I took a deep breath, imagining Trevor, Matthew, and all the other blips from my past. All those relationships ended because they fizzled out. There were no big dramatic blow ups and exaggerated declarations of love…because there was no love to begin with.
“I guess…I shut them out before anything had a chance to grow because I didn’t want it to grow,” I admitted, feeling as if a lead weight had situated itself in my stomach. Was I that much of an ice queen?
As if hearing my unspoken question, Claudia piped up. “It’s obvious you did like them, initially at least. But when the next step is love, why do you sabotage it?”
I shrugged uneasily. “Maybe because love is unpredictable. If you haven’t noticed, I hate the unpredictable. I like order and structure and…”
“Asher,” Claudia said knowingly.
“Perhaps,” I mumbled, keeping my gaze pointed down.
“You like Asher, the one person who taught you that unpredictability may be a great thing after all.”
If Cupid’s arrows were real, I would have been sure that I felt their pointed tips piercing my heart at that moment. Then again, maybe those myths had something going after all. Maybe Cupid did exist, but instead of a chubby bellied baby, he was actually two friends who wanted nothing more than to see me happy.
They were right after all. Asher had been the only one to break through my Type A walls. Though he was also the first to rumble the organized pieces of my heart, I did realize something. I had ended my previous relationships to avoid uncertain situations exactly like this one…but thinking of walking away from Asher’s grey areas to a life of black and white wasn’t doing it for me anymore.
I could not walk away.
“You’re right,” I breathed. “I am falling for Asher. I do love him, don’t I?”
“Yes!” Claudia yelled with wide eyes, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I rubbed circles against my temples, a move I’d notice Asher doing whenever he was stressed. Had he really affected me that much?
“Are you going to call him?” my friends squealed, practically falling all over themselves.
I stuck out my jaw and bit the bottom of my top lip. I shook my head. “No.”
“What?”
I cringed at their shrill shrieks. “I think it’d be better if I talked to him in person.” A grin spread across my face. “I’m going to the battle tonight.”
The girls high-fived one another as I stood up and grabbed Claudia’s camera from the top of my desk. I didn’t know how it even had gotten in here, but maybe there was some magic in this world after all.
“What are you doing?” Claudia asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “You better not be planning to toss that thing. I’d die if I saw it in pieces.”
My heart lurched at the words. I knew another thing I didn’t want broken.
I shook my head and laughed, placing it into her hands. “Nah, it’s just that I think you’re right about the fridge. I think it’s time to end the shame.”
Chapter 37
Asher
It felt like middle school all over again. I walked into the venue aware of the murmurs and whispering going on around me, not to mention the eyes that were glued onto every move I made. The crowd parted, allowing me to walk straight through as if I was dripping in cooties or something. It was like the Red Sea or a really sad version of a soul train line.
I caught sight of Gerald, whose bruises had healed enough to create a lilac and yellowish tint on his face. When our eyes caught one another, he switched his gaze and talked to Mahone, whispering something in his ear. Sadly, my old number one fan couldn't even bear to look at me.
“Fuck this,” I murmured, tightening my fingers around my backpack’s strap. “I need to talk to him before this gets any worse.”
Just as I was about to walk over to my friend, a familiar face stepped into my line of sight. Her big eyes were flowing with excitement and her full cherry red lips were pulled back to reveal a huge smile.
“Asher! There you are!” she squealed as her slender arms wrapped around me, pulling me close. Not knowing what else to do, I kept my arms pinned to my side as I stood as stiff as a board. She pulled back and frowned. “Are you really still mad at me? I thought all this time apart would give you enough time to get over it.”
I took a sharp breath and frowned. I didn’t need this right now. I had enough to deal with and really could do without this soap opera bullshit in my life.
Nevertheless, I wasn’t a douchebag and I wasn’t rude. After all that’s happened between us, I at least owed her a greeting.
Keeping a stoic face, I nodded. “Hi, Roxie. How’d you know I was here?”
“I heard you were back in San Diego. Didn’t take a genius to figure out where you’d be, especially since you hadn’t been taking my calls.” Though her face remained kind there was no mistaking the malice lacing her tone.
“Yeah, there was a reason for that,” I muttered.
“I get that you’re probably still angry at how things ended, but that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’ve changed. I wanted to tell you that I’m okay with you dancing. I really don’t mind it at all.”
“Is it because I’m all Hollywood now and not the Hellhound you hated so much?”
She bit the inside of her cheek and pushed back her dark hair, revealing her slim shoulder that had a new tattoo inked on the tanned skin. “Asher, it’s not like that. Can we please just talk about it? I really would like another chance with you.”
Quickly changing the subject, I eyed the multi-colored caged bird etched on her arm and mused, “Wow, wouldn’t have pegged you as the type to get some ink done. Then again, I could easily see you as being caged.”
Her dolphin-like giggle brought me back to a time I’d much rather not remember. I shuddered recalling the ultimatums and all the arguments that often ensued before events just like this one.
It was horrible déjà vu.
Roxie licked her lips and gave me a wink. “Let’s just say it serves as a reminder for me.”
“Oh? And what reminder would that be?” I asked in a bored tone.
“To remind myself not to cage those who need to be free.” Her hazel eyes bored into mine, almost tauntingly. “If you let a caged bird go and it comes back to you, then it’s really yours.”
No fucking way! Did she really get a tattoo inspired by me? That was just a bit too creepy for my taste, and coming from someone who let an old woman pour oil on them, well, that’s saying a lot.
I scratched at my throat and cringed. “Uh, Roxie that’s…um…strange.”
She ignored my obvious distress and placed a hand against my chest. “I guess the good girl realized how fun a bad boy can be, right?”
I rolled my eyes as I placed my hand over hers, preparing to shove it away. “I’m hardly a bad boy, Roxie. I’m the opposite of one, actually.”
“Oh really? If memory serves me right, you’d much rather run in underground battles than join me for my clean cut events. That’s a bit ‘bad boy,’ don’t you think?”
Cringing at the thought of her button-up family dinners at the country club, which incidentally was where I first met her at a dancing showcase, I spat out, “Sometimes caged birds choose to be caged from things that can harm them.”
“But you won’t harm me. Not anymore.”
“I was actually talking about you hurting me,” I muttered.
Roxie was pretty tall to begin with, so when she took another step toward me, we were practically on the verge of kissing.
I was not having it.
I finally pushed her hand away from me, which in turn prompted her to grab my arm instead. With an exasperated sigh, I groaned, “Roxie, I really don’t have time for this. I’m about to battle, which reminds me, what are you even doing here? I could never get you to come out to my competitions before.”
Her red lips puckered seductively. “Like I said, I’m through with being a good girl. I’m not scared of
you anymore.”
“Scared of me?” I asked in bewilderment. “We were together for almost two years. How were you scared of me exactly?”
She didn’t answer my question and instead placed her arm over my shoulder. One thing was for sure; her flirting game was still on point.
“Asher, I wanted you in my life without actually being in yours. I get that now. I also get that it’s time for me to do penance for my mistakes.”
I was still focused on the fact that she was once scared of me to even pay attention to her obvious innuendo.
Fear.
It sounded like another girl I knew, only that other girl never once made me pick between being myself and being with her. That other girl also never once lost her sense of self, whereas this girl in front of me looked as if she just dove off the deep end.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean having to change yourself—looking at you, Sandra Dee! Being a couple actually means taking the best parts of yourselves and molding them together to be even better. It also means taking the bad stuff and working through it.
Which once again I did not do.
My eyes darkened and I gently pushed her arm from me. “Roxie, if you’re thinking there’s a chance for us, I’m sorry to say there’s not.”
“Why? Did you meet someone else?” she demanded.
As if on cue, I felt the familiar crackle of electricity running through my bones. Gasping, my head snapped to the side and my gaze immediately found a familiar pair of cerulean blue eyes…that were looking at me in both shock and pain.
Oh, my God! She came!
I stepped around Roxie and ran straight for Mallory, who was only a few feet away. “Mal! Wait! Where are you going?”
Desperation flooded through me as I watched her run away. Unlike the night of our fight, I would not let her get away.
Not this time.
“You really traded me in for her? Way to move on down the social ladder,” Roxie snapped just as I prepared to run. Blood boiling, I forced myself to leave her behind, though I wanted nothing more than to yell at her for thinking Mallory was anything less than the best. Eyes blazing, I pushed through the crowd and ignored the familiar jeers I’d grown used to.
Hollywood’s here.
He’s just going to suck again.
Go back to L.A., jerk.
You dressing like a hipster at Coachella this year?
They could have called me the worst things in the world, but none of it mattered. All that I cared about was the blonde running away from me as if I were a monster.
“Mallory! Please hear me out!” I growled in desperation.
Mallory was already halfway out the door when I heard the music cut on and the MC jump on the mike.
“Welcome to the Battle of the Brawn…”
I gritted my teeth and kept pushing my way toward the exit. I’d never missed a battle so willingly before and definitely never over a girl. However, with Mallory it was different. It wasn’t as if I were giving up a part of me, I was trying to gain so much more.
You’re forgiven, Sandra Dee.
“Mallory!” I yelled, making it out onto the sidewalk.
She was only a few feet from me and turned her head in my direction. Even in the dim light of dusk, I could make out the tears streaming from her eyes. “Go back to Roxie. That’s what you wanted all along, wasn’t it? To break my jinx so you can make it back to her? All our time together was a lie for good energy or some crap. I should have known.”
“No! You have it all wrong!”
She wouldn’t let me finish and ran straight for the street, not bothering to look before she crossed it. A sudden movement caught my eye and I gasped when I saw bright headlights rounding the corner. “Watch out!”
“Go away, Asher,” she screamed, not realizing the car was rapidly approaching.
Without thinking twice, I ran as fast as I could and grabbed onto her, shielding her just as the car made contact. Using some b-boy skills, I managed to twist in the air just as we hit the ground, skidding along the asphalt with Mallory tucked inside my arms.
“Mallory, are you okay?” I managed to groan as pain shot up my arm.
She gasped in shock and just said one word. “Ow.”
Chapter 38
Mallory
Growing up, I never so much as sprained an ankle, let alone broken any bones. My parents used to tease me saying it was because I was too prissy to get my hands dirty, but honestly it was because I was too anxious about doing anything I couldn’t control.
Who would have guessed that years later I’d be sitting in the hospital staring at my newly casted leg? Luckily, it wasn’t my pedal leg, but performing in the spring show still didn’t seem too plausible anymore—you know what? Scratch that! I earned that friggin’ solo and I was going to play it!
I glanced over at Asher, who was seated in the bed beside me. After doing some yelling at the hospital staff who tried to separate us, he now sat content despite the cast on his arm. Judging by the smug smile on his face, he knew he had saved my dumb ass, who had forgotten the number rule taught to any kid that could walk—look both ways before you cross the street.
“Hey, how are you holding up?” Asher asked, sounding a bit relieved that I’d finally calmed down after thirty-minutes of crying, which was due to shock more than anything else.
I shrugged. “We were lucky the impact was at low speed, since he’d just taken that turn. I’d hate to think…”
“Then don’t think,” he replied with an encouraging smile. “We were lucky it isn’t any worse. Let’s just leave it at that.”
“We were lucky thanks to you,” I whispered, eying the bandaged scrapes that ran down the length of his face.
“I could have done better,” he joked, lifting his arm. “Now we both have to live with these things for a few weeks. Hey, can I draw on your cast?”
I couldn’t help but giggle. “If you promise not to draw dicks on it or anything.”
“No guarantees.” He winked.
I dropped my hands onto my lap, twisting my fingers around. As thankful as I was that Asher had been there for me, I couldn’t ignore the real reason why I had run out to begin with.
Most likely noticing the change in my mood, Asher said in a gentle tone, “Mallory, I know what you saw looked bad, but I promise it wasn’t what you thought.”
“What I thought? What do you think I thought?” I cleared my throat and lifted my chin. “Did I think that you and Roxie were getting back together? Or that our time together was all just a ruse?”
“Mallory, it was never like that. You know this.”
I cut him off. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We aren’t even together. We were just a hookup, right? A hookup that got so fucked up.”
“Mallory, you were never just a hookup for me.” I shot him a look and he quickly modified his thought. “At first you were, but not anymore. Hell, I know our relationship started out really weird and unconventional, but does that even matter anymore?”
Relationship?
I was at a loss for words and he seemed to take my silence as a cue to continue. “I fell for you during our time together. No matter how stupid and carried away I got with that jinx, you were always there for me. Just like I tried to be there for you when you were unsure of yourself.”
I swallowed loudly. “I guess.”
“No guessing,” he replied with a chuckle. “I truly think it's why we were brought together to begin with. We both needed to step out of our comfort zones, and despite our fears, we ended up finding ourselves in each other.”
I cringed. “Wow, that’s cheesy.”
His eyes widened before he broke out into a laugh. “Yeah, I guess it is, isn’t it?”
I bit my lip. “But Roxie—”
“Roxie showed up to look for me. I didn’t know she’d be there, just like I didn’t know you’d be.”
“But you two looked really close,” I argued.
“And I was letting her down just
when you saw me and ran out.”
Shit.
On one hand I was thrilled he was officially ending things with her, but on the other hand…
“So when you ran after me…you never actually finished letting her down then, did you?”
He shot me a look as if to say really?
“Just checking,” I grumbled.
“Mallory, listen to me. I don’t know why she even thought that showing up would somehow win me over. All I know is that I don’t care about her anymore. I care about you.”
Happy tears clouded my vision just as we heard a knock on the door.
“Hey, are you up for any company?” a familiar voice called out.
Shock does not even begin to describe the utter disbelief on Asher’s face. “Gerald? What are you doing here?”
The b-boy shot us a shy smile. “Uh, I couldn’t let my best friend, the hero, sulk in the hospital by himself.” He shot me a look. “I guess you aren’t alone though.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Asher said quickly. He frowned and shot me a look. “It’s okay if he visits, right?”
I laughed. “Of course. I can’t stand in the way of a true bromance.”
Gerald grinned and held up two white paper bags. “Thought I’d save you the torture of hospital food. I grabbed some burritos on my way over.”
Asher and I exchanged smiles. We didn’t have the heart to tell him we were outpatient and would both be going home in a few hours.
“Thanks, man.” Asher beamed as if he had just won a million bucks.
I pressed my lips together and laughed as I glanced between the two. Anybody would be so lucky to have the friendship they did.
Embarrassed, Asher cleared his throat. “What’s so funny?”
“You know if I was allowed to walk off right now, I would. I feel sort of weird interrupting this bromance,” I joked.
Breaking Hearts (B-boy #3) Page 22
