As the shuttle from the hospital drew closer to the back of the employee parking lot where she had parked her, car she saw John’s truck parked in the next spot. It would seem that he was bent on them hashing this situation out, but in her mind there was nothing to sort out at all. Taking a deep breath and bracing herself she didn’t look at his truck but got off of the shuttle and headed right for the passenger door of her car. John was already climbing out of his truck and she continued in her path ignoring him until he was right behind her saying her name as she opened the car door.
“Ariel, please stop for just a minute.”
She turned around, he looked so hot this evening. He was wearing a fitted navy blue t-shirt with low sitting jeans that looked so good and hugged his hips perfectly. She was sure he was wearing the tight briefs that she loved to seem him in as well.
“I really don’t want to talk to you John.”
“I get that, and I just wanted you to know that what you heard wasn’t exactly what I meant.”
Turning towards him Ariel braced herself for what she felt would come next, but she felt her shudders in her shoulders first and knew she was going to cry, if not now, then soon. She felt John’s arms around her and it felt like she was home.
“So you are ready for a real relationship, something long term or at least with the commitment that you and I spoke about last week?”
She looked up at John and saw the frown cross his face.
“Well I’m not saying that I would never want that, and it’s not that I don’t want you, I just want some time to be free. I was with someone for a long time and I just don’t want to jump right back into something.”
“So basically, what I heard was correct, but you still want to go out on occasion and have sex, so fuck buddies is what you want us to be.”
“I wouldn’t put it quite like that Ariel, I could see myself caring for you deeply, I would like to date you and if other things happen, then they happen, but I can’t say I’m looking for a marriage, or even a steady girlfriend right now. I can promise not to have sex with other women if that’s the commitment you’re looking for.”
“Well I don’t know how you think that what you just proposed is any better than what I overheard. I just thought you were different, you were taking me to meet your parents and seemed to want to spend a lot of time with me.”
John’s hands were on her shoulders and she shrugged them off backing away from him. Any amount of distance would be better than having him able reach out and touch her. The thing was, she loved the way he touched her body, she could see herself giving in to the scenario that he was proposing, and who knows, and maybe one day he would love her. The downside of course is that she knew that she deserved someone who did want her, all of her, and all of the time and John didn’t think she was special enough to even give a real commitment to her a try.
“John, I think it’s better that we just don’t see each other again. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, and only me, not where I’m an occasional roll in the hay a few nights a week with no strings. I want be cared about and cherished, not treated like a whore.”
Wow did those words come out of her mouth, maybe they were a bit strong, but she felt pretty strongly about this. How could he think that she was just going to be an occasional date, especially after the feelings that she had felt developing for her him. Stupid. She was just stupid.
John stepped forward.
“Ariel, wait, come on, I have never treated you like a whore, and I certainly don’t want to . . .”
John was cut off as Ariel opened her car door and slid in, slamming the door in his face and starting the engine. She rolled down the window and looked up at John who was standing right next to her car. The tears were running down her face hot and blinding as she swept them away with her palm.
“John, what I heard you say really hurt my feelings. I feel embarrassed by the way I acted and ashamed that I gave myself away so freely when I was so wrong on your intentions. I feel stupid and betrayed, but I’m happy that I know so I can stop myself from falling even more deeply for you. Good bye, John. I don’t need your pity or your empty dates, or anything from you.”
With that she turned her head and stopped on the gas getting out of that parking lot as fast as possible.
The next two weeks went by pretty quick, Ariel who used to see John all the time at the hospital hadn’t seen him at all. She saw Jeff and Brandon a few times but they hadn’t had time to say more than hello. Ariel found that she missed John. He was really the sort of guy that she could’ve seen herself married to, but he obviously cared so little for her. Her blindness to his disregard for her was just another strong indication that in the future she needed to just take things a bit slower and think them through. Life slipped back into its familiar routine, late nights at work, fast food when she did remember to eat and sleeping in till the afternoon on her days off.
A few weeks later Sean was in the kitchen cooking chili and the smell turned Ariel’s stomach. She ran off to the bathroom and Sean came in to see what the matter was. She was retching over the toilet when he came in the bathroom door.
“Sean, I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m gonna have any of that chili tonight.”
“I can see that. You reacted pretty strongly to it, does it smell any different to you than normal or do you think you’re coming down with something?”
“I felt fine until it wafted over to me and no, nothing about it smelled any different.”
“If I didn’t know you were a virgin I would say to go and buy a pregnancy test.”
Ariel gasped and Sean looked back down at her.
“Wait a minute Ari, did you have sex with that John guy? Come on you can tell me if you did, I am nurse and all.”
“Yes, and we didn’t use a condom either.”
“Well then we should head out to Walgreens and buy a pregnancy test, better yet, we both work tomorrow night I’ll just snag a test strip from there and it’ll be free.”
“I don’t think I can wait until then, I’m just going to worry myself sick over it until I know for sure. I think it’s better to just know now.”
Climbing into Sean’s small SUV Ariel found that she was so nervous that she was shaking. She was about to purchase a little stick that could change the course of her entire life. She hadn’t spoken to John in forever, over a month and a half now, she knew he didn’t want to be with her much less have a child that he would be stuck with. The panicky thoughts kept spinning threw her mind and before she knew it Sean was climbing back into the truck with a small white and red bag.
“You’re going to worry yourself to death. Stop that, you can worry when we know for sure that you have something to worry over, and even then you still have some options.”
“Sean I’m not going to have an abortion, if I am pregnant then I hope you’re ok with having a baby in your house, I promise not to cramp your style.
“Let’s just take things as they are for the moment and we’ll deal with it all as it comes. Just promise me you aren’t going to freak out, or at least not too much no matter what the results.”
“OK, I promise.”
The ride back to the house was tense with both Ariel and Sean lost in their own thoughts. As soon as they went inside Ariel headed for the bathroom and decided she was not going to delay the inevitable. She had to now know.
Why do they make these things so complicated? She couldn’t help but to think as she unfolded the incredibly long list of directions and FAQ’s. Basically she just needed to pee on the stick for a few seconds, lay the stick on a flat surface with the cap on it and wait. Hovering on the toilet she followed instructions and placed the test on the edge of the bathtub. The box said it could take up to three minutes and she willed herself not to look at it. She finished up with going to the bathroom, washed her hands and looked at the second hand on her watch. Only 85 seconds had passed. At just under three minutes she picked up the stick and saw the dreaded plus
sign. Plus means pregnant. In her heart she felt like she had known something was off, she hadn’t wanted to face the fact that this was indeed what was going on with her sore breasts. Her period was never that regular so she hadn’t had to directly face things until now. She figured it had been about a month, maybe a little more than that now since she had seen John last. In seven or eight short months she would be a mom. Wow, things sure changed quickly.
There was a knock at the bathroom door. Sean was hovering outside wanting to make sure that she was ok. She showed him the stick and saw his disappointment, but he quickly wrapped her in a hug and led her out to the couch.
“Ariel, this doesn’t have to be the end of your life you know. You can still go back to school, work, get your own place and even find someone who does love you and your child. You can have all those things while being a mom, women do it all the time. Plus your family is only an hour and a half away, I’m sure your mom will be super happy to have a grandchild, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal right now.”
“I know your right. I can do this. I make decent money, enough to afford my own place if I have to. I mean, I know you’re planning on selling this house in the next six months and I still expect you to do so. You’ve been talking about investing in a larger property closer to work since I moved in. I’m gonna start looking for a place soon just like I was planning to.”
“I can delay my move for a little while, plus you could always move with me. You don’t have to make any major decisions right now. Are you going to call John soon and tell him?”
“No, the last time that he and I spoke I think he made it really clear that a girlfriend wasn’t in his plans, and I am sure having a child right now was definitely not what he wanted to do. I feel like you need your space and not to be tied down to me, I am going to start looking for a spot for me and the baby to stay, don’t argue, it may take me a bit. I just want to do this because I know it’s the right thing for me and you. You are still a single guy bringing women around and having parties, all of that would be cramped if you had an infant asleep across the hall. I won’t be nearly as much fun to be around anymore.”
“That’s not true Ari, you’re still going to be the same person inside, just with a baby to take care of. Don’t get overwhelmed.”
Overwhelmed was an understatement. She felt more like she had been run over by a freight train the next morning when she ran to the bathroom to lose the light dinner she had managed the night before. It was going to be a long day.
It actually turned into a long week. Each morning she was greeted by the familiar turning of her stomach and she tried to settle it as best she could but morning sickness quickly turned into all day sickness and soon her co-workers were asking her what was wrong. She found herself pale and losing weight. It was time to make an appointment to see a female doctor, she was pretty sure that was the next step. She called on Friday and her appointment was made for the following Wednesday.
As she drove to the appointment the next week she tried to distract herself. The palm trees in the median of the road were swaying in the breeze, that was relaxing. It was also making her a little sea sick. Yuck. She pulled into the parking lot of the Woman’s Care Center and parked her car. She was a few minutes early so she checked her phone and saw a text from Sean telling her to text him when she left her appointment. He had offered to go with her but she felt like this was going to be personal and while he was an RN, she just didn’t want him seeing her with her legs in the air, it felt like it would cross some sort of roommate boundary.
The obstetrician asked her several questions about her sexual history and medical information and did a regular exam along with a pap smear and swabs for STD’s. She then had the assistant wheel in an ultrasound machine and explained that she was going to do a vaginal ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and check for a heartbeat. Ariel looked over at the screen in awe as she saw the little peanut that was just a blip on the monitor and this was going to be her child. It was amazing really, suddenly she wished that John was here with her and excited about this baby, not stuck on wanting to be single and not committed. She decided then and there that she wasn’t going to contact him. He had been very clear and while this was a miracle she was sure John would see it as a trap. As the doctor went over pregnancy instructions and wrote an order for her to have some lab work completed she had made up her mind. She could do this all on her own.
Breaking the news to her parents was not easy. She called them a few weeks later and let them know she was expecting. Her mom was upset when she told her what had happened and her father vowed to go hunt John down and make him take responsibility. Ariel calmed them both and told them that she had decided to keep this child and would do the best for the baby and love it no matter what happened. Her mom offered for her to move home with them so her and her father could help with childcare and everything that went along with having a baby and Ariel agreed to come home for a little while during her maternity leave. She appreciated her parents support and knew they would be there for her and her baby, but she felt strongly about the fact that she had made decisions that placed her in this situation and she would be the one to make things work. There is nothing wrong with seeking help and support from the ones around you who offer, but at the same time she had to know she could do this on her own.
Looking for an apartment was not so easy. While she could afford a one bedroom it wasn’t easy finding one in downtown Tampa in a decent area in her price range. She was sure that she needed a full washer and dryer, babies can be messy, and a dishwasher was also a must. She made a few appointments at places and finally decided on renting a detached garage that had been converted into a decent sized one bedroom with a small kitchenette and outdoor patio. It wasn’t in a great neighborhood, but the owners were an older couple who seemed to be really sweet and made her feel welcome. They were even willing to work with her on the rent and the older woman said she could also baby sit a little in a pinch if she was needed. They had met Bruno and agreed that as long as she cleaned up after him he could move in as well. The street where the property was located was quiet, there were houses on the other end with bars on the windows, but Ariel felt safe enough in the area to come and go at night. Plus, the owners had motion sensitive security lights and an alarm for the garage that was separate from the house so it did feel safe.
Sean wasn’t thrilled about the move. He wanted her to stay but she had already made excuses and abstained from drinking at two pretty wild parties at her house and knew it was time to make a change to a calm and serene life. Soon she was moving in. Sean and some of the people from work moved her bed and other items as they told her she shouldn’t be moving heavy boxes in her condition. She threw up her hands and ordered the pizza, supplying pizza and soda was a small price to pay for a free group of movers anyhow.
“Ari, are you sure about this place?”
“Sean, I told you, I’m going to be just fine, I promise.”
“Well the owners do seem really nice and they have offered to help you out so much, but remember I’m only fifteen minutes away and I can be here in a pinch. Call me when you go into labor if you need a ride.”
“That’s not going to happen for months Sean, and if I need to call you I sure will. Thank you for putting up with me and helping through this mess as much as you have.”
“Hey, don’t act like we’re saying good-bye, I’m still going to see you when we work together and I insist we get together one night a week for a dinner. I have to make sure you’re eating, you look like you have lost a lot of weight.”
“I have lost weight, the doctor says not to worry about it at this point and I’ll probably gain it back in the end, I sure hope not though.”
Soon she was alone in her new place. She finished putting the sheets and comforter on her bed and went into the living room. The TV was already set up and the garage had cable. As she flipped through the channels she fell asleep on the couch. It sure had been a long day.
The next morning she awoke with a start and her neck hurt terribly. Sitting up quickly it took a few minutes to realize that she wasn’t home anymore. She was in her new home and she needed to run to the bathroom quick. After dry heaving for almost a half an hour she opened the refrigerator door and thanked God that someone had purchased a few items and placed them in the fridge. It wasn’t much but having some ginger ale was the only thing she could imagine consuming at this point. She had to get it together though because soon she was going to have to shower and get ready to leave for work.
As the days passed Ariel fell into a new routine. She spent much more time sleeping than she used to, but she also enjoyed taking Bruno to the park and on her days off she started to go home and visit her parents more often. They were getting exciting about having a grandchild as well and still talked often about Ariel coming home to stay with them for good. While she knew it wouldn’t be a terrible situation she still wanted that independence and to prove she could do this on her own. It was her child and she didn’t want her parent to have to raise another child.
At her twelve week check- up the doctor checked the size of the baby and since Ariel was able to offer such a specific date of conception it was easy for the doctor to tell that the baby was right on track with its growth. She took the printed sonogram photos and tucked them into her planner where she could marvel at the life she was growing inside of her whenever the mood struck her.
Brothers in Blue: The First Love Match Page 9
