by Tiana Laveen
“It’s yours, baby!”
He pounded hard and rough within her, falling upon her in a heavy, tattooed heap, yet never slowing until he hoisted her off the couch and held her tight in his arms. Jostling her up and down on his sword, he moved slow and easy, delivering every delicious inch of himself to her. And then, she saw love in his eyes… a wanting… a need. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held on tight. Faster and faster he went until he shuddered against her yet keeping her safe in his arms. His groan was loud and primal as he unleashed his seed deep within her; the warmth of his cum felt comforting, sexy, safe…
He pressed his forehead against hers, eyes closed, heart racing a mile a minute, and lips parted, murmuring love spells still unheard but felt deep within. She wished she could stay that way forever… slick thighs wrapped around his tapered waist, feeling his big, juicy dick throbbing within her. She couldn’t describe it, couldn’t explain it, but she loved making love to him more than any other man she’d ever given herself to…
After a few moments, he gained his composure and made his way with her in tow to her bedroom. Nudging the door open with his shoulder, he placed her gently on her bed and soon, they lay snuggled under the sheets, their naked bodies wrapped around one another, holding tight, for dear life. She laid her head against his chest as he stroked her hair in the tenderest of ways. He kissed her face, smiled, then kissed her as he massaged her shoulder.
“Let me do you…” He looked at her in bewilderment. “A massage… lie on your stomach.”
The big man rolled over onto his abdomen. His long legs extended beyond the length of her bed, his feet hanging off the edge. She smiled at the sight. Reaching into her dresser drawer, she retrieved a bottle of almond scented massage oil, flipped the lid, and poured a quarter sized amount into her hands. Rubbing her palms together, she began at his shoulders, working out the kinks.
“Mmmm, that feels soooo good,” he slurred with a big smile, his face planted firmly into the white pillow.
“You’re still a little tense…” She kept at it, then paused to reach over to her clock radio and turn on some music.
This ought to help…
She rarely used it for such things, but her phone with her playlists had been left in the living room when their tryst had first begun. This would simply have to do.
‘Wild Horses’ by The Rolling Stones was the song that came on. The sight of her smooth naked tawny body atop his brawny, enormous, tattooed one made her pause. She looked at their reflection in her vanity mirror, taking note of how she was mounting him, like on horseback… or perhaps, like a wild lion roaming the jungle that she’d managed to tame. It didn’t bring her delight or carnal pleasure to see him beneath her; it gave her peace, for a part of her believed he wanted to be brought to his knees, shot down like a poacher, with an arrow filled with nothing but love. Yes, he wanted this… He wanted to be captured but by one woman, and one woman only…
Her.
“Lazarist…”
“Yeah, baby?” he spoke in a whisper, falling into the groove of relaxation.
“I just wanna tell you that you never have to pretend with me. You can be yourself, and I promise to never tell anyone your deepest secrets. I love you… and lovin’ someone means that they can trust you. Everyone needs someone to talk to, honey… even a man like you.”
She kept on massaging him, going about her way, but when he turned, the skin around his neck twisted as he looked her in the eye. His baby blues were narrowed upon her, his dark brows furrowed. He didn’t say anything—he didn’t need to. She just kept on massaging her lover as her heart beat for him and her pussy slid against his ass every time she moved in one direction or another. He slowly turned away, as if shaken from a daydream, and rested his head back against the pillow, but this time, he looked troubled. He didn’t close his eyes; he just lay there as the lyrics to ‘Wild Horses’ played on and on. After a couple of minutes, he broke the quiet…
“I was ten when I knew somethin’ wasn’t right.” He began. “My father started talkin’ to himself.” Lazarist’s eyes stared off into the distance. “He’d become forgetful. My father never forgot anything. Then, he started accusing my mother of cheating. She hadn’t been, at least not to my knowledge. Then, some clients started to complain about him… said he was actin’ weird and unprofessional at times. He was an attorney.”
Stopping her ministrations, she grabbed a white linen scented tealight candle from the nightstand drawer. Next, she lit it up with her lighter and set it down by the radio.
“My father was one of the best intellectual property attorneys in the state of New York. No lie. He was even mentioned in one of those big finance magazines back in the 90’s. Anyway, things got real fucked up. He then… he then started to verbally abuse me and my sister… call us stupid mistakes… shit like that.
“He’d never spoken to us like that. He was the best father when we were little, ya know? Real great. He did everything with us. Pony rides, Coney Island and the beach… museums. My father was brilliant, a real smart guy. He taught me so much in such a short period of time. He schooled me about business, explained to me how things work, even at that young age. He went over the importance of money—how to save it up so you could enjoy life. He didn’t always drive us to school in his fancy car. He’d make us take the subway sometimes, even the bus, sayin’ we needed to learn about the world, to be grateful, and that we should know how to ride the subway anyway so we could get around with or without him. I was thankful for that.
“And he was funny… so damn funny, Sky. He’s Jewish, and though he was raised in a pretty strict Jewish home, he never made me and my sister feel like we had to believe the same as him. He said it was our choice. He was real open like that, real understanding. Just a beautiful person… and then… and then it all changed. It all… went down the fuckin’ drain…”
She bent down and planted a soft kiss on the back of his neck, and he startled at her touch. He clutched the pillow with those tattooed fingers of his, the ones covered with skulls, the Leo zodiac symbol, and money signs, and it was a shock it didn’t burst at the seams from his abusive handling. He began to shift beneath her, then settled once again… becoming still.
“He started doin’ things to my mother, too. Stayin’ out late, cheatin’, lyin’… and then he hit her, smacked her right in the mouth during an argument… right in front of us. He’d never laid a hand on our mother prior to that, Sky, ever. My father had always said men who hit women were cowards… and here he was, doin’ it. I’ll never forget the blood pooling out of my mother’s mouth as she stood there in shock, and how enraged I was. Eliza, my sister, started cryin’, but I was infuriated. He and I got into it. I lunged at him with all of my might and he knocked me backwards. My head hit the wall and all I saw was blackness. I was just a little kid, ya know? But I was so pissed off, I honestly thought I could take him on. I had to be taken to the hospital for a concussion. Life as we knew it was over… just done with.”
He relaxed his grip on the pillow, took a deep breath, then continued. “He kept on, refused to get help for a while. Then Mom threatened to file for divorce, so he finally saw a doctor. After a couple of weeks, he was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic.”
She froze at that confession. Inside, she was crying for him, but held it all back for the last thing she wanted to do was interrupt. She tried everything within her to keep her composure.
“It was really like something inside of him snapped, just like that. This didn’t happen over a few years’ span; we’re talking a couple of months. No warning whatsoever. After that he was prescribed medication and things settled down for a while. He became more like he used to be… even resumed working again. But then, he stopped taking the meds, said they made him feel funny. The paranoia amped up again. Now, Mom was a whore according to him. Eliza wasn’t his kid and I was trying to top him, to be better than him. He said I was tryna compete, tryna be the man of the house… just crazy shit.
I became his rival in his mind, an adversary… his own kid, an enemy!”
He chuckled mirthlessly.
“And Mom had had enough. She’d tried to stick it out for us kids, but she couldn’t anymore. She filed for divorce, called the police, and had him put out. He’s been livin’ on the streets on and off ever since. Sometimes he’d get an apartment, and then it would be gone. I offered countless times to help him. Sometimes he’d let me, most times he wouldn’t. He’s… he’s destroyin’ me, Sky…” His eyes glazed over. “I can’t let him die, but I don’t want him to live. He uh… he comes to my house sometimes, in the middle of the night… smellin’ like death, like he’s been rollin’ around in some carcass.
“He takes a shower. I pull out some clean clothes I keep for him and he puts them on and then he sits in my fuckin’ kitchen and berates me. It’s the same shit, each and every time!” He punched the pillow with all of his might, then burst out laughing… a manic, painful laugh. “He sits there eatin’ my fuckin’ food, right? Drinkin’ my drinks, wearin’ the clothes I bought him, and he tells me what a fuck up I am! Ain’t that amazing?!”
He chuckled louder, but she knew with each second, her baby was falling apart… She kept on massaging him, going further down his back and along his spine, working out the kinks, the pain… “It’s like he needs it! You know what’s sick, Sky? You know what really makes this super fucked up?”
“No, baby… I don’t…”
“I let him do it! He’s the only person on this fuckin’ planet that I let say any fuckin’ thing to me. I do it ’cause he needs it! He’ll die if he can’t… It’s like he’s diabetic and I’m his insulin. He doesn’t want my money; he just wants me to stand there and let him do it. He wants to kill me… because when he sees me, he sees his former self…and he hates me for being a living reminder of what coulda been…I… I let him do it! I’ll sacrifice my own peace of mind, my own sanity to let this goddamn nut tear me down!”
A tear slowly rolled out the corner of his eye and soaked into the pillow. She could barely catch her breath. She felt herself hyperventilating for the pain in his eyes was so horrible, so strong. She wrapped her arms around him and he flinched! He screamed out as if he were dying. She held him tighter… that big lion of a man had turned into a lamb right before her very eyes…
He didn’t need her to say anything. He needed exactly what she was doing—touching him, kissing him, crying with him…
“It’s one big fuckin’ mess, baby! It’s a fuckin’ mess! Eliza has begged me to stop lettin’ him come over and I don’t discuss it with my mother. She’d be furious… probably call tha cops. A couple of times I didn’t let him in, and I was guilt ridden about it. It was terrible. I kept envisioning him out there hungry, gettin’ mugged or beat up, or worse yet, killed. But I can’t keep doin’ this. I gotta let him go, Sky… that’s why I’m all messed up now, because I know I have to. I gotta say goodbye to him.”
Yes you do, baby! Yes, you do!
“The man I once knew is gone, and that’s the hardest part of this… the hardest part of all! Which one of him was real? This guy, the damn psycho, or the first one, the one who gave me baths and sang to me, huh? I’ll never know! I feel like my entire early childhood was a lie—or maybe this shit right here, the life I’m living right this second ain’t real, either. Either way, it’s a hell of a thing to wake up one morning, look in the mirror and see that someone can make you crumble, fall apart like this. I don’t bow down to no fuckin’ body!”
He jerked away from her, his eyes full of fire and misery. She pulled her hands away, knelt back on her knees, and just listened.
“But if you put that man in my face… you put that fuckin’ man in my face, Sky, and I just… I just wanna make him better! I just wanna make it go away!” he said, waving his hands about. “I can’t wash the crazy away, I can’t beg the crazy away, I can’t fight the crazy away, and guess what? I can’t buy the crazy away, either! You wanted to know about my father. Well, here ya go! He’s one big fuck up, and his son is a fuck up, too! Ya happy now?! I ain’t so great after all! I’m a chicken! ’Fraid of lettin’ him go, ’fraid of what people will think if they knew the truth! He’s right! I AIN’T NOTHIN’!!! I AIN’T NOTHIN’, BABY!”
She cradled him in her arms, pushing his head into her bosom and keeping him there. The man shook and wailed, tearing her up inside. She held him as tightly as she could, and he held onto her as if his very life depended upon it.
“It’s okay… Shhh… it’s okay, Laz… You are somethin’… you’re somethin’ special! You’re the king of my heart!” She soothed him, running her hand up and down his arm.
At that moment, she realized something very important—something that changed how she saw the man she loved—and she knew then she’d never be the same…
Every boss has a weakness; even the strongest of men can be destroyed. The ego is a dangerous thing, especially for a leader who is self-made. The proud lion roars the loudest not when he’s angry, but he does so when he’s heart is broken, lost in the jungle and has nowhere to turn. Feeling all alone, keeping secrets, afraid of what the masses will think if they catch him with his jeweled crown even the slightest bit tilted…
The lion turns east then west, north then south, but he can’t find his way back to his pride. Not due to a lack of sense of direction, but because he no longer knows where home truly is anymore and he doesn’t trust the world any longer. For the world gave him a doting father, who then turned into a wicked stranger, all in the blink of a vertical pupiled eye…
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Birthday Bash, Birthday Crash, Time to Take Out the Birthday Trash
LAZARIST’S MOTHER STAYED in the prestigious Avalon Midtown West Apartments on W. 50th Street in Manhattan, which afforded her a great view of the city. He’d purchased the place for her himself; she and his sister would always benefit from the finer things in life as long as he was around. Her two-bedroom, two-bath home was lavish and beautiful, contemporary with a mix of antique furniture she’d collected over the years. The works of local artists adorned her walls, while exquisitely crafted lamps, Oriental rugs and other precious items enhanced the space.
She was minutes away from everything she could ever need—her doctor’s office, her favorite restaurants, and a slew of stores she loved to frequent. The apartment building itself offered a multitude of amenities such as an indoor pool, fully equipped exercise room, and a well-designed sitting area in the lobby for guests and small gatherings. Best of all, it was a secure location, a place that he felt assured she’d be safe and unbothered.
He arrived wearing a silky black V-neck shirt and gray trousers, paired with his favorite Tom Ford loafers. He was rather particular about shoes; perhaps that was why his girlfriend’s recent ramblings about ‘things’ had stung so much. Of course, he’d taken it personally—it was a dig at him, and she’d scraped open a wound. He liked his things, and he would not apologize for being a self-declared male shoe whore. He was what he was, with pride. Wrapping his arm around Sky’s, he greeted the doorman with a nod and entered his mother’s building for his big birthday bash. He rather enjoyed how the guy had looked his girl up and down for she was a showstopper. He couldn’t help sneaking glances at her, either.
Sky looked absolutely stunning.
Wearing a light blue baby doll dress that tied at the waist and a long matching kimono of a similar shade, she was pretty as a picture. Baby blue high heeled shoes covered her feet, tied with silky bows. Small diamond hoops adorned her ears and she sported a diamond tennis bracelet which he insisted she accept as a present—one of many he intended to give her.
Her hair was parted on the side and worn down, the black, deep waves making him seasick with love. He loved it when she kept her hair that way, and though he still had no comprehension regarding hair extensions and the like, nor did he care, he delighted in the way she put herself together.
Yet, regardless of the lovely eye candy he sported and th
e fact this was his special day, he felt a little out of sorts, as if sensing some sort of trouble was on its way. He couldn’t shake it, but chalked it up to a case of bad nerves. For reasons he couldn’t articulate, he felt rather somber, too. Sky had also mentioned how quiet he was, though the early morning birthday fuck and breakfast she’d served him in bed had been stellar.
He pushed the elevator button and in they went, smiling at one another. Sky cradled a gold and ivory wrapped box and he curiously stole glances at it, wondering what in the world it could be.
Moments later, they were at Mom’s door, and he could smell the delicious food pouring out into the hall enticing him. Classic jazz music drifted out to the hallway and no doubt several people had already arrived, chattering and laughing, already in the groove of the gathering. He cherished moments like this and looked forward to such occasions. He rapped on the door, and it swung open within seconds.
“Heeey!” Tobias, his best friend stood holding a beer and wearing a white turtleneck and blazer. “The king is here!” the man declared as he and Sky entered the dwelling, the door closing and locking behind them.
Suddenly, he and Sky were surrounded by a mob of people, all wearing smiling faces and speaking at the same time. Eliza, his sister, shouldered her way through the crowd, wearing a black pantsuit and her dark brown hair pulled back into a sleek bun. He reached for her and they held one another, then she landed a big kiss on his cheek.
“Laz! So glad you could make it. I’m sure it almost slipped your mind!” she teased.
Several of his friends gathered closer to him, wishing him a happy birthday and pointing out the table laden with beautifully giftwrapped presents and shiny bags, balloons galore and a large punch bowl more than likely with enough alcohol to incapacitate a rhinoceros.
“Hey, Eliza and Tobias, I have someone here I’d like you to meet.” He waved them back over as the crowd thickened, forming a wedge between them. “This is Sky Jordan… my girlfriend.”
