by Dylann Crush
“Hey.” I held the door open for Dustin to come in.
He hesitated, letting his gaze drift around the room before taking a deep breath and brushing past me. The birds squawked as he stepped into the living room.
“I see you’ve still got the lovebirds,” he said.
“Lucy and Desi.”
He tapped a finger on the side of their cage. One of the birds cocked its head, studying Dustin. “Those are cute names.”
“Well, she drives him crazy so I figured it would work.” I crossed my arms over my chest while I waited for him to get to the point.
“I wanted to stop by and apologize for the way I handled things this morning.”
“Apologize for what? Liam’s the one who owes everyone an apology. All this time I was thinking it was LA that was the problem. That if I could just get him away from the city and away from the bad influences, he’d be fine.”
Dustin turned away from the birds and crossed the room to me. He laced my fingers with his then held my hand to his lips. “It’s not him. It’s me. I think you’re right. I think he probably has gotten attached this summer. Maybe if we’d been up front with him from the start—”
“And told him what? That you’re my regular late-night hook-up?”
“No.” Dustin squeezed my fingers. “That we’ve been seeing each other. He’s not a little kid, Harmony.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Of course he’s not a little kid. That’s why I brought him here. To keep him safe and out of trouble.”
Dustin pressed a kiss to the back of my hand, sending a shiver up my arm. “I’m just saying, I think he can handle it.”
My throat squeezed shut. I forced a breath. “How do you know what he can and can’t handle? You can walk away any time. You’ve never had to put the pieces back together when…” I bit my lip, forcing myself to stop.
“When what?” Dustin put his finger under my chin, nudging my face up.
I stared at his mouth, not wanting to meet his gaze. My chest tightened. I couldn’t cry…I wouldn’t. “Nothing.”
“When are you going to tell me what happened with Liam’s dad?” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I wanted to turn into his touch, nestle my cheek against his hand and let him tell me everything would be okay. But the last time I put my trust in a man like that, I’d learned my lesson.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.” I pulled away to settle on the couch. My finger traced the intricate floral pattern on the overstuffed cushion.
Dustin sat down next to me. “It does matter. Liam said his dad left when he was three or four.”
My head snapped up. “When did he tell you that?”
“While we were working out at my place.” He put a hand on my knee. “He said he doesn’t remember him anymore.”
“Good.”
“What happened between the two of you?”
“You really want to know?” I searched his face.
“If you’re willing to tell me.”
“Fine. I was young, just out of high school. He was the bad boy. Rode a motorcycle”—Dustin cringed—“stayed out too late, skipped all of his classes. He had a horrible family life. Didn’t even know his dad and had been in and out of foster homes since he was a kid.” I hugged a throw pillow to my stomach. “I got caught up. Thought I could help him heal the hurt in his past. He said he loved me. For the first time in my life I felt needed. Next thing I knew, I was pregnant and he was gone.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I put up a hand to silence him so I could continue. I’d started, I may as well get the whole sorry story out of the way. “I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. Mom watched Liam so I could get my massage license. He came around occasionally and kept telling me he was going to find a way for us to get our own place, to be a family. For a while I even believed him.”
“Where is he now?” Dustin rested his hand on my knee. The pad of his thumb brushed my skin.
I didn’t want to make eye contact, didn’t want him to know how gullible I’d been. But the physical proof of my naivety and stupidity was in the next room, all thirteen years and five-foot-seven of him.
“I don’t know where he is and I don’t care. Liam and I have been fine on our own.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Harmony?”
“Tell you what?” I glanced up at his face. His jaw clenched. This wasn’t his battle to fight. “Tell you that I got sucked in by some sweet-talking, no-good charmer who didn’t give a crap about anyone but himself?”
“No.” His brow softened, and he met my gaze. Those green eyes held a world of words. “It makes more sense now, how protective you are of Liam.”
“He’s the only good thing that came out of that time in my life.”
“I understand.” Dustin bent his head toward mine until our foreheads touched. “I’m not that guy, you know.”
“I know.” The emotion I’d been squelching down bubbled up. I tucked my head, not wanting Dustin to see the threat of tears. I’d cried enough in the past. I didn’t want to waste any more tears on Liam’s dad.
We sat like that for several minutes, until my breath evened out and I felt like I could look at Dustin without bursting into tears. Yes, I’d been hauling some bitter baggage around with me for the past several years. And Dustin was right—he wasn’t that guy. After seeing the way he was with his mom, with Liam—he’d never treat anyone like my ex had. I relaxed against him, breathing in his scent, taking comfort in his presence even though it was temporary.
“So here’s what I propose we do.” Dustin slid his arm around me, pulling me closer. “I say we come clean with Liam and let him know what’s going on.”
“But how can I be honest with Liam when I don’t even know what we’re doing?”
Dustin brushed the hair from my shoulders. His breath blew across the back of my neck. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Uh oh.” I stifled a half-laugh. “Last time you did that didn’t I end up with some four-legged creature?”
“Two. The last critter I saddled you with had two legs.”
“Two birds. Four legs.” I shrugged.
“Hear me out on this, okay?” He took my hand. “What if I split my time? I could go back to LA and try to stack my appearances so I’d have bigger chunks of time off.”
I shook my head, already knowing where he was going to go with this. I didn’t want a part-time boyfriend. What we’d been doing all summer might have woken up a part of me I’d been ignoring for the past decade, but when I was ready to commit to someone, it would be a real commitment, not a half-assed booty call. “We’re enjoying each other’s company with the time we’ve got left. Let’s not mess it up by trying to make it into something else.”
“But—”
“It’ll be better this way.”
“I’m not sure I agree with you on that. Spending time back here, with my family, it’s made me realize what I’ve been missing.”
“Look, I don’t want to foster Liam’s hope just because you’re feeling a little nostalgic.”
“You’re right. I’ll be more careful with Liam. I don’t want to hurt his feelings.” Dustin pressed a kiss to my forehead. “As for the rest, can we just see how it goes?”
“If you’re serious about spending more time in Swallow Springs, isn’t there something you need to do?” I hadn’t wanted to push him, but it was obvious that Dustin had a huge weight on his heart.
“I need to talk to Robbie.” He let his head drop. “I’ve been putting it off, but it’s time.”
“For the record, I’m not telling you to do anything.” I didn’t want him to blame me if things didn’t go well with him and my cousin. But I knew he’d never be at peace until the two of them made amends. They’d been friends once, almost like family. If he meant what he said about sticking around, there was no way he could do that without prying that massive monkey off his back.
“Will you go with me?”
&nbs
p; “To talk to Robbie?” I asked.
“I could use a little moral support.” He met my gaze, his eyes revealing the uncertainty he must be feeling.
“Okay.” He might make things right with Robbie, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up that he’d be sticking around. I’d been left in the past, and I was done giving a man the power to hurt me again.
“So does that mean we can still…you know…” Dustin nuzzled my neck with his mouth.
Heat simmered through my veins. “Yes. But we need to be more careful.”
“You got it.” He lowered his chin, and nibbled on my ear lobe.
I let myself relax into him for a moment, knowing it wouldn’t last. Dustin would get bored. The novelty of being around family, of being around me, would wear off. How could it not?
32
Dustin
Harmony reached the door to the truck before I had a chance to run around and open it for her. She must have been watching for me from the front window. The sight of her loosened the dread that had been gripping my heart all day.
“Hey, give a guy a shot, why don’t you?” I closed it behind her then leaned through the open window to give her a peck on the cheek. “You look gorgeous tonight.”
She had on a flowery sun dress that tied in back. Her hair sat on top of her head, leaving her neck exposed. I wanted to nip at the spot right behind her ear—a spot I knew she favored. But if I did that we’d be late for dinner and she’d never forgive me for ruining our double date with Robbie and Cassie.
“Thanks.” Her cheeks flushed. When would she get used to accepting a compliment? “You sure you’re ready for this?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” As I walked around the front of the truck, my fist landed a thump on the hood. I’d been trying to convince myself all day that I could do this, yet I’d almost called to cancel twice. The other night when she’d been snuggled in my arms, it seemed like a good idea. But now, now I wasn’t just getting cold feet, it seemed like they were frozen in solid blocks of ice.
I climbed in and got settled behind the wheel.
Harmony rested her hand on my thigh. “It’s going to be okay. He won’t bite, you know.”
“I know.” I picked up her hand and flipped it over before pressing a kiss against her wrist. The scent of her skin filled me with resolve. I kissed my way up the inside of her arm and into the crease of her elbow before she giggled and jerked away.
“Stop that. You’re not getting out of going tonight, no matter what you try.”
“Damn. May as well get it over with then.” I turned the key in the ignition and the truck rumbled to life.
Harmony kept the conversation going on the way into town. Or at least, she kept talking and every once in a while I’d respond with a nod or some other sort of short reply. My mind was on the task ahead. Robbie knew I wanted to chat. It was high time we talked about what had happened that day with Jeff. Past the time I should have asked for forgiveness.
Too soon I pulled into the parking lot of Sal’s Steakhouse. As the truck came to a rest, Harmony put her hand over mine.
“It’s just dinner and some conversation.”
I glanced over. Her smile offered reassurance. I didn’t deserve her faith. Everyone knew it. Everyone but Harmony, it seemed.
“Come on, let’s go.” She squeezed my hand and was out the door before I had a chance to even open mine.
My mouth went dry like I’d just stuffed a wad of cotton inside. I tried to swallow. Dinner. A little bit of small talk. Surely we wouldn’t start off with the big stuff. We’d work our way up to that.
I shook my hands out, trying to get rid of the jitters as I caught up to Harmony. She’d painted her nails a bright turquoise color. For some reason that made me smile. As I relaxed, I was able to force a few deep breaths into my lungs.
“Looks like they’re already here.” Harmony nodded toward Cassie’s SUV parked on the other side of the lot. No mistaking it for someone else’s—not when she had a license plate that read LUVBIRD.
Forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, I made it to the door and held it open for Harmony. She passed by, brushing against me, leaving a flowery scent trailing behind her. This woman was such a mystery to me. She touted kale smoothies and hemp hearts yet painted unicorns on her toenails and tried to pass off instant coffee crystals as the real stuff. The more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to know her—and that was a first for me.
“Y’all made it.” Robbie stood from the table as we approached the booth. He gave Harmony a hug then stuck his hand out for me to shake.
“Thanks for agreeing to meet.” I gripped his hand in mine for a moment before letting go.
“We’re thrilled to have someone to double with.” Cassie pulled me in for a hug. “Jake and Misty never have time to get together any more. Not with three little ones running around.”
I wrapped my arms around her loosely. Cassie had always been good at making people feel comfortable. A long, long time ago I’d even crushed on her a bit. That was the whole reason Rob and I had got in a fight that day. The day of the accident. Because I liked Cassie enough to give him shit about her.
“Go ahead, sit down.” Robbie gestured to the opposite bench.
Harmony slid in first and I followed. An awkward silence descended for a brief moment before Rob and Cassie spoke at the same time.
“We ordered—”
“Hope you don’t mind—”
“Go ahead.” Rob stretched his arm along the back of the booth, letting it rest on Cassie’s shoulder.
She smiled at him, then turned her grin on us. “We went ahead and ordered a couple of appetizers.”
“Oh, thanks. I hope you got the fried onion straws. That always used to be our favorite. Remember when you and Jeff—” I stopped myself before launching into a detailed account of how he and Jeff had split one of those giant fried onions right down the middle at one of our baseball banquets. They both stuffed half of it into their mouths. Jeff chewed his up and swallowed. Robbie had dipped his in the horseradish sauce first so he ended up spitting onion through his mouth and his nose before getting cuffed upside the head by his dad.
Robbie looked up at me, a glint of pain slicing through his eyes. It disappeared as soon as I saw it. “Yeah, those were some good times.”
I figured I’d better try again. “Hey, Rob, I—”
“Getcha y’all somethin’ to drink?” Saved by the waitress. Harmony and I placed our order and by the time the server left the table, the moment had passed.
Through fried onions, stuffed peppers, and a full meal of steaks and all the sides, I smiled and nodded, contributing as little to the conversation as possible. Between Harmony and Cassie, there wasn’t much chance to get a word in anyway. The two of them acted like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks—not like they didn’t spent six to ten hours a day together.
Finally, the bill arrived. I scooped it up before Rob had a chance to snag it. “My treat.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Rob held out his hand for the bill.
“I want to.” I dug my wallet out of my back pocket and slid a platinum card into the folio.
“Well, thank you for dinner.” Cassie pulled Rob’s arm back. “Do you mind if I scoot out to the ladies’ room?”
Rob stood so she could slide out of the booth.
“I think I’ll do the same.” Harmony put a hand on my arm.
“Okay.” I held the folio close to my chest while I stood to let her by.
The waitress appeared and took the check. That left me and Rob and a deafening silence. I fidgeted with the straw wrapper, twisting it around my finger over and over until the paper ripped. Now was my chance. Unless I wanted an audience of Harmony and Cassie to witness my apology, I needed to force it out.
“Rob, I…I just wanted to say…” Damn, it was hard. Not the apology itself, but what it represented. “I need to tell you that I’m sorry.” There. It was out there. My eyes stayed trained o
n the table, examining the barely perceptible scratches in the thick polyurethane they must have slathered on the commercial grade tables.
When he didn’t respond, I chanced a look up. Rob’s gaze locked on his hands which were fiddling with the edge of a napkin. He must be just as uncomfortable as me.
“I’m sorry, too.” His voice came out barely above a whisper.
“For what?” Why the hell did he need to apologize? “You did nothing wrong.”
“No.” He glanced up. Blue eyes locked on mine. Any hint of softness that had come through in his voice had disappeared. “What happened to…what happened was just as much my fault as it was yours. More even.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I was the reason you got in the fight. If I hadn’t been giving you shit, we wouldn’t have gotten detention. You don’t get to take the blame for this.”
He leaned back against the booth. “Bullshit. Truth is, it’s both of our faults. We knew better than to fight on school grounds. And if my dad would have answered his phone, Jeff never would have tried to come and get me.” His head shook slowly from side to side. “It sucks. But you’re no more to blame than anyone.”
I sighed, forcing out my frustration. “How can you even say that? It was my fault you got in trouble. My fault you had to stay after. My fault Jeff tried to come get you. I’ve been living with this for so long. If I hadn’t been such a dick that day, he might still be with us.”
Rob put his hand over mine. “You can’t keep blaming yourself. It’ll eat you alive from the inside out. I know that for a fact because I almost let it.”
I slid my hand away. “Every day. Every fucking day I think about it. What I could have done different…”
“I know,” Rob said. “I still think about him all the time. Remember the time he talked us into pooling our money and buying that lobster at the Piggly Wiggly?”
A snort escaped my lips. “Damn. He told everybody it was his new pet and walked it around the playground during recess for a week.”
Robbie doubled over in laughter. “And then that girl found it in his desk and he had to do community service for a month.”
