. His hands are as soft as a woman’s. I don’t think he’s experienced manual labor a day in his life.
Lonnie is still in his office so it’s up to me to make the introduction. “I’m Savanna, Lonnie’s wife.”
I love the way those words roll off my tongue. They sound so natural, so perfect.
“Very nice to meet you Savanna.”
“Can I give you the tour?” I ask.
“I’ve been to the office before. No need.” He’s very blunt, but not rude.
Luckily Lonnie comes out of his office and I’m relieved. Mr. Sapline looks between me and Lonnie with his sharp stare.
“How old are you, Savanna?” he asks.
I lift my eyebrows, taken aback a moment. Most women might take offence to such a personal question, a question that we’re notoriously known to lie about. But I don’t mind. I appreciate Mr. Sapline’s blunt nature.
“I’m twenty-five.”
He looks at Lonnie, a look I’m struggling to translate. Is that disapproval? I just don’t know. It’s obvious Lonnie and I have a wide age difference—he’s as old as my dad, after all. But I didn’t think that would be a problem. It never crossed my mind, and it’s not something we planned for. I can’t tell if Lonnie is concerned or not. They’re both so poised and neutral. I guess you have to have a great poker face to be a lawyer. That’s something I’m going to have to work on myself.
I don’t think I can take this stand-off any longer. Then Mr. Sapline starts to laugh, a hearty sound, breaking the tension. He shakes Lonnie’s hand. “Age is but a number, right?” he says.
Lonnie nods with a hint of a smile. All the muscles in my body that had turned to stone, slowly start to relax. We sit down for the meeting. Mr. Sapline and Lonnie throw around numbers, and files, and client names. I take notes. There’s a lot but it all seems to go well. By the end of the meeting, we’re laughing and shaking hands. Papers are exchanged and a deal is made. The conversation veers away from business. Mr. Sapline seems more interested in our personal lives. We discuss everything we studied. Not so much about the past that is all made up lies, but more about the current state of our relationship. That part we don’t have to rehearse. It all comes out truthfully because it’s about feelings. My laughter and adoration are all real. The fake marriage starts to blur into something that also feels real. I start to wonder if we could actually become a real couple.
“It’s late,” Mr. Sapline says at the end of the meeting. “I think I’ll head back to my motel now.”
We stand and shake hands.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Savanna. I’m happy to have you part of this team.”
“I’m happy to be a part of it.”
Once he’s gone, Lonnie sweeps me into a hug and spins me around the room and kisses me.
“This calls for a celebration,” Lonnie says.
“It absolutely does.”
“I’m making a reservation for us. Someplace special.”
“I’ll meet you in the car. I just need to grab my stuff,” I say.
Lonnie goes to the car and I head to my office to grab my purse and sweater. I get a text on my way. Unlocking my phone screen I see it’s from my dad. He tells me that he’s going to invite Lonnie onto his boat for a fishing trip this weekend and that he’s happy they have reconnected after all these years. He also says he’s surprised that Lonnie has accepted their friendship back so willingly.
I close my phone, confused. My stomach feels like it’s in knots. I’d been starving just moments ago and now I don’t think I can eat a thing. What does he mean that he’s surprised that Lonnie accepted their friendship back so willingly? I always thought maybe Lonnie did something to anger my parents. It never occurred to me that maybe it was my parents who were the ones behind him leaving. Now I’m really curious. I know my parents won’t talk about it and I wonder why Lonnie hasn’t told me. I’ve had a feeling he’s been keeping something from me, I just didn’t know what. I noticed from the moment we reconnected, and he offered me the job. I wonder if it has something to do with the secret between them.
I try to push it from my mind. Tonight is a night to celebrate and that’s what I’m going to do. But I’m determined to find out what happened, and what Lonnie and my parents are hiding from me.
10
Savanna
My dad ended up inviting me and my mom on the fishing trip with him and Lonnie. I guess he wasn’t comfortable with it being just the two of them. I don’t think he had anything to worry about. They’re acting like nothing ever happened, like they don’t have a secret that they’re keeping from me.
It’s a beautiful day out on the open sea. A perfect day to be out. It’s been a while since I’ve been on my parents’ yacht. With their busy schedules, they don’t take it out much. When Lonnie was still coming around, they took it out nearly every weekend—that or their houseboat on the lake. When Lonnie took off and they all stopped being friends together, a lot of things changed. Those are such good memories that feel somehow tainted now.
I stand in the kitchen, cutting carrots for the salad, watching Lonnie and my dad from the window talk out on the deck. They hold beers in their hands, chatting and laughing like old chums.
I watch the curve of Lonnie’s mouth, the wrinkling in the corner of his eyes when he smiles. He’s so beautiful it’s hard to look at him sometimes. I get butterflies in my stomach every time. I wonder if that will ever go away.
“Careful, Savanna, you’ll cut your finger off,” my mom says from the stove where she’s boiling potatoes.
I stop cutting and look down at my finger. There’s less than an inch between my finger and the blade of the knife. That was a close one.
Even though I look at Lonnie and find him to be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, I’m starting to get angrier by the minute, knowing everyone in this boat is lying to me.
I finish making the salad and tell my mom I need some air. The food smells amazing, yet it’s turning my stomach at the same time. This angle is curdling everything.
“Don’t be long. Lunch is almost ready,” she says.
I head for the back of the boat, away from everyone else. I sit on the edge, my feet dangling over the side and watch the wake. The open ocean is so soothing to watch. The sun is high in the sky. Seagulls glide above my head. It almost makes me forget about all of my problems. Almost, but not quite.
The breeze rustles my hair and tickles my nose. The saltwater in the air feels great against my skin. The ocean had a unique scent that can only be described as freedom. I push my hair behind my ears and breathe it in.
The sound of water lapping against the boat is loud enough to drown out the footsteps that come up
beside me. I startle when I see the dark figure until I look up and see Lonnie standing there. He sits next to me.
“What are you doing back here all alone?” he asks
I don’t look at him. “Enjoying the silence.”
He lets out a small laugh. “I take it that means you don’t want me here with you right now.”
I shrug.
“What’s going on with you? You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all day, and I know it doesn’t have anything to do with keeping our relationship a secret from your parents.”
Our relationship. Is that what this is? Are we in a relationship? I hate the way that word makes my heart sing when it pertains to me and Lonnie. I want to be in a relationship with him more than anything, but I hate all the secrets.
“It’s nothing,” I say.
“It’s something. I know you. I’ve known you most of your life, remember?”
I stand up, losing my footing a little when the boat cants. Lonnie sticks out his hands to catch me, but I’m able to catch myself on the railing before he gets the chance to touch me. I don’t think I can handle his touch right now.
I sigh. “I’m tired of all the secrets.”
He blinks, looking confused, like he’s not sure what I’m talking about. I start to explain, but my mom interrupts us.
“Lunch is ready,” she says.
I walk away, leaving him sitting there.
We have lunch on the top deck. It’s been a while since I’ve been on the boat and I’m starting to feel a little seasick. I take some Dramamine and hope my stomach starts to settle soon.
Luckily my dad keeps Lonnie occupied so I don’t have any more awkward confrontations with him. Though, I do have to admit, I miss being alone with him. I miss the feeling of his arms around me, and his kisses.
The day stretches on. It’s late afternoon when we get back to shore. Lonnie gets a call from Mr. Sapline, so I go off on my own, walking the beach. My stomach finally starts to settle when on land. The warm sand sifting through my toes as I walk feels wonderful.
“Hey, Kiddo,” my dad says from behind me, “wait up.”
I slow down, waiting for him to catch up. We walk side-by-side, not talking for a while. We’ve always been able to be in the same space with my folks in comfortable silence, but not this time. Not with this secret hanging between us.
“Remember when you were young, and we used to come to this beach all time? You used to beg me to go see the dolphins. We never did get to go see them. Lonnie promised he would go with us.”
I raise my head, the pressure on my chest lifting as he talks about the past, and I start to think he’s about to tell me what this secret between them is. But he just keeps walking. My mom is heading toward us. When I realize he has no intention of telling me, something inside of me snaps. I’m so pissed I can scream. I can’t take this anymore.
I pull the ring from its hiding spot in my pocket and slip it onto my finger.
My dad stares at it a moment as if it’s some foreign object he can’t make sense of. “What the hell is that?” he asks.
“I’m seeing Lonnie, Dad.”
My mom is close enough now to overhear our conversation. She stops in her tracks, her mouth hanging open in shock. I start to tell my dad about the fake marriage but he’s not listening.
His voice booms and startles me. “I warned Lonnie all those years ago to stay away from my daughter.”
I’ve only ever heard my dad yell in court. At home he was always so mellow and easy-going.
“I’m going to kick his ass,” he says.
It’s laughable to think of my dad trying to kick Lonnie’s ass. My dad has let himself go soft over the years while Lonnie has only gotten fitter. Dad always makes the same lame joke “I don’t have a dad bod, I have a father figure.” But as mad as he is right now, he might just be able to give Lonnie a run for his money.
My dad storms off, cussing under his breath. Cussing is also something I’ve never really heard my dad do.
I look at my mom. She’s still silent.
“What does he mean he warned Lonnie to stay away from his daughter all those years ago?” I ask her.
My mom sighs and puts her hand on my shoulder. My heart starts to constrict with fear about what she’s about to tell me. She always puts her hand on my shoulder when it’s something bad.
“Before you went off to college, your father and I were concerned about the way you were behaving around Lonnie. I found your diary.”
I hold my stomach, feeling sick all over again even though I’m on land. “Where was I when you were invading my privacy?” I ask, spitting venom.
She flinches at the tone of my voice. “You were with your friends, scouting schools.”
I try to remember everything that was in those old diaries. I know every page was about Lonnie. She would’ve read about how much I cared about him and how I’d planned to kiss him the next time I saw him. I never spared any of the details, the things I wanted to do to him, the ways in which I wanted to touch him and how I wanted him to touch me. The reality turned out to be so much better than the fantasy.
I remember when I got home from scouting, my parents were acting weird and I never saw Lonnie again after that, but I had no idea it had anything to do with me.
I start to blush profusely because I was sure that only my eyes would ever see those words. I wrote all of my deepest fears and colorful fantasies in it. No details were missed. Even though it’s been years since then, I’m still mortified that my parents read about those things.
I hear my dad screaming in the distance. My mom and I take off in that direction. It’s so hard to run in the sand. Especially when you want to run fast, it feels like we’re standing still.
When I get closer and the voices get louder, I see my dad pushing Lonnie. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Lonnie is just taking it, not fighting back. He’s pissed though. I can see it in the set of his jaw. I can tell he wants to hit my dad but is holding back. I wonder if he’s doing that for my benefit.
My dad punches Lonnie in the face and I scream, “Dad, stop! I love him, please stop.”
My dad jerks his head toward me and backs away from Lonnie. It would be the perfect opportunity to take advantage and hit my dad, but he doesn’t do that. They’re both watching me, breathing heavily. My dad gasps for air. Lonnie wipes at a line of blood running down the front of his nose. He doesn’t look hurt too bad other than that. Nothing seems broken. Just a little scuffed up. My dad is lucky Lonnie doesn’t seem more pissed than he is. My dad is barely holding himself up after exerting his energy on the fight. He’s in a vulnerable position with his hands on top of his head, trying to catch his breath. If Lonnie wasn’t such a good man, he could punch my dad in the stomach and take him down. But Lonnie doesn’t seem at all interested in my dad right now. His eyes are wide and pinned on me.
My mom yanks my dad to the side. “You are so immature sometimes. Why do you have to react with violence?” she scolds.
After she’s done reprimanding my dad, both of my parents focus on me and now everyone is staring. I start to twitch under the attention. My eyes fall back on Lonnie. We look at each other as if we’re the only two people in the world.
My dad clears his throat. When he talks, he’s still out of breath, but able to manage a full sentence. “What did you say Savanna?”
I glance at my dad and my face grows hot. “I said I’m in love with Lonnie.”
My mom sees the ring on my finger and gasps, breaking up the silence.
“What is going on, Savanna?” she says, seeming utterly confused.
I swallow back my fear. “I’ve always loved Lonnie.” I glare at both of my parents. “You should know that by now since you read my diary. But in the past, it was an immature love. I was silly, and at first it was little more than a crush. Yet he was always that person I could talk to and trust. As an adult I realize not much has changed except my maturity level. I know now what it means to love someone. It
isn’t just infatuation anymore. We’re perfect together. We have everything in common. I adore him.”
I glance at Lonnie for a reaction. I haven’t said any of this to him. My parents look at him too. My stomach turns to knots. I know Lonnie cares about me. I can feel it in the way we touch, the way we kiss, the way he makes love to me. But I don’t know if he loves me.
“I’m sorry I spilled our secret like this,” I tell him.
I can’t blame him if he’s mad at me. I made him promise not to say anything and we told each other we wouldn’t let it interfere with our lives outside of work.
Lonnie walks up to me and puts his hands on the sides of my face, holding my stare in place. “I love you too,” he says, “more than anything.”
I can feel the weight of my parents’ gaze on us. My dad doesn’t say anything.
“Is that ring real?” my mom asks. “Are you two really married?”
There’s pain in her voice. I know it breaks her heart to think that her only child could go behind her back and get married without her there to witness it. It’s such a big moment in a mother’s life, and I’m her only daughter. We get one chance at this and she probably thinks she missed hers. I want to tell her about Mr. Sapline and the deal, but Lonnie cuts me off.
“Yes, it’s real—or it will be very soon,” he says.
I raise my eyebrows in question.
He gets on one knee in the sand. “Savanna, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want a big wedding, the ceremony, our friends and family there to witness how happy we are. I can’t go on without you in my life, even if that means my best friend will shun me again.”
He stands and I jump into his waiting arms, hugging him fiercely, clinging onto him as if we were in a tornado about to fly away. I grab the back of his head and bring his mouth
to mine. Tears stream down my face. Neither of us seem to care about the salt of my tears on our lips.
When we part my dad looks a bit uncomfortable, but not angry anymore. He says, “I’m not shunning anyone anymore.” His words surprise us all. “Not if you’re serious about your feelings when it comes to my daughter.” He looks pointedly at Lonnie. “If you really love Savanna like you say you do, I have no choice but to support this merger.”
