by Mercy Amare
I wonder why Stacy never told me that.
“I would love to see her again. And I’d love to meet my grandchild.”
“Maybe you should try contacting Stacy…” I suggest.
“I’ve tried. She refuses to talk to me. I can’t blame her for it though. I hope she forgives me someday.” He looks between the two of us. “I only hope the two of you can forgive me.”
“Why didn’t my mom tell me that I’m actually her niece? Why did she lie to me about where I came from?”
“Because she’s a psychotic bitch,” Alec answers.
It’s the truth. But he didn’t have to put it like that. “Alec!” I scold him.
“What? It’s true!”
“Still, you aren’t supposed to say it out loud…” Memo to self — talk to Alec about his manners. And then punch him for being so rude.
“It’s alright, Scarlett,” Bridgett promises. She then turns to my dad… Well, her dad too… “Why did you choose Scarlett, and not me?”
“I didn’t,” he answers. “I told the nurse to bring me one of you and give the other to Beverly’s sister. When the nurse asked which one I wanted to take, I told her to choose for me, because I couldn’t. I love you both so much, and it broke my heart to choose just one.”
“Why did you just take Scarlett?” Bridgett pushes him. I can hear the sadness in her voice. I grab her hand and squeeze it. “Why didn’t you fight for both of us?”
“I thought it was the right decision at the time,” he answers. “I’m sorry, Bridgett. I knew the second that we left I had made the wrong decision, but Mary already had you. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry that is has taken me nineteen years to find you.”
“You didn’t find me! Maybe if you had, things would be different!” she yells at him. “Scarlett was the one who found me. And you looked right at me when you came to Florida. You didn’t say anything to me!”
“I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry isn’t going to make up for the past nineteen years. It won’t make up for the missed birthdays. It won’t make up for all the times I laid awake at night, wondering who my real parents were, and why they didn’t want me. And it won’t make up for me being separated from Scarlett. I’m just lucky she found me, because if she wouldn’t have, I may have never known.”
My dad just sits there, looking between Bridgett and me. I can tell he is torn. He wants to say something, but really, what could he say? Everything Bridgett says is true. And I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for keeping us separated. But he is my dad.
“I am so mad at you,” I tell him, honestly. “My whole life, I have never felt wanted. Mom hated me. And not just what I represented. She hated me, Dad. Now, I feel like I understand a little better. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t leave her. Why did you let her treat me like that?”
“Stephanie was the love of my life. I guess I thought if I stayed long enough, that she would change. I was wrong.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive you,” I tell him. “I love you, because you’re my dad. Nothing will change that. But I just… We need time to process this.”
Dad stands up. “I understand.”
Bob sees him out the front door. Once he’s left, Bridgett puts her head on my shoulder and cries. My heart feels so heavy. I can’t help but think what would have happened if the nurse would have taken Bridgett to my dad instead of me. How would life be? I’m sure Bridgett is wondering the same thing.
“I wonder how life would be if we hadn’t been separated… Like, if your dad would have left that evil bitch, and we were raised together…” Bridgett wipes the tears from under her eyes.
“Maybe we’d be a sister act,” I joke.
She laughs. “If you heard me sing, you wouldn’t think that.”
“It’s true,” Alec agrees. “She has a terrible voice. Like a dying cat.”
Bridgett glares at Alec, and he stops talking.
“I can’t wonder what if, though. It’s pointless. Things happened the way they did for a reason. I’m happy with where we are now,” she says. “I am sad for the years I missed with you, Scar, but who knows if we would get along if we grew up together. We might hate each other.”
“I could never hate you.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her. “I love you, Bridge.”
“I love you too. And eventually, I want to get to know Dad. But like you said, I need time. I’m not sure how much time I need. But if you’re ready to forgive him, and I’m not, don’t let me stop you. He’s your dad. I have a dad.” A few more tears fall from her eyes. “I miss my dad. I know that my mom is awful, but my dad isn’t like her.”
“Why don’t you talk to your dad?” I ask.
“Please… If I tried, that woman would yank the phone right out of his hand and demand that I come home.”
“At least your mom loves you enough to want you home. I’ve spent the last few years thinking my mom couldn’t stand to be in the same country as my father, and I just found out it was actually me she couldn’t stand to be in the same country as.” The weight of what I am saying hits me like a ton of bricks. “My mom hates me.” It comes out in a whisper.
“She’s not your mom. Not really. Our real mom died. And she died trying to save us.”
“She must have loved us.” I can take comfort in the fact that my real mom loved me enough to die for me.
Bridgett sits forward on the couch. “Do you think we could talk about something less… depressing? Seriously. I just need to get my mind off all this crap.”
“Let’s go on my boat,” Alec suggests. “We are going to be seriously busy for the next… well… year, honestly. We should take advantage of this day off while we can.”
“I’m game.” Bridgett seems excited.
I turn to Stephan, who has remained quiet through the whole conversation. I know he is worried about me. “Do you want to go?” I ask him. “Alec is right. We aren’t going to get a lot of opportunities like this.”
“Sounds fun.”
3:55 PM
Do you believe in soul mates?
I am worried about Bridgett. Sure, she’s smiling and laughing, but she puts on a very good front. I know she’s hurting, and I am worried that she will make herself sick again. Anorexia is how she copes. But if she goes down that road again, she will not survive. I can’t live without my sister.
I watch her and Stephan on the deck of Alec’s yacht. She is laughing hard at something Stephan said to her.
“Alec, will you keep an eye on Bridgett for me?” I ask him. Even though I am worried that he will break her heart, I know that he loves her. He doesn’t want anything bad to happen to her.
“I do watch her,” he says. “She is stronger than you give her credit for.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“She’s your sister, Scar. I know you are just looking out for her. But I see the girl underneath. She is very strong, and she is going to make it.” His words comfort me. “She is a lot like you in that way. She is not the same girl that I met when I came to visit you in Florida.”
Alec is absolutely right. She has changed a lot. She’s grown up — probably because she’s had to. Life has a funny way of changing people. It’s all the bad things that make us strong. It must be why I am so strong. Because I have to be. If I wasn’t, I would have cracked a long time ago.
“Do you believe in soul mates?” Alec’s question stuns me. He’s never been one to believe in true love — he’s told me numerous times before.
“I do.” It’s the absolute truth. “Stephan is absolutely my soul mate.”
“I think… I mean… I…” Alec is probably the calmest person I know, so it’s weird to see him nervous. “I’m in love with Bridgett. And I know I said before that I was scared, and I know you think I will break her heart, but I won’t. She is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. And if soul mates are real, I think Bridgett is mine.”
Everyt
hing within me wants to tell him that it’s too soon for him to think like this. I’ve been taught my whole life that people should date for a long time, and that we should wait until we are older to get married… But I know I didn’t make a mistake with Stephan. Maybe waiting is the problem. We wait until we are older, and by the time we actually do get married we end up bringing a lot of baggage into our marriages. Hell, I’m nineteen and even I brought baggage in. What if I waited until I was twenty-five? Or thirty even? Would it really make a difference?
Marriages don’t fail because the couple is too young. They don’t fail because of money, or because a couple fights too much… They fail because of selfishness. People are so concerned with themselves, that they don’t think to ask what their spouse wants or needs. I wonder how many marriages would be saved if a couple sat down and talked each night — maybe thirty minutes or an hour. Or if each person in the marriage did one selfless thing for the other.
“Have you told her how you feel?” I ask.
“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first, and ask you how you feel about it. You’re my best friend, and you’re her sister. And I guess I’m hoping you will tell me something that will make me go for it. I’m honestly scared.”
“Alec, I absolutely think you should go for it. I can tell by the way she looks at you that it isn’t one-sided. You need to take a chance. And if anybody is worth taking a chance with, it’s Bridgett.”
“I thought about what you said, about the song… You’re right. I am going to write her a song and tell her how I feel,” he says. “It was absolutely a brilliant idea.”
“Well, it obviously worked out well for me.”
“I’m sorry about yelling at you earlier,” he says. “I see how in love you two are, and I guess I was just jealous of that. You deserve to be happy.”
“Thanks.”
Together, Alec and I walk up to where Bridgett and Stephan are standing. I look out at the crystal water. I love being in the middle of the ocean. Something about being out here is so peaceful. I grab Stephan’s hand and pull him over to the edge of the rail.
“You know, whenever I am writing songs for a new album, I always come out here,” I tell him. “It’s so easy to clear my head. There’s no noise, just me and the water. I used to dream about just staying out here forever.”
“I could easily spend forever out here,” he says. His eyes are full of concern as he looks at me. “How are you holding up? What happened with your dad was pretty intense.”
“I’m doing okay,” I answer honestly. “I have been hurt a lot in my life, and it’s made me a very strong person.”
“Yeah, but that was such a shock, Scar. Nobody is that strong.”
I turn to him. “It’s going to take me a very long time to get over what happened. Who knows if I will ever truly recover. But sometimes, life brings you pain. I’m just thankful that I have you here, Stephan. I don’t think I could do any of this without you.”
“Do you regret marrying me?” Stephan looks afraid as he waits for my answer. Now that everybody knows, things are different.
“Absolutely not. Marrying you was the best decision I have ever made. Even in my drunken state of mind, I knew that you were the one I was meant to be with forever.” And, now it’s my turn to ask. “Do you regret it?”
“Not for one second,” he answers immediately.
“Do you think we will regret it twenty years from now?”
“I don’t. I’m sure we will have our moments. You will drive me crazy, and I will drive you crazy, but at the end of the day we will always make up.”
I smile at the thought of being with Stephan twenty years from now. “I’m pretty sure I will want to fight with you, just so we can make up.”
“We could fight now,” he suggests. “It’d be great foreplay.”
I just shake my head at him. “You’re amazing.”
“I know.”
Monday, November 10
10:51 AM
Diva.
“Again!” Nancy Hunter yells.
My brain tries to tell my body to move, but it won’t. I’ve been at this since five AM, and I am exhausted. “I need a break,” I tell her. I prepare for yelling, screaming, and possibly a slap in the face. Nancy Hunter doesn’t take orders, she gives them.
“When you get this right, you can take a break.” Her response is very Nancy-like.
“I don’t understand what I’m not doing right. I’ve done what you’ve asked me to. Like five fucking times. I’m not doing it again,” I say stubbornly. “And if I don’t get a Red Bull like right now, I won’t be doing anything else either.”
She throws down the script in her hand. I think she was aiming at me. I can feel the wind from the clipboard as it flies by me. “This is why I hate doing music videos. You’re all such divas!”
I roll my eyes. Me? A diva? What a laugh. “Trust me, you’re not my favorite person either.”
“Yet it’ll be me you’re thanking when you win the Video of the Year award. Again.”
“I’ll also send you the bill when I get put in the hospital from dehydration and exhaustion.” I stalk past her and see Alec laughing at me. Of course he’s enjoying this. “Just wait until it’s you.”
He walks with me to my dressing room. “Hey, I’ve been there many times. And stop complaining. You’ve already got a lot done. You might not like Nancy, but she’s an artistic genius. She is bringing your song to life.”
“Yeah well, she’s a genius who hates me. I swear she enjoys torturing me.” I open the door to my dressing room, and we both walk inside. I grab a water and a Red Bull from the mini fridge.
Stephan left this morning to fly back to Florida. He is going to go pick up some of his clothes and see his mom. I feel bad for him. His mom is pretty furious about the marriage. I’m sure he is going to get yelled at. He’s coming back tomorrow afternoon, but I already miss him.
Soon, the dressing room opens and Bridgett walks in.
“You’re my twin. You should just go out there for me… Just for an hour, so I can nap. I doubt that bitch would notice you weren’t me anyway.”
Bridgett snorts. “Puh-lease. You’re being nice. If I was you, I would have punched her already.”
“And that makes me want you to go out there for me even more. I would love to see somebody punch that woman. What good is having a twin if the other twin won’t take your place now and then?” I down the bottle of water and then open my Red Bull. “I’m ready for this to be over. Going on tour is going to be a vacation compared to this.”
“Oh, Scarlett…” Alec shakes his head at me. “It’s been too long since you’ve gone on tour. Don’t you remember last time we were on tour together?”
“What happened?” Bridgett asks.
“Scarlett and I were going to get milkshakes after the show… It was our thing when we were on tour together. She ended up passing out in the middle of the restaurant and hitting her head on the floor. She got a concussion. She spent like three days in the hospital,” Alec explains.
“I was dehydrated,” I say. “And I was fifteen years old. Give me a break. I’ve learned a thing or two since then. Like the fact that I should drink lots of water.”
Alec leans over toward Bridgett and whispers loudly, “I taught her everything she knows.”
I glare at him. “I can hear you.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he waves me off.
I finish off my Red Bull. “I better get out there before Nancy comes to find me.”
“It’s been like five minutes,” Bridgett protests.
“I better hurry then. Nancy has a very strict four minute break policy.”
Alec and Bridgett laugh. Too bad I’m not joking.
11:45 PM
Moving forward.
I climb into bed alone Monday. My bed never felt so big and empty before. I miss Stephan being there, and can’t wait for him to get back here tomorrow afternoon. I look at my phone and see that I have a message from him.
<
br /> Stephan: Hey, baby. I miss you.
Me: I miss you, too. This bed it too big and lonely without you!
Stephan: Tomorrow can’t get here fast enough… So how was the set today?
Me: Absolutely MISERABLE. I barely talked her into letting me come home to sleep. I’m exhausted. Thankfully she said there is only one day left of filming. Hopefully we finish early tomorrow so I can spend some time with you.
Stephan: Well, what about Wednesday?
Me: Rehearsal and recording. I’m doing a duet with Alec. But you can totally come with us to the studio if you want.
Stephan: Anything to spend time with you, my love.
Me: Is your mom pissed?
Stephan: Sort of. She’s mad that she had to hear about it on the news, but she’s happy for us. She loves you.
Me: Yeah, waiting to tell our family wasn’t our brightest idea.
Stephan: LOL definitely not… I’m going to go to sleep now. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. I love you.
Me: Love you too.
I set my phone on the nightstand and stare at the ceiling in my bedroom. Tonight is the first night that I actually miss being in Hope, though I think it has more to do with the fact that Stephan is there. It doesn’t matter where I am as long as he is with me.
Over the past two months though, Hope has become my home. My house in LA is just where I stay when I have to work. And my house in Europe is where I go when I want to vacation… But Hope is where I go when I want to go home. And as much as I hate to admit it, I kind of miss high school. I miss hanging out with Ethan… I even miss Mona, which is kind of ironic.
Well — I suppose Mona IS my sister-in-law now.
