I nodded, but it still didn’t mean that I wouldn’t freak out. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I had any control over my reactions at the moment.
“So like I told you a few times, we didn’t take your soul. Unus quisnam aufero animus is mostly used as a form of punishment. But in your case, we weren’t trying to punish you or anything. You were just a little girl and Jocelyn’s daughter. So instead of taking your soul, Sophia did something a little less severe. She detached you soul from your emotions. And since emotions have such a huge connection with memories, it made it so you couldn’t remember anything about your past.”
An annoying buzzing noise had developed inside my head. Alex watched me closely, waiting for me to react. But all I could focus on was the humming. Had a family of bees suddenly taken up camp in there or something? Or was I just in shock?
“Gemma.” Alex’s tone was cautious. “Do you want me to continue? Or do you need a break?”
“What?” I blinked and shook my head. “No, you can go on.”
“Are you sure, because I can give you a break?”
“No,” I said determinedly. “I want to hear the rest.”
It seemed like he didn’t want to tell me, but went on anyway.
“After Sophia detached your soul, she and Marco took you to Afton to keep you hidden from the Death Walkers. There was something about the snow that made it difficult to track the stars energy. I think the cold might reduce the heat the energy produces or something, but I’m not exactly sure.”
“Maybe that’s why I hate the cold so much.” I joked in an eerily humorless tone. God, I sounded as dead and hollow as the Death Walkers looked.
He gave me a small smile. “Perhaps. But that’s not really the point I was trying to make. The point is your soul is still there, along with your memories. You just can’t connect with either of them. Or couldn’t I guess I should say.”
He gave me a look that made may skin feel hot and fiery, and it wasn’t just the electricity. No, this was something else. Something more. The prickle on the back of my neck was confirming that. I hadn’t felt the prickle in awhile, and I wondered if somehow my soul was trying to reconnect with me.
Or maybe I was just hoping.
I had to slow my breathing down before I spoke. “So why did I all of a sudden start to feel again?” I asked.
“No one really knows the answer to that.” He shut his eyes and massaged his temples. “Sophia tried to detach it again, but it didn’t work.”
Breath, I told myself. “What do you mean she tried to do it again? When?”
He opened his eyes back up. “She tried it a few months ago, after you started showing signs of feeling emotions. You don’t remember because she did it while you were asleep.”
No wonder I have nightmares. Imagine some old lady sneaking into your room late at night and trying to detach your soul. You’d probably have nightmares too.
“So what do they plan on doing to me now that it didn’t work?” I snapped. “Lock me away somewhere and throw away the key?”
“No,” he said, avoiding eye contact with me.
“Then what? Tell me. What are they going to do?”
There was a hint of pity in his bright green eyes. “There’s someone else with the same gift as Sophia that’s headed here right now. He’s supposed to be more powerful than Sophia, and Stephan seems convinced it’ll work.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Well, I actually could, considering all the other crap I’d been told over the last few days, but…“Why?”
His eyebrows dipped down. “Why what?”
“Why didn’t you guys have this detaching soul person detach my soul sooner? I’ve been feeling for a few months now? Why wait and let it get worse.”
“Because,” he faltered, “they couldn’t find the guy. I guess on the night of the fieldtrip, Stephan finally found him. That’s why we couldn’t get a hold of them. They’d gone to pick up this man.”
No wonder Alex had gotten out of the Jeep to talk to Stephan. He didn’t want me to hear any of this. “I-I can’t believe this. You guys are so—so—”
“Gemma, you need to calm down,” he said. “You’re freaking out, and I can’t understand what you’re saying.”
“Of course I’m freaking out.” I yelled, clenching my hands into fists as I jumped to my feet. “You just told me that I have to go back to being Hollow Zombie Girl.”
I’m not sure how he’d expected me to react, but by the look of shock on his face, I was guessing he’d probably anticipated a more mellow reaction.
But I don’t know why.
I started to back away from the couch. “I won’t do it. There’s no way. I can’t go back to being like that. Ever.”
“You don’t have a choice,” he said, getting to his feet. “This isn’t just about you. It’s about the safety of the world and everyone in it. Do you want to be responsible for people dying?”
“No,” I said, sidestepping around the coffee table. “But how do you expect me to just let them detach my soul and take away everything. Do you know what it was like living that way for—for—I don’t even know how long it was because time felt nonexistent. Every single day was nothing. There was no point in even waking up. Yet I did, every single day. And even though my emotions were gone, it was still torture. And it’s going to be worse now because I've experienced what it’s like to feel things and be human. You guys may think it’s okay to do it, but it’s not. Yes, it may have to be done to save the world, but it’s still horrible because, aside from what you guys may think, I’m not just something carry around a star inside me. I’m human too. Or at least part human.”
Okay, that was by far the biggest speech I’ve ever made. It ran me out of breath, it took so long.
“I know your human,” he snapped. “You don’t think I understand how wrong it is. Do you know how much I wished there was another way to fix it?”
“That’s such a load of crap,” I said, my voice hot with anger. “You’ve hated me since the first day we’ve met.”
“I’ve never hated you.” His voice had softened. “Not once.”
I glared at him. “You are such a liar.”
He grabbed me by the arm and reeled me to him, crashing me into his chest. “I’ve never hated you.”
I had to remind myself to breath. Every part of my body felt hot and electric, and my head was spinning.
“Well, it’s good to see that you’re wrist is feeling better,” he said.
“Yeah…” It felt so nice when he touched me.
“Just forget about everything for a minute,” he whispered.
Maybe I could…forget about…everything.
His eyelids drifted shut as he leaned in to kiss me.
That slapped me back to reality. “Forget about everything.” I yanked my arm away from him and shoved him back. “What is this? Are you trying to distract me or something?”
“No.” He looked stunned, but like I’ve said before, he is an expert liar. He stepped toward me. “Gemma, that’s not what I—”
I backed away from him. “Stay away from me.”
He kept coming at me. “I’m not—”
“Stay away from me!” I cried and took off in a mad sprint down the hall.
I wasn’t sure if he followed me or not. I never checked. I stormed into the room that held my bag and locked the door. Then I threw myself on the bed and cried and cried and cried until I ran out of tears.
Chapter 31
“Gemma, wake up,” a voice whispered.
I groaned, my eyelids to heavy to open.
“Gemma.” The voice rose louder
I let out a grunt and opened my eyes, only to realize that not only was I lying on the floor, but I was lying on the floor in an entirely different room. I sat up, rubbed my eyes, and peered around at the purple walls pinned with drawings, photos, and a…galaxy map?
“Okay,” I whispered. “Where am I?”
“I want to tell you something.�
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I recognized the voice instantly and jumped to my feet. Sitting in a bay window, gazing up at the night sky, was a woman with long brown hair and blue iris—my mother. Sitting next to her was a little girl with violet eyes—me.
And yep, I could see their faces. Apparently, memories or not, getting rid of the haze in one of them had cleared them all up.
“Look at the stars mama.” The younger me pointed at the sky. “They’re so pretty.”
“Yes, they are,” my mother agreed. “And it’s very important that you remember that. No matter what happens.”
The younger me looked up at her. “Why? What’s going to happen?”
“That’s for me to worry about.” My mother smoothed the younger me’s hair back.
“I’m scared,” the younger me whispered, getting teary eyed. “I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I know. And I don’t want to leave you. But in case something does happen, I need you to know that I love you more than anything.” My mother wiped a tear away from the younger me’s eye. “And I always will. Never forget that.”
The younger me nodded and hugged my mother tightly. “I promise I’ll never forget.”
“Yes, you will,” I whispered, tears trickling down my cheeks. “You’ll forget everything.”
My eyes shot open. I was back at the cabin, lying on the bed. My eyes and cheeks were damp with tears. My neck was sore and hot—I must have been sleeping in a weird position or something. Whatever these things—visions, resurfacing memories, or maybe just dreams—were, I still had managed to cry in real-life. My guess, though, was that they were memories.
I tried not to think about how heartbreaking the scene between me and my mother was as I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my jacket. It was just too painful to think about.
Unsure of how late it was, or how much time had gone by since I’d locked myself in the room, I scooted off the bed and treaded over to the window. Pulling back the curtain, I saw that it was nearing dark. The hills were shadows, the sky grey. But it was still early enough that the stars had not yet awakened.
So what was I supposed to do now? The last thing I wanted to do was to walk out and find Marco, Sophia, Stephan, and Detaching Soul Guy waiting for me. I needed to find out if they’d arrived yet.
I tiptoed over to the door, cracked it open, and listened. The only noise I could hear came from my own breathing. Crossing my fingers that no one was here yet, I opened the door the rest of the way, went out into the living room, and almost jumped with joy when I found it completely people free.
But where was Alex?
Good question.
I searched the house, checking the kitchen, the dining room, even going out into the garage. But nothing. There was no sign of Alex anywhere. Is that necessarily a bad thing? I asked myself, and sighed because the answer was yes.
I was just about to sit down on the couch and wait it out when I spotted Alex through the sliding glass door. He was sitting in a porch swing on the back porch. Beneath the dim porch light, I could see that he’d ditched the black baseball hat, his dark brown hair sticking up in its messily, yet perfectly done, way. He was staring down at his hand, and I couldn’t help but feel nervous about what he might be holding in it.
I made my way over to the sliding door, and paused before gliding it open. I stepped out into the cold night air, my breath puffing out in a cloud.
He glanced up at me, and then returned his gaze back to whatever was in his hand.
“It’s freezing out here.” I tugged the hood of my jacket over my head, tucked my hands up into the sleeves, and tromped through the snow over to the swing. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just thinking about stuff…” He clasped his hand around something shiny and sliver and looked up at me. “I’m surprised you came out of the room. I was pretty sure that you were going to lock yourself in there and refuse to come out.”
“It wouldn’t have done me any good.” I sat down on the swing, and it rocked beneath my weight. “You guys probably would have just broken down the door and dragged me out.”
He didn’t say anything, but it didn’t matter. I already knew the extent of what the Keepers would do to keep the stars power thriving.
I let the tips of my shoes trace across the snow as the swing swayed back and forth. “So…what do you have in your hand?”
He hesitatingly opened his hand, and a necklace rested in his palm. A violet stone carved the center of a silver, heart-shaped pendant. The color of the stone reminded me of the color of my eyes.
I stared at the necklace, mesmerized by its beauty. “What is it?”
A smile teased at his lips. “A necklace.”
I rolled my eyes. “Obviously. But why are you showing it to me?”
“Because it was yours.” He slipped the chain of the necklace through his fingers and dangled it in front of me. “Your mother gave it to you when you were little…before everything happened.”
“It was mine? Really?” I asked excitedly.
He nodded. “It really was.”
I pressed my lips together, my eyes starting to burn from the tears that were threatening to break through.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded because I couldn’t speak. I don’t know how to even begin to explain to you just how much this meant to me. I’m not even sure there are any words that would fit what I was feeling. Okay, imagine if every ounce of who you are was ripped away and there was nothing left but a lost version of yourself struggling to find a way back to a life you’d never known—a life you knew had to be better than the empty one you were living. That’s what this necklace was. A piece of my past that reminded me that I’d once had a good life, with a loving mother, free to do and feel as I pleased.
“So…” I began after I’d found my voice again. “Why are you showing it to me?”
“I have no idea,” he said, not in a rude way, but in a confused one.
“Okay…” I said, sounding as confused as he did. “Do I get to keep it?”
He eyed me over. Then he took hold of my hand and placed the necklace in it, the metal warm against my frostbitten skin.
“So…that’s a yes then.” I wanted to know before I got too excited.
He leaned back in the swing. “Yeah, you can keep it.”
“Thank you,” I said in the softest voice I’d ever heard come out of my mouth.
“Wow, two thank you’s in a day. That’s impressive.”
I smiled, but it was forced. I just wasn’t feeling it at the moment. Yes, I was excited about the necklace, but sad at the same time, because I knew at any given moment, my recollection of it, along with everything else, would be gone forever. And that stole away all of my wittiness.
“Gemma, are you alright?" He furrowed his eyebrows quizzically. “You’re acting kind of… strange.”
“So are you,” I said, clamping my hand around the necklace.
“How so?”
“You’re being too nice, giving me the necklace and everything. It’s weird.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he agreed. “Maybe I should take it back.” He made a move for the necklace.
I wrenched my hand back. “I didn’t mean you had to take it back. I want it, and I’m not giving it back to you.”
“Relax, I’m just teasing you,” he said. “Look, I know things have been up and down between us, but just for a moment, can we try to be normal.”
I frowned. “That last time I thought things between you and me were headed to Normalville, you were playing me for a fool, so you could try to find out if I knew why my emotions had suddenly started up again.”
“And I’m sorry for that,” he said sincerely.
“Oh. My. Word. Did you just say sorry?” I widened my eyes and did an over exaggerated look of shock. “Holy crap. I think the world just stop spinning.” He grinned and I added, “Is that normal enough for you?”
A moment of silence passed between us. I
stared down at the necklace, the silver and purple sparkling almost like the stars that had now dusted themselves across the sky.
“Aren’t you going to put it on?” he asked, nodding down at the necklace in my hand.
“Yeah, good idea.” I’d started to unfasten the clamp when it hit me. What if there was something wrong with the necklace. What if it wasn’t my necklace at all, but some kind of soul detaching device that Alex was trying to trick me into putting on? What if when I put it on, my soul would be gone? I stopped fumbling with the clamp. “You know, I’m not sure if I should. I mean, what if this is a trick or something? For all I know, putting this on could be part of the process of detaching my soul.”
He shook his head and sighed. “It’s not and I can prove it.” He reached over and flipped the pendant to the back. Flawless cursive engraved the letters GL—my initials. “See, GL—Gemma Lucas.”
I smiled a real smile. It really did belong to me. I flicked the clasp open and wrapped the chain around my neck.
Okay, so I’m not sure if you’ve caught onto this yet, but I am not a jewelry wearing kind of girl. Putting a necklace on was like a whole new experience for me, and I couldn’t get the sucker to hook shut.
“Need some help?” Alex asked, looking like he was enjoying watching me struggle.
“No,” I refused stubbornly. “I got it.” But after a few more minutes of trying to get the dang clamp closed, I gave up. “Oh, fine. I guess I need your help.”
He laughed, making a circle in the air with his finger. “Turn around.”
I did, and he took the necklace from my hands, his fingers grazing mine. I tried my best to ignore how hot his touch made me feel as he fumbled to secure the clasp of the necklace closed.
But like me, he seemed to be struggling.
“Hmmm…” He paused. “Well that’s interesting?”
I glanced over my shoulder at him. “What’s interesting?”
“Well, it looks like you got your mark.”
“A Foreseer’s mark.”
He nodded, tracing his finger gently along the back of my neck. “I can see the outline of it forming right here.”
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