by Kevin Hearne
“No.” Granuaile shook her head. “She’s been a wonderful guest, but we are both ready to be alone with our thoughts again. I will let her explain that. Last but not least, you will have my gratitude. I’m not able to grant you magical favors, but considering that apprentices in the old days were worked pretty hard, I’m sure I’ll be working off my debt to you.”
“What if I don’t want an apprentice?” I asked. “I’ve been doing just fine without one.”
“Oh, I see. Getting shot is doing just fine, is it?”
“Why can’t I help you get Laksha out of your head and call it a day?”
“No deal. Laksha won’t go unless you agree to my apprenticeship.”
“What?” I furrowed my brow. This was wholly unexpected. Typically, any being capable of possessing another cares very little about the wants and needs of those it possesses. “Why does she care?”
“She knows that I don’t want to be pulling draughts all day for every Mike and Tom who comes in here. I want to do something fantastic with my life. I’m only twenty-two, you know,” she said. “I want to learn.”
“That’s good, because there’s not much else to being a Druid’s apprentice than learning. But if I don’t agree, then what happens? Laksha stays in your head forever?”
Granuaile shrugged. “No, we’ll figure out something else. Eventually we’ll try to get the necklace back without your help. See if someone else in town would like to earn the gratitude of a sorceress.”
“And what of you, then? Will you try to become something else?”
Granuaile nodded and held my eyes. Hers were emerald dappled with light, and they reminded me of home. “If you leave me no other option, I will become a witch like Laksha. But it’s not my first choice.”
“Oh? And why is that?” I asked the question casually, but it was a deadly serious one—perhaps the most serious question of all. If she took this opening to make a joke or to flirt or kiss my ass, I would tell her no right then. But she paused before answering—perhaps getting coached by Laksha?
“There are several reasons, actually,” she began in a low voice. “Laksha knows a great deal about magic, because she has been around for a long time. But she knows you are older than she is. Much older than any other being she has ever met, aside from gods. If that is true, then it follows you would know even more than she does and would have seen things the rest of us can only read about—and that is why I want you to teach me. I want to know what truly happened in history from someone who was there. I want to know the things you know, especially the things humanity has forgotten or never knew in the first place. It’s just the general principle that knowing is better than not knowing, knowledge is power, and so on.”
I’ve heard worse. She walked up to the precipice of brownnosing, took a good look, but stepped back at the last moment.
“Another reason,” she continued, “is that I think Laksha’s magic is a bit scary, and I say that hoping she isn’t offended.” She rolled her eyes up for a moment, apparently conducting some internal dialogue. Then she looked back at me. “I think that much of what she has told me about her magic, and much of what I have read about magic with true power behind it, is a bit alarming. It seems to involve trafficking with H. P. Lovecraft action figures, and there are some rituals that I would have a problem with morally and, like, digestively. Toenails and body fluids—ew!” She shuddered. “But your power, a Druid’s power, comes from the earth, right?”
“That’s correct.”
She pointed at my right arm. “Laksha tells me those tattoos aren’t just for show.”
“She’s right.”
“That sounds like something I could live with.”
“Are you sure? It limits you. A Druid cannot do all the things a witch can do. If it’s power you’re after, then witches can access far more of it far faster than a Druid can.”
“There are different kinds of power,” Granuaile shot back. “And witches have the power to dominate and destroy. Your power is to defend and build.”
“Nah, no.” I shook my head. “I think you’re romanticizing quite a bit. My powers can also be used to dominate and destroy.” Aenghus Óg had certainly dominated Fagles. And Bres had tried to destroy me using a glamour.
“Okay, granted,” she conceded. “Anything can be twisted from its original intent. But the intent is what I’m talking about, Atticus. Laksha knows of rituals and spells that cannot possibly be, you know, benign. The difference is, your magic can be twisted to evil purposes, but some of the magic Laksha knows cannot ever be good. That is an important distinction for me.”
“So what do you think a Druid is?” I asked. If she mentioned white robes and ZZ Top beards, I would scream.
“They are healers and wise people,” she said. “Tellers of tales, repositories of culture, shape-shifters according to some stories, and able to exert a little influence over the weather.”
“Hmm, not bad,” I said. “Do they ever kick ass?”
I said it flippantly, but she knew this was a test. “Occasionally they kicked some ass in battles.” Granuaile frowned. “I mean according to some of the old legends. But they used swords and axes to do that, not magic force. That’s a nice sword you have there, by the way,” she said, tilting her chin to the hilt of Fragarach peeking over my shoulder. “Are you planning on kicking some ass?”
I ignored her question and asked her another. “What did the Druids do in the old legends you read?”
“Mostly they advised kings and tried to predict the future—oh, I forgot that. Divination is kind of a Druid thing. Do you cut open animals and look at their guts?” She crinkled her nose at me and held her breath.
“No,” I answered, shaking my head, and she relaxed. “I prefer to cast wands.”
“There, see?” She tapped me teasingly on the arm. “You don’t destroy things.”
“Do you seriously want to become a Druid initiate? Before you answer, let me explain what that would involve, because Laksha could not possibly know, and if you’ve been reading any of that New Age crap that says you only need to take some plant life and pray to Brighid or the Morrigan, well, it’s not like that. First, you get twelve years of memorizing things. No spells, nothing remotely cool or powerful. Just memorizing and regurgitating for twelve years. You might be able to knock off a year or so because you’re starting later than most initiates and your brain is fully developed, but still, it’s a long time. You have to seriously like books and learning and languages, because you’d have to learn a few, and that’s all you’d do, full time, until you’re in your thirties.”
“Oh,” she said in a tiny voice. “What about paying bills and things like that?”
“You’d have to quit your job here and come work for me in my bookstore. To relieve the tedium of reading books, I can occasionally allow you the tedium of selling them to other people. And maybe I’ll teach you how to brew some special teas.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“After you pass all your tests, we can start teaching you some magic. But you have to be able to draw power for that, and that means getting yourself tattooed ritualistically with vegetable-based dyes. It takes five months.”
“Five months?” Granuaile’s eyes bugged.
“I just told you about twelve years of study up front and you didn’t even blink, and now you’re worried about five months?”
“Well, this is five months of getting stabbed with a needle, right?”
“Thorns, actually. This is very old-school. Doesn’t get much older.”
“Yeah, see, that’s a bit different than curling up with a book and a mug of hot chocolate.”
“But it’s necessary if you want to perform Druidic magic. It’s a ritual that binds you to the earth and allows you to tap its power. And once you’re bound to it, you will never want to do anything to harm it. Aenghus Óg might be dealing with demons these days, if Brighid’s right, but even he wouldn’t dare mess with the earth.” After I said that, it occurred to
me that a man willing to deal with demons might do much worse, so I added, “I hope,” sotto voce.
“You talked to Brighid? And who’s Aenghus Óg? You mean the old Irish love god?”
“Yeah, him,” I said, mildly surprised and impressed that she was able to place the name, though I shouldn’t have been after she had correctly identified Airmid. “But forget I mentioned him. The point is, Granuaile, it will be more than a decade before you get to feel anything that can be called magical power. If you’re anxious to start wielding magic, Laksha might know a ritual that can get you started tonight. What kind of patience do you have?”
“The right kind,” she said. “And I have enough.” She reached out and covered my hand with hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I truly want this.”
“You said you’re twenty-two. Don’t you have a college degree already?”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Yeah, I graduated in May with a degree in philosophy. And now I tend bar because what the hell else am I going to do with a philosophy degree?”
All right,” I said after studying her face. “I’ll take your application seriously and consider it. But before I make a decision, I need to speak to Laksha.”
“I figured as much.” She twisted her lips in an expression of regret and let her hand slip back to her side. “I need to work a bit before I let her take over, though. She doesn’t know jack about bartending. Hold on.” She quickly revisited her lingering patrons, getting a refill here, closing out a check there, distributing smiles and thanks and drinks with equal facility.
Tullamore Dew trickled down my throat as I considered her and reviewed why I hadn’t had an apprentice in more than a thousand years. Mostly it was because everyone thought the Druids had all died out, and they didn’t know there was still someone around to ask for training. I was kind of like Yoda chilling out in the Dagobah system. But even when people found me—as they occasionally did, as Granuaile just had—training someone had been impractical, because I had to remain mobile and I couldn’t afford to stay in one place for so long. I had also been working on my necklace for much of that time, and you can’t concentrate on a project like that with constant questions and the need to plan instruction for someone else.
My last apprentice had left this plane near the very end of the tenth century. He was a bright, earnest lad named Cibrán, who managed to play the role of an illiterate Catholic peasant convincingly while learning the mysteries of the earth from me. I was hiding underneath the skirts of the Holy Roman Empire at the time—a far-flung fold of its skirts, really, near the city of Compostela in the kingdom of Galicia. I had a modest farm a couple of miles from town, and everyone liked me because I gave all the credit for my crops to Jesus and paid the clergy generous tithes. Cibrán’s father was a smith in town, and he sent his son out to my farm a few times a week to get fresh produce and eggs from the chickens I kept. He paid me with Cibrán’s labor on the farm, and that’s how we found time to conduct his education. He had nearly completed his studies, and we were about to travel into the woods to begin his tattoos, when Al-Mansur’s forces swept up from the southern Caliphate and sacked the city in 997, killing him and his father before I could get there to protect him. That was when I gave up on trying to be a teacher. Neither I nor the Iberian Peninsula was stable enough to allow it to bear fruit. I packed my things and headed off to Asia, eventually coming back to Europe with Khan’s hordes.
Since then I had from time to time toyed with the idea of starting a small Druidic grove somewhere, but the threat of Aenghus Óg on the one hand and persecution by monotheists on the other always made that an idle daydream. Perhaps now it would not be so far-fetched, though, if I was able to survive the Morrigan’s divination.
My deal with her wasn’t a universal get-out-of-death-free card. It applied only to the Morrigan, who had first dibs on my life, and that was grand, no doubt; but death gods are a staple of every pantheon, and if Aenghus Óg was truly making an alliance of some kind with hell, then death would come for me on a pale horse, according to Revelation 6:8.
The part of her divination that truly bothered me was the Heather wand, which suggested that the soon-to-be-dead warrior would be surprised before he bit the dust. I didn’t think Aenghus could do much to surprise me at this point, but that coven of witches certainly could. They had already surprised me several times, first with the runaround about making Aenghus impotent, then lying to my face about their alliance with him, and even giving me their leader’s blood with confidence that they could either steal it back or that I would never use it against them. And all of that was accomplished by only three of the witches in their coven: What would they surprise me with when the whole lot of them focused on me?
And now here, in Rúla Búla, in Granuaile’s head, was another witch who claimed she could take on the whole Polish coven by herself, provided she had a certain ruby necklace—which obviously was a potent magical item or none of the cool witches would want to kill one another for it. Did I want to let someone that powerful off the leash?
Granuaile stopped in front of me and leaned over to get my attention before I could answer the question.
“Okay, Atticus, I’m going to let Laksha come out. Play nice.” She grinned impishly at me, and then her head lolled to one side as she relinquished control. When her head came back up, her expression was inscrutable, though a sense of old age was conveyed by a tightening around the eyes and mouth. Her accented voice greeted me with clipped consonants and vowels and the lilting intonation of Tamil speakers. “I have been looking forward to our conversation, Druid,” she said. “I am Laksha Kulasekaran, greeting you in peace.”
The transformation from a young, sunny Irish American girl to an ancient Indian witch was absolutely creepy, no matter how many words of peace came flowing out of Granuaile’s mouth. It gave me what Samuel Clemens used to call a shivering case of the fan-tods.
Chapter 20
“I hope we remain at peace,” I said to the witch in Granuaile’s head. “Why don’t you tell me how you came to be talking to me here.”
“I was born in 1277 in Madurai during the reign of the Pandyan king Maravaramban Kulasekaran, whose name I honor by taking it myself,” Laksha said. “I met Marco Polo when I was sixteen and through him realized how large the world must be to contain people like him in it.
“I married a Brahmin and played the dutiful wife while he was at home. While he was away, I played with the demon kingdom. I saw no other way for a woman in a caste system to free herself from that system.
“The things I have learned are mostly horrible—rakshasas have nothing delightful to share. The trick of transferring one’s spirit from place to place I learned from a vetala. You have heard of them?”
“Yes,” I replied. “Vedic demons. They possess corpses.”
“Precisely. I use the same principle to transfer my spirit into a gem or into a person.”
“Can you transfer it into anything?”
Laksha seemed surprised by the question. “I suppose. The spirit can fit almost anywhere. But why would you want to put it into something that could be broken or something that is of small worth? Gems tend to endure.”
“All right. Tell me how you wound up on the ocean floor inside a ruby.”
Lasksha shrugged Granuaile’s shoulders. “I wanted a new life—a new world. I decided to leave India. In 1850 I bought passage on a clipper ship that ran opium to China. Once there, the owners of this ship, called the Frolic, wanted to capitalize on the gold rush in California. So they loaded the ship in China with expensive silks, rugs, and other luxuries that would be sold in San Francisco and insured it heavily.
“This was an opportunity I could not pass up. America was much newer than China, a place where a woman could own a business if she chose, and so I bought passage there too, bribing the captain with promises of sexual favors to keep my name off the list.
“He was unimaginative in bed and smelled awful. Perhaps he sensed my dissatisfaction, for wh
en the ship ran into some rocks off the coast of what is now Mendocino and the hull began to fill with water, he did not take me in his lifeboat.
“Everyone got into lifeboats, but I was sharing a boat with Chinese crewmen who had no loyalty to me and did not speak any language I knew. And on the water, without the time and space for ritual, I am not powerful.
“As we were making our way to shore, with four of the men rowing, I saw that the men were looking at my necklace and talking about me. They were probably thinking that I could simply disappear, a victim of the shipwreck, and no one would be the wiser. They probably planned to sell the necklace in San Francisco and split the money between them.
“Whatever their plan was, one of them suddenly drew a knife behind me and plunged it into my back, while another tried to tear the necklace from my throat. In tremendous pain and trying to get away from the knife, I stood up abruptly and pitched myself overboard, taking the would-be thief with me, still fighting for the necklace.
“I could feel myself dying, and I could not swim anyway. Luckily, neither could my assailant. He succeeded in pulling the necklace from my throat, but not from my hands, and soon he gave up in a panic and left me to thrash his way to the surface, where his crewmates would rescue him.
“With my vision fading and not trusting the vetala’s methods in water, I had to choose between leaving this world or sending my spirit into the stone through direct contact. Obviously I chose the latter, and now here I am.” She did not finish her story with a smile. She simply stopped and waited for my reaction.
“All right, what are your goals now?”
“To get my necklace back and then get a new body.”
“Right, let’s take those one at a time. Why is it important to get the necklace back? We can go to the jewelry store and buy you a ruby right now if that’s what you want.”
“No. That particular necklace is a magical focus, crafted by a demon. It amplifies my powers. Does your necklace not serve the same purpose for you?” She pointed a finger at it and tilted her head quizzically.
