by Iris Parker
"Dominick," I said, feeling touched that he seemed to take the minor injuries so much to heart. "It's really okay. I was actually—uh…I was actually kind of enjoying it, right up until I went all Inspector Clouseau on you."
"Who?" Dominick asked.
"From The Pink Panther," I explained. "He gets himself hurt. Frequently."
"Oh," he said. "Really? You were enjoying it?"
"Yes," I admitted. "Actually, if it's not too much to ask, I'd like to have that lemonade outside after all. Would that be okay?"
"That sounds absolutely wonderful," Dominick said enthusiastically.
I smiled, in a way glad that I'd gotten so sunburned.
It did, after all, help hide the flush of crimson red excitement that was covering my face.
Dominick
The lemonade had been delicious, and it was incredibly relaxing to just sit outside with Helena and unwind. She didn't seem to have any hard feelings over the problems my idea had caused, and had even thanked me for the help. While we sipped the cold drinks, she'd looked around the yard in amazement, giggling at herself and her own lack of experience.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt so good around a woman, at least one I wasn't sleeping with. Even then, it was usually more about the sex than about the chemistry between us. With Helena, everything felt different. I was enjoying my time despite my intense attraction to her, whereas usually I only spent time with a woman because I wanted to sleep with her.
With Helena, though, things just felt right. It was pure in a way that I couldn't explain, even to myself. For a while there, I'd even forgotten the sleepless nights and the intense lust and everything else.
Maybe that's why I had been such a complete and total idiot.
That sunburn would feel a lot better with some kind of ointment on it, I'd said stupidly, even going so far as to insist she let me pick some up from a nearby convenience store. It had seemed completely innocent at the time, just a friendly gesture.
At least until I was standing above her, my hands covered in lotion. As soon as I touched her, I worried that this all had been a terrible mistake. Her skin was burning hot, and not just because of the sunburn. No, it was hot because she was hot, a vision of beauty and intelligence that went far beyond my usual pickup.
Not that Helena was a pickup.
Or that there was anything usual about her.
I'd only had the best of intentions when I suggested this, but I had been deluding myself. As soon as my fingers made contact with her exposed flesh, I knew that I was in trouble. She let out a soft gasp as I touched her, a little half-moan that sent both my body and imagination into overdrive.
Serious trouble.
This is not the right direction to take my burgeoning relationship with Helena, I told myself.
I needed to keep it together, to remember just how inappropriate it would be to turn things sexual. She'd already overlooked one slip up, when she caught me staring at her un-freaking-believable chest and the clear outline of her breasts.
How much worse would it be if she looked at me now, and saw that my cock was hard despite all my attempts to will it down? It was straining hard against the confines of fabric and yearning for release. The way I was standing over her, there was no way she could miss it. If she turned around, she would only be inches away.
All I could do was hope she would keep facing forward as I continued to gently work the soothing ointment into her sun-battered skin. My hands roamed freely on her shoulders and neck, on her back and down her arms. I could feel the tension flowing out of her, muscles relaxing beneath my touch. Squirting more lotion on her body, I made my way up her spine, stopping just below her hair. Her head lolled forward with another moan that fueled my desire, and I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to kiss her neck.
"Good," she whispered huskily. "That's really good."
I froze, taking a moment to convince myself that the lust I'd heard in her voice was just my imagination. People made all kinds of sounds when getting a massage; it didn't mean anything.
If she turned around, she would see how hard I am, the thought echoed in my mind, now taking on a golden haze of fantasy and deranged optimism. But maybe she wouldn't mind. Maybe she would appreciate it, want to see more. Maybe she would want to explore, touching or tasting it. Maybe she would be curious what a more natural method of reproduction feels like. Maybe—the intrusive thoughts continued, until I cut them off with a firm bite to my lip.
Enough.
My relationship with Helena was too important to risk over something like this, no matter how badly I wanted it. Ali had to come first, or I'd be just as worthless as my own father.
Besides, I didn't need to sleep with Helena to enjoy her company. Just being around her was exhilarating all on its own, the way she challenged my assumptions and made me appreciate things I'd never considered. Why not spend a day just reading and relaxing in an air-conditioned library when it was hot? The idea had seemed so strange at first, but the more I thought about it the cozier and happier it sounded.
My fantasies took on a decidedly non-sexual tone, imagining an idyllic day just relaxing with books and wholesome activities. It worked, and miraculously, I was presentable again by the time I finished with the lotion.
Thank goodness.
"All done," I said, surprised that my voice still sounded so strained and tense.
Helena turned around and looked up at me in surprise. I did my best to keep my gaze up, not allowing it to drift down to the exposed tops of her impossibly round breasts. To not look between the cleft of her cleavage and imagine burying my face in that softness, or fantasize about taking them into my mouth.
I kept my eyes straight on her face.
Her very, very pink face.
Almost more pink than her shoulders and back had been.
Had she been burned so badly there, too? I couldn't remember. She was giving me a look that, in another context and from another woman, would've signaled that foreplay was over and it was time to get to the main event.
Could she…?
"Actually," she said in a quiet, husky voice, and this time I knew I wasn't imagining the desire. "You missed a few spots."
I couldn't resist anymore, and allowed myself to look down further. The view of her breasts was just as inviting as I remembered, feeding the blaze of my desire. I couldn't hide my own heavy breathing, and the lump in my throat felt massive.
"But…" I said slowly, trying to will myself to behave. Maybe she wanted more, but I knew myself well enough to know that sex would only mess things up massively. "You can reach those. I mean, them. I mean, er, there," I fumbled.
Helena gave me an awkward, embarrassed laugh.
"I didn't mean that," she said quickly, her voice high.
Of course she didn't mean that, you imbecile, I told myself harshly. Did you really think a girl that smart would want to sleep with a player like you just because you did a little lawn maintenance? You've been deluding yourself all day.
"Right. Sorry," I said. "Of course. Um, then where?"
Helena took a deep breath, and her rapid speech slowed down massively. "The dress—it uh, didn't really block much sun. Now that part of me feels better, I really notice the rest."
Oh, I thought. But she couldn't possibly—
"There's no way I can reach that far back," she explained, her voice barely a whisper now. "But, if it's not too much to ask, maybe you could?"
"How?" I asked.
Helena's eyes darted away from me, and her voice was halting as she answered. "We could go to my room, and I can lay down. Flat. On my stomach. Then it would be safe if, uh…if you, uh…if I…if the dress wasn't there."
I wanted to swallow hard, but my mouth was too dry and my throat was too tight.
"I don't know," I said, and the look of horrified embarrassment on Helena's face told me that I hadn't been misjudging anything today, she really had been flirting.
Helena apologized and sto
od up quickly, making to leave, but I shook my head and stepped in her way. She crashed into me, her chest pressing against mine as she sputtered apologies.
"You don't understand," I said quickly. "I don't know if I can do that without wanting more. A lot more."
"Oh," Helena said quietly.
"Like this," I said, placing my fingers below her chin. Helena's eyes were sparkling like two perfect diamonds as I bent down, my lips slowly moving towards hers.
The front door slammed hard, startling both of us. Helena yelped in surprise, and both of us quickly turned in the direction of the house.
"Moooom! You said you'd call when he got here!" called a very hyper, very enthusiastic young voice with a dash of reproach.
In truth, we didn't deserve a dash of reproach. We deserved buckets.
Helena
Being so close to him felt dangerous, like I could fall into his gravity and never think clearly again. Something about him made it feel like my body had a mind of its own, something that made me inch closer whenever I tried to step back.
The door slammed, finally breaking the spell that had held me in place for so long. Dominick and I both stepped back, doing our best to stand up straight and look natural. I guiltily smoothed out my dress with my hands while Dominick tried to wipe off the remains of the lotion off his.
I needed to regain my composure, fast, so there would be absolutely no hint of what had just happened.
And what had happened? I asked myself, but I didn't have any answer to that. Or at least not any that didn't involve the word insanity.
"Moooom!" Ali's voice called again, louder this time. "Where are you guys?"
"Let's go inside," I said quietly, not trusting myself to answer back. There was an unmistakable quiver in my voice that made yelling a bad idea.
Dominick nodded, we arrived in the living room at the same time Ali did.
"Where were you guys?" she asked, sparkling with enthusiasm and curiosity.
"Outside," Dominick and I said, speaking in a unison that seemed to proclaim our guilt.
"No you weren't," Ali said. "I was just there."
I waited a moment in case Dominick had intended to answer, but apparently he had the same idea. "In the back," I said finally after an awkward pause.
"Not the front," Dominick said at the same time.
Dammit, I cursed silently.
Ali looked at us strangely, confusion sparkling in her eyes. "Why would you go out there?" she asked.
"It's a surprise," Dominick said, uttering the secret word that would automatically end this conversation like magic.
"A surprise!?" Ali exclaimed, bouncing on her heels. "What is it? What is it? Whatisit?"
"See for yourself," Dominick answered, gesturing behind us.
"Maybe it's a trampoline! Or a pool! Or one of those 360-degree swings I saw online!" Ali said, bouncing towards the window. When she arrived, her face fell.
"Oh," she continued, speaking with an enthusiasm that children normally saved for when they were given socks on Christmas. "You mowed the lawn."
"You want a trampoline? Since when?" I asked, surprised by her wish.
"Well, I don't not want a trampoline," Ali said with impeccable kid-logic.
"I see. Well, Dominick put a lot of hard work into that," I continued in a matter-of-fact voice, the kind mothers usually saved for when they had to say those socks are hand-knitted, and be sure to write your great-aunt Agnes a thank-you card.
"I'm not done out there yet, anyway. I was going to work on it again later, and some more next time I'm here," Dominick said, clearly regretting his use of the word surprise.
"You're coming over again? Yay!" Ali said, her disappointment forgotten as quickly as it had appeared.
"All summer," he said, and I felt a queasy bolt of excitement and apprehension. "So what were you working on with grandpa?"
"Grampa," Ali corrected before launching into a detailed description of her latest invention. Having received a few such lengthy descriptions myself, I knew that it could take a while. It would be a good test of Dominick's patience and attitude, at least.
I just wasn't sure if I wanted him to pass or fail. My head was still swooning from the…whatever it was…out in the back, and the situation seemed hopelessly complicated already. Quietly excusing myself, I ran to the kitchen to make food and try to catch my breath.
Helena
Half an hour later, the snacks were gone, but Dominick and Ali were still embroiled in conversation. Ali had been so excited to have someone else pay attention to her that she'd alternated between jumping around hyperactively and intense, hyper-focused explanations about the work she was doing with her grandpa.
And Dominick had been paying attention. After listening carefully to Ali's explanation, he had been able to ask questions and even suggest improvements on her invention. He wasn't judging her, or dumbing things down, and I realized that maybe having him around a bit wasn't such a terrible idea after all.
My stomach rumbled, the small tray of falafel, carrots and hummus having done little to satisfy my hunger. I interrupted the two, suggesting that we all have a proper meal. Ali agreed enthusiastically, while Dominick gave me a smile and a wink. He mouthed a silent thank you at me.
Earlier today, I would've just assumed his gratitude was because I'd put a stop to Ali's lengthy explanation and the endless back-and-forth. Looking at Dominick now, though, I couldn't help but feel that was wrong. He wasn't thanking me for stopping the conversation; he was thanking me for allowing it to continue.
For letting him get to know his daughter.
As crazy as it was, maybe this could work after all.
The only problem was, the more sure I became that it was good for him to spend time around Ali, the less sure I became that it was good for him to spend time around me.
What would've happened if Ali hadn't interrupted us? If she'd gotten home just ten minutes later? I asked myself, vividly imagining how far things might've gone out in the back. The thought was disturbing, but not half as disturbing as when I realized what I was actually doing.
I wasn't imagining a terrible what-if scenario.
I was fantasizing about what we'd missed.
Dominick
I rode back home as the sun was setting, my head and heart both full. I'd assumed that today would be a stressful day of negotiations with Helena, a constant back-and-forth for the opportunity to get a glimpse at Ali and the chance to know her better. I certainly hadn't expected to spend most of my time playing house and setting up the back yard. Not that I'd minded, of course.
Far from it.
The trip to the hardware store alone might've been the best part of my day, had the day not been so fulfilling in other ways. Ali had been adorable as she ran down the aisles excitedly, marveling at all the different parts and materials available. Helena and I meanwhile shopped for more practical things, like anti-rust paint, plastic recliners and many other assorted gadgets to renovate her yard.
Helena had even let me buy her a sander, despite her playful insistence that all power tools were cursed. Meanwhile, she'd picked up two dozen white hydrangeas to plant in her newly reclaimed flower bed, while Ali had talked us both into buying a small pool.
"Homebodies, huh?" I'd teased Helena with a wink, after she got finished planting the flowers and I had set up the pool. She gave a muted little chuckle, and I wondered how much the original state of the yard simply was a result of no time or energy. Clearly, Helena was a dedicated parent, but no doubt it was very difficult to raise a kid entirely on your own. Especially an intellectually gifted one like Ali.
Or a rebellious one like me.
I veered off the path, taking the nearest exit. The house where I grew up wasn't too far from here, still inhabited by my mother and grandmother. I knew that an unexpected visit from me would tickle both of them, even though I dropped by on a regular basis. We were still close, and ordinarily they got news about my life before even most of my friends did
.
I could just picture how they'd react to the news that I was a father. My mother would be thrilled to hear about a grandchild, and my grandmother would similarly be excited. Heck, they'd probably jump around in excitement just like Ali had been doing all day today. There'd be gifts, food, visits….
Not today, though. It was all too new and fragile, and for the time being, it was something I wanted to keep entirely to myself. Maybe it was selfish, but right now I longed for the simplicity of spending time with Ali and Helena without the need for elaborate fanfare or anything else.
That would come later, but only after I'd made myself a place in Ali's world.
And in Helena's life, whatever place that might be. My attraction to Helena was impossible to deny, and after today, it seemed clear that it was mutual. Despite that, I knew I needed to tread lightly.
My mind flashed back to the moment when we almost kissed, and how natural it had felt. It went beyond mere lust, even though I longed to know what would've happened had we gone to her bedroom as she suggested.
Right.
Treading lightly.
That'd be real easy.
Chapter Four
Helena
I woke up to the sound of loud knocking on the front door. Still groggy, I peered through the curtains to see that the sun was already high in the sky. The clock said it was almost noon, confirming my suspicions that Ali had let me sleep in. She seemed less demanding since I entered the second trimester, and I wondered if she almost had some kind of sixth sense about the pregnancy. Whatever the reason, I couldn't have been more grateful for her cooperation. Raising a daughter alone had been difficult, but doing it while juggling a full-time job and a pregnancy took everything I had.
It was a fact that I hadn't quite let sink in, back at the fertility clinic.
There was more knocking, and I hurried downstairs to find a bespectacled Ali engrossed in her computer. I opened the front door, remembering a split second too late Dominick's habit of showing up unexpectedly and my vow to only appear fully dressed. I winced, expecting the worst, but was relieved—and maybe the tiniest bit disappointed—to find it was just Mrs. Lauer.
