by Elle Gray
“Fine, fine,” I reply.
I don’t have the strength to fight right now. Not that I should, it’s just instinct. I know I should get to a hospital to get checked out for internal bleeding, broken bones, and whatever terrible things I might have done to my body.
“What were you thinking, Pax?” Blake asks, her eyes laced with worry. “Seriously? What in the hell were you thinking by doing this?”
“I was thinking we’d shut down a couple of murderers and save some people’s lives,” I offer. “I also thought we could help get a poisonous drug off the market.”
“There are other, better ways to do that.”
“Nothing was being done, Blake. Sjoberg owns the FDA. He bribed them to get his drug to market,” I explain. “And when Emma Welsh told me there was an underground facility where they were experimenting on the transient population they were kidnapping—”
She holds her hands up. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down,” she says. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s a long story, but you need to hear it all. There is a lot you don’t know about yet,” I tell her. “I acted quickly because we needed to put a stop to it.”
“All right, we’ll talk this out,” she says. “We’ll get all the facts before we charge.”
I nod. “Sjoberg and Rogers—they’re the head of the snake. They’re the ones conducting these illegal experiments,” I say. “And Sjoberg is the one who ordered Veronica’s murder.”
Blake’s eyes grow wide, and her mouth forms a perfect O. “How do you know that?”
“I have him on tape, Blake. I planted a bug in his office a few days ago and I have him on tape telling me he ordered it.”
“Oh, my God,” she says. “You finally—”
I shake my head. “I don’t know who did it. I may never know. But at least I have the guy who ordered it. I guess that’s going to have to be enough.”
She blows out a long breath. “We have a lot to talk about. But for now, let’s get you to the hospital.”
I nod and let her help guide me toward the ambulances outside. As the adrenaline in me ebbs, everything starts to hurt again—and a few new places start hurting. I wasn’t sure I could feel worse than before, but I was clearly wrong about that. As we walk out of the Lomtin building and the cool, fresh air washes over me, I feel a sense of pride and satisfaction.
I fulfilled my vow to Veronica. The men who did this to her are going away for a very, very long time. And her final story will finally come to light.
I may not have gotten the guys who actually murdered her, but the Bureau will be swooping down on Black Crown any minute, so I have no doubt they’ll scoop them up to. I just wish I knew who it was so I can have my say. Knowing they’ll be in prison will have to be good enough. I’ll just have to learn to live with it.
Fortunately, I have a lot of experience with that.
As Blake helps load me into the ambulance, I give her a smile—and then black out.
Thirty-Five
St. Immanuel’s Hospital; Downtown Seattle
“Good to see you back among the living,” Olivia says with a small smile on her face.
“Are you sure he is? He doesn’t look alive,” Blake adds.
“Oh, Blake’s got jokes,” I say.
“Don’t I always?”
“Yeah, if we’re talking about your love life,” I shoot back.
“Don’t make me add a few extra injuries to your chart, Arrington.”
The three of us share a laugh and it feels good. Mostly. I still feel like garbage. It’s been two days since I escaped Lomtin. Everything on and in me still hurts. I’ve got a little bit of internal bleeding, a few cracked ribs, a hairline fracture in my forearm, and a broken scapula, but otherwise, I’m doing great. I am grateful, though, since it could have been far, far worse. I’m alive, first of all. Second of all, we took down Sjoberg, Rogers, and their whole human experimentation racket. The FDA revoked their approval on Xytophyl and it’s all been recalled.
Sjoberg continues to assert his drug did more good than harm, arguing that the percentage of people who experienced side effects is infinitesimally small. The FDA disagreed and pulled it all anyway. I imagine all the people he bribed are sweating bullets right about now. As long as he’s alive and singing in prison, none of them are going to be safe. I have no doubt Sjoberg is going to roll on everybody he can think of to try and get himself a better deal. I fully expect a rash of resignations among some top government officials. As if they didn’t already have enough on their plate with the Thirteen scandal.
It also wouldn’t be surprising to me if Sjoberg himself ended up the way Alvin Perry did, which would be an ironic twist, since that’s where a lot of this started. Perry’s cryptic note got me looking into Xytophyl to begin with. If that happens, I’m not going to lose a wink of sleep over it. I’m just glad I won’t be the one taking him out.
There was a point in this case when I thought I might step over that line and kill Sjoberg myself. My grief was driving me to a very dark place, and I gave serious consideration to pulling the trigger on him myself. Somewhere along the way, I guess I realized I could be a monster—but only to a point. Breaking fingers is one thing. Even killing someone in self-defense, as I did to the CBO, is another. Putting a bullet in somebody’s head in cold blood is something else entirely. Though that line is dangerously seductive to me sometimes, I’ve yet to cross it. I hope I never do.
“You took a big risk emailing me that video, Paxton,” Olivia tells me. “What if I had just deleted it?”
“Then I’d be dead right now. Or a subject in one of Rogers’ sick little experiments.”
“Why did you send it to me and not to Blake?” she presses.
It’s a fair question, though the answer is fairly obvious. After sending my video message to Brody and Blake, I recorded another one and sent it to Olivia, timed to deliver three days after I went dark. In that message, I told her what my plan was and to send the Seattle Field Office to the Lomtin campus the minute she got my message. Thankfully, she did.
“I figured Sjoberg was having all my contacts monitored—including Blake and Brody. If they intercepted the message I sent you, where I detailed my plan, I’m positive I’d have a couple of bullets in my head right now,” I explain. “They don’t know you and you’re not in my regular contacts, so I knew I could get a message to you safely.”
“Except you didn’t know whether I’d open it or not.”
“I knew you would,” I say. “I think you and I are a lot more alike than you think. Even though you told me you were moving on, I know there’s a part of you that wouldn’t ever fully be able to unless you knew what happened to your sister.”
She frowns. “Shows what you know. I almost deleted your email.”
“But you didn’t,” I counter. “Which proves me right.”
Olivia looks over at Blake. “Is he always like this? Does he always have to be right?”
Blake nods emphatically. “You have no idea. Always has to be right.”
I laugh, then cringe as I’m racked by a vicious blow of pain. “Stop making me laugh. It hurts.”
“Don’t be a baby,” Blake admonishes playfully. “You have a cracked rib.”
I look at her. “Are you kidding me? I’ve got broken bones everywhere,” I protest. “I was beaten to within an inch of my life.”
“Well, who’s fault is that?” she asks. “Who intentionally lets themselves be taken captive by an enemy you know is going to beat you within an inch of your life? I mean, that’s just really poor planning, Pax.”
“She’s got a point,” Olivia adds.
“Et tu, Brute?”
“I like her,” Blake says. “She agrees with me.”
“Only because she doesn’t like me.”
“That’s not true, Paxton,” Olivia says. “It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just that I don’t know you. It’s not like we ever spent time together when you and Veronica were married.”<
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“That’s true,” I admit. “And I’m sorry for that. It’s one of my biggest regrets. I wish I’d made a point of getting you and Veronica together. It’s like I told you, she always regretted not having a closer relationship with you.”
“Well, it’s not your job to make us be sisters,” Olivia replies sadly. “Veronica and I were responsible for that. That’s a regret I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
A moment of silence descends over the room. Blake reaches down and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze.
“I’m glad you’re all right, you big idiot,” she says. “If you ever do anything like that again, I’ll kill you myself. You got that?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I say.
The door to my room opens and I frown when I see Interim Deputy Chief TJ Lee walk in looking entirely displeased.
“Ladies, may we have the room?” he requests.
Blake gives me a smile and Olivia takes my hand and squeezes it.
“Thanks for saving my butt,” I tell her.
“Thank you for helping to put Veronica to rest once and for all,” she replies. “And… if you wanted to call now and then just to connect… that would be nice. We are family, after all.”
“I’d like that,” I nod. “Thank you.”
“I’ll call you when the principal here is done whooping you,” Blake says and tips me a wink before she walks out, leaving me alone with Lee.
Lee gives me a once-over, his normally stern demeanor softening a bit as he takes stock of my injuries
“You’ve had an eventful few days,” he comments.
“I have.”
“You know, the strangest thing happened.”
“Tell me,” I say. “I could use a good story.”
“Yes well, we received an anonymous tip that two men were being held in a cabin out by the Sound,” he explains. “The caller said they were responsible for the murder of Brian Takahashi.”
“Huh. Well, that’s fortuitous.”
“Very,” Lee nods. “There was one weapon in the cabin, and it was a match for the bullet we pulled out of Takahashi. The prints on the gun belonged to William Devers—one of the two men in the cabin.”
“Well, it sounds like you closed your case. Congratulations, Deputy Chief.”
“Interim.”
“Right. Congratulations, Interim Deputy Chief.”
“Uh-huh. These two guys. They were bound up and left like Christmas presents for us,” he goes on. “They were worked over pretty good. Had a couple of busted fingers. Looks like they were tortured.”
“Huh. Interesting. You sure it wasn’t self-inflicted?”
“Positive,” he says. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
I shake my head. “Golly, no. I’ve been here for the last few days. As you can see, I ran into a bit of trouble of my own,” I tell him. “Besides, I don’t even have a cabin.”
“No?”
“Nope. Not out by the Sound.”
“Yeah, this one was purchased through a shell corporation. Can’t seem to track down the actual owner.”
“You were right, this is a strange story,” I say. “What are the murderers saying?”
He shakes his head. “They’re not talking about it. Refuse to answer any questions about it. Say they’ll handle it their own way.”
“I guess they’ll have to handle it in the next life since you’ve got them cold for murder, right, Deputy Chief?”
“Interim. And yeah, it was all tied up into a nice, neat package. The only thing missing was a bow on top.”
“I bet whoever did that thought that might be a bit of overkill.”
“Arrington, I know you did it. I know you—”
“Prove it. If you’re so sure it was me, prove it,” I cut him off. “From where I’m sitting, it looks like somebody did you a big, fat favor and helped you get your solved rate up just ahead of your next COMSTAT meeting. Good for you. I bet they take that interim label off.”
“Speaking of favors, I have to say, I was a little surprised you didn’t give me a heads up about what was going on out at the Lomtin campus.”
I give him a small shrug. “Why would I have done that?”
“It could have helped me out to have a bust like that under my belt.”
“You were very clear there is a new era starting at the SPD. You don’t cooperate with civilians… wasn’t that it? That’s what you said, right?” I ask.
“Yeah, but I figured you’d throw a bone my way instead of throwing it to the Feds. That was kind of uncool.”
“Yeah well, treating me the way you have is uncool too, Lee,” I counter. “You tell me to take a hike, then whine because I didn’t loop you in on a big bust. That’s not how it works. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, you know.”
Lee purses his lips, but chuckles to himself as he shakes his head. He looks up at me.
“You’re a piece of work, Arrington.”
“Right back at you, Interim Deputy Chief. Right back at you.”
Thirty-Six
Arrington Residence; Wilton House Condominiums, Downtown Seattle
A week after what went down at Lomtin, I was finally released from the hospital and allowed to go home. I feel better. Still a bit stiff and sore at times, but I’m sure that will fade. But I’m glad to be discharged because I’ve been dying to get home. The time has been right for days, and there’s something I’ve been desperate to watch. I sit down in Veronica’s captain’s chair and open the laptop and plug the flash drive in.
I drum my fingers on the desk as I wait for it to boot up, and when it finally does, I feel a rush of excitement. Veronica’s face pops up on the screen and I feel my heart lurch inside of me. I hit the play button and lean forward, bracing my chin in my hands and watching the love of my life talking to me.
“Hi, baby. I hope you’re watching this alone because there are some things I need to say—sorry if you were hoping this was going to be a naked video. It’s most definitely not going to be that.”
I laugh softly to myself and shake my head. Veronica never failed to make me laugh or put a smile on my face in life—and she’s still got it, even from beyond the grave.
“Anyway, you know by now that I’m gone if you’re watching this. And I wanted to talk to you about that,” she says. “I know you’re going to be sad and feel like your life is crumbling down all around you. Believe me when I say it’s not. Your life will go on and it will be what you choose to make it. If you choose to be sad and miserable, that’s what your life will be. And I don’t want that for you, Pax.
“I want your life to be big. I want it to be happy and full of joy. And yes, I want it to be full of love too. Just because I’m gone, I don’t want you to put your heart away, Paxton. I don’t want you to close down and close yourself off from happiness or love. No matter what, I always want you to be happy. You have so much to offer this world and to a special person—as I learned firsthand. Don’t close yourself off to the world or to other people, Paxton. You’ll not only be cheating yourself, you’ll be cheating the world of that wonderful, amazing, and special thing that is you.
“Get back out into the world, Paxton. Even if I’m not physically by your side, I promise you that I will always be in your heart. And that’s where you’ll carry me. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for anybody else in there. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for your own happiness and joy. Seek that out, because you deserve it, baby.
“I love you and I’ll always love you, in whatever world we find ourselves in. I want the best for you. I know how loyal you are, Paxton. It’s one of the things I loved most about you. But I’m gone and there is nothing wrong with you choosing to move on with your life. Finding joy and finding love again isn’t being disloyal. Finding love with somebody else doesn’t mean you love me any less. You have one of the biggest hearts I know. There is room for a lot of love in there, Pax.
“I truly do wish we could have gro
wn old and fat together like you always said. Spending my life with you would have been a blessing. But even getting to spend the piece of it I did with you is a blessing that I’m grateful for. I love you now and I always will. Just as I know you will always love me. I know that about you.
“But now is the time for you to live your life for you. Now is the time for you to move forward. Be bold, Paxton. Take chances. Find joy and find love, because you deserve that. Don’t close yourself off to any of the wonderful blessings life has to offer.
“I love you with everything in me. I will see you again one day. Until then, I’ll be in your heart as you are in mine.”
She closes the video message by blowing me a kiss. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give for the chance to feel her lips on mine just one more time. I get up from the desk and wander around the apartment, replaying her words in my head over and over again.
The time I got to spend with her in his life was a blessing. One I will be forever grateful for. I just wish I had more time with her. That makes me think back to something she said one time. She told me that time spent wishing your life could be one way was taking time away from living your life right now.
Seeing her face and hearing her voice makes me miss her. But for the first time since she died, I don’t feel grief. Or at least, not only grief. The joy I always felt in my heart because of her is returning. It’s small and slow, but like the tiniest spark, it’s there—and it’s my job to nurture that spark into a flame, guided by her hand.
For the first time since she passed, I start to think that maybe, just maybe, I can give this whole living life thing another shot. Maybe you don’t get only one bite at the apple.
And maybe in time, I can find that joy and love Veronica wants me to chase. Maybe.
Epilogue
King County Correctional Facility; Seattle
“You look like hell,” I note.
