by Stuart, Amie
“Did you rip her a new one?” Betti asked. “Because if you need some help…” She added with a bob of her head.
“Me, too,” Delaney said.
“I’m sure there’s plenty of ass-chewing left to go around, but right now she’s up there stewing in her stupidity.” He glanced around the room, wondering just how he was supposed to show Toni what Rene had found. Finally he held up the laptop and said, “Could you all excuse us?”
Toni looked as if she’d gone three rounds in a dogfight and lost. “It’s okay,” she said roughly, her eyes on the carpet. “They know everything.”
“Is it her?” Kellie asked, wide-eyed.
He shrugged, a part of him not ready to put Toni’s personal business out there. Not even in front of his family. “Are you sure you don’t want to do this in private?”
“We’ll go if you want us to,” his mom offered.
“No,” Toni said, then sniffed and straightened her spine a little. “Is it her?”
Tim pulled coffee-table closer and took a seat across from the three of them. “I think so, but I’m not sure.” He didn’t want to say. He set the laptop on his knees, the lid only cracked open an inch or two. “Are you sure?” Because God knew he wasn’t. She looked so fucking fragile with a red nose and wet eyelashes surrounding eyes that seemed to stare at nothing, he was afraid the sight of those photos would break her completely. He gave her time to think about it, willing to sit there all night, if need be, until she made a decision. While she debated, Betti, Jessa, and Delaney came to stand behind her. It was Betti who placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Finally Toni nodded, and he opened the lid, and then she started to cry again as she leaned forward and took the laptop from him. She cried so hard it cut his soul.
And then she started laughing and yelling, and yes, still crying, “My baby, my baby. Look at my baby girl.”
He leaned forward, rested both his hands on her thighs and took a deep breath.
“Oh my God,” she breathed through her sobs. “That’s my brother John Tomas.” She shook her head excitedly as she sucked in another breath and smiled at him. “That’s my baby brother. And…and—” she flipped the screen around so he could see, and said, “—that’s William. See.” She pointed at a little mole high on his cheek. “He and John Tomas are twins. Oh my God.” Her head snapped up and she looked at him, wide-eyed and suddenly frantic as she pushed the laptop back at him. “What do I do? What do I do now?”
That was the million-dollar question, he supposed. Luckily, Kellie beat him to the punch with an answer.
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“She’s right,” Susie said. “You don’t have to do anything right now. Think about it, sleep on it, and then go from there.”
“If you have to,” Jessa added, “sleep on it for a week.”
“Or even two,” Delaney said.
His mother slipped an arm around Toni’s shoulder. “You know where she is, and she’s safe. That’s the most important thing. Your baby is safe. The rest will work itself out.”
He cleared his throat, which was suddenly thick with emotion, and ended up with seven pairs of eyes on him. He shook his head, his face warm with embarrassment. “I…I didn’t have anything to add,” he said, then immediately changed his mind. “When you’re ready—” he exhaled and nodded toward the laptop, “—you know I’m here to support you no matter what.”
She shook her head the tiniest bit, now looking as upset as she had when he’d first come downstairs. “They lied to me.”
I WAS IN deep shit.
Like the deepest shit ever. Shit so deep I might graduate from college before I dug myself out. And I had a feeling it would be a long, long time before Dad came back with my laptop. If he ever came back. Or rather, if he ever gave me back my laptop.
After he left the room I slid from the bed to the floor and sat with my back pressed against the box spring, wondering how Toni was doing. Delaney had been right. I’d really screwed up. Like nuclear level screwed up. The house felt quiet as a grave, and I wondered what was happening downstairs, but Dad had told me to stay put so going downstairs was out. Not only would I get yelled at again—by everyone—I’d have to see that look on Toni’s face. The one people gave you when their favorite aunt or grandpa died. Jesus. Poppy. He’d kill me for this.
I dozed off with my head propped against the nightstand. And that’s where Daddy found me when he finally came back upstairs.
“Rene? Rene, where the hell are you?”
“I’m here.” I stuck my hand in the air and used my other arm and the nightstand to haul myself up. “What time is it?” I stumbled as I turned to face him, still disoriented from being woken up.
“It’s almost ten.” He tossed my laptop on the bed; I winced as it bounced. “Did you contact her?” he snapped.
“No, sir.” Pushing my hair off my face, I shook my head and sleepily added, “No, Daddy. I swear. I didn’t.”
“You better not be lying to me.”
“I’m not.”
“Get yourself to bed,” he said as he turned to go.
“Daddy?”
He stopped, eyes on the doorframe, and sighed as his shoulders fell. “What is it, Rene?”
“Is Toni okay?”
“She will be.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes Rene?”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out.
“I know,” he said with a nod and another sigh.
“Will you tell Toni?”
He shook his head and finally looked at me. “Tell her yourself…in the morning. We’ve both had all we can handle for one night.”
THE SECOND TIME I woke up, it happened a lot slower. I knew someone was in my room but by the time I finally got my eyes open, they’d stubbed their toe circling the bed. Groaning, I rolled over and stretched. “Dad? What time is it?”
“It’s not your dad.”
Toni?! My eyes flew open, and my heart kicked it up about five notches as I bolted upright and scrambled away from the sound of her voice and toward the bedroom door. Was she here to smother me in my sleep? Because, let’s be honest, if I were her, I’d kill me. “What do you want?” I practically shouted.
“Your laptop,” she said. “I need to see something.”
I sagged in relief but was still trembling from the jolt of adrenaline. “Is that all?” I asked, embarrassed at how my voice shook.
“I tried not to wake you.” She sounded almost apologetic which made me feel bad all over again.
“It’s okay.” Sighing, I threw back the covers and snapped on the lamp. I shouldn’t have. Toni stood there in her men’s PJ pants and tank top looking like she hadn’t slept. “I’m sorry,” sounded so lame in my head, so I said nothing. I should have left us in the dark. I rolled over, retrieving the laptop from under my nightstand and handed it to her.
“How did you find her?” she asked as she clutched it to her chest.
“Google,” I replied, forgetting for a second that I had no business being a smart ass.
She snorted softly and actually smiled a bit. “That’s not exactly what I meant, but okay.”
“I just looked her up…I’m surprised you didn’t,” I blurted out. I really needed to shut the hell up.
“I was scared. Sometimes you don’t want to know things you think you want to know.”
“Like me finding out my mom is in prison.”
“I am sorry—”
That’s when it happened. I lost control of my facial muscles and my eyes got hot, and suddenly I couldn’t see or breathe too well. Tears ran down my face as I opened my mouth to speak but there was a huge lump of something caught in my throat.
Fuck if I wasn’t crying.
Toni set the laptop aside and took a seat on the bed, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I kept saying while she rocked me. She should have been beating the crap out of me, but here she was. Rocking me and patting my back and
telling me it was all going to be okay while I blubbered all over her chest. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course you didn’t. How could you?”
We stayed like that until I calmed down. I have to admit, it felt good. Not that I was ready to tell her that. Finally I pushed myself away and climbed out of bed, getting us both some water from the bathroom. I couldn’t look at her as I handed her the little paper cup.
“Thank you.”
I climbed back under the covers, putting a little space between us before I spoke again. “Who was that man?”
“That is my brother John Tomas. The old man is my father. He told me he’d make sure Nichole had a nice family.” She took a sip of her water, set the cup on the nightstand and stretched out next to me. “He lied to me, Rene. And I don’t know why or if I can ever forgive him, but at least Nichole is safe.”
I picked up the laptop and pulled up Nichole’s Instagram page again. With a shrug, I handed it back to her. “She seems really happy.” Even to my own ears my words sounded lame.
“She does.” Toni stared at the screen. “My father was an artist. He’s no Renoir, but back in the day, he wasn’t a nobody in the art world. I guess she takes after him, because I can barely draw a straight line.”
“What about your mom?”
“Dead. My father remarried. His new wife liked having a famous artist as a husband. But she didn’t like me. I was older—” she glanced at me, a tiny smile on her lips, “—and mad at my father for remarrying, while the twins were still young enough for her to control.” She shook her head, her eyes on the screen. “The thought of her raising my daughter makes me ill.”
“Maybe she died?” I offered up. At Toni’s surprised look, I added, “I’m just sayin’. I didn’t see her in any photos.”
“They could have just as easily gotten divorced.” Toni turned back to the screen, her lips pressed together while she frowned, concentrating on the screen.
I stretched out and yawned. “What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know.” She stretched out next to me and took the pillow I handed her. “What if she doesn’t even know about me?”
“You could contact your brother. His business has a Facebook page. Just call and ask for him. He’d know what’s up.”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
“And, Toni?”
‘Yes, Rene.”
“I’m sorry again.”
“I know, baby girl,” she said as she stroked my hair with one hand and scrolled down the page, clicking back and forth with the other.
“Toni?”
“Yes, Rene?”
“What’ll you say to her?”
A few minutes passed before she finally spoke. “I would say I was young and scared and made a lot of mistakes. I would say, I’m sorry if I hurt you. I’m sorry for leaving you. I prayed for you every day, and I never stopped loving you. Not even for a minute.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed another lump, glad she couldn’t see my face.
“I would say I hope you can forgive me.”
THE THIRD TIME I woke up, the sun was up, my eyes were crusty with sleep, my mouth tasted like I’d licked the south pasture, and I’d overslept. That’s how Daddy found us. Me curled against Toni’s side, her asleep with the laptop still on her lap and her hand tangled in my hair.
“You’re late for school,” he snapped.
I guess he wasn’t as forgiving as Toni, who said, “Let her stay home, Tim.”
“What?” He scowled down at us like we’d lost our minds.
“It’s Tuesday. Nothing important happens on a Tuesday.” She set the laptop aside, stood and stretched. “Did you start the coffee?”
Now I was staring at Toni like she’d lost her mind. Not that I cared a ton about missing a day of school but this whole thing was just so weird.
“She needs to go to school.”
“No, she doesn’t. She needs to stay home and help me figure out what to say to John Tomas. Did you make the coffee?”
“Are you fighting?” I blurted out.
“No,” they both said.
“And no, I didn’t make the coffee.” Daddy spoke slowly, his voice louder with every word. A sure sign he was mad.
“He’s getting mad,” I said.
“I know.”
I blinked in surprise and then turned to Daddy, who stared at us like we’d gotten up in the middle of the night and gotten mother/daughter tattoos. “I’ll go make the coffee,” I offered. It was the least I could do, since she’d gotten me out of school—and yeah, I owed her for being a complete shit last night.
“How exactly do you plan on her helping you? She can’t even write her mother a letter.”
“Neither can you,” I shot back as I slipped past him.
“What? What is she saying?” was the last thing I heard as I took the stairs two at a time. But that wasn’t the end of it. Not ten minutes later Dad and Toni stood in the middle of the kitchen continuing their not fight while I stood at the counter, sipping coffee heavily laced with cream and sugar.
“You know, none of this would be happening if you’d let me get to know Rene while we were dating!”
“Oh, so now it’s my fault?!”
“In a way, yes.” Her messy bun bobbed all over the place as she nodded.
“How is it my fault?”
She waved a hand in my direction. “You never even tried…”
Dad’s face got really red. “I never tried?”
“Don’t interrupt me! I hate when you do that.”
Kellie appeared in the kitchen doorway, scrubbing at her head. “What’s all the shouting for?”
Honestly, I’d forgotten she was here. “They’re fighting because Toni said I could stay home from school. There’s coffee,” I added, pointing to the pot.
“No, no, no,” Toni yelled, turning on me. “We’re fighting because your father never wrote your mother!”
“I thought they were fighting because of what you did last night.” Kellie grabbed a cup from the dish drain and filled it front the pot.
Apparently my dad wasn’t the only one still mad at me.
“We’re fighting because Toni wants you to help her contact her bother which is stupid.”
“Stupid? Stupid?! So now I am stupid?”
“That’s not what I said!”
“So what are you saying? All I want is a chance to spend some time with Rene. You never let us spend any time together. That’s how this happened, Tim. And I’m not saying knowing where Nichole is is no big deal but—” She threw up her hands and started muttering in French or something. “I’m just saying if you had let me and Rene get to know one another—” She tilted her head to the side, waiting for him to get it.
“I thought you were.” Now poor Daddy just looked confused.
She shook her head and rolled her eyes, waving a hand in his direction. “Never mind.”
“Famous last words,” Kellie murmured. At my puzzled frown she explained, “When a woman says ‘never mind’? Mind. It’s, like, a rule.”
“Are they gonna break up now?” I asked, frowning over at Kellie. If they stayed together, I’d sorta kinda get a sister. Sorta. Maybe. Hopefully. And Toni wasn’t so bad. I guess.
“No!” they both yelled.
“Then why are you yelling at each other?” I took sip of my coffee and waited.
“Because people in love fight sometimes,” Daddy huffed. “It’s what we do.”
Her eyes on me, Toni froze like she had last night when I’d dropped the Nichole Bomb, the panic in her eyes plain as day. I wanted to tell her it was okay, like she’d done me in the middle of the night, but I was afraid I’d just fuck everything up again so I just nodded instead. “Is that what we are, Tim? People in love?”
“Well, aren’t we?” Daddy gave her a tiny smile and her eyes softened, the panic fading.
“Yes, we are,” Toni said, then added, “But you also got to say I’m sorry.”
; “I’m sorry,” Daddy said, except he was looking at me.
Toni rolled her eyes.
“But you’re not getting married? Right? That’s what Dad said,” I blurted out as Toni started to laugh and Kellie spewed coffee all over the kitchen floor.
“Jesus,” Daddy sighed.
“Sweetheart,” Toni said, “you got to filter. You can’t just say whatever’s in your head all of the time.”
“I said maybe not for a while.”
“But I’m confused. You love each other. I thought…” It’d be like Uncle Zack and Aunt Jessa and Uncle Ty and Aunt Betti.
“There’s no rush,” Toni said with a nod. “I am not going anywhere. Your father isn’t going anywhere, but this—” she pointed at the three of us, exhaling heavily, “—this takes work. And I am not very good at this stuff.”
Neither was I, apparently.
“I should go,” Kellie said.
“No!” Toni held up a hand. “No, no. You are family now, too.” Toni nodded while Daddy grimaced. “You stay.”
“I need to get work.” Daddy grabbed a thermal cup from the cabinet and filled it with coffee.
“Are you done fighting?” I asked, frowning at the both of them.
“As long as your father promises to write your mother by the weekend, we are,” Toni said.
“Why?” I sipped my coffee and waited while Dad kissed my cheek told me to behave myself.
“So that she knows you are okay,” Toni said. “That’s all she really wants, just like it was all I really wanted.”
We stared at each other while all the stuff she’d said to me last night played on a loop in my head, and I nodded. Daddy wasn’t the only one who needed to write a letter. “Will you help me with my letter to Charlene, too?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
THE MOST IMPORTANT lesson I learned that morning? Toni was stubborn, and where my dad was concerned, would probably always get her way. I’m not sure how I knew. It was just a feeling.
Also, my Dad was a terrible fighter.
TOENAIL NIGHT 2.0
I STARED DOWN at the email alert on my cell phone.
