“There is one thing,” he said.
“What?” she asked.
“I told my family I was moving in with you tonight.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Colt—”
“I guess I can stay at a hotel in town.”
“You can sleep in one of my brothers’ rooms.”
“Is Randy going to give you any trouble about this?”
“If he does, he can do his own cooking and laundry until he goes off to college.” She laid her head on his chest. “I hope we’re doing the right thing.”
“As long as we’re both convinced it’s the right thing, then it is,” he said with a certainty he wasn’t feeling inside. He had plenty of fears.
What if she never learns to love me? What if I can’t make her happy?
There were bound to be problems, especially since he would be away in the Air Force. And there was going to be talk. But together they could weather the storm. And Jenny would be his at last.
He’d imagined making love to her a thousand times over the years he’d known her. But that was all he’d ever done. Imagine. He’d never thought his dreams would come true. Soon he’d have the right to hold her naked in his arms. To put himself inside her. He wanted to make love to her. More important, he wanted her love.
There isn’t enough time, a voice warned. You’ve got less than sixty days before you have to report back for duty in Egypt. Sixty days isn’t much time to woo a grieving woman.
He had to find a way. He had to find the time.
Colt smoothed his hand over Jenny’s hair with a sense of wonder. He was going to be sleeping in a room nearby her tonight. In a little more than a month he’d have the right to lie beside her.
I’m sorry, Huck, but she needs me. I know you wouldn’t want her to be alone. And I love her.
“How did you get here tonight?” he asked.
“I drove Old Nellie.”
Old Nellie was a rusted-out ‘56 Chevy pickup. “If you’ll give me a minute to finish packing, I’ll ride back with you,” Colt said.
The door opened without anyone knocking, and Colt found himself staring at his brother Jake over Jenny’s head. His arms were around her—in comfort—just as her arms held tight to him.
Jake took one look, and his eyes narrowed. “I came here to apologize. Looks like I was right all along.”
Colt stared his brother down. He’d done nothing wrong. He’d loved Jenny for years, but he’d never by word or deed done anything to suggest to her how he felt. If Huck had come home and married her, he would have lived his life without her ever knowing he cared. He’d done nothing that required an apology. “Get out, Jake, and leave us alone.”
“If alone is what you want, little brother, alone is what you’ll get!” Jake backed out, slamming the door behind him.
Colt heaved a gusty sigh. “Damn it all to hell.”
“Colt, if this marriage is going to cause problems—”
Colt laid his fingertips against Jenny’s lips to silence her and felt himself quiver at that small touch. “Jake only sees things in black and white. He’ll get over it—in fifty years or so.”
He saw her try to smile…and fail.
“Cheer up,” he said, tipping her chin up so he could look into her eyes. “The cavalry is riding to the rescue.”
She stepped back, away from his touch. “Thanks, Colt. The least I can do is help you pack. Where do you want to start?”
It didn’t take long to pack his things. He hadn’t brought much with him from Egypt. He grabbed the small bag and headed down the hall.
His mother was waiting for him there.
“Hello, Jenny,” she said, reaching out for Jenny’s hand. “I’m very happy for you both.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Whitelaw,” Jenny replied.
The two women held hands for a moment before his mother turned to him. She didn’t say anything, just stared, her heart back in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” he said at last. “I can’t stay here.”
She smiled bravely. “I know. I just wish…” She turned quickly back to Jenny and gave her a hug. “I wish you both the best.” Then she reached up to touch his cheek. “Take care of yourself, Colt. Don’t be a stranger.”
She’d made no comment about whether they all planned to attend the wedding next month. He opened his mouth to ask and shut it again. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie.
Jenny slipped behind the wheel of the pickup as he threw his bag into the rusted-out truck bed. He settled onto the torn passenger seat, and she released the clutch and stepped on the gas.
The short drive from his home to hers had never seemed so long. He listened to the noisy rattle in the dash. The clunk as the carriage of the truck hit the frame when the worn-out shock absorbers failed. The sound of sand and gravel crunching under the bald tires. And, of course, every breath she took.
Colt searched for some safe subject to discuss. Everything seemed fraught with memories of Huck. Maybe that wasn’t so bad. The three of them had been best friends. It was fitting that Huck should be here on this journey with them.
“I miss him already,” Colt said into the silence.
“I keep asking myself what he would think about what we’re doing,” she said.
“He’d understand,” Colt said.
“Would he?” she asked, turning to look at him.
“He loved us both. He wouldn’t want you to lose the ranch.”
Jenny shot him an agonized glance. “I can’t believe we’re even thinking about—”
“Huck is dead, Jenny. We have to go on living.”
“To marry you so soon…It seems…I feel like I’m betraying Huck. His memory, anyway. I’m attracted to you, Colt, but I don’t love you. I loved Huck.”
“We both loved him, Jenny. That’s why getting married is the right thing to do.”
“There’s something wrong with the logic in that statement, but I’m too tired to figure it out right now.” She pulled up to the kitchen door and shut off the engine. It ran for another couple of seconds before it died. “It looks like Randy’s still up.”
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Colt asked. “To explain?”
“Randy hasn’t said a word against this marriage. I think he understands how bad things are.”
And maybe how alone you’d be with Huck never coming back, Colt thought.
Jenny sighed, then pushed the truck door open and stepped down. “Come on in, and I’ll show you where to sleep.”
Colt grabbed his bag from the truck bed, then followed her up the back steps and into the kitchen. Randy was leaning back against the sink, a can of Pepsi in his hand.
“Hello, Randy. Long time no see,” he said, extending his hand to the lanky teenager. Randy’s hair was the same blond as Jenny’s, but his eyes were hazel instead of blue and looked like they’d seen a great deal more of life than a boy his age should.
Randy hesitated, then took Colt’s hand and shook it. “Hi, Colt. What’s up?” He flushed as he realized the can of worms such a question might open up. “I mean…I thought you were moving in tomorrow.”
“Change of plans,” Colt replied. He turned to Jenny, whose face looked drawn. “Where do you want me?”
“Follow me,” she said, hurrying from the kitchen.
“You gonna stay in Sam’s room?” Randy asked, tagging along behind them.
“I’ll stay wherever Jenny puts me.”
“Sam’s room is next to mine,” Randy said. “Down the hall from Jenny’s.”
“Sounds like a good place to be,” Colt said, meeting Jenny’s glance over her shoulder. It seemed down the hall was as close to his sister as Randy wanted Colt.
Colt didn’t know if Sam’s old room was where she’d initially wanted to put him, but she took her cue from Randy’s suggestion, and he found himself in the doorway to a small, feminine room a moment later.
“This is my sewing room now,” she said. “I’ll get my things out of here tomorrow.”
> The small room held a single, brass-railed bed and a bedside table with a delicate porcelain lamp. Her sewing machine sat on a table heaped with clothes that she was either making or mending. In the corner stood a clothing dummy wearing what looked like the beginning of a wedding gown.
The gingham curtains were trimmed in eyelet lace, and the bed was heaped with a bunch of frilly pillows and a pair of rag dolls. It might have been Sam’s room once upon a time, but Jenny had made it hers.
This was a side of Jenny he’d rarely seen: the soft, feminine side. She’d done a man’s work on the Double D for as long as he could remember, and he’d rarely seen her wearing anything but jeans. Everything in this room was soft, decorated in pastel pink and pale green. The dolls were a surprise. It smelled flowery, like maybe the drawers were filled with some kind of potpourri.
She flushed as he met her gaze. “I’ll just take these with me,” she said, scooping up the lacy pillows and the dolls, as though she were embarrassed for him to see them. “Randy can get you anything you need,” she said as she backed out of the room.
“What bee got into her bonnet?” Randy asked, staring after her.
“I guess she wasn’t expecting company tonight,” Colt said.
“Why did you come tonight?” Randy asked.
Colt met Randy’s troubled gaze and decided to tell the truth. “My family doesn’t approve of this marriage any more than your brothers do. I thought it would make everybody more comfortable if I got this move over with.”
“If you hurt her, I’ll take you out myself.”
Colt met the teenager’s warning look with a steady gaze. “There isn’t a man alive who cares more for your sister than I do, Randy. I only want to help her.”
The boy stared at him a moment longer before his shoulders sagged. “Jeez, Colt. We sure can use the help. Things have been pretty tight around here. Jenny hasn’t let on to the others how bad things are, but it’s a little hard to hide the truth from me, when all we ever have for supper is macaroni and cheese.”
Trust a youth to judge the state of things by what he put in his stomach, Colt thought wryly. “Things are going to get better, Randy. I’m here to make sure of it.”
“Thanks, Colt. Guess I’ll get some sleep. The school bus comes early in the morning.”
“Good night, Randy. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
Colt stripped to his shorts, which was what he’d worn to sleep in for the past ten years, when he might find himself jumping into a flight suit in the middle of the night, and slipped between the covers.
The sheets were printed with roses. The pillow smelled like…Jenny. The springs squeaked and squealed as he turned over, trying to get comfortable. The mattress sagged in the middle, a reminder that everything in the house was old and worn-out and needed to be replaced. He turned out the delicate porcelain lamp and stared into the darkness. He could hear the crickets outside his window and the rustle of the wind through the grass.
It must have been hard to be the one female in a house full of men. With most of them gone, she’d created this feminine haven for herself. When he thought about it a little more, Colt realized it wasn’t a woman’s room, it was a girl’s room. A place, perhaps, to recapture a lost childhood?
Colt remembered a time when he’d come to visit and had helped Jenny feed Randy. The kid loved squashed-up peas. Huck had decided he would rather go play than stay and help, so he’d had Jenny to himself for the whole afternoon—along with her four younger brothers. Her mother had been confined to her bed, watched over by Jenny’s aunt.
Colt had enjoyed himself tremendously that day because it was all new to him—feeding Randy, changing Sam’s diaper, then making sure Tyler and James took a bath. He’d been able to go home at the end of the day. Jenny had not.
The door opened almost before he heard the knock and was shut again after Jenny slipped inside.
“Colt?” she said.
He sat up and turned on the light. She was wearing an old chenille bathrobe and a pair of fluffy slippers. Her hair was down on her shoulders, and her face looked scrubbed. He felt his body tighten. “What are you doing in here, Jenny?”
“I can’t do it, Colt.”
He slid his legs over the side of the bed, but kept the sheet over his hips. “Do what?”
“I can’t marry you.”
He forgot about the sheet as he stood and crossed to take her by the arms. “What’s going on, Jenny? I thought this was all settled.”
Tears welled in her eyes and one plopped onto her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb.
“Huck will always be there between us. Don’t you see? Someday you’re going to want a wife who can love you back, and I—”
“Let me worry about what I need,” Colt said, pulling her into his arms. Her body was stiff and unyielding. He leaned back and separated her hands and put them around his waist, then pulled her close.
He was sorry as soon as he did. He could feel the soft warmth of her breasts against his naked chest. Feel her thighs through the wafer-thin robe. He angled his hips away, so she wouldn’t become aware of his arousal. I’m sorry, Huck. I can’t help wanting her.
He took Jenny’s head between his hands and tilted her face up to his. “Listen to me, Jenny. I don’t expect you to stop loving Huck. His memory will always be with us. I loved him, too, you know.” He kissed a tear from her cheek and tasted the salt…and the sweetness of her. “Let me do this for him, for you, for both of you.”
“I feel so guilty,” she whispered.
“Why?”
“Because I’m glad you’re here. Because I’m glad I don’t have to face life alone anymore. And you’re not even the man who was supposed to come home to me. What’s wrong with me, Colt?”
He hugged her tight against him. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Jenny. You’re just human.”
“I’m so tired of trying to hold everything together by myself. You can’t imagine what it’s been like, Colt. I’ve been counting the days until Huck got here to take some of the burden off my shoulders. I know it’s not fair to lay so much on you. I just can’t do it by myself anymore. I can’t.”
She was weeping in earnest, and Colt lifted her into his arms and sat down on the sagging bed and let her cry. She kept her mouth against his neck to mute the sound, as aware as he was that her brother was in the next room. When the sobs became hiccups, he felt her fingertips move tentatively across his chest. Gooseflesh rose where she touched.
“You’re cold,” she said.
“It’s the breeze from the window,” he lied. “I’ll close it later.”
“I should go to bed. It’s late.” But she made no move to leave his lap. Her hand stole around his neck, and he quivered as she played with the short hair at his nape. “I’m sorry I fell apart like that.”
“You’re entitled. I don’t know how you’ve managed to do so much with so little help. Why haven’t you said something to Sam and Tyler and James?”
“They’ve got their own lives. The ranch is my problem.”
“And mine now.”
“Until your leave is up.”
“Yeah,” he said, realizing for the first time how little help he was going to be if he left her behind and returned to Egypt.
At last she lifted her head. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her lower lip was swollen where she’d chewed on it. “I’m so used to carrying all the responsibility on my shoulders, I’m not sure how I’ll adjust to having someone around to help.”
“I’m sure you’ll manage. You always have.”
She looked at him strangely. “Yes. I have.”
It took Colt a moment to identify what he was feeling, what she’d heard in his voice. He was angry. Furious, really. At his friend. How could Huck have left her alone all these years and gone off to fly jets? Why hadn’t Huck stayed home and married Jenny and run the ranch with her? Why hadn’t Huck given her babies of her own, instead of leaving her alone to raise her brothers?
He was
no better. He’d known for a long time how little time Huck spent with her, how little help Huck had provided, but he hadn’t encouraged his friend to marry her. Because as long as Huck never married Jenny there was always the chance she might be yours someday.
Colt felt sick inside. It was hard to face such truths. He had a chance now to redress the wrongs of the past. He could be there for Jenny. Love her. Take care of her.
For Huck’s sake? Or for your own? a voice asked.
For Jenny’s sake, he answered. She deserved a better life, and he was going to make sure she got it.
“You’ll feel better after a night’s sleep,” Colt said as he stood and set Jenny’s feet on the floor. He had to unwrap her arms from around his neck. He held her hands for a moment, his thumbs moving across her work-worn knuckles. “I promise I’ll always take care of you, Jenny. It’s the least I can do for Huck.” And for the woman I love.
CHAPTER FIVE
JENNY ROSE THE NEXT MORNING FEELING—for the first time in a very long time—like anything was possible. She dressed in the same worn jeans, another faded Western shirt, and the same boots with the holes in the soles that were layered with newspaper. But she didn’t feel the least forlorn. Why do I feel so different? she wondered. Hope. It was as simple as that.
“Good morning.”
Jenny was surprised to find Colt in the kitchen ahead of her. His short black hair was still shiny wet from the shower. She must have been more exhausted than she’d thought, to sleep through the groaning water pipes.
He rubbed at the beard darkening his cheeks and chin and said, “Hope you don’t mind. Figured I’d wait to shave again till these stitches come out.”
Growing up in a houseful of men, she’d seen many an unshaven face at the breakfast table, but never one she found so appealing. “I’ll make us some coffee,” she said, suddenly aware that she’d been standing there admiring the way his chest filled out his white T-shirt and the way his jeans molded…everything.
He pointed to the percolator. “Coffee’s made.” He had a pan on the stove and was laying strips of bacon in it.
“I should be making your breakfast,” she said.
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