“Thanks.”
“How did you break the binding spells?” he asked. “And get inside the climbing wall? None of us saw you pass.”
“Trade secret,” I said without batting an eyelash.
He didn’t like that even a little bit. “You must tell me,” he sputtered, clearly affronted by my refusal.
“Why?”
“I am your father. By contract, you belong to me.”
“Belong?” I looked up at the ceiling, trying to collect myself before I slapped him silly. I drew a couple of deep breaths and then looked him dead in the eye, speaking slowly so he’d understand. “Let me put this to you as clearly as I can. Fuck. Off. I don’t belong to anybody but myself, and if you even try to push me around, I swear to all that’s holy and unholy that I will put you in your grave.”
He made a rude noise, gesturing dismissively. “Don’t be ridiculous, Rebecca. You will come home with me, and this business with Matrovani is over as of now.” He shot a disparaging look at Damon. “His family is not good enough to clean our toilets. Stay away from him.”
I had to admit, I was so surprised that my mouth just dropped open and for a few seconds, words failed me. Then my brain caught up. I stepped into him, my voice dropping as I poked him in the chest.
“Leave my house. Right now. Don’t come back. You are not now nor will you ever be welcome. Daddy,” I added sarcastically as I stepped back. “Oh, and think about stopping at the hospital on the way to the airport and see if they can get your head out of your ass. It’s pretty far up there, but it’s worth a shot.”
I didn’t wait for an answer. I stomped away, but I’d started giggling before I’d gone three steps. He’d looked so shocked, as if he’d really expected me to fall in line with his demands.
“What’s so funny?” Damon blocked my path, casting a dangerous look over my shoulder at Ethan.
“Seems I’m a rebellious and difficult daughter, and I am not good with authority whatsoever.”
He smiled, settling his hands on my hips and pulling me closer. “That’s one of your best qualities.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve told me otherwise. If you’ve changed your mind, we have to get you in to a shrink. You may have some mental issues.”
“If so, then so do the girls and Ajax. And Ben. He seems to think quite a lot of you. I’m in good company.” His slow grin was sexy as hell, and my toes curled. He didn’t bother to mask the desire in his eyes, and his hands slid around to the small of my back. My lady parts tingled and throbbed, and I had the sudden urge to drag him off to the closest bedroom and finally get some relief.
Focus, Beck. I tried to remember what we’d been talking about.
“Lunatics, all of you. Oh, and Mister Sperm Donor said he would very much like me to drop you like a bad habit.”
His hands tightened on me, and his jaw turned to rock. The line of his jaw was so very kissable. “Did he?”
“Mm-hmm.” I slid the tip of my tongue over my suddenly dry lips, and I shifted against him. It only made the ache between my legs worse. If Damon only knew what I was thinking. No way was I letting Ethan get between us. “If I ask the gargoyles to keep him away, do you think they would?”
A slow smile spread across Damon’s lips. “Why don’t we ask them right now?”
Arms around each other, we went outside. I didn’t think Ethan would give up, any more than Elena would. But I knew I’d deal with whatever they threw at me. Aunty Mommy had taught me well. And this time, I wouldn’t be going to war alone. I had the family of my heart, and with them at my back, I couldn’t fail. I wouldn’t.
End
To My Readers
Thank you for taking the time to read Putting the Fun in Funeral. Without you I could not do this thing that I love and I am eternally grateful that you’ve chosen to take a chance on my book. I hope you loved it as much as I love writing it. I laughed the entire time. If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a review on Amazon or Goodreads. It makes a huge difference in other readers finding my books.
If you’d like to keep in touch, I send out a semi-regular newsletter wherein I share news about releases, give you snippets and other free things, tell you all about my puppies and the silliness that they stir up, and whatever odd bits of information I collect and love to share with all of you in the privacy of your own mailbox. Sign up for it on my website!
You can also email me using the contact form on my website. I love hearing from readers!
Acknowledgements
I had a lot of help in the making of this book. I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am for all they’ve done. If I forget anybody here, please know that I am eternally thankful for your help and I am sorry if I’ve left your name out. Thanks go to: R.J. Blain, Christy Keyes, Sherwood Smith, Andrea Howe, Jennifer Stevenson, the BVC community, Megan Thyagarajan, Heather Osborn, Lyn Forester, Devon Monk, Kristine Smith, Barbara Cass-Mills, Robin Owens, The Word Warriors, SF Novelists, and most of all, my family. Without all of you, this book would not be possible.
About the Author
Diana Pharaoh Francis writes books of a fantastical, adventurous, and often romantic nature. Her award-nominated novels have been translated into German and French. She holds a Ph.D. in Victorian literature and literary theory, and an MA in fiction writing. She’s been teaching for more than 20 years. She’s a member of SFWA and NINC. She’s owned by two corgis and a mini blue heeler and spends much of her time herding children and avoiding housework. She likes rocks, geocaching, knotting up yarn, and has a thing for 1800s England, especially the Victorians. For more about her writing, visit my website.
Follow Diana on Twitter.
Follow Diana on Facebook.
Sign up for Diana’s newsletter to get news about her books, corgis, strange and funny things, and other entertaining bits of information.
More Books by Diana Pharaoh Francis
Everyday Disasters series
Putting the Fun in Funeral
Coming soon: Untitled book two
Diamond City Magic series
Trace of Magic
Edge of Dreams
Whisper of Shadows
Shades of Memory
Mission: Magic series
The Incubus Job
Coming soon: The Elf Job
Crosspointe Chronicles
The Cipher
The Black Ship
The Turning Tide
The Hollow Crown
Horngate Witches series
Bitter Night
Crimson Wind
Shadow City
Blood Winter
The Path series
Path of Fate
Path of Honor
Path of Blood
Copyright
PUTTING THE FUN IN FUNERAL
Diana Pharaoh Francis
Published by Book View Café in conjunction with Lucky Foot Press
www.bookviewcafe.com
Copyright 2018 by Diana Pharaoh Francis
ISBN 978-1-61138-750-6
All Rights Reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
Cover illustration and design by Lyn Forester
Copyedit by Blue Falcon Editing
Proofreading, formatting, and ebook design by Jennifer Stevenson
This book is a work of fiction. All characters, locations, and events portrayed in this book are fictional or used in an imaginary manner to entertain, and any resemblance to any real people, situations, or incidents is purely coincidental.
About Book View Café
Book View Café Publishing Cooperative is an author-owned cooperative of over fifty professional writers, publishing in a variety of genres including fantasy, romance, mystery, and science fiction.
Book View Café authors include New York Times and USA Today bestsellers as well as winners and nominees of many prestigious awards, including:
Agatha Award
Campbell Award
Gaylatic Spectrum Award
Hugo Award
Lambda Literary Award
Locus Award
Nebula Award
Academy Nicholl Fellowship
PEN/Malamud Award
Philip K. Dick Award
RITA Award
World Fantasy Award
Writers of the Future Award
Book View Café, since its debut in 2008, has gained a reputation for producing high-quality ebooks. BVC’s ebooks are DRM-free and are distributed around the world. The cooperative is now bringing that same quality to its print editions.
Book View Café’s Newsletter includes ebook releases, specials, news, and event announcements.
www.bookviewcafe.com
Putting the Fun in Funeral Page 36
