Before There Was You

by Denise A. Agnew

  Lana’s throat tightened and a lump formed there. A solid rock of pain. “No.”

  “Did anyone come and tell you how things were going? Toward your freedom?” Richard leaned forward, as if caught up in the drama.

  Tension built in Lana’s muscles until she ached. “Each day Raul would come tell me how the negotiation went. Which I thought was strange.”

  “He used it as torture.” Aaron’s deep voice cut through the room. “Telling you each step was as bad as not knowing.”

  Lana glanced at Aaron and saw the undeniable understanding in his eyes. “Yes. After a week went by, he told me things weren’t looking good for me. All that time I’d hear…at least once a day, I’d hear the woman scream. I finally asked Raul who the woman was. He just told me shut up and not ask.”

  “What did they feed you?” Roxanne asked with an odd smile.

  Lana thought the woman’s question came off weird and misplaced. “Beans mostly. This stuff that was like a trail mix and jerky. They gave me plenty of water, which surprised me. Two meals a day. I lost weight. Ten pounds in two weeks.”

  Roxanne’s smile, which hadn’t faded, grew wider. “Now that’s a diet I could relate to.”

  Everyone but Magnus looked at Roxanne as if she’d grown two extra heads and maybe even a tail.

  Lana’s stomach rumbled again. Suddenly the air inside the cold room seemed hard to breath. “I can’t…I need to get a breath of fresh air. I can’t talk about this anymore.”

  Lana stood, one hand pressed against her stomach as she rushed out of the room and through the glass doors to the steps outside. She took a huge breath of amazingly cool air. Cloud cover made it darker outside than it would have been this time of night. Tears ran down her cheeks, but she ignored them in favor of gulps of fresh air. She covered her face with her hands as trembling raced across her body.

  The doors opened behind her. Addy was probably coming out to see if she’d freaked. She uncovered her face, ashamed at how she’d broken down.

  “Hey.” Aaron’s voice brushed over her.

  Surprised, she stayed immobile, staring at nothing and seeing nothing. Aaron came around in front of her, his big body blocking her view of the parking lot. He cupped her shoulders and drew her into him, his hands sliding to her back. Comfort started a slow and steady path through her veins. When she didn’t resist, he nestled her against his chest. Her forehead bumped against his chin, and then she rested her cheek against his right shoulder. Aaron enveloped her in heat and strength as his palms slid over her back. His arms drew her tighter against his long, tall length. Within seconds his maleness, his sheer force of personality shielded her. Standing here with him, Lana suddenly felt as if nothing and no one could harm her. Her fingers crumpled his T-shirt, and finally she slid her hands up over his muscular chest. He was so solid, so warm and strong. Arousal quivered in her belly, a strange reaction considering what she’d felt moments before. She wondered at the psyche, allowing so many emotions to float through her at the same time. Sadness. Fear. A longing for connection with him.

  “Easy. You’re shaking.” His warm breath touched her ear as he spoke quietly. He kissed the side of her forehead. “Take some deep breaths.”

  She did, aware of the tiny trembles that snaked through her body. “I’m fine, really.”

  “You didn’t look fine when you left the room.”

  “You didn’t have to come after me.”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “Why?”

  “It was either that or get thrown out of group for kicking Magnus’s ass.”

  She looked up at him. His eyes sparked with a combination of amusement and concern.

  She sniffed and smiled. “Gee. And here I thought it was because you cared about me.”

  He frowned, and for a moment she thought she’d said the wrong thing. Then he returned her grin. “I do care about you, Lana. You think I’d hold any woman in my arms like this?”

  “I don’t know. Would you?”

  “No.”

  Attraction nipped at her again, flooding her with gratitude for his friendship and a burgeoning happiness that he cared for her. She slid her hand upward and gently swept her fingers over his bristly jaw. A five o’clock shadow peppered his face already. He looked rough and tough and so damned sexy she thought she’d melt.

  “Thank you for caring, Aaron.”

  “Mmm.” His grunt had that man sound. A primal noise that implied possible agreement.

  He kissed her forehead, and a rush of heat poured into her belly. God, this man was too potent and dangerous to her heart.

  The glass doors opened again and Lana eased back from him slightly as Addy walked through. He released Lana but stayed standing close to her.

  “Everything all right?” Addy gave them a speculative look as she walked forward. “Lana?”

  Lana brushed away a few rogue tears. She eased out of Aaron’s embrace. “I’m fine now.”

  Doubt clouded Addy’s face. “You’re sure?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry I freaked.” Lana’s face heated.

  Addy smiled. “You did an amazing job. I’m sorry about Magnus.”

  “Yeah, well he’s damned good at the ambush, isn’t he?” Aaron’s question held sarcasm. “There’s something you ought to know about him.”

  Addy frowned. “Oh?”

  Lana reached out and clasped Aaron’s biceps. “Aaron, not now.”

  He glanced down at her. “Why not?”

  “It’s not important.”

  “Whatever it is, let’s talk about it after session.” Addy started back toward the doors. “Come in, please.”

  Aaron gave Lana an exasperated look. “She needs to know.”

  Lana didn’t want more conflict today. “Like she said. Later.”

  Aaron rolled his eyes and whispered softly under his breath. “Shit.”

  Once back inside with the group, Lana cringed as everyone stared. She berated the immature side of herself that wanted to launch into a tirade against the questions fired at her. She wanted to tell Magnus to fuck himself sideways. She almost smiled. Simply thinking of telling Magnus to screw himself made her feel better. So did the memory of Aaron’s arms around her and the comfort he’d offered.

  As the session continued, Addy requested that someone else tell their story. This time it was Elliot, and Lana was relieved she didn’t have to reveal everything tonight. How could she? The story, if told like the gruesome and terrifying tale it was, would take a lot longer than one night.

  * * * *

  Emotions rocketed through Aaron as he watched Lana drive away from the therapy session. She’d left in a hurry, and part of him was glad for it. He’d come to the conclusion he’d become far more involved with her than he intended. He didn’t have a freaking clue what to do with his attraction for her.

  He hadn’t pushed what he’d wanted to happen. He’d wanted to follow her home, to walk her to her door, to protect in every way it was possible for a man to shield a woman. He wanted to hug, kiss and—oh, yeah. Fuck her until neither one of them could see straight. Realistically that wouldn’t happen, at least not any time soon. Maybe not even in this universe. Instead of following all those wants, he’d told her he’d see her Thursday and waved while she jumped in her car and left the parking lot. More insane, he considered following Magnus as he pulled out of the parking lot. Magnus turned left rather than right and didn’t follow her. Good. Because Aaron would have chased after them to make certain the dipshit hadn’t followed Lana. He’d told Abby he wanted to talk with her, and waited patiently for her to exit the building.

  The night was cooler than he’d expected—in the seventies somewhere. A light rainstorm had come through during their two-hour session and clouds covered the stars from view. Wind ruffled his hair. Behind him the glass doors opened. Addy walked toward him with a large tote bag slung over her shoulder.

  “All right, we’re here.” Addy’s smile was cautious. “What did you need to tell me?”
<
br />   “Like I said earlier, you need to know some things about Magnus.”

  She turned her head slightly to the side, as if she wasn’t keen on hearing him out. “Go on.”

  “He followed Lana to breakfast one morning when I was meeting her there. She was practicing to make sure she could drive herself. I got stuck in traffic, so I wasn’t right behind her. We planned to meet at a restaurant. When I got out of traffic and pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, guess who was standing there talking to her.?”

  Addy nodded. “I can imagine. Magnus.”

  “Right.” He gave a rundown of what Magnus had said and done, including pinning Lana between the cars. “There’s something seriously wrong with him.”

  She shifted the big bag on her shoulder, as if it the burden had become heavier. “That isn’t behavior I’d equate with a stable man.”

  “Is there something you know about him? Something dangerous?”

  She held up both hands. “You know I can’t reveal anything in his file.”

  Although Aaron understood that one hundred percent, he couldn’t help feel concern. “Fair enough. I just wanted you to be aware of what he did.”

  “Thank you. Now if you don’t mind me asking, what is the relationship between you and Lana? It looks as if you’ve become involved.”

  “No.” He practically spat the answer. “We’re friends.”

  “I see.” Her response held conclusive doubt. “I’d advise that you take any relationship cautiously. This environment isn’t an even playing field for romantic relationships. You and Lana have issues to work out before you consider a relationship.”

  He didn’t like being told not to have a romantic relationship with Lana, even if he agreed with Addy’s assessment. “I understand.”

  “Good. Have a nice evening, Aaron. I’ll see you Thursday.”

  Aaron continued on to his car, and as he drove back to his apartment, he considered Addy’s advice. He wasn’t the type of man to play games with a woman. If he decided a romantic relationship with Lana was a bad idea, he’d need to make it clear to her fast.

  Hell, he’d need to make it clear to himself.

  Chapter 11

  Aaron pulled into the parking lot at the medical building Thursday evening as rain started to fall. Weather sources promised up to two inches of rain in fast succession. Protective instincts almost made him call Lana to see if she needed a ride to group therapy, but he’d blocked himself. Eagerness to see Lana swamped him. A gnawing need that felt almost like hunger in his belly. He sat in the vehicle and noted her car wasn’t there, but then neither was anyone else’s. Okay, Addy’s car was there, but she obviously didn’t leave work and stayed for the twice-a-week session.

  Aaron didn’t call Lana Wednesday, and she didn’t call him. Although he was busy at his parents’ house, he thought of Lana quite a few times that day. Had she tried to drive again somewhere else on her own? Had she succeeded? He’d almost called her three times yesterday but managed to rein back every time. He didn’t want to crowd her like some stalker dude, and he’d mulled over what Addy had said Tuesday. After Lana’s emotional display Tuesday describing aspects of her kidnapping, he’d wondered if she would come back. He imagined many people wouldn’t. He didn’t know how he’d relate what happened to him during the war. Could he discuss watching a man commit suicide in front of him? He didn’t know.

  Magnus pulled into the lot at the same time as Roxanne. Aaron glanced at his wristwatch. Fifteen minutes to start time. Roxanne and Magnus met at the steps and glanced over at Aaron’s car. Aaron looked right back at them and waved. Hell if he’d get out and talk with them. Both people irritated the shit out of him. He knew his attitude toward them bordered on mildly hostile. He didn’t care, though. Both of them had been snide and combative with Lana, and he didn’t like it.

  “Jesus,” he said out loud.

  He rubbed one hand over his unshaven chin. Someone had pushed the don’t-mess-with-me button on him today. He didn’t have a hint of patience for bullshit. He didn’t know what had altered his mood, but as soon as Roxanne and Magnus walked up the steps and into the building, he felt better. When Lana drove in, the light returned to his day. He couldn’t hold back the smile as he left his SUV and approached her car. He made sure to stay back from her car—he didn’t want to scare her. When she turned toward the window and saw him, a huge grin spread over her face. Pleasure spiked inside him when she left her car and walked toward him. He met her part way.

  “Hey there,” she said. “What are you waiting for?”

  Suddenly he felt as awkward as a teenage boy, and heat filled his face. Shit, he did not blush. Right. What the hell did he think he was doing now?

  He fessed up. “Waiting for you.

  “Why did you wait for me?”

  “Because I was concerned about Magnus following you.”

  She pressed his shoulder gently for one moment. “You didn’t have to worry. I think you permanently scared him away from me.”

  He liked the sound of that. “Great. How did the driving go?”

  “It’s wonderful. I haven’t felt this good about driving in a long time.” She practically beamed. “I drove to the grocery store yesterday. It was amazing.”

  Pleasure made him say, “Sounds like our plan worked.”

  She smiled up at him. “Your plan worked. Something about you following me got me back in the habit of driving.”

  “Glad I could help.”

  “You did more than help.”

  She squeezed his arm, and her gentle touch sent off a flare inside him. Whether he wanted it or not, all she had to do was look at him, and he wanted her.

  “Come on, let’s go inside,” she said

  He followed her, satisfaction running through him as he enjoyed her progress. Damn, just that little bit had helped Lana, and he couldn’t deny how awesome it felt. As she walked ahead of him, he tried not to stare at her sweet little butt and failed miserably. Shit, so much for detachment. He jerked his gaze from her anatomy, even though he wanted to soak in everything related to her curvy form.

  Roxanne and Magnus eyeballed them as they walked in but said nothing beyond quiet hellos. Thankfully Richard walked in right after and Elliot within a few moments. At least with Richard and Elliot there, conversation ran smoothly. Addy walked in a short time later, and the session started.

  Chatter in the room went silent when Addy said, “All right everyone, Tuesday was a tough one for Lana. So I’m giving her a break tonight and asking if she can finish her story later in our session. Would that work for you, Lana?”

  Doubt crested on Lana’s face, but she nodded. “Sure.”

  Addy moved onward. “Aaron, we haven’t heard from you. So I’d like to hear your story tonight.”

  The back of Aaron’s neck prickled. He’d known this time would come, but here it was, and he didn’t know how to face it. “Where would I start? I was in the marines twenty years.”

  “I understand your confusion on where to start.” Addy tapped her chin with her pen. “We know you’ve been assigned to this group because of the incident at the restaurant.”

  “Yes.” So tell me something I don’t already know.

  “Do you have any concept of why the man talking smack about the military would have set you off so violently?” Addy asked.

  He shrugged. “Why does anyone snap when they’ve had enough of idiots talking sh—smack about the military. I was tired of it.”

  “You’ve heard other people diss the military?” Addy asked.

  He shrugged, already growing weary of this line of questioning. “Yeah. Not often. Most people are supportive in Colorado Springs.”

  Elliot and Richard nodded at the same time. Roxanne crossed her arms and looked harassed. Magnus slid down in his chair until the back of his head lay on the top of the chair.

  “So you’re not sure why you were so angry that particular time?” Addy asked.

  “Things…things have been weird s
ince I came back to the United States and retired. Everything inside me has been wound up like a spring. A few times I found myself driving way too fast, and I’d rein myself in knowing I’d get a ticket or crash.”

  Addy frowned deeply. “Did you have thoughts of suicide?”

  Aaron made a sound of disbelief. “Hell no. Never that. Things were just…weird, like I said.”

  “What else was weird?” Addy asked.

  He thought back. “Loud. Everything seems louder, brighter. Crowds unnerve the hell out of me.”

  Addy’s knowing expression clued him in that she’d heard this before. “You know some of the other symptoms of PTSD. Some of the things you’ve describe can be a part of it.”

  “Seems like f’ing PTSD is everywhere.” Aaron felt unreasonable sarcasm bubbling to the surface. “You can’t roll over in bed without there being a news report on it.”

  Addy tilted her head to the side, curiosity in her eyes. “So you believe it’s overstated? That there aren’t a lot of people with the problem?”

  “Oh I believe it’s real.” Aaron closed his eyes a minute and tilted his head back. “But it’s like anything that happens in the world. Today’s media creates hysteria even when there isn’t a need for it.”

  Richard laughed. “You’ve got that right.”

  “Regardless of that,” Addy said, “PTSD is a major problem after more than ten years of war.”

  Aaron knew it, but he wished with everything he had it wasn’t so. “So here I am. PTSD poster boy. But mine’s not that bad.”

  “Aaron, not everyone displays grandiose symptoms,” Addy said.

  “Punching someone seems pretty intense,” Magnus said.

  Aaron threw the asshole a glare but managed not to tell the guy to fuck off.

  Addy also gave the man a quelling look and continued with, “There have to be some other things, maybe things you haven’t even thought of, that aren’t the same for you since you returned to the United States.”

  He reflected. “Yeah. I’ve turned into a lazy ass. I haven’t finished my Master’s in History and haven’t made any other plans. My apartment is a freaking mess most of the time, and I used to be crazy about keeping it clean. One of my good friends from my time in the marines tells me I exercise too damned much. I don’t know if any of that counts.”