And it all started when Tyler thought it would be funny to fling a spoonful of Ricotta at Ryder's back. A food fight ensued. All three of them ended up covered head to toe in a mesh of red and white varying foods.
Herman witnessed it all.
Never stopped them.
Only smiled and laughed, goading them on. In his mind, his hands were clean. According to Margoret, he was as guilty as the rest of them for allowing it to happen. For not forcing his three sons to act their age and for ruining her Mother's Day celebration.
It was the first with all three boys home in years. The first since we all moved to Sunnyside. We were one big happy family again, and Tyler decided to ruin the moment. That's why Hunter was so angry.
His mother didn't know, but apparently he tried to stop the other two from throwing food. He knew there would be ramifications. He knew his mother would be pissed. And when he exploded on them for acting like children, they both threw food at him.
He never threw anything back. He walked out of the room, past his father, and into the bathroom to clean up the best he could. They could go down, but he wasn't going to let them drag him down too. That's what ended up happening, though. His mother caught sight of him cleaning up and freaked out.
So much for not going down. He should have fought back. If he was going to pay the price for participation anyway, why not get a little revenge on his brothers for causing the mess? So as soon as they were sentenced to cleanup duty in the kitchen, Hunter took the opportunity to strike.
An entire pot of marinara sauce over Tyler's head. Ryder thought it was hilarious of course. Until Hunter started squirting him with a bottle of Italian dressing in the face. Both surrendered, admitting defeat. They saw the look in his eye. The anger.
To this day, neither of them messes with Hunter. They'll play pranks on each other, but not him. They learned their lesson. Hopefully.
Chapter Four
The mall.
My least favorite place to go. Ever. With anyone.
There are triggers everywhere.
Pregnant women. Small children. Crying babies.
Even the smallest things, like the children's store with the tiny clothes hanging in the window, can sometimes set me off. Hell, the smell of a poopy diaper can cause a fit of tears out of nowhere.
Basically, the mall is the equivalent of Hell for me.
But, I'm also a good friend. A great friend. And Megan needs me right now.
The event is stressing her out.
I'm not surprised. It would stress me out too. All those people walking through your house. Judging every little detail. Looking for imperfections even though they're supposed to be paying attention to a presentation.
Then there's Emerson.
I spoke with her this morning on her way to Megan's house. She's working from there today. She sounded a little flustered. It has nothing to do with the event. Ryder's still acting differently according to her. I had forgotten all about it and never did the recon I promised her.
What I didn't tell her is that Ryder is planning something for her. That has to be what's going on with him. He's horrible at keeping secrets. All the Dixon brothers are. It's like secrets eat at them from the inside until they can chew their way out, causing a massive explosion of mouth vomit.
It's funny when Hunter tries to keep anything from me.
You see it in the change in his demeanor.
Instead of being loving and cuddly, he pulls away, chews on his lip, and avoids eye contact. All it takes is me to ask what he's hiding, and he confesses everything.
Sometimes I love that he's always honest with me. Other times, like when I ruined my surprise vacation for my birthday last year, I hate it. Not that vacation sucked because it wasn't a surprise, but I know Hunter was disappointed that I knew about it hours after he booked our trip.
I get it. I would have felt the same if the situation had been reversed.
That’s the difference between men and women, though. Women, at least the ones I'm close with, can keep secrets. Hell, we can take them to the grave if we have to. We're better at hiding things, including our emotions.
I try really hard not to hide anything from Hunter. The few times I have, I've felt bad about it. Except when it came to Megan.
I kept her secret from him. There were multiple times I wanted to tell him the truth, especially the day he came home and told me Ryder's version of what happened. The urge to correct him was strong, but I knew if Megan wanted people to know the truth, she would tell them.
It wasn't my place.
That's why I'm so glad she came clean. People were judging her based on what they thought they knew, not the truth. She let that happen. She let people draw their own conclusions until she found the strength to set everyone straight.
Being a good friend to Megan is hard sometimes. That was one of those times, and so is this. As I stand outside the entrance to the food court, giving myself a much-needed pep talk, I focus on why we're here. Why I'm putting myself through this hell.
For Megan.
For Amara.
I can do this. I'm strong enough to handle this.
And for the most part, I do. We get Amara a new stuffed unicorn and even with the few children in the store, I keep my composure. It's not until I let my guard down that the anger, doubt, and depression attempt to take over.
We're window shopping, talking, and laughing. It’s like old times. I'm not focused on the challenges I'm facing. I'm enjoying myself. I feel free.
And then a baby is crying somewhere nearby. Wailing at the top of its lungs. My heart begins to ache for the child. The urge to find the baby and comfort it is overwhelming.
But it's not my child.
It's not my responsibility to comfort it, rock it, and assure it that everything is going to be okay.
I'm not Mom. Not to the crying baby or any other baby.
The overwhelming sense of sadness hits me like an eighteen wheeler without even tapping the breaks. Head on. The tears are threatening to fall. Breathing is becoming a challenge.
All at once, I've gone from laughing to wanting to crumble into a ball on the floor and break down.
But I can't. I won't let myself. There will be time for that later when I'm alone, in my bed with the covers tucked under my chin.
Then I'll let myself cry. Not a moment sooner.
So, I suck in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and put on a brave face. I focus on the path my feet are traveling, on the words coming out of Megan's mouth. I listen intently as she tells me everything that's been going on at her house the last few days and the details of the event tomorrow.
She's a smart cookie, though. Observant. She notices the moment I shut down and calls me out.
I don't want to talk about it. Not with her. Not with anyone other than my husband.
We've had multiple conversations about this. Conversations that have lasted hours and days. There's nothing anyone can do to help me. This is something I need to move past on my own, and it's going to take time. A lot of fucking time.
So, I attempt to change the subject, change her focus. I complain about how much Hunter is working. How I barely ever see him. It really isn't a concern for me. I'm not worried about Hunter or our relationship, we're solid. Still, when Megan suggests taking a vacation, I can't help but entertain the idea.
We haven't been anywhere in a while. A vacation would be nice. Time away from everything. Time to focus on each other, alone.
Our anniversary is coming up. What better way to celebrate ten years than to go somewhere? I'm thinking tropical. Warm. White sandy beaches.
Just like our honeymoon. Or…
"What are you thinking?" Megan asks, nudging me in the shoulder after I've been quiet for a few minutes.
"Destination wedding."
"Um, you're already married," she points out, a hint of laughter in her voice.
"I know, but our anniversary is coming up in a month. What if we did a vow renewal? Somewher
e tropical."
"I'm in," she declares, excited at the prospect.
"We could make it a friends and family thing. So a ceremony and everything."
Megan raises her eyebrow at me, and I immediately realize why she's questioning my idea. Inviting the entire family would mean closing the office. There are only a few times a year that the office isn't open, and one just happens to be coming up.
"The office is always closed over Labor Day. It's a week after our anniversary, but it would still be special, especially since this is our ten-year anniversary."
"It can't hurt to suggest it to Hunter. Maybe this is what you both need to heal a little. You've been trying for so long, and it's taken a lot out of you, of your marriage. This could mark the start of something new for you guys. Not starting over, but starting fresh."
Megan's phone chimes in her pocket before she can say any more. It's both a blessing and a curse. Her words mean a lot to me, but they also hit deep.
Starting fresh could be a good thing for us. It also means that I need to give up on a part of our past. I need to put it behind me and focus on the future.
Maybe this is what I need to be able to do that. Maybe it'll only make things worse.
Glancing over Megan's shoulder, I'm surprised to see Ryder is texting her. Their relationship is… strange. In less than a year, they went from a struggling married couple, to divorced and hating each other, and now they're friends… or some resemblance of friends.
Who am I to judge? As long as they get along for Amara, no one should care what kind of relationship they have. Well, no one except Emerson and Vinnie maybe.
RYDER: Can you talk?
"Why is Ryder texting you asking you to talk?"
"I'm helping him with something, and he wants to make sure certain people aren't around to listen in," she quickly replies as she responds to his text. He must have been waiting because he replies immediately.
RYDER: Don't tell her what's going on.
ME: I wasn't planning on it, but she's reading these messages.
RYDER: Shit. Hi Brianna.
All I can do is laugh. I can see the look on Ryder's face right now. It's all scrunched up like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and is being scolded by his mother.
ME: She says hi. I'll call you in a bit.
RYDER: You promised not to tell anyone, but if B promises to keep the secret, you can tell her.
"Ooh! Tell me, tell me, tell me," I practically scream as soon as I read his text.
"Promise not to tell anyone, not even Hunter."
"You know we don't keep secrets in this family." My tone is serious. Megan's been around long enough to know how this family works. Secrets can break people.
"Fine, but I didn't give you permission to tell him, and he can't say anything to Ryder about knowing."
"Promise," I say with a smile, placing my hand over my heart.
"Ryder is proposing to Emerson tomorrow night, and he asked me to help."
The words process slowly.
Emerson. Proposal. Tomorrow.
Then the rest of her words ring loud and clear and, as much as I don't want to, I start laughing. Not just your tiny giggle but a full, belly-clenching, it hurts to breathe, kind of laugh. I haven't laughed this hard in years, and it feels good.
"I. Can't. Believe. This." My laughter is slowing, but it's hard to breathe, so my words come out one at a time and it hurts to talk.
"Which part? The engagement or me helping?"
"You."
Megan explains what's going on as we walk back to the food court. Him asking her if it was okay to propose after the event tomorrow, at Megan and Vinnie's house. Asking her to keep Emerson distracted while he gets set up out back. Asking her to hold onto the ring.
Again, I'm not judging their relationship. Hell, I'm happy they're both in a good place in life and that they can get along. But this, this is just odd. Especially Megan holding onto the ring. I mean, sure, she's just keeping it in a safe place where Emerson won't find it, but still.
Who the hell asks their ex-wife for help proposing to their girlfriend? The one who replaced them. And less than nine months after they started dating.
Don't get me wrong, I love Emerson. Anyone who's seen her and Ryder together knew this moment would come sooner or later. It's just coming much sooner than I think anyone expected it to.
That's when it hits me.
Ryder acting weird.
Emerson feeling like he's keeping something from her.
The fact that he wasn't working late when he claimed he was.
Ryder's not a liar. He's not deceitful. He's one of the most honest people I've ever met. The entire Dixon family is. That's part of why they hate secrets so much. They view them as lies, and lies, even those of omission, can damage relationships.
This secret must be killing Ryder to keep. Sneaking around, making plans, talking with Megan all the time… I bet he feels like he's cheating on Emerson in a way. That's the way his mind works.
I can only imagine how strange he's acting around Emerson. She said he was different, but does she really see how different he's been? Or has he managed to play it off enough for her to only be slightly suspicious? If I had to guess, I'd say he's acting like a fool trying to keep his secret.
The urge to call her and calm her fears about what he might be up to is overwhelming. As much as I want to, I'd rather not ruin the surprise. After all is said and done, once he proposes, all the pieces will click in her mind. She'll see the big picture.
No one will have to explain to her what's been going on. She's smarter than that.
Still, I wonder how she'll feel about Megan helping him. They say the truth is stranger than fiction sometimes. This is definitely one of those times.
Chapter Five
Hunter woke me in the most delicious way this morning before practically running out of the house. Our little tumble lasted longer than expected, and by the time he was showered and dressed, he had five minutes to get to Megan and Vinnie's before he was late.
Well, late is a bit of an exaggeration.
Hunter's version of late is less than fifteen minutes early. 'Early' is on time, 'on time' is late, and being 'late' is not an option. It's unacceptable. Hell, being on time, where you need to be at the time you agreed to be there, sets him back hours.
He feels behind, rushed. I've seen him work at warp speed, push himself to do as much as he could in as little time as possible. He can't process the fact that he isn't actually late, that he isn't running behind. That little jumpstart to his day, the extra ten or fifteen minutes, sets his pace.
It's one of the mysterious ways his mind works.
Me, on the other hand, I'm always where I need to be with only a few minutes to spare. If you want to meet for lunch at noon, I'll see you at 11:58 a.m. Don't expect me to be there, waiting at the table, with a beverage in front.
This proves to be a little tricky any time Hunter and I need to go anywhere together.
He's always waiting for me to get ready, tapping his foot, jingling the car keys. It used to annoy the shit out of me as I tried to quickly finish my hair or makeup. After a while, I stopped letting it bother me. I accepted that it was a part of who he was and a part of the man I love so much.
Now, I try to be ready before him so he doesn't have to wait. I fail often, but the times I don't, there's a look of pride on his face when I toss him the car keys.
Thankfully today we're meeting at the event. He has to help finish setting up, and I'm only going for emotional support. For him. For Emerson. Mostly for Megan. She's nervous, and since everyone else will be working the event, I figure I'll spend my afternoon hanging out with her.
It's nice to have her back in my life. She's different in so many ways, all of them positive. She’s happier, steadier on her feet, and grounded. Divorce changed her; it made her take a look at her life, her actions, and decide what was important and what she had to let go of.
Her pat
h is different. Her outlook on her future too.
Her positivity is infectious. She makes me want to find my strength, to hold onto what I have and be appreciative of it. To find the courage to focus on life and make the best out of my situation.
But it's hard.
The will to want to do something and the strength to actually do it are two very different beasts to try and tame.
Still, I should try. I have to. I need to. If I'm going to pull myself up and be able to stand on my own two feet without the fear of breaking down on a daily basis, the first step is going to be the hardest.
I won't be able to do it alone.
I'll need help, I realize that. Lots of it. From friends. From family. And I have that. I have a great support system. One that will help me through this. All I have to do is ask.
But first, I have to accept my reality. I have to be okay with it.
Parking down the street from Megan's, I watch as Ryder and Tyler set up tables and chairs in the street. It's been blocked off in front of the house. Ally is directing a gaggle of younger girls, and Emerson and Justine are over by the bar.
I don't see Hunter anywhere, but I'm parked behind him, so I know he's here. Somewhere. Probably giving orders even though this is Emerson's show.
"Hey, B!" I hear Megan call my name, and when I look up, I find her sitting on the porch, waving me over.
"You're seriously not helping?" I ask as I take the seat next to her. I know she said she wasn’t going to, but I figured she’s give in and offer since it’s her house. I know I would. I’d feel bad watching everyone else work and sitting on my ass.
"Nope. Neither are you. We're here for moral support only today. This is a Dixon event, and we don't work for Dixon." Her statement is firm. She's seriously not going to lift a finger, and I guess I can't really blame her.
"So what's the plan, then?"
"We're going to sit here, drink sweet tea, and catch up while everyone does their thing."
People watching.
Rumors: Brianna & Hunter Page 3
