Instead, she slept on the way to the airport and now on the way to lunch. At the hot dog place.
"So what's your plan?" Megan asks as she merges onto the highway, heading toward downtown.
"I don't have one. If you could take me to the office after lunch, I want to talk to Hunter. I'm going to confront him, tell him what I heard, and go from there. I know he's not cheating on me, Megan. I let my mind get the best of me, and I doubted him for a few days, that's all. Now that my heads screwed back on straight, I'm going to find out what caused people to make shit up. He's obviously meeting with someone outside the office and keeping it a secret for a reason. I want to know who and why, that's all."
Megan nods her head as she absorbs everything I'm saying. She doesn't reply, leaving a heavy silence lingering between us as she exits the highway and weaves her way through downtown to the restaurant.
As she slides into a parking spot across the street, she lets the car idle for a minute and turns to me.
"What if, and just listen for a minute, what if this secret is a good thing? What if he's not telling you because it's a surprise? Is your need to know that important?"
"I think if there was no rumor, if people weren't speculating about the strength of our marriage, I wouldn’t care less who he's meeting with and why. But that's not the case. I need to know because I need to put my mind at ease. The seed’s been planted. Whether I believe the rumors or not, I'm doubting him. I'm doubting us.
"We've been through a lot the past few years, and I never once doubted his loyalty to me, to us. I never once thought he might leave me. Not until the doctor told us it was never going to happen. We were never going to have a baby. Since then, I've doubted a lot of things in this world, including my marriage.
"I don't want to doubt him, Megan. So, even if I ruin some big surprise, I don't care. I need to know what he's keeping from me because I can think of a million things it might be, and not one of them is good. Every scenario I've run leads me down a dark road. I don't want to go back to that place. I want to move on with my life, with Hunter. I've accepted I'll never have a child, but I refuse to stand by and accept that my husband may be out there keeping secrets from me that could ruin my marriage."
"Not all secrets are bad," she counters as Amara begins to stir in the backseat. "Just keep that in mind. I can't imagine Hunter is keeping something from you that would put your marriage in jeopardy."
"Me either," I confess, "but I need to find out to be sure."
"Mama," Amara moans. "Is it time for lunch yet? My tummy is hungry."
"Yes, sweetie. We're here," Megan says, reaching over the seat and rubbing her hand up and down Amara's leg.
Our lunch conversation is consumed with Amara telling me everything she did with Angela's parents while we were in the Bahamas. She went to the beach, found new seashells for her collection, and stayed up late to watch a big-girl movie one night.
Megan rolls her eyes, so I ask which movie she watched, and it was a Disney flick she hadn't seen yet. She said it was okay but didn't have any unicorns in it, so it wasn't her favorite, which made me giggle.
The last time Amara stayed over at our house, she made us watch her favorite movie twice in one night. It's about a lost unicorn that finds her way home thanks to the help of a deer and a rabbit. It's cute, but once was plenty for me, especially since Amara likes to tell you the movie word for word as it plays.
"Let's pick up our garbage. We have to drop Auntie B off to see Uncle Hunter," Megan says, placing our empty baskets on the tray.
"Oooh!" Amara says, quickly gathering up her empty ketchup cups. "Can we go see Vinnie and Daddy?"
"Sure, sweetie."
The excitement on her face is adorable. Megan used to bring her to the office a lot when she was little. Before she and Ryder started drifting apart, she'd bring lunch, set it up in Ryder's office, and they would have a picnic. Amara used to tell me about all her picnics with Daddy when I would see her.
When she stopped mentioning them, I asked Megan if things were okay. She claimed they were, but I could tell something had changed. It wasn't too long after that she started acting a little distant and their dynamic changed, causing her to take matters into her own hands.
I tried to step in, to help, but she wouldn't let me. I remember telling her it was best to talk to Ryder instead of listening to Jared's plan. As her friend, I was determined to give her the best advice I could. She's a smart girl, but she let things get out of control.
My fear is that I was headed down the same path. Jumping to conclusions, making stupid decisions, and putting my marriage in jeopardy instead of just talking to Hunter.
"Ready to go?" Megan asks, nudging my arm.
She's standing, Amara at her side, staring down at me. Her purse is pulled high on her shoulder, and there's a look of concern on her face. The question is… is her concern for me, the fact that I spaced out and went inside my head for a minute? Or is it for what lies ahead?
She doesn't agree with my decision to confront Hunter. I get that. The alternative, letting it go and ignoring it, isn't an option for me. Things like this will eat at me until I break.
I'll become a shell of a person.
I've been there before. Through all the testing, all the doctors’ appointments, I retreated in my head and went through the motions. I heard what they said, but I refused to process the words. Not because I didn't want to believe them but because I wasn't ready.
My mind is a scary place to live. It's filled with doubt and uncertainty.
Once I finally crawled out of hiding is when it all became real. The infertility. The miscarriage. The fact I'd never carry a baby of my own.
I don't want this, whatever it is, to cause me to retreat back into my head. I don't want to live there again. I may never crawl back out.
Chapter Twenty-One
Megan pulls into the underground parking garage and slips into a spot near the elevator. Amara is already out of her booster seat and ready to run inside as Megan shifts into park.
"Slow down, sweetie. Mama wants to grab a coffee before we go upstairs," Megan explains, causing Amara to frown. "Want a coffee?"
"That sounds amazing," I reply, reaching for my purse as my phone begins to ring.
Helen.
It's probably not a good idea for me to talk to her yet. I may say something nasty about her spreading gossip. I want the first words she hears from me to be in person. I want her to see the look on my face and know I'm dead serious about what I'm promising.
To keep her secret safe as long as she keeps her mouth shut from here on out.
Silencing it, I shoot her a text so she doesn't think I'm ignoring her.
ME: Can't talk. What's going on?
HELEN: Hunter just finished his last meeting. If he's leaving the office, it should be in a few minutes.
ME: Thank you.
HELEN: Of course. He's been acting a little off today in case you were wondering. Kind of down and depressed.
ME: Okay. I'm not sure why. Thanks for letting me know. I plan to talk to him later.
"Who's that?" Megan asks as we approach the elevator.
Sliding my phone in my purse, I say, "Helen. Just checking in."
"I thought you were changing your plans," she replies through gritted teeth as we enter the elevator and Amara begins pressing buttons for every floor.
"I have," I note, not bothering to explain myself.
As much as I want to let Megan in on my little plan, I know that once she finds out Helen is behind all the rumors, she's going to flip out. Or maybe she won't, since the rumors about her seemed to make her laugh, but still. I want to keep this as close to the vest as I can.
Meaning I want only me and Helen to know her cover is blown.
It'll give me more leverage against her. Against the threat of rumors in the future.
"Care to elaborate?" she urges as the doors slide open in the lobby.
"Not really." Stepping off the elevator, I
turn in the direction of the coffee shop. When I spot Hunter sitting at a table with a woman, I stop dead in my tracks, Megan running into me, still muttering to herself.
"Why did you—"
She doesn't bother to finish her sentence when she follows my line of sight.
"It can't be what it looks like," she notes, turning Amara back toward the elevator and pulling me by the arm. "Let's go upstairs and wait."
"It's not what it looks like," I repeat over and over again as the elevator rises, taking us to the Dixon Advertising offices.
"Take a deep breath," Megan encourages as the elevator stops at each floor thanks to Amara's button-pushing shenanigans. At first I was annoyed by it, but now I'm thankful for it. It's giving me more time to calm down and process the sight of my husband with another woman. "Let's head into Vinnie's office and wait there, okay?"
I hear what she's suggesting, but I can't bring myself to agree. Not that I don't want to, it seems I've lost my voice. I've lost the ability to speak, to form a sentence. I'm in a state of shock.
I wasn't prepared for this. As strong as I thought I was, barging in here and asking Hunter for answers, I never expected to catch him in the act of… what? Cheating? Meeting with another woman?
A very pregnant woman.
Is the affair already over? Is she pregnant with his child?
There are so many possibilities running through my mind right now. None of them make sense. I'm not enjoying the way they're making me feel.
It's like I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff and all it's going to take is a stiff gust of wind to push me over. Or the wrong explanation from my husband because I can feel the doubt trying to work its way in. There's plenty of room in my mind right now. I'm pretty sure my sanity ran away.
The elevator doors slide open, and Helen pops up from behind her desk. Her bright smile quickly turns to a confused look when our eyes connect.
"Miss Megan. Miss Brianna. How nice to see you ladies," she states. "I believe Vincent and Ryder are in their offices, but Mr. Hunter went downstairs for some coffee. Would you like me to call him?"
Helen looks between Megan and me for a few seconds when neither of us responds.
"I'll just wait in his office," I state, turning my back to her and walking away. I hear Megan call my name, but I ignore her, shutting Hunter's office door behind me.
Pacing the room, I try to make sense of what is going on. I come up with two viable explanations.
Option one: He's already cheated on me. He made a mistake and ended up getting some hussy pregnant. She's young, in her early twenties at most, and probably fell for whatever line he fed her. Now he's trying to clean up after himself. He's going to pay her off in exchange for her silence. Take care of his child financially but that's it.
Or he'll leave me for her.
There are a ton of issues with option one. First off, Hunter isn't the kind of guy that would cheat. He wouldn't trick some young girl into having sex with him. And, even if he had screwed up and done those things, he sure as hell wouldn't pay her off. He has morals and ethics.
Although, if he participated in the first two acts, his moral compass may be broken.
Option two: He's trying to help that girl. Maybe she's in a bad place. It's obvious she's with child. She may need help, and somehow, she connected with Hunter. A client, maybe? Someone who works in the building? He's a good person, and he's trying to help her get out of a sticky situation.
That sounds more like the man I married, but what it doesn't explain is the secrecy. The sneaking around. If he's doing something good for someone, there's no reason to hide it.
Unless he thinks helping a pregnant woman may send me spiraling again.
It won't, but I can see why he might think that.
When Megan was pregnant with Amara, we had just started our journey. I hadn't given up hope yet because the doctors weren't sure why we were having a hard time conceiving. So I lived vicariously through Megan. She would give me updates. I even went to the doctor with her a few times, anticipating that I would need to know what to expect when I finally was pregnant.
Then it happened. I had missed my period, and the home pregnancy test gave positive results. After years of trying and failing, I was finally pregnant. The hormones the doctor gave me worked, and we were going to have our own bundle of joy.
My excitement didn't last long. I miscarried in the eleventh week.
We were told it was a possibility, but I refused to believe it. It may have taken us longer to conceive than most people, but it happened. Our child was going to be a gift from above. Our little miracle.
All those positive thoughts made reality that much darker when it happened. Because I knew what was going on the moment I sat down on the toilet and saw the blood in my underwear. The hardest part of all of it was having to tell my husband that night, when he came home with a cute little onesie that said ‘Mommy's pride and joy’ on it.
The look on his face is something I will never forget. It was crippling.
Devastation mixed with anger. Not at me, at the world. At the cruelty of the situation. To give us the child we'd been praying for only to take it all away from us.
For months, we weren't ourselves. We went through the motions every day; we made love at night. He went to work; I went to the doctors for more answers. Then, as if someone snapped their fingers, we both started to gravitate back towards our normal lives. First Hunter, and after a short time, I followed him back into the light.
So, I can see why he would think helping a pregnant woman might send me spiraling down a dark path that I may never come back from. That still doesn't give him the right to lie to me, to keep things from me.
His voice outside the door brings my feet to an abrupt halt. I'd been pacing his office since I walked in. There's a well-worn path in the carpet I try to blend in with the toe of my shoes to no avail.
When his door opens, I'm surprised to find he's not alone. He's smiling, and when our eyes connect, his smile grows. The woman he was sitting with downstairs is by his side. He ushers her through first and then follows, shutting the door behind him.
"Welcome home, sweetie," Hunter says, bending down and kissing me on the cheek. "This is Vanessa. Vanessa, this is my wife, Brianna."
Vanessa extends her hand to me, her other wrapping around her belly as she leans forward. Not wanting to be rude, and not really understanding what's happening at the moment, I shake her hand and smile.
Hunter pulls a chair up for Vanessa, helps her into her chair, and then takes my hand, pulling me over the couch to sit next to him.
"Vanessa works at the cafe downstairs. She's been there for a little over a year. A few months ago, I noticed she was pregnant, and when I congratulated her, she burst into tears and ran away. A few days before we left for vacation, Vanessa apologized for running away from me that day and explained her situation to me. As much of a blessing as a child is, Vanessa's not in a situation to raise a child right now. She's still in school. She's single. And because of the baby, her parents refuse to talk to her.
"I told her I'd like to help her, and the more we talked, the more clear the solution became. This afternoon I proposed my idea to her, but before she agrees to it, she wanted to meet you. I tried to explain that you were still away, but then I saw you getting on the elevator. I know how things must have looked to you, so we gave you a minute to cool off before coming up here."
"I still don't know what's going on," I state, looking between the two of them. "In fact, I think I may be more confused than before."
"May I?" Vanessa asks, her question directed at Hunter. She waits for him to nod before continuing. "I've known your husband for a little while now. He's a very nice man, and it's obvious how caring he is. The way he talks about you, and how much he loves you, gives me hope that there's someone out there for me someday. The man I thought I was in love with turned out to be an asshole. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he ran. I haven't heard from him since. Eve
n if he was still around, I don't think I could count on him for anything.
"I know I'm young, but I'm responsible. I didn't plan to get pregnant. We took every precaution to avoid it, yet here I am. About to burst. Without a plan. Until this afternoon when I met with Hunter. He told me you two have been trying to have a child for a while now and recently found out that it's not possible. Knowing that breaks my heart. It's unfair that someone like me, someone who's not ready for this, can conceive while the two of you, who I'm sure would love a child endlessly, can't."
Vanessa pauses as a single tear makes its way down my cheek. Hearing another person, a stranger, talk about my heartbreak is harder than I imagined.
"I'm due in two weeks. I was planning on either putting her up for adoption or dropping out of school and trying like hell to support us. I don't really like either idea. I don't want her to go to a family that I don't know, that I don't trust to love her. I also don't want to give her a life that's less than she deserves. So that brings us to this afternoon.
"Hunter asked if I would consider letting you guys adopt her. I'm not going to lie. The moment he mentioned how badly you two wanted a child, I considered asking him the same question. But there are things I still need to know to put my mind at ease. I wanted to meet you, to get to know you as a person. I want to make sure that she's going to be taken care of, loved, and safe. She—"
"Yes," I say, wiping away the tears. They're flowing freely now. At this point, I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. It's beyond my control. "But I have one condition."
Chapter Twenty-Two
Our house has never felt more like a home than it has in the last few weeks. I've never felt more alive.
Since first meeting Vanessa, so many things have changed. All for the better.
First, I had a nice chat with Helen. I didn't want her to know what it was about, so I invited her to lunch as a 'thank you' for helping me out. I figured a crowded restaurant would keep her, and me, from making a scene if things got ugly. She was surprised I had put all the pieces together. She even tried to deny everything until I dropped my 'nice girl' act and laid all the cards out on the table.
Rumors: Brianna & Hunter Page 14
