by Ted Evans
My heart trembled a little. A good part of why I was always such a behaved girl, besides being introverted, was because Mom could be scary when she was angry. At least I knew, while she was holding Ben, or as long as he was in the room, she wouldn’t start shouting at me.
“Hello, Mom,” I called tentatively, standing at the doorway to the kitchen. “Are you busy?”
She didn’t say a word to me. She’d put on some water to warm, and from the stuff on the counter, I figured she was making something for the kid. I winced because when she started giving me the silent treatment, she would keep at it until her temper cooled off, and that could take days. I hated it when she did that.
“If you’ve got something to say, I wish you’d just say it, Mom.”
She shot me a dark look over her shoulder. She left her post in front of the stove. I watched as she walked to where Ben’s rolling chair was and set him inside it so he could play safely. She stuck close to the doorway where we could watch him closely, then turned to me.
“Because you asked for it, then fine. Klara, what the heck do you think you’re doing?”
I frowned. “I fail to see how I’ve done anything wrong, Mom. I’m going out, doing stuff I want to do—”
“You’re free to do that, but who you’re doing it with is the problem. If it was just a friend, you’d have told me.”
I bit my lip guiltily. I’d spent more time away from home, and even a few nights, this week than I had in a while. I knew she was suspicious, but I couldn’t just tell her I was with a friend, either. There was no point in the lie since I planned to introduce Jake to my family at some point. I just hadn't found the right time or the right way to bring it up.
“I knew it,” she confirmed, my expression and silence answering something for her. “Seriously, Klara, you’re older now, and I never had to worry about you much to begin with, but why are you doing this? Is it because you’re so comfortable that you’re taking advantage now?”
“Mom—”
“You’ve been going out to meet some man, Klara,” she said, interrupting me. She was doing her best to keep her voice down, but her scowl was enough to let me know she wasn’t happy with me. “I let the last time slide because I can't even imagine what it must be like to think you’re going to die soon. I know how I felt when I heard the news myself. But you already have one son, and you’re still working your way through college. Do you want to get pregnant again and make your life even more complicated?”
I didn’t need her to tell me that. Because I was careless, I got pregnant with a stranger I had no way of contacting. I couldn’t support myself, and I’d stopped in the middle of college to treat my illness, then give birth and look after the baby. I depended on my parents even though I had my son, now. I was well aware of my circumstances.
This was different, though.
“No, Mom,” I said. “It’s not just some man. The man I’ve been meeting is Ben’s Dad. And don’t worry, I have no intention of getting pregnant again right now, not by some mistake like before.”
That was enough to get her to calm down. She went from angry to surprised very quickly. Then, the boiling pot she had on the stove startled the both of us, and she rushed over to turn it off. She came to me and took me by the arm, tugging me over to the couch. She picked Ben up, and pulled me to sit down with her as she held him. Ben was looking up at me with the same eyes like his dad, probably wondering why these women were involving him in their problems.
“Well?” Mom prompted, impatient to hear details.
I smiled. “The man that I met that time in Vegas, he was there at school on the day of the speech. And…we got to talking, and we’ve been spending time together.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Does he know?”
I looked away guiltily, my eyes landing back on Ben. He looked content to lean back in his grandmother’s arms, sucking on his thumb. I reached down to pull it from his mouth. He’d done that a lot when he was younger, but he’d been growing out of it. He only still did it when he was hungry.
“I’m waiting for his food to cool down,” Mom said before I could use it as an excuse. “You haven’t told him, right? I don’t even need you to confirm it for me, because that look on your face says it all. So, when are you going to tell him the truth?”
I groaned and leaned my head back. “I don’t know, Mom. I mean, Jake is amazing, and we’ve been good this past week. But I don’t know if he wants to be saddled down with a family, especially all the way across the country from his home.”
Mom snorted. “Whether or not he wants it, it is still his responsibility, and you shouldn’t have been shouldering it alone for the past two years. Tell Jake the truth, and bring him home. Your dad and I would like to meet him.”
I threw her a suspicious look. I didn’t doubt that they’d try to give him a hard time if I brought him home, but that wouldn’t be fair. Sure, we were both careless, but what happened between us was something mutual. Neither of us could have known what it would lead to.
He had no idea, and that was why it was so hard to bring it up. Even worse, I knew he was only around temporarily, and while I had a way to keep in contact, I didn’t know how long this trip of his would last.
“It’s not as easy as you’re making it out to be, Mom.”
She frowned. “What’s so hard about it? you’ve been having fun these past few days, so just remind him of the last time you had ‘fun’ and made a baby that you’ve been raising on your own.”
“It’s more complicated than you’re making it sound,” I complained.
“How is it hard?” she said insistently. “You went off with some boy and got pregnant! And this boy never showed up until now. If you’re having trouble, tell me who he is and where I can find him. I’ll go talk to him for you.”
“No, no,” I said quickly. No need to do that.” I hesitated for a bit, then sighed, and admitted, “The truth is, Mom… I didn’t run off with anyone for that trip. I went on my own. And it’s not like I would know anyone in Vegas.”
She frowned. “Then where did you meet this Jake?”
I smiled shakily. “You see, Mom, Jake and I didn’t…necessarily know each other. He was staying at the hotel I was and we somehow met, and he helped me out. Then he asked me to spend a day with him, and I did…and at night, I stayed in his hotel room.”
Technically, the fun stuff started in the limo before we got back to the hotel, but I wasn’t going to give her that much detail.
“So…”
“So, I only knew him for a little longer than a day. We weren’t off having fun the entire time I was gone, Mom, it was just on the last day before I came home, and… I had a one-night stand. It’s nothing like me at all,” I said quickly. “But I thought I was seriously ill, and he was fun, so when he wanted to take things further…”
My voice trailed off, because I couldn’t bring myself to say more. My face was burning. I’d never had intimate talks with my mom like this before, and I couldn’t help feeling awkward.
“Oh,” she murmured after a while, looking dazed.
She looked a little dazed, and I didn’t blame her. Because I didn’t want to admit this truth in the first place, I’d lied and told my parents that the dad wanted nothing to do with the baby and probably thought I’d go the abortion route, since I was sick, and in the middle of school. I’d hated telling the lie, but it was easier than the truth at the time.
“You’re right,” she said after another minute. “It is complicated.”
I only had a moment to feel relieved that she agreed with me.
“But you still have to tell him.”
I sighed. “I’m getting there, Mom. I’m getting there."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Klara
Jake had wanted to spend the whole weekend with me, but after practically running away from him so I could get home, I was a little worried to see him again. I hesitated to call him, but when he didn’t try to call me either, I go
t worried enough to call him first.
I didn’t get a reply. Even when I sent texts, there was still nothing. I figured he was annoyed at my behavior.
Dammit, Klara. He must have realized something was wrong. You were too damn obvious!
That evening, since I didn’t get any form of communication from him, I stayed at home. It turned out Dad and my siblings had gone out so the kids could have some fun.
Mom took Dad aside to talk, and when they came back, the expression on his face was strange. She must have told him about the one night stand. I was glad that she’d told him so I wouldn’t have to, but I had a feeling Dad wouldn’t be looking at his little girl the same way again. It would be impossible not to realize I was an adult when I came back pregnant, but neither of my parents could have imagined I would do something like this.
I was sure the only reason they weren’t giving me heat for it, was because we’d all lived through the hell of that cancer misdiagnosis. They’d even been worried back then when I disappeared that I would hurt myself. Going home pregnant was more acceptable than not going back at all.
Still, the atmosphere was so stiff, even my younger siblings noticed and behaved themselves at the table.
I escaped right after I finished eating, took my dishes to the kitchen and washed them quickly, then went to pick up Ben. He ate earlier than the rest of us did, and would only nibble a little during dinner. I was slowly weaning him off nursing to make things easier on the two of us, since I was only going to get busier with school soon, but he was still young. He was only fifteen months old, after all. I took him to my room, where I also had his crib, so I could nurse him then put him to sleep.
Ben was an easy child to take care of. He wouldn’t make any noises unless there was something wrong. The older he got, the less I had to wake up in the middle of the night to his crying because he wanted something, and that night ended up being one of the peaceful ones. Of course, he woke me up in the morning with his impressive set of lungs.
It took a while before I started to worry that something had gone wrong somewhere. For the next couple of days, I couldn’t get ahold of Jake. At first, I thought it was nothing, but I didn’t even get a text back.
Something is wrong!
My heart felt shaken, and it had only been two days with communication. I just didn’t know what it meant! He would have figured out that something was wrong, but he could just ask me instead of giving me the silent treatment, too, right?
He…wouldn’t have just up and left because he thought I was keeping something from him, right?
Crap!
Mom was right. I had known even before she told me, that I should have come out with the truth the moment he showed up in front of me, instead of pushing everything else aside in the name of fun.
But I had to ease him into it, I argued with myself. If I just came out and said it…especially after just finding out that his dad is one of the richest men in the country…
Shit. Even if I’d said something in the beginning, wouldn’t he have just thought I wanted to get something from him? And now I’d kept the secret for so long, maybe he had gone back to California.
I knew his surname now, and with how high profile his dad was, finding them shouldn’t be a problem, right? But would he still listen to me after I kept it from him?
I have to tell him! The moment he picks up my call or replies to my text… even if he’s gone, it’s not the best way, but I’ll just tell him the truth on the phone. Maybe if I used video chat?
My mind kept running around in circles. I was so out of it, I might as well not have bothered going to school, because at the end of my final class for the day, I had no idea what the lectures had been about. I didn’t even have notes, because I couldn’t pay attention long enough to take any. I’d have to ask someone to let me borrow their notes.
One more thing I need to worry about, I groaned to myself.
My mind was so preoccupied as I headed outside of campus, that I didn’t notice there was someone in front of me until I almost ran into them.
“Oh, wow, I am so sorry,” I said, only to look up and have the words freeze in my throat. “Jake? I’ve been trying to contact you, but you weren’t replying to me…”
My voice trailed off as I forgot what I wanted to say, because I’d just realized his expression was a little off. He wasn’t smiling at me like he usually was. I couldn’t read his expression at all.
“Jake?” I said, voice tentative, after several seconds of him just standing there and staring at me without saying anything. “Is something wrong?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” he retorted.
I licked my lip. There was no clue in his voice, either. It was entirely calm, and I couldn’t read his mood, but I couldn’t help feeling like there was something wrong.
“I was looking for you because there was something I needed to tell you urgently,” I admitted. “It’s something I’ve wanted to tell you since you came back, but I just didn’t know the best time to bring it up.”
He narrowed his eyes. “So you did intend to tell me? I’m sorry, but it’s too late for that, Klara.”
I was frozen. He knew.
He hadn't said it specifically, but I couldn’t think of any other reason that would have him acting strange all of a sudden. Even though I had intended to tell him, I was left shell-shocked. For a while, I could only blink and stare up at him. I was numb, not sure how I was supposed to be feeling.
My mood would mostly depend on his. I didn’t know how he would take this news, and because I was worried about that, I’d put it off.
How do you even start to talk about something like this? What if he got mad? What if he didn’t believe me, since we were only together the once, even though it was for several rounds?
Spending time with him for the past several days, I knew he at least cared about me, but what about our son?
Would he want to meet him?
He tilted his head. “What’s wrong, Klara? Why are you suddenly so quiet, hmm? Or did I shock you when I said I knew? Would you have preferred if I waited for you to tell me?”
I didn’t say it out loud, but yes. If he had just pretended not to know, I could have mustered up the courage to tell him. If there was no best time to bring it up, then I could just make one. He was only in New York for a visit, so while limited, I at least knew I had time.
The whole time, I’d been making plans in my head. I would imagine how he would react, and I would think of what to do in the case of each reaction. If he was surprised but open to the idea, I could introduce him to my parents, and to Ben.
Crap.
What now.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jake
It was easy enough to figure out.
Klara was hiding something, and there was no way I could meet her, or try to talk to her, while I doubted her. It might have been easier to just ask her, but I hadn't been sure if she would have told me, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear what it was, if it was what I’d been thinking.
What I found out was so far out of my expectations, though, that it took a while to process.
Brian, my old college friend and current PI, had worked faster than I expected. He’d told me who Ben was within a day, and the moment he told me the dates that aligned with his birth, it was easy enough to count back roughly nine months to when Klara and I met.
She’d told me herself that she hadn't been with anyone besides me for the past two years, and even in the middle of my doubts and suspicions, I was still inclined to believe her. Going by her character, in that time, there wouldn’t have been anyone else before me.
The conclusion I came to, was that the child was mine. Considering she’d been trying to hide him from me—or at least, didn’t outright tell me about him and didn’t want me showing up at her house where I could see him without prior warning—only made me even more sure.
I wasn’t angry, though. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was feeling, but I
knew I didn’t want to turn tail and run away. I hadn't told my parents yet, but already I was planning to.
First, though, I wanted to meet my son.
“I want to meet him, Klara,” I said, when she didn’t say anything for a long time. “He’s my kid. Of course I’d want to meet him.”
Right after I said it, she started blinking rapidly as her eyes grew moist. I didn’t know what about what I just said made her want to cry, but I reached out and pulled her into my arms.
It took a while for her to calm down. We moved to somewhere quiet where we could sit down and talk. It was a big, lively city, so it wasn’t an easy place to find, but we finally talked.
Klara told me everything through her tears. How she’d lost it after accepting that she would die from cancer, and ran off to have some fun. Unexpectedly meeting me, going back and hearing about the misdiagnosis. Then, in the middle of testing and treatment for what she had, they found the pregnancy.
I had been the one to walk away first back then. I couldn’t get angry at Klara. While I never would have expected something like this to happen, it didn’t change the facts, so I was more annoyed with myself.
Not only do I have a son, I missed the first year and several months of his life.
While I wasn’t sure how to feel about having a kid, and a kid with Klara at that, but I felt regret when I realized that I’d lost something.
She wanted to go home and prepare her family, so I’d be going to see him tomorrow.
“You won't try to run from this, will you?” I asked, still a little suspicious.
Klara laughed, and it sounded a little wet. She held my hand in hers and squeezed it.
“I feel like I should be the one most worried here. After all, I only hesitated for so long because I thought you’d run away.”
I softened a little. I knew she didn’t have any malicious intentions for not telling me right away. I didn’t like that she had those insecurities, so I squeezed her hand back, and leaned over to give her a soft kiss so she would know that I didn’t want things to change between us.
