by D. Gamblez
I slipped on my dark green Gucci sweater and proceeded to exit my vehicle, but after realizing I had parked a little too close to Jinx’s pink Lexus, I climbed over and slid out of the passenger side instead.
“Hey, Audi,” Joy said to me as soon as I walked through the doors of the nail salon. The music was blaring so loudly that I did not even here her until she spoke again. “What’s up, Audi?” she shouted between lyrics of R&B singer R. Kelly’s Down Low.
* * *
“Hey,” I said in a clipped and dismissive tone. I was already in a bad mood because Dre had not answered any of my calls for the past hour or so, and when he had not, I decided to go out looking for him. But I knew I only had to look in one place.
For the past week he had been frequenting Jinx’s salon, claiming that he had business to take care of. I was just hoping that everything was as he had been telling me. Or else I would...
He better not be fucking that little Vietnamese bitch, or I’m gonna slant more than her fucking pretty little green eyes.
“Hold up, Audi.” Joy rushed over to me and grabbed me by the arm. She released me because the look that I shot her way was akin to the warning that a rattle snake gives off right before it strikes. She turned her attention back to her client, the rest of her co-workers all standing around waiting for a scene that they were sure was about to come.
I proceeded to the backroom of the salon until I found Jinx’s office. As soon as I turned the knob and opened the door, I knew I had made a terrible mistake by coming there. Although I had suspected what Dre was up to, I did not really want to know.
My eyes instantly filled with tears as I stared at my man, standing there with his pants around his ankles and a handful of pink hair as he pounded his ten-inch penis in and out of Jinx’s hairy vagina from behind.
This bitch even dyes her pubic hairs pink.
They were so into it that they did not even notice me standing there... Not until I pulled the .357Magnum from my purse. Dre’s head snapped around at the sound of the hammer being cocked.
“Audi,” he said with eyes wide as he began pulling up his pants. “What you doing back here?”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I spat, pointing the gun at Jinx as she hurriedly pulled down her green miniskirt to cover her exposed privates. “You’re still fucking this nasty-ass bitch? After you promised me you wouldn’t? After all this time, you’re still fucking this bitch, Dre!”Hot, angry tears raced down my cheeks.
“I very sorry, Audi,” Jinx said shakily, a pleading look on her face as her eyes darted around, avoiding my gaze. “I very sorry.”
The fact that she was apologizing for something that I knew she was not sorry for only infuriated me even more. So much more that I nearly dove across the room and slammed the butt of the gun into her face.
“Shut the fuck up, you cock-stealing chink bitch!” I spat. Every word was punctuated by me bringing the gun across her face, pistol-whipping her.
“Please...” Jinx begged me, her voice muffled by the cold steel as I shoved the gun in her mouth. “Please...don’t kill me.”
“Yeah, that’s right, suck it, bitch!” I growled.
“Audi...” Dre said cautiously, slowly reaching out to me. He drew his hand back after catching the evil glare I tossed in his direction. “Come on, Audi, don’t do this shit. I love you, Audi.”
“You love me?” I asked half laughing, half crying. How? How the fuck can you say you love me right now when... You know what, Dre? Fuck both of ya’ll! You can have this bitch. And, bitch, you can have this lying-ass, cheating-ass nigga.”
“Come on, Audi, I”—” Dre started to say.
“Fuck whatever lies you’re trying to tell me right now, nigga! It’s over, you dog-ass motherfucker. Fuck you!”And with that, I removed the gun from Jinx’s mouth and walked out of the office.
As I headed towards the entrance, Joy walked over to me with a solemn look on her face.”I’m sorry, Audi. I didn’t mean for”—”
Before she could finish getting the lie past her lips, I brought the butt of my revolver across her face with such force that blood instantly shot out of her nose. “Shut your motherfucking dicksuckers, bitch. If you’re gonna be the fucking lookout, then learn how to be the fucking lookout. Stupid-ass piece of white trash. Can’t even do that shit right.”
When I got outside, I shot out all four of Jinx’s and Dre’s tires, taking the time to reload my .357 for the last two tires since it only carried six rounds. Then I hopped in my car and slammed the gearshift in reverse, backing out of the parking lot so fast that I nearly collided with an incoming vehicle.
“Shut the fuck up!” I shouted as the vehicle grinded to a halt and the driver started honking the horn. Then I switched gears and slammed down on the gas pedal, giving the finger to whoever was inside the car as I sped past it. I was headed in the direction of the doctor’s office, my intentions to pursue the option of getting an abortion at the forefront of my mind.
Fuck you, Dre. Fuck you and that chink-faced bitch. You hear me, motherfucker? Fuck! You! Dre! Fuck your money and fuck your crew. Fuck all ya’ll! Fuck—
I never even saw it coming. As I turned my Dodge Intrepid onto 12/20, a semi-truck hit the passenger-side of my car dead-on. Then there was nothing but complete darkness.
Dre
Everything seemed to be falling apart right in front of me. Not only had Audi left me, but my brother Damon had been murdered the very same night as he was crossing state lines for a surprise visit. It really was not a surprise because his baby mama had told my mother that he was coming into town the moment he left their house. Hence the reason for the surprise birthday party that we had been planning for him. Now we were planning his funeral instead.
“It was the Death Dealers,” Sergeant Mills had said to me the night before.
As soon as the words had left her lips, I knew what had truly taken place. She had set up my brother to get murdered. I knew this to be true because two days after we had taken care of the Diego situation she had pulled me over, explaining to me that she only wanted to talk. When she revealed to me that she was almost certain that the Death Dealers would come after my brother if he ever decided to come back to Gary to sell drugs again. On top of that, she also said that in exchange for Damon and I working with her to help bring down the Death Dealers, she would convince the District Attorney to drop the outstanding warrant against him and allow him to come back to Gary so as long as he did not get involved with the drug trade again.
When I shared this with Damon, he burst out in laughter. “Nigga, are you for real?” he had asked me.
“Yeah, my nigga, that bitch insane in the membrane if she think we gonna be snitches,” I had responded, laughing as well.
But when I told her my brother was not planning on coming back to Gary any time soon, she scoffed at me and accused me of lying.
“I promise that you and your friends will be protected,” she had said. “All your brother has to do is come back and pretend as if he’s still selling drugs−which I know you’re doing for him, by the way−and when the Death Dealers strike, I’ll be right there. I just need for you to spread the word that your brother’s back and selling, and I’ll do the rest.”
“Are you outta yo’ fucking mind or sumthin’, lady?” I had responded. “Even if these so-called Death Dealers are out here murking ma’fuckas, and even if this is a way to catch ‘em, ain’t no way in hell me and my brother working’ for the police. I ain’t no fucking CI or no snitch. Neither is my brother, and neither is any one of my niggas, for that matter. Bitch, yo’ ass straight up crazy you think we gonna do some snitch-bitch shit like that. And for your information, I ain’t selling shit for my brother, so you can just stop sayin’ that shit right now.”
She had stared at me for a long while, as if she was considering arresting me for something, then she smiled and waved.”All right. You’re free to go. Just remember, when the Death Dealers decide to kill someone you love or
when they attack one of your friends, know that you and your brother had a chance to stop them and you chose not to.” And with that, she had hopped in her cruiser and drove off.
“Audi still ain’t answering yo’ calls, fam?”Raheem asked beside me. The four of us were sitting in a back booth at Arman’s; a diner on 12/20 with the best chili-cheese dogs and lemonade in all of Indiana. At least that is what the flyers that were posted all over the city every three or so months promoted.
“Naw, man, she ain’t even tryin’ to hear me right now,” I said. “But it’s all good, though, I guess. I’m just glad she wasn’t hurt too bad in the accident. The doctor said she had a broken wrist and a couple cuts on her hands and face from the glass, but other than that, she good. She still at the house, but she don’t want me there with her right now. Cherish is staying with her for the night or the weekend or whatever.”
“Can’t believe these ma’fuckas killed Damon, yo,” Devonte sniffled. “I don’t even cry for niggas, but that was my ma’fuckin’ dawg, man.”
“How the fuck you think Dre feel?” Raheem snapped. I was not really sure why he did. I do not even think he knew why. We were all handling my brother’s death in our own way, but the truth was that none of us really knew how to deal with it. “That was his ma’fuckin’ brother, fam. The nigga that started the Tru Aetna Boyz.”
“I know that shit, nigga,” Devonte shot back. “Do you?”
“We should just kill all these ma’fuckas, yo!” Lyrical spat, pulling her two .45s out right there in the diner in front of about twenty people. Expecting another shootout, some of the customers gasped while others hurriedly exited the building, abandoning their half-eaten meals. The braver ones just ducked down slightly, but only enough to not miss the expected shootout. I swear some people were just looking for a way to die.
“Chill out with that shit, Lyrical,” I said lowly.
“Man, fuck that! Let’s kill these bitches, ya’ll,” she continued.
“Fuck we gonna do?” I spat, tired of hearing them bickering like little kids. “Huh? Fuck we gonna do, Lyrical? Kill every ma’fucka in G.I. till we get the ones that killed my brother?”
“If that’s what it takes, hell ma’fuckin’ yeah,” she said.
“That’s the stupidest shit I ever heard in my life!” I spat. “We start shooting ma’fuckas, we’d be dead ‘fore we even get anywhere near the Death Dealers. Fuck is wrong with you? Fuck is wrong with all you ma’fuckas? Bickering like little bitches while my brother lay up in some weak-ass funeral home.” I knew I was being harsh, but for some reason, I could not stop myself from talking. “What you gonna do anyway if we do decide to roll out niggas?” I continued to target Lyrical. “You so scared of this fucking sergeant bitch that you probably won’t even be able to pull the fucking trigger out of fear she’ll be the one who arrests you. What’s the fucking deal with you and her, anyway? She the bitch that turned you out or sumthin’?”
“What?” Lyrical said, tears welling up in her eyes, which I assumed was from shock that I was talking to her that way. But I did not care. I was overwhelmed with emotion after losing my brother, and I was also tired of Lyrical’s aggressiveness toward every situation we dealt with.
“You heard what the fuck I said. Fuck’s yo’ problem, Lyrical?” I continued. “Why the hell you always wanna kill a ma’fucka? You got a death wish or”—”
“I was raped, ma’fucka!” Lyrical spat out as she stood abruptly and got up in my face. Then she backed up a few feet and shut her eyes tightly as tears began flowing down her cheeks, her entire body visibly trembling.
Raheem, Devonte, and I watched in shock as Lyrical sat her pistols down on the table and ran outside.
“Did she just say she was raped?”Devonte asked.
“What the fuck she say?”Raheem said, grabbing Lyrical’s .45s from the table as we hurried out the door after her.
By the time we caught up with her one street over in the Walgreens parking lot, she was on her hands and knees, her body racking with sobs as she bawled loudly like a baby.
We all dropped down to our knees next to her.
We stayed that way for about five minutes, then Lyrical leaned back on her knees and sat down on the concrete. The rest of us followed suit, positioning ourselves in a circle like we were sitting around a campfire getting ready to tell scary stories. But the only scary story to be told this night would be Lyrical’s.
“Ya’ll remember Roland, my ex,” she said. We knew it was more of a statement than a question so none of us responded. “‘Bout five years ago, me and Roland was at Mike’s house for his 17thbirthday party”.”Lyrical sniffled, her voice dry from crying. “‘Cause of me wanting to hang out with my friends a little longer, we stayed out later than we should’ve. When Roland saw how late it was, he literally drug me out the party. While we was leaving, these three cops showed up. When they found out me and Roland didn’t live in that area, they offered to give us a ride home. But they ain’t take us home; they took us in an alley, the one right off Clay street behind that gas station. They handcuffed us, and while two of the cops beat the fuck outta Roland, the third cop...he...he put his hands all up under my dress, yo. Stuck his...his ma’fuckin’ finger up in me and shit.”
“What the fuck?”Raheem said. He was now on his feet, pacing back and forth with one of Lyrical’s guns in his hand.
“Who the fuck did some shit like that to you?”Devonte asked.
“It was that dude from the Gang Unit, Lieutenant Hensley,” she said weakly, a fresh round of tears flowing down her face. “He dislocated my shoulder and broke three of my ribs. He stole my innocence from me. He destroyed everything I loved about myself. Everything, man. Afterwards, they took us out to The Wild Deuces, and when the Vice Lords questioned us and found out where we were from, they beat Roland pretty bad, worse than the cops had. And then they...”
“Then they what?” I asked, sensing her hesitancy.
They raped me!” she screamed, crying hard. “They ripped all my clothes off and raped me. Eight of ‘em. For hours, yo. For hours.”
“My nigga, man, I... I can’t hear this shit no...” Too emotional to hear the rest of Lyrical’s story, Raheem walked a small distance away from the rest of us, no doubt releasing a bout of tears of his own for his friend.
“When the police and ambulance finally showed up...” Lyrical continued.”...Roland was already dead. A ‘subdural hematoma,’ was the cause of death the docs had told his parents. Said it was ‘cause he suffered extensive brain damage.”
I knew “subdural hematoma” as the cause of death was just a nice way of saying that someone “stomped his brains out.”
“I was in intensive care for like a week before I found that shit out,” Lyrical said. “I mean, I knew what the fuck I went through was bad enough, but then to hear my boyfriend was dead behind that shit as well? Man, I wanted to die after all that. Yeah, I survived some brutal shit, but after founding out Roland was dead, I didn’t feel like I survived nothing. That’s why I tried to kill myself that one time four years ago. I just couldn’t live with that shit no more.”
I was so taken aback by her last statement that I could barely swallow the huge knot that had formed in my throat. None of us had known she had tried killing herself. We had not even known she had been raped until this very moment. But now I understood why she had suddenly went from a tight-skirt-wearing, flirty-and-feminine 14-year-old girl to a full-blown dike. She was running from her past. From who she used to be. An innocent 14-year-old girl who had been too weak to prevent someone from raping her. But she was not a helpless 14-year-old girl. She was our friend, and she had been abused by the very people who took an oath to protect the people of our city.
“I know some people be faking at that suicidal shit, but I was dead serious ‘bout it. That’s why I waited till I got released from the hospital and was home before I tried anything. Then I slit my wrists.”
“Oh, fuck, man!” Raheem exclaimed as he walke
d back over, which upon hearing her last words, caused him to turn back around and distance himself from the group once more
“You slit yo’ wrists?” I asked.
“You for real, fam?”Devonte asked.
“Yeah, but that shit didn’t quite work out the way I planned, though, ‘cause after my mom found me all bloody and unconscious on the bathroom floor, she rushed me to the hospital where they stitched-up my wrists. When I saw the hurt and pain on my mom’s face that my attempted suicide had caused her, I not only decided to not tell her about everything that happened that night, but I decided not to try to take my life again because of it either. But I didn’t wanna be the ‘helpless girl’ no more. The one who was gangraped in The Wild Deuces and couldn’t defend herself. So to protect myself from niggas, I started dressing like a nigga. Next thing I know, I’m into girls, and can’t stand the idea of being with a dude ever again.”
“That shit wasn’t yo’ fault, yo,” Devonte said. “Here I was thinkin’ you was just tired of hanging out with us back then, but I was straight stupid for thinking that. Fam, I didn’t know, fam. I’m sorry as fuck that shit happened to you, gangsta. The shit is fucked up, ya’ll. I wish you would’ve told us, Lyrical. We would’ve smoked them bitch-ass ma’fuckas that did that shit to you. Them cops, too.”
“Man, I’m so sorry, Vanessa,” I said.
“Don’t call me that!” she snapped, suddenly becoming her usual ‘gangsta’ self that we came to love and know her as.”That’s not my name no more. My name’s Lyrical Gatz. ‘Cause I can spit lyrics better than any ma’fucka breathing, and I tote them gatz more than any nigga out here.” She stood up and retrieved her guns from Raheem. “Now ya’ll know what’s up, so I don’t wanna talk about it no more.”
I did not want to push her further, but something had been nagging at me since the day she was in the hospital, and this time I was going to find out exactly what that was. “So what’s the deal with you and Sergeant Mills? Does she play into all this in some way?”
