When Aiden opened his eyes and looked up at me, I saw that his eyes were indeed a bright, liquid blue before he closed them and made a gurgling sound that resounded throughout me.
So this was it. It was official. I was a mother and my husband was a father. Just like that, the three of us were a family. At that moment, it was so much to process, I burst into tears that we’d somehow gotten here after all that we’d been through.
“Here,” Blackwell said. “Let me help you.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“This is emotional for all of us, but especially for you and Alex. You’re shedding tears of relief and happiness, so while you give yourself over to those emotions, why don’t you give Aiden to his grandmother? Because he might drown if you continue to hold him. Come on. Place him in my arms. Take some time to absorb this moment and feel all of it so that you remember it forever. Because I can tell you this, my dear—you will never experience anything like this again. Not when it comes to your first child—I can promise you that.”
I didn’t say anything when she took Aiden from me. I was too overwhelmed to respond.
Until I heard Blackwell talk to my son.
“Well, look at you,” she said in a light voice as she cradled Aiden in her arms. “Just look at how special you are! Dark hair. Skin as soft as silk. And just look at those eyes of yours, Aiden. My goodness! Grandmother can see them now. They’re just as blue as your father’s.”
“Barbara,” I said to her. “I haven’t even asked you yet, but will you take on that role? Will you be his grandmother? Every bit as much as I think of you as my real mother?”
“Whatever happened to me being your surrogate womb?” she asked.
“Maybe I just found a better name for it.”
“Nothing would make me prouder, my love. For reasons we both know well, I will forever be the only grandmother this child knows. And trust me on this—I plan to spoil the devil out of him.”
“And Lisa?” I asked as I looked up at her. “Will you be his aunt?”
“With pleasure, Jennifer. I’d be thrilled to be his aunt.”
“Then you also should hold him,” Blackwell said as she handed Aiden to Lisa. “But be forewarned, because you’re about to fall in love.”
When I saw my best friend from my childhood holding my newborn baby close to her heart and I heard her say that she loved him, I became a weeping mess without shame.
Right now, my real family was around me—just as it was meant to be—but never had I imagined that I would become so emotional. I closed my eyes and tried to blink through my tears as my husband and my two closest friends kissed me and gave me their best support. But there was no stopping the flow—the tears I cried came from a place of pure joy, and so I just let them come, because after Aiden and the love that surrounded him now, they were the purest things in the room.
Over a year ago, I’d lost a child, but now I had this child, and he was such a gift, it was humbling. Alex and I had tried so hard to get pregnant, I never thought that I’d have this opportunity again.
Alex and I would give Aiden the best life possible. He would never experience what I’d had to endure from my parents or what Alex had gone through with his. He would be loved—completely and unconditionally. Nothing less.
But there was more—so much more. As I looked up at Blackwell and Lisa, who were cooing over Aiden, I felt a love for my two closest friends that was unparalleled. Blackwell would indeed be my child’s grandmother—not my real mother. That never would be the case. And since Lisa had always been a sister to me, naturally she would be Aiden’s aunt.
And then it occurred to me—Aiden also needed a godmother.
“Lisa,” I said. “Would you also be Aiden’s godmother?”
“Of course I will.”
“Do you think that Tank would agree to be his godfather?” Alex asked.
“That’s the thing,” Lisa said. “After all these years, I’m not exactly sure where Tank and I stand.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Never mind,” she said. “I shouldn’t have even said that. This moment isn’t about me.”
“What’s going on?”
“It’s too complicated, and now isn’t the time to discuss it. Trust me. Today is about you, Alex, and Aiden—not about me and Tank.”
“Is there something going on between you?” Blackwell asked.
“I’ve already said that this isn’t about me.”
“Tell us what’s on your mind because you are clearly upset,” Blackwell said.
Lisa looked hard at her, but when I nodded at her to go ahead, her shoulders slumped. “I don’t mean to bring down the room, but it’s been two years since Tank and I got engaged. It’s been two years since I’ve tried to nail down a date for a wedding, but he just continues to avoid the issue. If he won’t commit to a date soon, I’m fairly sure he’ll never commit. And I can’t do that. I’m not getting any younger, and I won’t be strung along.”
“Are you saying that you’re going to leave him?” Blackwell said. “Because that man does love you. I know in my heart that he does.”
“Then why aren’t we married, Barbara? It’s been over two years since he proposed to me. Every time I suggest a date, he dodges the conversation.”
“When was the last time you brought this up with him?”
“A week ago.”
“And he didn’t commit to anything?”
“No—he didn’t.”
“So, what’s the issue?”
“I haven’t shared my feelings about this with any of you because I didn’t want to turn it into something that it wasn’t, but it’s starting to become something that’s weighing on my mind. If he doesn’t agree to set a date by the end of the month, I’ve decided to give him back his ring and start dating again. Because after witnessing what happened here today, I know that this is what I want. A good man, kids, and a family. If Tank continues to balk, then we’re going to have to part ways. I’m thirty now. I’m not getting any younger. I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship, which hasn’t moved forward at all since he put a ring on my finger and I moved in with him. I think he’s gotten too comfortable with our arrangement. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m the one for him.”
“Oh, Lisa,” I said.
“It’s true,” she said. “How long is a girl supposed to stay engaged with no endgame in sight?”
“Not as long as you two have,” Blackwell said. “So here’s the thing, Lisa. As much as I love that man, I also love you. No one should expect you to wait forever for Tank to come around. That said, if I were you, I would give him a bit more time. How about if you make it clear to him that he has another six months to make this official? Otherwise, and as painful as it might be for you, I think you are correct. Something isn’t right. If he has cold feet, what’s the reason? Because I can tell you this—having cold feet is never the way to enter into a marriage.”
“I agree,” Lisa said. “But he won’t talk to me. Something’s holding him back, and he won’t come clean with me. He just keeps giving me excuses. I’m the one who’s too busy writing. I’m the one who has the occasional book tour. I’m the one who’s under contract to deliver the next book. And meanwhile, he claims that he’s too busy with his work. He keeps saying that everything is too crazy right now to get married, when it really isn’t. Blah, blah, blah. I’m over it.”
“Then give him an ultimatum,” Blackwell said. “But listen to me—if you do give him one and he simply gives in and agrees to marry you, you need to make damned sure that he wants that marriage every bit as much as you do. If he’s just placating you, move on, because he should only marry you if he feels in his heart that he wants to. I know that Tank served in wars overseas. I know that he saw friends die in battle. Could it be that he has PTSD? That might be a reason he’s finding it difficult to commit. All I know is that he loves you. On the other hand, I also know that you need to know why he’s balking. You need to get
to the bottom of this, and sooner rather than later.”
“I hadn’t thought about his time in the war,” she said. “Or what part of himself he might have lost there.”
“Then consider it, and consider how it might be affecting your relationship with him now.”
“I’m sorry,” Lisa said to me and Alex. “I didn’t mean for this moment to turn into mine.”
“It’s fine,” I said. “And I think that Barbara is right. Talk with Tank. Set your limits for a date. If he refuses to give you one, I’m afraid that I also agree. As much as I’d hate for it to happen, you might need to rethink your relationship with him.”
“But I love him!” she said.
“At what cost?” Alex interjected. “Look, Lisa, I knew that I wanted to marry Jennifer as soon as I fell in love with her. It was a no-brainer for me. So why after all of these years is it so difficult for Tank to do the same? Tank is my best friend, but I have to agree with everyone else. I think that you need to find out what the issue is. And if only for your own wellbeing, I also think you need to decide whether he’s the one for you.”
“I’m not going to talk with him about this now,” she said. “Not this close to Christmas. I’ll talk with him after the New Year, because if I do it now, I’ll just ruin Christmas for everyone, which I won’t have.”
“So?” I said to her. “You’ll do it at the beginning of the New Year.”
“I will,” she said. “Given how long we’ve been engaged, what’s the big deal in waiting another few weeks? But what I need all of you to do is promise me that you won’t mention any of this to him. Don’t tip him off. Don’t try to encourage him to hurry up and move forward on this because I might be considering moving on. If he wants to set date, I need to know that it came from his heart. OK?”
We all agreed that we’d say nothing to Tank.
“Thank you for that,” Lisa said. “Because when I do talk to him about this, I don’t want him to have been pressured by anyone else first. Whatever he says has to come from his own heart—just like Barbara said. I will talk to him about this after the New Year. I’ll give him an ultimatum, and if he continues to hesitate?” At that moment, she just shrugged so sadly that Blackwell put her arm around her shoulders.
“Then we’re finished,” Lisa said. “Tank and I will be done. I’ve been waiting too long to be married to him. If he’s not ready now, then he’ll never be ready. Jesus,” she said as she blinked away tears. “I just can’t do this anymore!”
“You don’t have to,” Blackwell said.
“Tell me that you think he’ll come around,” Lisa begged. “Tell me that I haven’t wasted more than two years of my life on a man who doesn’t want to marry me.”
“I wish I could tell you that, my dear, but I can’t. I never lie, and I’d certainly never lie to you about something as important as this.”
Lisa looked down at the ring on her left hand before she glanced away, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, and left the room without another word except for the choked sobs that followed in her wake.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
A WEEK LATER, IT WAS the morning of Christmas eve, and Alex and I were home with Aiden as a host of decorators adorned the massive Christmas tree standing tall in the living room. They were busy stringing lights and hanging a host of beautiful ornaments while I sat with Aiden in my arms on the sofa and looked on.
In the kitchen, the three chefs we’d hired were whipping up canapés for the night ahead, while later, two waiters would arrive to offer our guests food and cocktails.
Alex and I we were so busy with the baby, we’d had no choice but to streamline our holiday plans. It had been a difficult decision to make, but after being with Aiden, who wasn’t sleeping through the night, we now knew the full length of our limits.
With so many sleepless nights under our belts, there was no way that we could do Christmas eve and Christmas day with our friends—regardless of whatever help we hired.
With Aiden so restless, we were exhausted. Christmas eve would go on as planned—we’d make a grand party out of it—but Christmas day would just be the three of us here at home—Alex, Aiden, and me. When I delivered the news to our friends, not one of them blinked. Instead, they understood completely.
We were blessed.
“Coffee?” Alex asked as he entered the room in a white T-shirt and black sweatpants. In his hands were two steaming mugs, which I could smell even before they reached me.
“Yes, please,” I said, motioning to the coffee table in front of me. “But just the one. As you know, until I stop breast-feeding, I can only have one.”
“Then one it is,” he said as he sat down next to me. He looked over at Aiden, who was asleep in my arms. “Someone appears to have finally given himself over to the dark side,” he said after he kissed me.
“He’s happiest when he’s with either one of us,” I said in a soft voice. “Whether he’s in my arms or yours, that’s when he sleeps best.”
“How are you holding up?”
“I could ask you the same thing. This week hasn’t only been hard on me, Alex. It’s also been hard on you.”
“I’m OK,” he said. “In fact, I’m good. And happy. I’m especially happy to have us here as a family. That’s what I’m most grateful for.” He looked over at the tree. “I’m also happy to be looking at Aiden’s first Christmas tree. By the way, how tall is it?”
“Twelve feet.”
“It’s as big as it is beautiful.”
“I just wish that we were decorating it,” I said. “Since Aiden decided to come early, I feel as if all of this is impersonal.”
At that, he stood up.
“There are boxes of ornaments in front of us,” he said. “How about if you hold Aiden and direct me where to place a few ornaments? We can still have a hand in this, Jennifer.”
Could I love you more?
“Game on,” I said.
While the decorators worked their magic, Alex simply joined in. He removed a large blue-and-silver globe from a box and asked me where he should put it.
“There,” I said, nodding toward a branch that had nothing on it but lights. “No, no—to the right. Yes, that branch right there. Put it on the tip.”
“Done.”
“And now you,” I said. “Take an ornament and place it on the tree wherever you want.”
He chose a beautiful silver star, hooked it around a higher branch that was near the top of the tree and then looked at me. “How about if we each choose one for Aiden?”
Somewhere in those boxes is a silver Teddy Bear ornament. I bought it for this moment.”
“This one?” he asked after he searched a bit.
“That’s the one!”
“Where do you think Aiden would like it?”
“Oh, come on! Our boy would want it front and center.”
“You’ve got it.”
And when Alex placed the ornament in the center of the tree, I watched him turn to me with a sense of accomplishment, and I knew something else—I truly did have the best husband in the world.
“WHAT ARE YOU WEARING tonight?” Blackwell asked me when she called two hours later. I’d just laid Aiden down for a nap, and for the love of God, somehow he was actually sleeping. He was lying flat on his back in his crib, which for now was situated in our bedroom at the foot of our bed.
“Give me a second,” I whispered.
“I understand,” she said.
When I was certain that Aiden was still asleep, I left the room, closed the door a bit, and then walked down the hallway.
“I have no idea,” I said.
“You sound tired...”
“Both of us are tired.”
“You’ve had no time to think about what to wear tonight, have you?”
“Please. It’s all I can do to feed Aiden, let alone answer the staff’s questions. Alex is doing his best to help me with all of it, but we’re just barely keeping up.”
“I should have come,
” she said. “I should have offered to help.”
“That would defeat the purpose,” I said. “Tonight is for our friends.”
“How are things progressing?”
“Well, the tree is up,” I said. “In fact, the tree is being decorated as we speak. And in the kitchen there are three chefs working their asses off at the last minute to make sure that everyone eats well tonight.”
“You took on too much.”
“But we wanted to do this.”
“You might feel otherwise tomorrow, my dear.”
“It’s just one day—we can get through it. And since Christmas day and Christmas dinner has been canned, it’s the least that Alex and I can do after all of the support we’ve received from our friends. We want our extended family around us tonight. Probably more than ever.”
“Well, that I do understand.”
“You know, I’ve been so caught up with Aiden, I haven’t followed through on Daniella’s situation with Cutter. Has she heard from him yet?”
“Not a word.”
“Really? Not even a text?”
“Not even a text.”
“Well, damn it,” I said, feeling disappointed in him.
“Mind your language—you have a newborn in the house.”
“Noted.”
“Have you heard from Cutter?” she asked. “After all, you did invite him to tonight’s party, so you must have heard something.”
“That’s the thing. Even though I’m pretty much his boss, he won’t give me a direct answer. He said, and I quote, ‘Jennifer, you know what’s going on between Daniella and me. I hope you understand if I don’t come. If I change my mind, I hope I’ll be welcomed.’”
“Well, there’s that,” she said.
“Which piles up to a whole lot of nothing. Clearly, he’s still on the fence when it comes to their relationship. Has Daniella continued to try to reach out to him? Or has she given up?”
“My daughter is not one to give up. She continues to leave text and voice messages. But he won’t return any of them.”
“Has she confronted him in person?” I asked. “If I were her, I would have done that a week ago.”
Holiday: Annihilate Them, #2 Page 13
