“Go to hell.”
“Not before you.”
They sat in silence. “I’m taking you home. You have a trial tomorrow, remember?” Daniel said.
Did he? Another disgruntled husband. He couldn’t even recall his client’s name. Lord something or another. Poor sod.
Daniel shifted in his seat. “Do you want my advice?”
“No.”
Once again Daniel ignored him. “I suggest you try to convince her. It’s not like you to give up.”
Gareth looked at Daniel for the first time since he walked into the tavern. “I told you she chose another man.”
“Did you ask her why?”
Gareth was startled by the simple question. Jane never gave him a reason. He wanted something he’d never wanted before when it came to ending a relationship with a woman: understanding.
For the first time in his life he wanted a reason.
He needed to see Jane again. He’d pound down her door if necessary. Why hadn’t he thought of it? Her interest in the captain made no sense. According to Jane’s aunt, the captain wanted to marry. And Jane was adamant against marriage. She’d told him many times. Her marriage to the gambling earl was miserable and had ended tragically.
So what had changed her mind?
Gareth pushed back his chair to stand, but Daniel placed a hand on his shoulder and forced him back down.
“What the hell—”
“You’re drunk. If you go to her late tonight, you’ll accomplish nothing but to make a fool of yourself,” Daniel said.
Gareth shrugged off Daniel’s hand, but he stayed seated. He knew his friend was right, but frustration felt like stab to his gut. He didn’t want to wait. He wanted to see Jane.
Daniel stood and offered Gareth his coat. “I’ll take you to your chambers, brew you a strong pot of coffee, and stay with you. After you’ve sobered, then you can go to your lady tomorrow.”
Gareth jerked his fingers through his hair, pulling the roots away from his forehead until his scalp stung. Exhaling slowly, he dropped his hand. “All right. Let’s go then.”
…
The following morning, Jane halted at the sound of a knock on her front door. She’d been halfway across the marble vestibule on the way to the library when she’d heard the rapping. She glanced about for the butler, but not surprisingly, old Graves was nowhere in sight and probably hadn’t heard the knock.
Her immediate thought was that Captain Turner had decided to pay a visit. She wondered if he sought an audience with Aunt Eleanor to discuss their engagement, or simply to spend time together. Her stomach clenched. She didn’t want either to happen this morning. Her reaction was disturbing.
She planned to marry him, after all.
Another thought followed and her heartbeat quickened. She could be wrong and Gareth could be at the door. She quickly quenched the excitement running through her veins. She refused to think of him, and had sworn to stop acting foolishly. Gareth had made no effort to pursue her after she’d rejected his offer to continue their affair in Lady Vogleson’s garden last night.
Taking a deep breath, Jane opened the door.
“Olivia!” Joy and relief rushed through Jane at the sight of her friend. “I didn’t think you’d return for days.”
Olivia stepped inside. “Edward and I were anxious to return for the remaining season. The countryside in Kent is lovely, but quiet.”
Jane eyed her friend. “Quiet is the perfect place for newlyweds.”
“Not if the Dowager Duchess accompanies the newlyweds.”
“She accompanied you?” Jane asked aghast.
“We took her with us so that she could settle into the dower house. The problem is the dower house is too close to the main estate. We want our honeymoon to be about us. Our London town home is perfect.”
Just then, Graves shuffled across the marble vestibule and took Olivia’s pelisse.
“Some tea, if you please, Graves. We will be in the sitting room,” Jane instructed.
Once the two women were ensconced in the sitting room, Jane shut the door and glanced at Olivia, noting the stunning pearl beading on her gown and matching pearl drop earrings and necklace. “Whatever the reason, I’m thrilled you’ve returned early. You look like a perfect duchess, and you glow with happiness.”
Olivia giggled. “Edward is quite skilled in and out of the bedroom.”
Jane felt her face grow hot. Not from Olivia’s words, but from the image that immediately came to her mind of Gareth rising above her, his muscles in their naked glory, as he slowly made love to her. Sharing his bed had taught her more about pleasure than she’d ever dreamed.
Olivia studied her. “How are you, Jane? Please tell me you’ve reconciled with Mr. Ramsey.”
Jane sat on the sofa and waited until Olivia joined her. “I’ve something to confide in you, but you must keep it secret. I’m pregnant with child.”
Olivia’s mouth gaped. “But I thought…that is you told me…that you couldn’t—”
“The doctor must have been wrong. Only my aunt knows and she swore to keep my secret.”
“This is wonderful news. You’ve always wanted a child. Now you and Mr. Ramsey can marry.”
“No, Olivia. We can’t. Mr. Ramsey has no wish to marry,” she said in a low, composed voice.
Jane didn’t tell her friend Gareth’s reasons. She wouldn’t betray his secrets to another. He was a spy for the Crown, and he’d taken a risk to reveal the truth to her. She wouldn’t tell anyone his secrets, even her closest friend.
“How dishonorable of him! What will you do?”
“I’ve interest from another man.”
“Who?”
“Captain Liam Turner. He’s older, but very respectable and in search of a wife. We are very suitable.” He needed an army wife, and she needed a husband.
“You mean to pass the child off as his?” Olivia asked incredulously.
It was the efficient thing to do. She almost cringed at the choice of words that ran through her mind. She was beginning to sound like Captain Turner.
“Please don’t think me a horrible person,” Jane pled.
Olivia grasped her hand. “Never! Mr. Ramsey is the horrible one. You must act to protect yourself and the babe.”
Jane didn’t bother to correct Olivia. How could she without revealing Gareth’s secret? She accepted Olivia’s sympathy and felt relief to have shared her condition with her friend.
All would be well now. It had to be.
…
Gareth was grateful for Daniel’s interference last night. The tavern had been a close walk to his Gray’s Inn chambers, and the cool night air had helped clear his head. Daniel had made him drink several cups of coffee and had stayed with him to ensure he didn’t do anything he’d regret. He had slept on the sofa in his office and Daniel in one of the leather chairs situated in front of the desk. Gareth had been in a bad way and there had been a strong possibility he’d knock down Jane’s door if she didn’t answer.
After Daniel left, he went to the closet at the end of corridor where he always kept a fresh change of clothes. He knew he’d looked a fright with his rumpled jacket and disheveled hair, and he couldn’t see Jane until he saw to his appearance. As he sat behind his desk tying a freshly starched cravat, his thoughts turned to the best way to approach her when Stevens knocked on his office door. His clerk’s normally composed features were flustered.
“Her Grace, Duchess of Westmont, is here to see you, sir,” Stevens said.
Gareth frowned. Olivia was here? He immediately thought of the duke and wondered if his reckless brother, William, was in trouble once again.
Olivia flew into his office, her voluminous skirts swirling around her legs. “You swine!”
Gareth shot to his feet from behind his desk. Her blue eyes were flashing, not in panic, but fury.
“Olivia, what in God’s name—”
“It’s Your Grace now,” she said in an officious tone.
&
nbsp; Gareth’s lips twisted wryly. “Pardon, Your Grace. What is this all about?”
Her eyes blazed with anger. “As if you didn’t know.”
“I assure you, I have no idea what has riled your temper.”
“Jane is pregnant,” she snapped.
His mind reeled, and he felt as if he had been punched in the gut. “What did you say?”
“You heard me perfectly, sir. Lady Stanwell is pregnant with your child, and you refuse to act honorably and marry her.”
He couldn’t believe it. Olivia thought he knew. Years of experience as a barrister hiding his inner emotions aided him now. He stood still, not a muscle twitched in his face.
“How do you know?” he asked, his voice as steady as if he was speaking to a judge in a crowded courtroom.
“Lady Stanwell confided in me. She also said you have no wish to marry. How could you! I should have the duke call you out.”
If the situation weren’t so dire, Gareth would laugh. The duke wouldn’t stand a chance against him. Years ago an experienced army sniper and client had paid him in shooting lessons, and Gareth was a crack shot.
“She’s a lady and the widow of an earl. Just because society unjustly blamed her for her husband’s suicide doesn’t give you a right to abandon her. It’s your reputation that’s unsavory,” Olivia said tersely.
She was right. Jane had done nothing to deserve society’s cruelty. As for his reputation, he understood. He was estranged from his father, the baron, and society believed it was due to his choice of legal expertise. His father was never looked down upon. Gambling was not only expected, but encouraged among the upper class. No one knew of Gareth’s secretive activities on behalf of the Home Office.
Olivia tried to hurt him, but nothing she could say was more wounding than the fact that Jane had not told him herself of the baby.
But how could it be? She claimed she was barren. That a doctor confirmed it. She’d been married for three years to Lord Stanwell without conceiving.
Had she lied?
Why would she? She would undoubtedly face even more of society’s cruelties if the child was born out of wedlock. It wouldn’t make a difference to his standing in society or his legal career.
Except she wouldn’t be shamed. She planned to marry Captain Turner. Pass the child off as his.
Over my dead body.
The child was his. No other man would give him his name.
Something shifted inside his chest. A painful tug of desperation. It wasn’t until he was going to lose everything that he realized he loved Jane. The emotion he’d always scorned and mocked others for falling victim to had ruthlessly torn down his own defenses.
She’d upset his balance from the very beginning—since he’d first found her on her hands and knees in a library reaching for her wayward list of potential lovers. Since then he’d come to admire her ability to survive her unhappy marriage as well as her strength to survive society’s cruelty after her husband’s suicide.
From an early age, he’d been hurt by his father’s neglect and gambling addiction. He’d learned not to trust or need or to rely on others. Espionage fit him well. The rules were simple. Never get emotionally involved, never trust anyone. Emotion meant weakness and could result in failed missions and disastrous consequences.
And then Jane had entered his life. It had ceased being about the mission a long time ago—long before she’d shared his bed. He’d buried his feelings for Jane because he’d feared them. But the startling truth was he needed her. He needed her spirit, her laughter, her very essence.
And she was going to marry another man.
“Well,” Olivia said, hands on her hips. “What are you going to do?”
Gareth walked around his desk. “I assure you that there’s no need to involve the duke. I promise you that I’m going to speak with Jane and remedy the situation. Tell no one.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
After Olivia departed, Gareth paced his office. He was fearful and furious—a volatile combination. With a swipe of his arm across his desk, papers scattered to the floor.
Stevens immediately appeared in the doorway. “Are you all right, sir?”
“Cancel my appointments for today.” Gareth instructed as he snatched his coat from the coat rack. “I won’t be coming back.”
Concern etched Stevens’s features. “Yes, sir.”
Gareth made it to Piccadilly in record time. He banged on the front door with a fist.
Jane’s elderly butler opened the door. Upon seeing Gareth, he cleared his throat. “Lady Stanwell is not—”
Gareth slapped a large hand against the door, preventing the butler from shutting it in his face, and stepped into the vestibule. “Summon your mistress,” he ordered. “I’ll wait in the sitting room.”
The butler gaped as Gareth strode past him and down the hall. Gareth’s emotions were a whirlwind as he paced the Oriental carpet until he heard footsteps outside the sitting room. At last the door opened and Jane entered.
She looked beautiful in a simple morning dress of blue alpaca. She was pale, with faint circles beneath her eyes. He felt a stab of worry.
“What are you doing here?” she said.
His fingers itched to reach out and touch her, to pull her into his arms. “I had a most interesting visit from the duchess this morning.”
“Olivia?”
“Yes. She says you are pregnant with my child.”
Jane paled a shade more. Then she laughed, a high trill of sound. “Don’t be ridiculous. We know that’s impossible.”
“Do we? Because Olivia had no doubt as to what you said.”
She turned away, and Gareth’s control snapped. He grasped her arms and pulled her to him. “Tell me the truth, Jane.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
He shook her, and her head fell back to gaze into his eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”
Her eyes grew very large. “I didn’t believe it myself at first. There was the doctor’s prognosis. But it must have been Charles who couldn’t…who wasn’t able to…”
“Go on.”
“All the signs are present. I haven’t bled, and I’ve been so nauseous lately.”
“It’s true then,” he prodded.
“Yes. It’s true.” Her voice was a mere whisper.
He couldn’t believe it. Hearing it from her lips was a shock all over again. A bitter sense of betrayal welled within him. He cursed and released her abruptly.
…
Jane took a step back at his anger. He was furious about her pregnancy. She’d been right; he clearly didn’t want the babe.
“And you planned on passing my child off as another man’s?” His voice, though quiet, had an ominous quality.
He knew. Somehow he knew everything.
An unwelcome tension stretched ever tighter between them. “I saw no other choice.”
His jaw bulged. “No other choice? How about advising the child’s father?”
She swung on him. “To what end? You don’t want to marry.”
He stared at her with dark, desolate eyes. “Neither did you.”
A heaviness centered in her chest. “It’s no longer solely about my desires or needs.”
“You’re right. It’s not.”
The chill between them seemed to grow. She bit her lip. “You don’t have to worry. I won’t seek anything from you. I have plans to care for the child.”
“How? By marrying Captain Turner?”
She tried not to flinch. “What does it matter to you? You needn’t worry about a scandal. No one will know.”
“After all this time, do you think I would avoid responsibility and deny my own child?”
She blinked at the forcefulness of his tone. “I…I don’t know what to believe.”
A flicker of emotion crossed his face. Pain? Regret? But it was gone so swiftly she thought she imagined it. “Why didn’t you tell me? You don’t want the child, do you?”
Her heart pounded, a
nd her sorrow was a huge painful knot inside her chest. He had no idea how badly she’d prayed for a child of her own. Years of despair married to a man she thought she loved only to lose him to his gambling addiction had taken its toll. After Charles’s suicide, she’d been left with nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Jane touched her stomach. “The child is a miracle to me. A miracle and a blessing. I want the baby very much.”
The tension in his face eased. “Then marry me.”
She shook her head regretfully. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Why do you refuse me?”
“You claim to be an agent for the Home Office, a spy who works for King and Country, a man who doesn’t want to marry because of the danger surrounding your espionage assignments.”
“That was before. It doesn’t matter now. None of it matters. I’d give it all up.”
“But it does matter! I’ve lived through a marriage where my husband didn’t want me. He’d acted dutifully by fulfilling his family’s demands. It was an empty and lonely life, and I refuse to be the unwanted wife once again.” She stopped short in dismay and searched his face. “Can you honestly say that you won’t regret your decision years later? Or, worse still, that you won’t resent me and the child for giving it all up?”
“Never. Despite what society says about me, I am an honorable man.”
He mentioned honor, not love.
Don’t be a fool, she thought. Captain Turner never mentioned love either. But the problem was she didn’t love the captain, whereas her heart ached for the man standing before her.
“Say yes, Jane.”
She choked back tears and shook her head numbly.
The door opened and Jane whirled to see Aunt Eleanor. If she was shocked to see Jane alone with a strange man, she didn’t show it. Instead her aunt looked genuinely pleased.
“Mr. Ramsey. How nice to see you again,” Eleanor said.
Surprise siphoned through Jane. She looked from her aunt to Gareth. “When have you two formally met?”
“On Bond Street. Your aunt was kind enough to tell me you were attending Lady Vogleson’s ball and that a certain army officer was courting you,” Gareth said.
Jane stood stunned at the knowing look that passed between the two of them. What on earth had her aunt been up to?
At the Spy's Pleasure Page 20
