Josie stiffened. “What does it matter? People will talk if they want to talk, either about me or about someone else! I hate all the gossip and judgement. You should too,” she said accusingly. “Maybe you need to write a sermon about people minding their own business?”
William Marcum frowned at her. “Do not speak to your mother that way, Josephine!”
“Don’t come into my house and tell me what I should and shouldn’t do when I’m a grown woman,” she shot back. “I’m not a child. I’m entitled to live my life without your interference!”
Deborah drew back as if she’d been slapped. “I can’t believe you’d speak to us this way, Josephine. After everything we’ve done for you!”
Josie felt it then. The guilt and the shame crawled beneath her skin and the whispered words of every single member of her father’s congregation echoed in her mind. You’re so lucky they took you in. You should be so grateful they saved you. Where would you be if God hadn’t called them to open their home to a poor orphan? But for the first time, there was anger with the guilt. Anger that what should have been done out of love had been reduced to a currency to control her.
Her voice quivered as she spoke. The anger and the hurt, not to mention the resentment that had building for years was all bubbling just below the surface like a volcano ready to explode. “You have done a lot for me. And I’ve never been anything but grateful… but that doesn’t mean I have to live my entire life trying to earn your love and acceptance. You both need to leave.”
William stepped forward. “Your mother didn’t mean it that way, Josie. We’re lucky to have you and we both know it. There is nothing you could ever do that would make us think differently.”
He meant that, or at least he believed he did. But if they really felt that way, wouldn’t they have said so before? During all the conversations where she stood there beside them after church and people praised them for taking her in and raising her like their own, wouldn’t they have said then that she was their own? “Then maybe you should have told the congregation that. All I’ve heard my whole life is how you sacrificed, how you gave up so much for me… I’m a burden. I’m proof of your Christian duty and nothing more.”
“That’s not true. We’ve never made you feel that way!” Deborah protested.
“You just did!” Josie protested. “But more to the point, you never once tried to stop everyone else from making me feel that way.”
The tension in the room was so thick it could be cut with a knife. The silence stretched between them, growing heavier by the second. Finally, William said, “We’ll go. We just wanted to make sure you were okay. But you’re clearly upset and us being here isn’t making it better.”
It was a peace offering of sorts, but she didn’t want it. She didn’t want to be placated and made to feel like she was being humored or patronized. She had a right to feel the things she did. “No, it really isn’t… and which one of my neighbors is your spy? Or is it the whole damned street?”
Her father looked at her in a way that made her feel petty and small. “Watch your language. I understand that you’re upset, and yes, one of your neighbors called, but they were concerned about you. If Carter Hayes is in this house, it’s abundantly clear you want him to be, so we’ll go.”
Josie watched them leave and immediately wondered what she’d done. She’d yelled at her parents. Not even as a crazy ass, hormonal teenager had she spoken so sharply to her mother. She’d been mean, petty and spiteful. She’d rebelled against them.
“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.” She just kept muttering the phrase over and over again, shocked at her own behavior and terrified that she’d ruined things forever.
After a few minutes, Carter came down the stairs. His wet hair was slicked back and he’d dressed in the same clothes he’d discarded earlier. He didn’t look mad anymore. He looked… resigned.
“I’m going to go,” he said.
“What?” Josie couldn’t make sense of what was happening inside her, much less what anyone else was saying to her. She felt sick, scared and like her whole world had just tilted.
“I’m going… you’re not in any kind of condition for whatever we were going to do earlier. And you need to get yourself cleaned up and go over to your parents,” he added.
“Why would I go there?”
He walked over to her and pulled her against him. In a surprisingly tender gesture, he kissed the top of her head. “Because if you don’t, you’re going to worry about it all night. Apologize to them. Let them apologize to you.”
“What about you? I owe you an apology too,” she said, and tried to choke back a sob.
“You don’t owe me anything… I can swallow my pride for a while longer, Josie. My ego’s pretty healthy. It can take it.”
She was still crying but that did pull a soft laugh from her. “You’re better than people believe you are, Carter. And you’re better than I deserve.”
He wasn’t. But until she figured out just what she was worth it wouldn’t do a damn bit of good to tell her that. “Take a few days and let things calm down. Let people find something else to gossip about… and then we’ll embark on illicit affair part two.”
Carter left, heading out to his truck. Climbing behind the wheel, he sat there for a moment. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he’d take what he could get. The only other option was to walk away altogether and he wasn’t ready for that yet.
His knuckles were white on the steering wheel, his whole body was tense with the combination of hurt, anger and unslaked lust. There was only one option. Liquor.
8
Carter settled back onto the couch at Bennett’s house and dug his hand into a bag of chips. Nothing but dust. He lifted the bag and dumped the remainder directly into his mouth. Bennett had been slacking on groceries ever since Mia Darcy had come back into the picture. But that was apparently done now, or it was if Bennett’s mood was any indication. He’d been a dick all day long.
Taking a long pull from his beer, he emptied the dregs from the bottle. It was disgusting. Bennett’s was still sitting on the coffee table, so Carter grabbed it and drained what was left in the bottle, washing down the last of the crumbs. Much better, he thought.
He knew it was gross. He knew he’d been moping around just as much Bennett, but he’d be damned if he’d let anyone else see it.
Bennett came back into the living room and flopped down on the couch. The game was on. It was going to shit, but it was on. Basketball season would turn everything around, Carter thought. Unable to watch the disgrace, Carter rose to his feet and walked out onto the porch. The rain had just started. Tilting his head back, he inhaled the scent of it.
He fucking missed her. He missed the way she giggled when he tickled her belly, the way she smelled, the way she snuggled against him in bed. God, he was a sad ass bastard, he thought. It had been just over a week, but all he did was think about her. He didn’t know if that was enough time for the Fontaine gossip mill to shut down or change gears, but it was all the damn time he was giving them.
Taking his phone from his pocket, he glanced at the last text from Josie. It had come two days earlier and he hadn’t replied. He’d told her he could swallow his pride, but he just wasn’t sure if that was true. It stung like a bitch. It would be different if she was just another fling, but she wasn’t. Of course, it wouldn’t matter what he said to her. She wouldn’t believe it. The only thing that would make her believe it was time. And he was back to square one because giving her time would mean swallowing his pride.
Fuck it, he decided, and started tapping out a message on the keypad.
I want to see you.
He didn’t expect an immediate response. In fact, he expected her to be so pissed she might not respond at all. While he’d been pouting, and he was man enough to admit that’s what it was, she’d been left hanging in the wind.
On the one hand, he understood her completely. Every word she’d said to her parents that day in the kitchen had carried
up the stairs to him. Feeling the weight of judgement from everyone in town on your back was something he understood on a fundamental level. He’d been living that way all his life. Every time someone said to him that he was just like his father, it meant one thing. He’d come to a bad end.
Josie was broken inside. It didn’t matter that she looked whole and pristine on the outside. Inside, she was still a scared little girl who didn’t believe that good things would last.
His phone dinged. Looking down at the screen, grinned.
You took your damned time.
Carter smiled. If she texted him back that quickly it meant he wasn’t totally screwed. She’d make him pay. That was her nature, but he wasn’t sure he minded. Watching her get worked up and pissed off was one of life’s greatest joys, as far as he was concerned. Thoughts like that would have made him panic at one point in time. He didn’t get attached, but from the moment she’d thrown that first shoe at him, everything with Josie had been different.
Carter heard Bennett cursing from inside. He’d discovered he was out of beer. He started to turn and go back into the house, to face the music and to bust Bennett’s balls a little, but through the rain he saw something that stopped him.
Mia Darcy was walking down the road, barefoot, and she looked like hell. Something was very, very wrong. “Bennett!”
He could hear Bennett curse from inside the house, “What the hell do you want?”
“Bennett! Get your ass out here! Now!”
Bennett appeared in the doorway. “What the fuck is it?”
Carter ignored his shitty mood and pointed to the disheveled woman walking down the driveway. “You’ve got company.”
Carter stood back as Bennett crossed the expanse of the porch and headed into the yard. He looked at Mia, really looked at her. The girl looked broken, like maybe all the pieces would never go together again. But he also saw the way Bennett held onto her. Whatever was between them, whatever ugly history and hurt feelings, they had something that defied all of it.
For just a second, Carter was jealous. What would it take for Josie to come to him that way? She wouldn’t, he realized. There was nothing, as far as he could figure, that would ever be as important to her as the way this town saw her.
The wind picked up and the rain that had been falling straight down slashed inward, plastering his shirt to him. The cold hit him like a knife. Another glance at Mia and he realized she was absolutely blue with cold, but whatever she was saying to Bennett seemed to be more important than getting warm.
Carter stepped inside the house and grabbed a blanket off the couch. Carrying it into the yard he passed it to Bennett and watched him wrap it around Mia as she stood there tearfully confessing everything.
He didn’t hear it all, just enough to know that Samuel Darcy was as big a bastard as he’d always thought he was and then some. Not wanting to intrude and feeling more than a little uncomfortable with the whole situation, Carter retreated to the house.
In the kitchen, he hopped up on the counter and checked his phone again. There was another text from Josie.
That’s it? I want to see you and then radio silence?
* * *
Carter thought about for a second before replying, just trying to get his thoughts in order.
* * *
Shit hat the fan. Mia Darcy is here. In full view of everyone. I’ll come to your house after dark. Leave the back door unlocked.
* * *
There was a pause of about two heart beats and those damned annoying dots on the screen as he waited for her reply. Her saying yay or nay seemed like a life and death decision.
* * *
You’re telling me every detail when you get here.
* * *
It didn’t escape him that she was more interested in what was going on with Bennett and Mia than with whatever was happening with them. Good God, but she was hell on his ego.
* * *
Fine. After typing the single word response, he pressed the send key. Getting up from the counter, he opened the cabinets until he found one lonely bag of chips stuffed behind everything. Savannah had probably hidden them the last time she was there.
Contraband in hand, Carter returned to the living room and the rest of the sad-ass game. Bennett had taken Mia upstairs, and he was just going to hang out until he knew he wasn’t needed. And eat the rest of Bennett’s chips.
It was a good ten minutes before Bennett came back downstairs. He took one look at Carter who was elbow deep in a bag of corn chips and grimaced. “You dickhead.”
“Hey,” Carter said, making to get up off the couch. The last thing he wanted was to hang around them and be reminded that his own love life was in the toilet. “I’m just getting out of your way.”
Love life. Where the hell had that thought come from, he wondered? Sex life. Yes. He’d been having a very active one of those for a decade plus and he was all about that. But love was something else. Did he love Josie? No, he thought. Not yet. But he could. Easily. She’d just have to give him half a chance.
“Don’t. I need you to stay here with Mia while I take care of something,” Bennett said.
Panic hit Carter squarely in the chest. “No. Oh, hell no. I do not deal with crying women.”
Bennett rolled his eyes. “You made that pretty clear by running like a whipped dog at the sight of her!”
It hadn’t been the crying that sent him running. Looking at Bennett and Mia together, in an intimate moment that was not at all about being physical, that was just a little closer than he wanted to be to either of them. But it also reminded him of just how fucked up his own situation was. “I got her a blanket! That was sensitive.”
Bennett closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose just the way their grandfather had always done when one of them was being an idiot. “That was first aid, you dumb fuck!”
“How long?” Carter asked, thinking about the texts from Josie. He needed to go there. He needed to see her. Standing her up wouldn’t go well for either of them.
“I don’t know. An hour. Maybe two. She’s going to sleep like the dead… she’ll never even know I left.”
He could do that. It would put him late getting to her, but he’d text her and let her know. “Fine. But you owe me.”
“You’ve been paid in chips and beer,” Bennett called back as he grabbed his keys and headed out.
“The chips are stale,” Carter said under his breath. Settling deeper into the couch, he pulled out his phone and glanced at the picture of Josie that he’d snapped while she wasn’t looking. Wearing a UK sweatshirt and a smile, it cut him right to the quick.
“I’m a fucking idiot,” he said aloud. “And this little girl is going to ruin me.”
Even as he uttered the words, he knew they were truth. But he was still having a hard time caring.
9
Josie glanced at the clock. He’d texted her back and told her was running late. But it was nearly ten and she’d nearly given up. Rolling onto her side, she stared out the window.
Yes, she was curious about Bennett and Mia. Who wouldn’t be? The whole town was on tenterhooks waiting to see what was going to happen with them. But more than anything, she just wanted Carter there telling her the story. He wasn’t always sympathetic to Mia, but she understood that. His loyalty would always lie with Bennett, as it should.
She heard the backdoor open and let out a sigh of relief. A part of her had wondered if he’d changed his mind. She wouldn’t blame him. There was a part of her that wanted to throw caution to the wind and tell her parents and everyone else in town exactly what he meant to her. But then she’d have to admit it to both herself and Carter and that terrified her.
Carter wasn’t known for sticking. In fact, the minute any woman had started to cling, he’d run like the wind. She didn’t want to be that girl and she didn’t want to corner him and make him be that guy. So it was back to being a chicken and sticking with the status quo as long as they could manage it.
She sat up in bed, propped on her hands as the door opened. “Hey,” she said lamely. It wasn’t exactly the sexiest of greetings.
“Hey,” he said in return. It was awkward for both of them. Neither of them had spoken since the scene in the kitchen with her parents, other than the few texts they’d exchanged.
But there was one thing that she had to say, before anything else happened, she had to get it out. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
She shrugged. “For being a brat. For being too much of a chickenshit to just live my life… For being so worried about what other people might think of me that it leaves me all but paralyzed. Do I need to go on?”
He sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her, but leaving at least arm’s length between them. Which was never good. If Carter wanted to talk she was pretty sure the only thing he’d be saying was goodbye.
“You don’t need to apologize to me for that,” he said. “Does it sting my pride? Hell, of course it does. But the thing about it is, Josie, you’re right.”
“Excuse me?”
He chuckled. “People in this town will judge you. They will be all up in your business… I saw Mia and Bennett together tonight and I got it. For the first time, I really got just how much he loves her. And how much she loves him, but this fucking town and all the busybodies in it, her father included, nearly destroyed that.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so she remained silent. He was quiet, too, thinking. When he did speak again, he made her an offer that she hadn’t seen coming. “So we’ll do this your way. Secret. I’ll sneak in and out of your house at night when you want me here. You don’t have to worry about being seen coming and going by your nosy ass neighbors… and if you learn to stifle your screams a little bit, no one will be the wiser.”
Carter (Bourbon & Blood Book 3) Page 7
