by Susan Lewis
Lainey smiled, already feeling enormous affection for the child. ‘Tell me, why didn’t you get in touch with Tom again after you sent the letter telling him about Julia?’ she asked. ‘It must have crossed your mind that he didn’t get it.’
Kirsten put her head back, as though to sink her tears. ‘Believe me, I thought about it and I came close several times,’ she replied, ‘but I knew I wouldn’t have been able to stand it if he didn’t want to see her. Your little girl had been born by then, and she was perfect . . . You all looked so happy . . . I saw the pictures in the press, you and Tom with Tierney and Max and both your parents. You seemed so complete as a family. He had the wife and children he wanted, the career, the in-laws. It didn’t feel as though there was any room for us.’
Understanding how wrong a public image could be of reality, Lainey said, ‘We’d always have made room for you, I promise.’
‘But how was I to know that? I thought you simply didn’t care about anyone but yourselves.’
‘That’s not who we are, any of us.’
‘I didn’t know that then. Frankly, I’m not even sure of it now.’
Lainey’s eyes narrowed. ‘Yes you are,’ she countered. ‘Since you told Tom about Julia you’ve tested him over and over, and I don’t think he’s let you down at all. Now you’re testing me, trying to turn me against you, but it’s not going to happen.’
Kirsten’s missing eyebrows arched, but she said nothing.
Time ticked by until Lainey asked, ‘Why are you set on making this harder for yourself?’
Seeming to find that intriguing, Kirsten said, ‘Is that what I’m doing?’ She thought about it, and conceded, ‘Yes, I suppose I am. I guess I just wasn’t prepared to find myself . . . liking you, though Tom said I would.’
Lainey smiled. ‘If there’s to be a relationship between your daughter and her father, then perhaps a friendship between us is a good place to start?’
Kirsten’s mouth trembled. ‘I won’t argue with that,’ she managed, ‘but I should tell you that Julia’s already very attached to her father.’
‘That’s good.’
‘She’s a child who needs a lot of love.’
‘Don’t they all?’
Kirsten nodded. ‘Of course.’ Sweat was starting to bead on her upper lip; the sores on her cheeks looked livid. ‘You’ll meet her,’ she said. ‘She’s back tomorrow. Tom will bring her to you. Promise me you’ll be kind to her.’
‘Of course I promise that. Please don’t think it could be any other way.’ She frowned as Kirsten touched a hand to her head. ‘Is there anything I can do?’ she asked. ‘You’re not looking well.’
‘I just need to lie down for a while. Why don’t you go to find Tom? Tell him . . . Well, you know what to tell him, you don’t need any advice from me for that.’
When Lainey got outside there was only one horse in the field, so guessing Tom must still be riding she sent a text to let him know she was waiting, and opened up her messages. The third was from Marigold, saying she’d called the doctor to Peter following a ‘little episode’. Immediately she tried Marigold’s number, but the service was so poor the connection kept failing, so after making a quick search of the downstairs of the cottage and finding no landline she quickly forwarded the text to Tom and jumped into her car. Though the past half-hour was still crowding her mind, and there remained much more to discuss, she was far more concerned about her father now than anything else. Tom would be there for Kirsten after she’d rested, and when he read the text from Marigold he’d understand why she, Lainey, hadn’t stayed.
She’d been driving for around ten minutes before her mobile began ringing with voicemails, so quickly pulling over to the side of the road she pressed to connect. To her relief there was a message from Marigold letting her know that the doctor had left now and Peter seemed fine.
‘Just a bit of a dizzy spell,’ Marigold added, ‘but he turned a funny colour, so I thought it best to be on the safe side.’
Glad that she’d taken that decision, Lainey clicked on to the next message, which turned out to be from Tierney, left only a few minutes ago.
‘Hey Mum, hope it’s going OK. Just wanted to let you know that Heather from the village has been in touch asking if we’re up for the Christmas panto this year. Obviously that means she’s hoping Dad’s going to stump up some cash to help pay for it, but it’s all going to a good cause, she reminded me, and she’s offered us parts if we want them. You were so awesome as Cruella de Vil last year that you’ve totally got to do something again. I think they’re doing a kind of Harry Potter thing this year – actually Dad ought to play Dumbledore, don’t you think? I’ll tell him that. Anyway, call me back when you get this. I want to know . . . Oh my God! Maudie, quick. Oh God, what am I going to do? Don’t let her see me . . .’ After that there were a lot of muffled sounds and footsteps before Tierney said, ‘Oh shit, I’m still connected to my mother,’ and the line finally went dead.
Not sure whether to be concerned or amused, Lainey tried to call back, but finding herself going straight through to messages she simply told Tierney she was on her way home and rang off. A moment later a text arrived from Tom.
Call as soon as you can to let me know about Peter. I’ll come back if you need me to, otherwise will stay with Kirsten till Julia comes home. PS Did you and K get along?
Easily able to picture his concern, she sent a text back saying P fine, apparently. K not what I expected, but we can talk when I see you. Let me know when you’re bringing Julia and if you think Tierney and Zav should be there.
‘Oh my God, she’s still down there,’ Tierney whispered in a panic as she tiptoed back into her room. ‘What am I going to do?’
Loyally worried, Maudie said, ‘We’ll just have to stay up here till she goes.’
Still pale from the shock of seeing Nadia pull up outside, Tierney nodded and went to join Maudie on the bed. ‘She has to be here because of me,’ she stated for the umpteenth time. ‘She must be so mad. I mean, her marriage has broken up . . . Oh my God, it’s all my fault . . .’ Tears were welling in her eyes as her lips trembled with dread. ‘I never really thought about her when it was all, you know, happening . . . It was like she didn’t exist or something, but I can hardly tell her that, can I?’
‘You don’t have to tell her anything,’ Maudie reminded her.
Taking comfort from that, Tierney reached for a tissue and blew her nose. ‘At least the doctor said Grandpa’s all right,’ she sniffed. ‘He’s had funny turns before and . . .’ She froze in dread as a knock came on the door.
‘Tierney, are you in there?’ Nadia asked.
Tierney’s eyes bulged with horror as she looked at Maudie.
‘Marigold said you were in,’ Nadia told her. ‘I’d like to talk to you. It won’t take long.’
‘What am I going to do?’ Tierney said faintly.
‘You’ll have to let her in,’ Maudie whispered helplessly.
‘I can’t.’ Her heart practically flatlined as the handle of her door went down and a moment later Nadia was staring at them, sitting on the bed like trapped rabbits.
‘Please don’t look like that,’ Nadia said gently, ‘I’m not going to . . .’ Breaking off, she asked Maudie, ‘Would you mind giving us a moment?’
Maudie turned her traumatised eyes to Tierney.
Tierney wanted to beg her to stay, but Maudie was already getting to her feet, doing as she was told.
When the door closed behind her Nadia came to sit on the stool beside the bed. Tierney couldn’t help noticing how upset and kind of drawn she looked.
‘I want you to know,’ Nadia began, ‘that I’m really sorry about what happened. He, that is, Guy, shouldn’t have done what he did. He should have known better.’
Tierney could only look at her; she had no idea what to say.
‘He won’t ever bother you again,’ Nadia promised. ‘Me neither, come to that.’ The irony was so pathetic, so sad that Tierney felt worse than
ever.
In the end, she said, ‘It was kind of my fault as well. I mean, I, well, you know . . .’
Reaching for her hand, Nadia gave it a squeeze. ‘You mustn’t blame yourself. You’re too young to have a real understanding yet of how men work. All you were doing was responding to all the new hormones you’ve got firing off in there, and he took advantage of that.’
‘But I kind of, you know . . .’
‘Yes, I expect I do know, but what’s important is that you put it behind you. But before you can do that you need to decide if you want your parents to know . . .’
‘No, no, I really don’t,’ Tierney jumped in, bursting with panic. ‘Please don’t tell them. Oh, Nadia, please . . . Dad’ll be so furious and I’ll never be able to face him . . .’
‘It’s OK, it’s OK, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I just didn’t want you to think that I’m keeping it from them for my own sake.’
‘But you should,’ Tierney hastily told her, ‘because if Dad was ever to find out he might not keep you as his agent.’ She frowned as another thought occurred to her. ‘Actually, now Guy’s not with you any more I suppose you don’t have to worry about that.’
‘Don’t concern yourself about me. You’re the one who matters here, and what’s been done to you. I don’t know if you feel in need of any sort of counselling . . .’
‘Oh no, I’m fine. Honest. My head is totally straight.’
‘OK, but if you do ever feel confused, or as if you could use some help, I want you to promise to come to me.’
‘I will, honest, I swear. I mean, I don’t expect I will feel any of that stuff, but if I do I’ll come straight to you.’
Nadia smiled, but as she started to get up Tierney said, ‘I know you’re saying it’s not my fault, but it was, in a way, and I wish it had never happened, mostly because of what it’s done to your marriage.’
Nadia regarded her with teary eyes. ‘It would have happened anyway, sooner or later,’ she assured her. ‘He was too young for me, and to be honest, I always knew that the only reason he married me was to get his foot in the door of the agency.’
Appalled, Tierney said, ‘That really sucks.’
Nadia didn’t disagree. ‘And I suppose he was my last grasp at youth,’ she confessed. ‘So time to start acting my age.’ She twinkled in a way that made Tierney smile.
‘You’re still really lovely,’ Tierney told her earnestly.
Nadia almost laughed.
As she started to leave, Tierney scrabbled in a drawer for her Chloe bangle and put it on. ‘I so totally love this,’ she declared. ‘It’s my favourite bangle ever.’
Coming to drop a kiss on her head, Nadia said, ‘I was hoping it might be,’ and cupping Tierney’s face between her hands she gazed down at her fondly. ‘I know you’ll take this as a compliment,’ she told her, ‘but it’s not really meant as one. You look much older than your age, and though you might think that’s good, I’m afraid it makes you far more vulnerable than you realise. Luckily nothing too terrible happened this time.’
Tierney continued to regard her.
‘I hope that doesn’t sound as though I’m trying to put you off men,’ Nadia continued, ‘I just want you to be aware of how unpredictable they can be when it comes to sex. So next time, and there will be a next time, please make sure you’re safely in a relationship before you start down that road, preferably with someone closer to your own age.’
‘I will,’ Tierney whispered, meaning it. Then suddenly not wanting Nadia to go, she said, ‘Shall I make you some tea? Mum should be on her way back by now, and I know she’ll want to see you.’
It was another hour before Lainey came in the door to find Nadia, Maudie and Tierney sprawled out on the sofas with Peter, watching one of his favourite black and white movies. The fact that Peter had tears rolling down his cheeks seemed to have gone unnoticed, but when Lainey went to sit with him his face lit up again.
‘Sandra,’ he whispered, smoothing her hair. ‘I’ve been waiting for you.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
‘THEY’RE HERE!’ Zav shouted up the stairs.
Having primed him to let them know the instant Tom’s car entered the drive, Lainey hurried out of the bathroom, almost colliding with Tierney, who was in front of the mirror looking doubtful about her fourth outfit of the morning.
‘What about this?’ she said anxiously. ‘I really love these jeans, but they’re not designer . . .’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Lainey scolded, moving her aside so she could get past. ‘She’s hardly going to care about something like that.’
Tierney pulled a face. ‘No, I don’t suppose she will. Oh, Mum, what am I going to say to her? I’ve never met anyone with Down’s before.’
‘Just be friendly and make her feel welcome,’ Lainey instructed. ‘Now let’s go down. I don’t want her coming into an empty house.’
‘Where’s Grandpa?’ Zav asked, coming along the landing to find them.
Lainey’s eyes widened with alarm. ‘He should be in his chair,’ she cried. ‘Please don’t tell me he’s gone walkabout.’
‘I don’t know, I only looked in his room,’ Zav responded, going to bounce on the bed. ‘Why are you getting so worked up?’
Ignoring the question, Lainey raced down the stairs to find her father where she’d left him half an hour ago, in his chair, after a long and particularly difficult start to the day.
Heaving a sigh of relief she cast a critical look around, trying to imagine how the place might present itself to Julia. Did it appear welcoming, or imposing? Ostentatious when compared to the ramshackle cottage Kirsten had apparently inherited from her gran? Cold, too big, overcrowded? No one was here today, apart from immediate family, and the place was never normally this uncluttered. Even Sherman’s bed and bowl had been tidied into a corner. The Italian biscuits she’d made to one of Adriana’s recipes were still cooling on the Aga, and the aroma of fresh coffee was mingling with the natural smells of their home (which she could no longer detect). She just hoped they weren’t off-putting in any way.
‘They’re outside now,’ Zav announced from the door, and tugging it open he charged off to meet his new half-sister, apparently totally unfazed, or perhaps unaware, of the enormity of it all.
‘He’s weird,’ Tierney decided, straining to see past him to catch her first glimpse of Julia as the passenger door of Tom’s car opened.
Lainey was right behind her, trying to push her outside.
‘Oh my God, she’s fat,’ Tierney whispered in shock.
‘Shut up,’ Lainey hissed under her breath, and quickly stepping past Tierney out of the door, she watched the heavy-set blonde girl turn around to look at her.
The smile that lit up Julia’s sunny moon face was so radiantly happy that Lainey could feel it glowing straight into her heart.
‘Oh my God, Mum,’ Tierney murmured.
Lainey moved forward, but Tierney was the first to get to Julia, and the way she wrapped her new half-sister in her arms brought hot tears to Lainey’s eyes.
‘Oh Julia, Julia,’ Lainey sobbed, joining in the embrace. ‘How lovely it is to meet you.’
‘. . . to meet you,’ Julia said, her awkward voice muffled by Tierney’s shoulder.
‘I’m Tierney,’ Tierney said, still squeezing hard.
‘I’m Zav,’ her brother announced, watching with amusement.
‘I’m Julia,’ she told him, as Tierney let her go. Despite her distinctive Down’s speech she was easy enough to understand, and the sun that shone out of her seemed more dazzling than ever. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you,’ she slurred. She looked adoringly at Tom and raised her shoulders in glee.
Pressing a hand to her mouth to stop herself sobbing, Lainey watched him smooth Julia’s wispy blonde hair and wondered if she’d ever loved him more.
‘We’ve got biscuits,’ Tierney was saying while keeping a proprietorial arm around her new half-sister as she steered her towards the h
ouse, ‘and juice and squash and everything. My favourite’s apple, what’s yours?’
‘Apple,’ Julia repeated, though whether to be friends, or because it was true wasn’t possible for Lainey to know.
‘Grandpa’s inside,’ Zav informed her. ‘He’ll be your grandpa too. You’ll really love him, even though he’s not like he used to be. Do you like dogs?’
‘Yes, I like dogs. And horses.’
‘Mum said you’ve got two horses. What are their names?’
As they moved away Lainey turned around to find Tom opening the rear passenger door. Only then did she realise that Kirsten had been watching from the back seat.
Waiting until Kirsten was out of the car, looking tired, yet somehow indefatigable, Lainey said, ‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me you were coming?’
‘I only realised as they were leaving,’ Kirsten answered honestly, ‘that I wanted to see for myself how . . . well, how . . .’ Her mouth was trembling; a tear dropped from her lashless eyes. ‘Your children . . . They’ve taken my breath away.’
‘They often do that to me,’ Tom told her wryly. Though his eyes were on Lainey, Lainey’s attention was wholly on Kirsten as she watched the children disappearing into the house.
‘I won’t be able to stay for long,’ Kirsten said, as Tom ushered her in behind them.
‘It’s lovely that you’re here,’ Lainey told her, going ahead to rearrange the pillows on the most comfy sofa, ‘but we’d have come to you. It would have been so much easier for you.’
‘Maybe, but I’m stronger than I might look, and to be frank, I wanted to see where you live.’ As emotion fractured her voice, Lainey sat down with her and held her hands. She was a different woman to the one she’d met yesterday, and she knew instinctively that she was now meeting the Kirsten who lived behind all the pain and fear.
‘I wish I knew how to make things easier for you,’ Lainey said softly.
Kirsten’s gaze was fixed on Julia, who was on the floor with Zav fussing Sherman while Tierney explained to Peter that he had a new granddaughter. ‘You already have,’ Kirsten assured her. ‘Seeing how warmly you greeted her . . .’ She took a breath, and before she could continue Julia brought her face out of Sherman’s fur to say, ‘Mummy, it’s a dog. His name’s Sherman.’
