by Sarina Bowen
“Okay,” Stella said, because that seemed like her only option. His big arms came around to brace her, and he tucked her head onto his shoulder.
“Even though it started raining, the other team tried a descent of Devil’s Spine.”
Any other time, with Bear storming her room and demanding this up-close-and-personal discussion, Stella might have fought back. But with that as a lead-in, she couldn’t even pretend. “They tried? That doesn’t sound good.”
“It wasn’t. The rider made only a few turns before the snow started to slip. He tried to cut across, to get off the slab…”
“And fell into the crevasse?” Stella squeaked.
“Yeah. On to a ledge, though. They can see him moving around down there, and now they’re rustling up a rescue team to go in and haul him out.”
“Oh my God.” Stella shivered involuntarily. “What if the wind keeps up until dark?”
Bear’s arms tightened around her like a vice. “Those guys are good. They don’t need a big window.” He let out a breath, and Stella thought it sounded oddly shaky. Then he dropped his head and pressed his nose into her neck, which was awfully darned odd. But tragedy made people act strange sometimes. “So glad it isn’t you down there,” he said.
“I didn’t go through with it,” she said automatically.
“I know.”
“My gut didn’t like the setup.”
“Your gut made the right call. I’m sorry, Stella. I’m so fucking sorry. My gut has been making all the wrong calls.”
“What?” she tried to turn to face him, but his arms held on tightly. “You’re the one who didn’t want to try it in the first place.”
Now Bear put his hands on Stella’s hips and turned her bodily toward him, which wasn’t easy, seeing as her legs were in the way. He yanked her closer to his chest nonetheless. “I made the right call about the snow, but the wrong call about everything else. I love you, buddy. So much. And I didn’t tell you that. Stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I could be standing at the top of a crevasse right now, wishing I’d said it already.”
Stella let her forehead fall onto Bear’s shoulder. Then she worked on playing back everything he’d just said in her mind. She didn’t trust it. The “L” word had many different meanings. And she’d been disappointed so many times before. “Shit,” she squeaked.
“Shit? That’s all you’ve got?” He kissed the top of her head.
Stella was afraid to raise her eyes to his. “I’m trying to decide if there’s more than one way to interpret that. I promised myself I wouldn’t mope around anymore trying to figure you out.”
“Aw, hell.” Bear leaned back, taking Stella’s chin in two gentle hands and tilting it upwards. She had no choice but to look up into his silver eyes. And what she saw there made her stop breathing. He was serious. And all that intensity was aimed directly at her. “I’m not a fan of making you sad, buddy.”
This time, she didn’t have any kind of witty comeback to offer him. She felt trapped under the weight of his gaze, so she let her own wander down until it came to rest on his mouth. Several days’ worth of scruff outlined his full, kissable lips. Stella felt hungry just looking at them.
And now they were coming closer. Stella grabbed Bear’s sweater in two hands and hung on tight as his mouth landed on hers. For a second, she was frozen there, trying to adjust to the idea that this was really happening. But the sensation of Bear’s lips brushing against hers was all too real. Stella softened into him, and the kiss went wild immediately, as if they’d both been waiting a lifetime for this.
In a way, they had, Stella realized as Bear pulled her down on the bed. Their little escapade in Tahoe wasn’t honest. Because Stella hadn’t told him how she felt. And the sad kiss she’d given him in Idaho was more of a goodbye than anything else.
But this kiss made a whole new set of promises. Bear cupped her jaw and took control, telling her on no uncertain terms that he was fully invested. With his other arm, he settled Stella against his chest, while his warm mouth made a thorough assault on her ability to think. Stella fought back against his grip, if only out of habit. She jammed a leg between his, and nipped his lower lip.
Bear growled a little, shifting his body against hers in a sexy way.
Naturally, Stella moved away. If only to torture him.
“Oh, buddy.” Bear chuckled. “You’ve never been a pushover.”
“You like it that way.” Stella reached for him again, running her fingers through his thick hair.
“Fuck, yeah. I always have.” He lowered his mouth to the sensitive skin on her neck, and sucked.
Stella felt it everywhere. She clenched her thighs against a wave of arousal. Even if her brain was still a little confused by Bear’s sudden turnabout, her body was on board with the program.
“You like that, don’t you?” Bear whispered. “I like it too. I’ll like this even better.” He lifted the hem of her sweater, and began dropping open-mouthed kisses on her stomach.
Stella moaned, which earned her a big palm over her mouth. “Shhh!” Bear chuckled. “Or else I’m going to have to stop.” Then he swept a single fingertip across her belly, just beneath the waistline of her leggings, and Stella’s whole torso contracted with desire.
“Bear,” she whispered.
“Yeah,” he mumbled against her belly button. The kisses headed south, and she could barely breathe.
Her capacity for reason was about to flee the building. Before it did that, she had a question. “What are we doing?”
He raised his head to look at her. “Only what you want to. Should I stop?”
Stella shook her head. “No, I mean…” She couldn’t believe she was going to ask this. It was such a girl thing to say. “What does it mean?” She’d been serious when she’d said she was done moping around for him. An I’m-so-glad-you’re-alive hookup wasn’t going to work for Stella. She’d only feel worse later.
He hitched himself up beside her on the bed. “I need you, buddy. In my bed, and in my life. And I’m an idiot for not saying so before.”
Stella ran one of her palms up and down Bear’s face. Because if she wasn’t dreaming right now (and that seemed like a real possibility) then touching him was allowed. “I’ve always wanted you. Since seventh grade, okay? When you were busy trying to kiss Misty Carrera under the bleachers on the football field. So don’t say that unless you mean it.”
His eyes got wide, which gave Stella a moment of fear. “I’m not playing around, Stell. I had this dumb idea that I couldn’t be with you unless I got my whole life figured out. But none of us knows how much time we’re going to get. So I can’t wait any longer.”
Stella felt a slow smile begin at her lips and then take over her entire face. “I’m listening.”
Bear rolled her onto her back and climbed onto her body. Holding his weight aloft by his forearms, he dropped a soft kiss onto her mouth. “I don’t know how the next year plays out. I don’t know if the film will be any good, or if anyone will care. But maybe none of that shit matters if I can figure out a way to come home to you every night.”
There was a lump in her throat now.
“Does that sound okay to you?” His face had gone intense again. As if he really thought she might say no.
“Sounds perfect,” she choked out.
His warm eyes continued to hold hers. “There’s no privacy here, so I’m not sure if I can show you how happy that makes me.” He kissed her again, and Stella whimpered into his mouth, it felt so good. She ran her hands up and down his sides, just feeling lucky to be able to touch him.
One of Bear’s hands skimmed down her belly, past the waistband of the long underwear she was wearing. He tucked his hand between her legs and just left it there, warm and pressing. Stella squirmed under his touch, wanting more. She broke off their kiss on a gasp. “Where is everyone, anyway?”
Bear spoke against her mouth. “At the lodge across the way, waiting for news.”
“It will have to
do.” She dropped her hands to Bear’s waist, popping the button on his jeans.
He looked down at her hands. “Are you sure? I’ve got nothing against a good quickie. But I would rather celebrate nice and slow.”
“That will be tomorrow,” she said, yanking on his clothes. “This is just a preview. And I’m a fan of risk, remember?”
“God, I love you.” He chuckled against her neck. Then he propped himself up and shoved his pants and long johns down.
“Not all the way,” Stella whispered. “We have to be quick.”
But Bear wasn’t really listening. He dove in for another kiss, and she met every sweet slide of his tongue with her own. Suddenly, they were on the same team again. And it was Team Urgent. He yanked her leggings down, her panties going with them.
She dropped a hand between their bodies, cupping him. She teased him until his eyes squeezed shut with pleasure, and he made a quiet little huff of desperate anticipation. “You’re killing me,” he whispered, knocking her hand away.
“Come to me then,” she breathed.
With a heated look in his silver eyes, Bear braced over her. But then he froze. “I don’t have a condom.”
She gave her head a single shake. “We’re good.”
His eyes raked over her face again, this time with lust, not worry. Then he lined himself up between her legs, while Stella quivered with anticipation. Finally, he took her mouth in a hard kiss, at the same moment he pushed inside her.
Stella’s moan went into his mouth. “Shh,” he chided, his hips in motion.
She was so turned on it was hard to be still. But she managed it. At first, the only sounds were their own heavy breathing, but footfalls began to echo in the big room outside the door. At the sound of voices, Stella looked up at Bear with wide eyes. He didn’t seem worried, though. He gave her a very naughty smile, which made Stella forget everything else.
Silently, they made love. The bunk they were on was built into the wall, and thankfully creak-free. With her leggings still tangled around her knees, Stella’s legs were mostly tied together, which meant that each thrust bore down on her clit. She opened her mouth to groan, and found Bear’s hand suddenly pressed across it. So she sucked on his palm.
It was all such a rush. Just as amazing as flying down a mountain.
“Jesus, buddy,” Bear whispered through clenched teeth. “Come for me. Right fucking now.”
Stella arched against him. The hand over her mouth was replaced by an aggressive kiss. She pushed her tongue into Bear’s mouth, and he began to suck on it. That’s all it took. The pleasure rolled through her, but Stella remembered to stay quiet. She threw her head back against the pillow and only gasped. A second later, Bear shoved his face into her neck, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm.
Then there was only their ragged breathing and the sensation of two heartbeats in close proximity, trying to calm down. “Holy wow,” Stella breathed.
Bear traced the side of her face with his lips. “You and I…” He sighed. “Damn. I’m a god damned idiot.”
“You’re really hot, though,” Stella whispered. “So it’s all good.”
His stomach began to shake with silent laughter. He rolled off of her and gathered her up in his arms. Stella snuggled in close. Finally. She was allowed to do this. She could wrap herself around him, and not hold back.
They didn’t speak, because there was really no need.
They were still tangled up in their half-shucked clothing when the knock came. Three sharp raps on the door. “Stella! Are you in there?” It was her brother’s voice.
Frozen against Bear, Stella had no idea what to do.
But Bear spoke up, his voice clear and untroubled. “Give us a minute, okay? There are some things that need to be said.”
There was a beat of silence, and Stella’s blood chilled at the thought that the next sound she heard might be the latch on the door. “Okay,” Hank said at last. “But there’s news.”
Stella held her breath until it was safe to assume that her brother had rolled away from the door. Then she grabbed her leggings and yanked them up.
Bear kissed her forehead and grinned. “That was close.”
“We have to say something to him.”
Easing his own clothing up around his waist, Bear flinched. “I’ll take care of it. In forty-eight hours we’ll be on a plane to Vermont. The night after we get home, I’ll take a bottle of scotch over to his place and tell him how it is. If he’s going to be pissed at me, he can do that on his own turf.”
Stella chewed her lip. “I think it will be fine. Why are you worried?”
He zipped his jeans. “You don’t think he’d pick someone else for you? Some guy with a good job, who wasn’t crashing in his childhood bedroom, and driving his car? Your parents, too. Christ.”
She watched the grimace that crossed Bear’s handsome face, and she didn’t like it. “You’re right. I could find myself a nice real estate developer who golfs. Then I could just shoot myself.”
“Aw, buddy.” Bear sat down again, pulling her close. “You kill me. You really do.”
“We both live with our parents, Bear. We’ll be losers together.”
With a sigh, he released her and stood up, looking down at his clothes, taking inventory. Stella rose to wrap her arms around him. “Are you okay?”
His embrace pulled her closer. “Absolutely. You?”
“Never better.”
A kiss landed on her forehead. “I’d planned to be a little more eloquent. Not just…”
“Rip my clothes off?”
He gave a little groan. “Yeah.”
“You can be eloquent later. Tonight.”
Bear rubbed her back. “I’m sharing a room with your brother, buddy.”
“Tomorrow then. Change the reservation in Anchorage.”
The knock sounded on the door again. “Seriously,” Hank said. “What are you two plotting in there?”
Bear broke off their hug without another word, went to the door and opened it. “What’s up?” he asked Hank. He left, pulling the door closed behind him.
Stella stood there alone, trying to take it all in. What, really, had just happened? She still didn’t know what Bear expected their relationship to be. She still hadn’t told him the truth about her infertility.
Except the sound of his “I love you. So fucking much,” echoed in her head. She took a deep breath and let it out again. That’s all that mattered, right? She’d never been the kind of girl who got hung up on planning and definitions. Stella went to her phone and texted Anya. You will not BELIEVE what just went down with me.
A minute or so later, she got a reply. Please, baby Jesus, tell me this is about Bear.
Stella: :D
Anya: WOOT!
Stella sat there a minute, grinning at her phone. Beyond the flimsy door she could hear men’s voices in discussion. She wondered if Bear had already moved on to focusing on logistics. Or if maybe his mind was still in this room with her, and the horny-teen-rabbit sex that had just occurred.
Maybe she didn’t have to wonder. With an evil grin, Stella removed her shirt and lay down on the bed.
Twenty-Five
BEAR SAT AT THE lodge table feeling flushed and jumpy, trying to focus on Hank’s words.
“…if the other party doesn’t arrive until one, and they need an hour to clock out and refuel, that means we could get two runs, maybe even three.”
“That’s great,” Bear said, hopefully at the right moment. He was pretty sure Hank had just told him the party of people who were coming to displace them at the lodge tomorrow had been delayed by half a day. Therefore, the pilots could give them one more morning’s time. “If we, uh, don’t pick too tricky a shot, that will help,” he added.
“Exactly. And the weather is supposed to cooperate.”
“Awesome.” Across the room, Stella’s door opened, and she emerged, a sly little grin on her face.
Bear felt his neck get warm. But then hi
s phone chimed with an incoming text, and he tapped the screen as a distraction. A close-up photo of a gorgeous pair of bare breasts filled the display. Holy… He pressed down so hard on the MENU button that his thumb knuckle cracked.
“Hi guys,” Stella said.
Hank spun his wheels to look at her. “Hey! Come here.” Stella went over to her brother and leaned down so he could hug her. “You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “I’m good. What’s the news, anyway?” She stood.
“They got the poor fool off the ledge and off to the hospital in Anchorage,” Hank said, slapping Stella on the rear.
“Good.”
“It gets better. Tomorrow we can have a couple more hours of copter time, first thing in the morning before the next set of people rolls in.”
Bear watched Stella’s eyes light up. “Wow! One more chance?”
“At a different location,” Bear said quickly. The ridge Stella had wanted to ride felt cursed to him now. When he got a moment alone with the guide, he was going to tell him that tomorrow they weren’t taking any chances.
Stella’s lips quirked. “A different location,” she repeated.
“Absolutely.” He held her eyes, trying to convey that this was nonnegotiable. He hadn’t come all this way simply to risk losing her a second time.
She crossed her arms. “We’ll see about that.”
His body tightened up. “Stella! The Chugach is nineteen thousand square miles. I’m sure there’s a better spot for tomorrow’s shoot in there somewhere.”
A slow grin spread across her face. “Stand down, tiger. I was just yanking your chain a little. You can choose the peak.”
Whiplashed, Bear forced himself to uncurl the fists he hadn’t realized he’d made. “Okay.”
“In fact,” Stella said, “I think maybe you’re going to have to learn to trust me a little more than you’ve been. Maybe it doesn’t have to be your permanent mission to save us all from ourselves. Not that we don’t appreciate you.”
Bear felt a little sting from her words. What she said was true. “Okay,” he said again. “I’ll try.”
