by Penny Wylder
I let my hands fall to his ass and squeeze, and he groans against my skin. “Katti.” My name is rough on his lips, and the sound of it makes me wet. His tone and the need that it conveys.
Yes.
Yes.
He’s hard. I can feel it against my hips, straining though his jeans and mine. Fuck, I missed that feeling.
I’m raw right now. This hurts and feels amazing and I know that I should pull away. I know I should tell him to stop, but I can’t. Tears rise to my eyes, because there’s too much emotion, and I gasp when Bryce kisses my lips again.
He steals my breath again. And I give it to him. Bryce’s tongue pushes into my mouth, exploring me. Opening me up so I stop, and reminding me of all the ways that he’s been inside me. I’m shaking, vibrating with energy and need. Bryce pulls away suddenly, heaving in breaths and pressing his forehead to mine.
“I need you,” he says.
“Not here,” I say.
“Yes,” he growls. “Here. Right now.” Pressing his hips into mine, I shudder. He’s so close. “Say yes, Katti. Please.”
“Yes,” I say. I can’t say no. I need him more than I need the next breath in my lungs.
The rough sound in his throat has me dripping. “If I could, I would strip you down to nothing and worship every part of your body,” he says, unbuttoning my shirt. “But I’ll take what I can get.”
Every button he undoes reveals more of my chest, and he kisses the skin it reveals until he’s on his knees in front of me. And his hands are on my belt, undoing it, pulling my pants down before I protest. “Bryce. Anyone would come out here.”
“Fucking let them. If you think that I’m not tasting you right now, you’re out of your goddamn mind.”
My jeans are around my knees, and Bryce pushes his head between my thighs. I collapse against the wall, knees falling open as his tongue runs over the fabric of my already soaked panties. “Fuck,” I say through gritted teeth.
My body is so primed, so ready, that I’m ready to come. He’s going to send me over the edge and his tongue hasn’t even touched me yet. Bryce groans, teasing me through the thin lace as he slides his hands up my thighs to my hips. “I want to rip these off you.”
My breath goes short. “Do it.”
He doesn’t hesitate, and I hear the sound of fabric tearing just before the wet heat of his mouth seals over my clit. Oh god. Bryce is good at everything when it comes to sex, but his oral skills are unmatched. His tongue laps the underside of my clit while his teeth graze the top, and I go blind.
I grasp for his hair, his shoulders, anything to hold on to so I don’t collapse from the sheer pleasure coursing through me. More and more. Bryce drags his tongue across my pussy, plunging inside and licking deep. I moan, watching fireworks spark behind my eyes with every stroke.
Bryce releases me, and I open my eyes long enough to see the sheen of my juices on his mouth as he looks up at me. “Come on my tongue, Katti. Let me drink you.”
I don’t have a chance to respond. His mouth is on me again, sucking and lapping and licking. He knows exactly what to do to make me squirm, and I am unable to keep still against the wall as he takes my clit between his lips and rolls it before swirling his tongue over it again and again and again and…
I cry out, loud in the alley as I go over. The sweet release of my first orgasm in over a week, because I couldn’t even think about touching myself when I wasn’t with him. Because I couldn’t bear it.
Pleasure washes up and over me and crashes down in rolling waves. I gush my climax directly into Bryce’s mouth, and he makes the sound I think that a starving man might make when he finally receives food again. I let my head fall back against the wall, breathing hard as the orgasm passes, my mind a little clearer.
Bryce stands, kissing me again just the way he likes to so I can taste myself on his tongue. “I missed the way you taste,” he says between consuming my mouth. “I miss feeling the shake in your thighs when I make you come with my mouth.”
I need to feel more of his skin—to touch him and breathe him in. Reaching up, I undo the buttons on his shirt so I can trace the lines of his abs. His ribs. Feel the way his nipples are hard. But he’s not making it easy, kissing me senseless, and thrusting his hips against mine.
Before I even know what I’m doing, I’m tearing at his belt, trying to get it open, because I need the feeling of being filled by him. Bryce fumbles for a condom in his wallet while I shove his pants down, and he rolls it on in record time as he kisses me again. It feels like when our lips are separated we’re not breathing, and when they’re connected, we are.
Bryce thrusts upward into me, and it isn’t gentle. It’s fierce and deliberate and claiming, and I cry out into his mouth. I’ve missed this—there isn’t a comparable sensation to being stretched and filled completely by him.
Pleasure pours from my limbs, because it’s already there. It’s gathering back into my core and I can’t stop it. I want more of it. The rough concrete of the building behind me scrapes through the fabric of my shirt as Bryce presses into me again and again. His rhythm is brutal, and I don’t care. Gentle is not what either of us need at the moment.
Gentle is for soft beds and loving whispers and long, slow sessions of love and wrung out pleasure. What we have now is pure instinct and need. We’re fucking. Primal. Real. Raw.
Bryce thrusts up harder, slamming so deep that I come up on my toes. So deep that I see stars and galaxies. I’m limp, held up by his arms and his cock and sustained by the ecstasy running through my veins. Bryce moves his hips, changing his angle until I gasp. He found that spot—the one so deep inside me that it’s elusive. Now that he knows where it is, he slams into me, focusing all his attention there.
The world goes white as I come again, unable to make a sound, mouth open in a silent scream. My mind is utterly blank, erased. There’s nothing except this feeling, and the sensation of Bryce’s next stroke. I cling to his shoulders, body taut as he fucks even harder.
He drops his head onto my shoulder, bracing himself on the wall and grunting with every thrust. I can feel it when he’s close, his whole body vibrating with that same tension and pleasure that I feel, and I’m still falling through the aftermath of my own pleasure and gathering more. Again.
My third orgasm comes as a surprise. Sneaky and seemingly out of nowhere, it starts as just a shake and ends with me pulling Bryce’s mouth to mine. Closing my eyes and kissing him as he lets go. He pumps up into me one final time, holding himself as deep as he can possibly, and I feel his cock pulse, and I feel Bryce shudder as we both collapse against the wall with nothing left in us but shuddering breaths and limp bodies.
Bryce keeps kissing me. My lips, my skin, drawing his nose along the line of my jaw before moving to my forehead and claiming that as well. The movements are gentle and tender and they make my heart ache in a way that I can’t possibly explain.
It’s without words that we pull apart from each other and put ourselves back together. Slowly. I sense that neither of us want to break the moment. Neither of us will dare.
It’s strange to pull my pants up without my underwear, knowing that they’re somewhere on the ground. Wait, no. They’re in Bryce’s hand, and he tucks them into one of his pockets before tucking his cock back into his underwear and zipping up his jeans.
Even now, the idea of him keeping my underwear turns me on.
I fix the buttons on my shirt and run my fingers through my hair as Bryce finishes buttoning his own shirt. He looks at me then, and he’s reaching for me again when the door from the alley opens. “There you two are,” my dad says. “The game is back up and running. We all want to finish before they close.”
My stomach plummets through the ground into the core of the earth and I can feel all the blood drain from my face. Shit. Shit.
Dad stops short when he sees the two of us and how close we are together. His face falls, and then draws tight. The look of betrayal is the one that I’ve always been afraid of,
and I think I might be sick. But he doesn’t say anything about it, just “Are you two all right?”
“Yeah,” I say, putting on a smile I do not feel. “I was getting warm inside and Bryce offered to come out with me. We’ll be right there.”
He nods shortly, and gives us both long, calculating looks before going inside. Bryce especially. He knows. He has to know. There’s no way that he can’t, right? I mean, we just fucked against the wall. The air probably reeks of sex and sweat even if all our clothes are in their proper places. Who knows what my make-up looks like. My lips are probably swollen, and I know that I’m flushed.
This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. This is why I was staying the hell away from him. “He knows. Fuck, he knows, Bryce.”
He sighs. “It’s fine. There’s nothing to know.”
“Right,” I scoff. “Because you and I always stand too close and look like we just ran the hundred-meter dash. This is why I walked away. He’s going to kill you. Never speak to you again, and it will be my fault.”
He shakes his head. “You know that I’m not asking you to take on that responsibility, right? You know more than anyone, Katti, I’m a grown man. I make my own decisions. Even if Phil does react the way you’re thinking, it wouldn’t be your fault.”
Frustration builds in my chest. Both he and Elle don’t seem to get it. But they wouldn’t be responsible for breaking up a lifelong friendship. They only see what they want to see. What I saw was the look on my dad’s face. The shock, horror, and suspicion. I rub my hands across my face, groaning. This is a catastrophe. If I hadn’t been so weak, felt like I would die without his touch, this wouldn’t have happened. It’s just further proof that this has to be the last time anything ever happens between us.
That hole in my chest opens again, and I know that I’m back at the beginning. This whole week of processing my grief has been erased and I’ll start again.
Maybe, when Elle actually sees the fallout, whatever that is, she’ll be more supportive. Regardless, I know that she’ll bring me more ice cream and vodka if I need it.
“This has to be the last time,” I say. “I won’t survive another one.”
“Katti,” he says. “Everything is fine. It’s okay. I promise.”
He reaches for me and I pull away. “Fine? Bryce, look around. Think about what just happened. None of this is fine. I was thinking in the car on the way up here how cruel the world is. Because you had to be Dad’s best friend. If I could keep you in all my memories and make it so you weren’t so close to him, I would.
“But that’s not the way the world works, is it? We don’t get a choice about who we are or the circumstances that we’re from. And it sucks. But we didn’t get to choose that.
“God, what are we doing to each other?”
Bryce looks at me in utter shock. “What are we doing to each other? Nothing. We’re not harming anything by wanting this. God, Katti, take a second and think, please, about exactly what I’m doing to you. Or what you’re doing to me.
“The only thing we’re doing right now is causing each other pain because we’re not together. Don’t you realize how badly I want you? How this is destroying me?”
I stare at him, because it’s Bryce, and I know when he’s telling the truth.
“I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you, Katti. And I wouldn’t change a damn thing about our lives because they brought us together—even if it was later than we liked. I’m stuck on you, and it’s not just going to go away because you say it’s over.”
I should say something back to him, but I can’t find the words. My voice dried up entirely in my throat and all I can do is stare at the man I’ve always loved, and who I’ve always wanted to love me.
He laughs, but it’s bitter and full of pain. “I don’t know how you act like it’s so easy to just stop feeling.”
“Easy?” I ask, shocked. “None of this has been easy.”
“Could have fooled me, Katti. But know this: I can’t just turn it off. No matter how much separation or distance you jam between us, I’m still going to feel the way I do. You can run all you want, but I think it’s the same for you.
“And I’ll be here when you realize it. I swear it. I will always be here.”
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. All I’ve ever wanted is to hear him say those words. It’s all I want now. And for the briefest of seconds, I let myself imagine that everything will be all right. That I should ignore the look on my father’s face and close the distance between us, step into Bryce’s arm and never look back.
Oh, what a world that would be. A whole new life, where we could fit together the way we thought that we might. The tears I didn’t want to come flood my eyes and I have to look away. But that’s painful too, and I look at him again. Bryce scrubs his hand through his hair. “How can something that makes us both this miserable be the right thing, Katti? If you’ve changed your mind, tell me now. If you had me and realized that I’m not actually what you want, just say so. It will hurt, but I’ll survive. If that’s the case, you don’t need to pretend that it’s for the sake of other people.
“If you’re scared, I understand that too. The idea of this is scary. Putting ourselves there and trusting the other person is frightening. But I want to do it anyway. I’m all in, Katti. Please don’t leave me alone out here.”
They are beautiful words, and ones that stick straight into my soul. I can still feel him inside me. Still taste him on my lips. And I want him so desperately to be mine. But he can’t be. I can’t erase the look on my father’s face from my mind.
“They’re waiting for us,” I say, voice thick with the things I want to say and can’t.
As soon as I walk inside, I swear I feel colder than I did in the night air.
14
Bryce follows me inside, and he’s a brilliant actor. He acts like nothing in the world is wrong, talking and laughing with his friends. But this time, he doesn’t look at me. We don’t continue our rivalry through the game, both us of playing moderately well.
My dad is distinctly quiet. I try to speak with him and engage, but all I get are one word or short answers in return. He plays the worst of all of us, completely distracted. Anxiety rolls in my stomach about what he might be thinking, or trying to figure out.
Bryce was right about one thing—Dad didn’t catch us directly in the act. We were covered and not touching. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t obvious what was happening. Obviously it’s not something that I can ask him about right now, here in front of everyone. I have to wait, and the suspense is absolute torture.
I come in third, Bryce comes in fourth, and Dad comes dead last. He takes the good-nature ribbing from his friend with enough of a smile that I can see he’s not completely gone. Bryce doesn’t even look at me as he leaves, which is good, even if it feels like being stabbed in the chest.
My dad pays for the games, we return our shoes, and then we’re out in the night again in an awkward silence. One that doesn’t break when we get in the car. It lasts halfway home. What do I say? I don’t want to confirm what he’s thinking, but the way the atmosphere is building, it’s almost oppressive.
“I had a good time,” I say. “Thank you.”
He makes a sound of acknowledgement, but nothing else.
“I’m glad you got to see your friends.”
Dad nods absently. “That was nice.”
The air falls dead between us again. Will he ask me directly? Will he wait until tomorrow so he can sleep on it? If he asks me, what am I going to say? Do I have the ability to lie to him? I don’t want to, but everything I’ve done has been for the sole purpose of not letting him know—not putting him through that pain.
But if he knows anyway, will denying it just make it hurt more? Especially if I deny it and he asks Bryce—who I know will never lie—and then finding out that I lied to him. We’ve always had a really good relationship. The outings for bowling and burgers are a really good example of
that. I don’t want it to be ruined by this.
I ignore the whispering of Elle’s voice that he loves me, and that he’ll respect my decisions no matter what. I decide to give conversation on last try. “How are things at work?”
“The same. Busy.”
And that’s the end of that. No more from him, and even though words keep bubbling up in my throat, I can’t bring myself to speak them out loud.
It’s another ten minutes before we pull up into the driveway, the house lit up cheerily from the inside. Clearly Mom is still up, though that’s not surprising since it’s not that late. Dad pulls into the driveway and puts the car in park. I’m reaching for the handle to get out when he finally speaks. “Wait, Katti.”
I stop. Is this about to happen now? My stomach is doing flip-flops and my skin is tingling from the sheer adrenaline racing through me. The look on his face right now…I can’t describe it. It’s sad and anxious.
He takes a big breath, leaning back against the seat, and closing his eyes for a second. Then he clears his throat. “Katti, do you have something to tell me?”
Fuck. He’s not going to ask. I look down at my hands. The floor of the car. Anything but him. “What do you mean?”
“Katti.” The tone makes me look at him. He’s begging me with his eyes. Pleading. And he looks so sad that I can’t bear it. Oh god, I don’t know how to do this.
“Okay,” I say, my mouth dry. I feel sick. But I’m going to say the words that I never thought I’d say to him. That I didn’t want to. “Bryce and I…have been seeing each other. It started a few weeks ago, but I broke it off when I realized how much it would affect everything. Your friendship, our relationship, all your friends. Tonight was the first time I’d seen him since.”
