by Jane Graves
He put coins into the jukebox and pushed a couple of buttons.
“Enjoy the song,” he said.
With that he tipped his hat down and walked toward the door.
Wait a minute. He was leaving?
He threw a couple of bills down on the bar and nodded to Terri. No, no, no! Tell me what you want! But as he left the building and she heard the song he’d chosen to play, she realized that was exactly what he’d done.
“Let Me Touch You for a While.”
The music washed over her, making her whole body feel hot and weak. Luke wasn’t even in the building, yet he was making her so hot she was on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
With the song still playing, she went to the bar. Grabbed her purse.
“Where are you going?” Eve said.
“Home.”
Eve started to say something else, but the last thing Shannon wanted to hear was her sister’s take on the situation. She shoved open the door and hurried into the parking lot, thankful when the door closed behind her, muffling the song and its lyrics. She took a deep breath of the humid night air, then headed across the gravel parking lot to her truck. But as she drew closer, she realized Luke hadn’t left after all. He stood by her truck, his arms crossed, leaning against the driver’s door. Even at this distance, she could feel his gaze flooding over her like a hot caress.
She shoved her purse strap more firmly onto her shoulder, stood tall, and told herself to walk a nice, straight line to her truck. But as she approached the driver’s side, she could tell he had no intention of moving. All she wanted to do was go home, but how was she supposed to do that with a big, stubborn cowboy in her way?
She cursed the fact that she’d had to park in almost the last row, where the neon lights were dim and the night was so quiet she was sure he could hear her heart beating. She stopped in front of him. “I thought you were leaving.”
“Changed my mind.”
“Well, I’m going home.”
She reached into her purse and fumbled around. Wallet, lipstick, tissues, sunglasses…where the hell were her keys?
There.
Just as she snagged them and pulled them out, Luke grabbed the strap of her purse and pulled her right up next to him. He’d taken a wider stance, and her hips brushed his inner thighs. Still grasping her purse strap, he slid his other hand along her upper arm from her elbow to her shoulder and back down again, leaving goose bumps in its wake.
“You’re drunk,” she said.
“Two beers? Not hardly. How about you?”
“Of course not.”
“You sure were putting away the margaritas.”
“I only had two,” Shannon said, her breath coming faster. “And how would you know, anyway? You weren’t paying any attention to me.”
“Not paying attention to you?” He chuckled. “Sweetheart, I could be standing at the pearly gates and I’d still be staring down at you.”
He slipped his arm around her waist. Pulled her toward him. He moved so slowly she could have objected, but so enticingly she didn’t want to. She drank in the feel of his hands on her, one curled around the back of her neck, one sliding around her to rest against the small of her back.
And then he kissed her.
Her keys slipped from her hand and hit the ground, clinking against the gravel. She knew she should walk away, but she couldn’t. Didn’t want to. Damned margaritas. That was what she was blaming this on, even though they hadn’t been all that strong. She knew tomorrow would come and she’d regret this. But tonight…
She wanted him. She always had. She’d wanted him back when he was a wild, exciting boy with dark, magnetic eyes and a thousand secrets. She wanted him now, when he was a smooth, intense, sexy man with the kind of confidence only eleven more years of lovemaking could bring. The feeling was the same both times, that crazy, overwhelming, gotta-have-it-now sensation that filled her head to toe.
She stood firmly between his thighs now, pressed up against him in the most intimate way possible while they still had clothes on. She straightened her arm and her purse fell to the gravel parking lot with a soft crunch. She slid her hand to his chest, then along the rigid outline of his shoulder, before closing her fingers around his collar and pulling him closer still. She imagined dragging him straight back to her apartment, barely getting through the front door before their clothes were coming off, then falling into bed, and then…
She heard voices. Soft, drunken laughter. Footsteps across gravel. She pulled away from Luke, spinning around to look. “Somebody’s coming.”
He pulled her back around. “Don’t care,” he said, and closed his mouth over hers again, kissing her deeply, his mouth engulfing hers, making her think of more than kissing. The temptation of it was so great that she almost didn’t care, either.
Almost.
“No,” she said finally, ripping her mouth away from his. “I can’t do this.”
Luke exhaled with frustration. “Oh, you can. You just don’t think you should.”
“I need to go.”
She grabbed her keys and purse from the ground and clicked open the door of her truck. Luke stepped aside and she got in. She tried to shut the door, but he caught it before she could. He put his forearm against the roof of her truck and leaned in.
“Instead of making a big deal out of this,” he said, “we could keep things real casual, and everything would work out just fine.”
“It’s not appropriate.”
“Because of Russell?”
“No. We’ve never agreed not to date other people.”
“Then tell me why it’s not appropriate.”
Because if somebody sees me kissing you in this parking lot, the grapevine in this town will be dragging the ground with gossip.
“I’m your boss,” she said. “Remember?”
He gave her a knowing smile. “Surely you’re not that naïve, are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Sweetheart, you may be the boss from nine to five, but the rest of the time that position is up for grabs.”
He stared at her a moment longer to make his point, then leaned away and pushed her door shut. He stepped back, folded his arms, and watched as she started her truck and backed out of the parking space. As she turned onto Highway 28, she looked in her rearview mirror, and he was still watching.
All the way home, she played those kisses over and over in her mind, wishing she could put them out of her mind. By the time she’d tucked herself into bed, she’d almost succeeded. Then her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID.
Eve.
Deal with her now, or deal with her later.
Shannon answered her phone. “It’s late, Eve. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“No way. I want to know now. Why’d you leave so quickly tonight after talking to Luke?”
Shannon turned over in bed, groaning at Eve’s question, feeling a little loopy. Two margaritas were one thing, but it was the one hot cowboy who had done a real number on her.
“He left, and then you left…” There was a long pause, and then Eve’s exclamation. “Oh, my God. Is he there right now?”
“Knock it off, Eve,” Shannon muttered. “He’s not here. Nothing happened.” Not much, anyway.
“Oh, come on, Shannon! It was no coincidence that you left so close together.”
Shannon put her hand to her throbbing forehead. “I’m going to sleep now.”
“No. Don’t you dare cut me off. I want the whole story.”
“I told you the whole story. Good night.”
Over Eve’s protests, Shannon punched the End Call button and turned out the light. She lay in the dark, but every time she closed her eyes to sleep, she saw Luke in her mind. Heard him. Felt him. After a while the images were so vivid she swore she could reach out and touch him.
But it was nothing but lust, and lust led nowhere. And she’d do well to remember that.
The minute Luke got back to the shelter and pulled throug
h the gate, he found himself looking down at the barn. The last thing he needed to do was go down there after dark. He knew he would feel a surreal kind of déjà vu that would make him remember that night, but when he left the City Limits with the taste of Shannon still on his lips, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It had been a long time since he’d kissed her like that.
Such a long time.
He walked down the path, the humid evening air wrapping itself around him like a shroud. When he reached the barn, he flipped on the hayloft light and looked up. His heart thumped hard at the sight, making him feel as if he’d traveled back in time to live that night all over again.
He remembered finding Shannon’s necklace on the ground by the stock tank and the excitement he felt at the prospect of bringing it back to her. He heard her in the hayloft and climbed the ladder to see her still looking for it. When he held it up and she acted so relieved, he felt like a hero.
They sat up there for a long time, talking about nothing in particular, just as they’d done so many times before. Most of the time around there he had the feeling people were watching them. But that night in the loft after everybody else had gone home, it felt as if they were the only two people on earth.
Then he said something about his father. She looped her arm through his and lay her head on his shoulder. Even though she didn’t know any of the details, it was as if she really did understand how he felt. He could have stayed in that loft forever, feeling warmth flowing from her body to his, wiping out, bit by bit, the coldness he often felt inside.
But then it got late. She had to go. It was like this every night. If she didn’t come home before dark, there was hell to pay with her mother.
She asked him to put the necklace back on her. She turned her back to him and swept the loose hairs off her neck with one hand, holding the necklace up with the other. He remembered starting to take the necklace from her, only to look down at the smooth, creamy skin at the juncture of her neck and shoulder, that beautiful, tempting hollow that seemed to call out to him. In that moment, every desire-filled thought he’d ever had about her seemed to coalesce into a single force that drove him to ignore the necklace. Instead, he dropped his lips against that spot in a gentle kiss.
Shannon froze, her hand closing tightly around the necklace. He slid his hand around her waist and pulled her gently back against him. He heard her deep intake of breath, then her gentle exhalation. Slowly she turned to face him. The heat in the loft had flushed her cheeks bright pink, and her blue eyes shimmered. Her hand opened, and the necklace clinked to the floor. Then she slid her arms around his neck, and he leaned in and kissed her.
It was as if the world had tilted on its axis and time had slowed to a crawl, as if the laws of physics no longer applied to their tiny corner of the world. After a moment, Shannon trailed her hand from his shoulder to the top button of his shirt. He looked down, watching as she flicked it open. Then she did the same to the remaining buttons. Finally she pushed his shirt aside and ran her hands along his chest. Luke had never felt anything like it in his life. Her hands were so soft, so warm, so devoid of anything harsh or dirty or angry, and he wanted to sit there and let her touch him forever.
Then she reached for his belt.
He grabbed her hands and held them, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart. “No,” he whispered. “You don’t really want to do this.”
“Please, Luke. Don’t tell me what I want. People have been telling me what I want since I was five years old.”
“I don’t have anything with me,” he said, breathing hard. “No condom—”
“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “I’m on the pill.”
She slid her hands around his neck and pulled him down to her again, and he melted into her kiss.
She wants you she wants you she wants you…
The words kept tumbling over each other in his mind, but he could scarcely believe them. Even when they were kissing and touching and their clothes were coming off, it felt like a dream to Luke, one where things happened in slow motion, allowing him to savor every moment. Before he knew it, she was lying back and pulling him on top of her. The instant he slid inside her, stars exploded behind his eyes. With a strangled groan, he moved harder, faster, knowing he should go slow for her, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He’d lost all sense of time and place, knowing only that it was Shannon he was with, Shannon who was creating all these incredible feelings. Every second delivered more ecstasy than the last, shoving him right to the brink.
Then all at once her muscles tightened around him. She gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulders. In that instant, a wild shudder of pleasure tore through him, eclipsing anything he’d ever felt before. He’d known little else but pain and heartbreak in his life, but this…this…
Ah, God…he couldn’t think. All he could do was feel. As the hard, pulsing sensations faded away, they were replaced by something he’d never expected to experience in this lifetime—the warm glow of complete serenity. Total happiness. This is it, he thought. This is what it’s supposed to feel like. And it’s all because of her.
He fell to one side, propped on his elbow, and stared down at her. If he lived to be a thousand years old, he’d never forget the way he felt at that moment, as if God had blessed him, as if he was finally being compensated for all the hell he’d suffered in his life. He wanted to say something, but his throat felt clogged, his voice useless. He touched her face, and when a tiny smile came to her lips and she covered his hand with hers, he was sure something wondrous was happening.
Love. He’d never felt it before, but after what they’d done, after what he’d felt, after seeing her beautiful blue eyes looking up at him, he was sure that was what it was.
Then all at once, he saw a faint flash of light through the window. Shannon jerked her head around. “Somebody just drove up.” She rose and looked out the window. “Oh, my God. It’s my mother!”
From one moment to the next, it was as if Luke had woken up from a beautiful dream to stark reality. Loucinda North. The very idea that she was outside this barn made Luke’s heart race with apprehension.
But he didn’t care. He refused to be afraid of her. If Loucinda found out what they’d done, he would never leave Shannon to bear the brunt of it by herself.
“Just don’t say anything,” he whispered. “She’ll go away.”
“No! She won’t go away! I’m late getting home, and she’s looking for me. My car’s here. I have to go out there!”
“No problem. I’ll go with you.”
Shannon whipped around. “You can’t do that! Then she’ll know!”
“We’re eighteen years old. It’s none of her damned business.”
“My mother makes everything her business.”
She grabbed for her jeans and dragged them on. He did the same, then watched as she fumbled with her shirt buttons. He wanted to hold her. To let her know he’d go to war with anyone on this earth who tried to come between them. But she was so frantic he didn’t know what to say. How to calm her. How to make her understand that her mother showing up meant nothing as long as they loved each other.
She reached for her boots. “I have to go. Now.”
“No. You don’t have to do anything.”
“Luke, please! If my mother finds out about this, she’ll kill me!”
“I won’t let her.”
“Do you think she’s going to listen to you?”
“I’ll make her listen.”
“No!” she whispered wildly. “Don’t you get it? You can’t tell anyone about this! Nobody!”
Luke stared at her blankly for a moment as her words sank in. After this, he thought…he thought this meant something. But it didn’t. Shannon wasn’t only horrified at the thought of her mother knowing. She was horrified at the thought of anyone knowing.
As the truth came to him, slowly, painfully, he sank to a bale of hay, his knees suddenly too weak to hold him up. This had meant everything to him. Everythin
g. But to her?
Nothing. Less than nothing.
But he’d seen something more in her eyes. He knew he had.
He thought he had.
Oh, God. Maybe he hadn’t seen anything at all. Maybe all this really had meant nothing.
You’re a goddamned fool! She doesn’t love you! She probably doesn’t even like you!
Now he knew. All Shannon wanted tonight was to feel as if she was being bad for once in her life. And who better to do that with than a guy like him? But now, when it came to admitting what she’d done, she was horrified. And the fact that he’d been too damned naïve to understand that right off the bat made him feel as if he was the dumbest person alive.
“I can’t tell anybody?” he said, giving her a sarcastic smile, even as his heart was breaking. “Are you sure?”
“That’s not funny.”
“But this is just too good,” he said, pulling out a cigarette. “Surely I could let a word or two slip here or there, couldn’t I?” He lit the cigarette and took a drag, hoping his hands weren’t shaking.
A look of desperation flooded her face. “No! You can’t do that to me!”
Luke felt a stab of anguish. As if the world knowing he loved her would hurt her?
“I don’t know what you’re worried about,” he said, a mocking tone inching into his voice. “Nobody would ever believe a girl like you gave it up for anyone, much less the likes of me.”
“Don’t say that!”
“This isn’t about the sex, is it? It’s about who the sex was with. If you’d done it with some rich boy, your mother would probably throw a party.”
“That has nothing to do with it.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”
She pulled her boots on, then stood up. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”
