She had no one to blame but herself. And she’d slunk away and she’d gotten pissed and stubborn and she refused to think about visiting him. He had taken his best shot at her that day, too, and he’d hit her hard. And then she’d taken all that emotion and she’d shoved it down and worked tirelessly to finish the documentary.
She hadn’t been able to step back on the base for the final day of shooting, had let Zoot and Keith do that, while she and Stella worked on the rough cut.
And now, she’d lost Cash and she’d lost the grant. Fitting.
“I, ah,” she said, and then didn’t try and explain. She just headed for the bathroom where she could let the water run and cry alone, but he stopped her.
“What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing. I can’t…”
“Rina, if it’s something I need to know about—”
“It’s nothing you need to know about.” She pushed at him, but he stayed with his hands on her shoulders, not letting her go. Not realizing he was breaking her heart all over again.
“Tell me. Please,” he quietly pleaded.
“We didn’t get it.” After the initial statement, the words spilled out much more easily. “The grant. Stella said we didn’t get it. I guess it wasn’t meant to be, but I didn’t think it would hurt this much. I didn’t think any of this would hurt this much.”
He pulled her tight to his chest and for a second she stood there like a statue, not wanting to get used to his comfort again. He still hadn’t offered her any kind of change in their relationship status, even though she wasn’t leaving the country now. The damage had been done.
But he stroked her back and murmured “So sorry,” against her cheek and she held out for a good two minutes before her tears started.
“I know how much this meant to you,” he said. “Dammit, this is my fault. If I’d signed that release in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“But it wouldn’t change what happened with Bobo. And there’s no guarantee I would’ve gotten the grant with that film. It was probably too commercial. I knew that, on some level, but I didn’t change it. I probably sabotaged myself.” She pulled out of his arms and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I guess I shouldn’t do that—show my emotions. It keeps getting me into trouble.”
“It’s okay to show them.”
“According to you, it’s never a good idea. Makes you vulnerable, remember? Too much honesty is never a good thing.”
“Sometimes I talk too goddamned much. You’re fine just the way you are.”
“You don’t have to try and build me up anymore. It’s over. I’m not going.”
“Who says you can’t go?” he demanded. “You can’t quit on yourself. Not when you’ve come this far.”
“Did you not hear me? I said I didn’t get the grant.”
“I heard you. But you told me that you and Stella have half the money to fund the production on your own—that it was your plan B. You told me that the night you celebrated sending the application in. I’m betting Vic would back you, and if not him, someone else.”
“Who? You?”
“If necessary, yes.”
“I’m not taking your money. You’d only be doing it out of guilt.”
“I don’t do things out of guilt,” he said. “I’d be doing it because I believe in you.”
“Yeah, you really showed that,” she lashed out at him. “That day at the hospital, you really believed in me.”
“I was a shit to you that day. But I learned a long time ago to accept help when I needed it. Wasn’t easy, but I did it.”
“You don’t understand,” she started, then stopped when she saw the look in his eyes. It was only there for a second before his usual unperturbed gaze returned, but she still went right over to him and put her arms around him.
Because seeing him upset made her forget all her own troubles, made her want to make everything better for him.
If that wasn’t love, she didn’t know what was.
RINA WAS STARING at him, the look in her eyes much softer than it had been just moments before.
“You and Stella need to go to Africa and do your film. If it means that much to you, you shouldn’t let it drop,” he said, because he didn’t want to think about their relationship, what was happening between them now. The fact that he knew he loved her, and that he would have to let her go because of that.“It’s different for you. You don’t answer to anyone,” she said.
“My CO would disagree with you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I know what you mean.” He slammed his fist against the table, all the frustration from days past rising too hot and fast for him to push aside. “All alone in the world. No one who gives a shit if I get hurt, or who cares if I’m eating my vegetables.”
“No, I didn’t mean…”
“The hell you didn’t,” he said, choked the words out. “And before you answer to anyone else, you need to start answering to yourself. You’re the first one it’s got to matter to, honey. Please yourself first and worry about the rest of the world later.”
“I don’t think that’s the way I want to live,” she said softly.
His phone rang, saving both of them from any more harsh words. “What?” he barked.
“I see you still haven’t calmed down,” Justin said.
“What’s going on?” he demanded, ignoring Justin’s comment because he did not have time or energy for this.
“It’s done. They picked up Bobo an hour ago, and his cohort that Rina caught on film. They found the package Rina sent him in his backroom. Unopened.”
Cash sighed with relief. “So he’ll never know.”
“He shouldn’t. The documentary’s been pulled from TV for now, and the tapes haven’t shipped yet. They’ll be destroyed and that part will be edited out and the video will be good as new,” Justin said.
“Thanks, man.”
“Anytime, brother. Now try and get some rest, all right? I want you back in action sooner than later.”
“Yeah, me, too,” he muttered as he ended the call. Rina was looking at him expectantly. “We’re clear. Everything went down as planned. You’ll have some more edits to do on that tape, but Bobo never knew about what you did.” He saw the message signal on his cell phone screen and dialed in.
Rina smiled, sat down next to him on the bed. “So, what happens now?”
He listened to the message, then closed the phone and put it back in his pocket. “We face the music,” he said grimly. “That was Jenny. She said, ‘Mac’s home, and he knows.’”
“What does he know?”
“Get dressed. We have got to go find that out.”
20
“I’M GETTING WORRIED. Where is Rina?” Mac demanded.
Jenny had been giving him her cover story all afternoon, hated lying to her husband, but felt she could play the semantics game for a little while longer. Until Rina and Cash got here, at least, and then it was going to be every man, and woman, for themselves.“Cash is with her. He just called, and everything’s fine. The mission is over,” she said.
“I don’t understand how exactly she’s caught up in all of this,” Mac said. “I don’t understand why Cash didn’t tell me instead of taking matters into his own hands.”
“You told him to watch out for Rina,” Jenny reminded him. “He’s done a really good job of that these past weeks.”
Mac opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it. And looked at her.
Uh-oh.
She never did give the man all the credit he deserved. And he took a step toward her and she willed herself to stand there with her face as expressionless—and innocent—as possible and hoped that Cash’s car would pull up soon. Like right now.
“Jenny?” he asked. “How well has Cash been taking care of Rina?”
“He’s made sure she’s gotten whatever she needed,” she said, cringed inwardly at the way it sounded. “You’ve got to see her fi
lm. It’s amazing. The Navy’s going to love it.”
“I’m sure they will. Is Cash sure that the mission’s over?”
“Yes. He said the DEA made the arrests they needed to in Hawaii,” she said, and Mac gave a small smile and nodded, like he was slowly but surely putting together all the pieces of the puzzle inside his head. She needed to stop talking, but Mac wasn’t about to let her.
He touched her cheek, smoothed his hand over her skin and let it trail down to her neck. He pulled her in for a hug and she melted against his chest. Danger averted.
No—actually not, because she always found it so difficult to concentrate when he rubbed a strong palm along her neck and back while pressing the hard length of his body into hers.
“Rina was in Hawaii recently,” he said quietly. “Filming one of her X-treme documentaries.”
“Yes,” she said.
“Do you know what that one was about?”
“Water sports, I think.”
“Like, surfing, maybe?”
She pulled back and shrugged. “Maybe. Look, I’m sure Rina and Cash will be here any minute and they can clear all this up.”
She’d left the front door open, and finally she heard Rina call out for her.
“We’re in the kitchen,” Jenny called back, and in seconds, her niece and Cash stood there in the front hallway. Cash looked pale and tired, reminded Jenny that he hadn’t been out of the hospital all that long. Rina looked drawn, as well, but they were both here, and safe.
Safe, but not for too much longer. Mac swung his body toward Cash, strode over to the younger SEAL who stood his ground. Once the men were toe-to-toe, Mac ground out his words slowly.
“Lieutenant Cashman, exactly how long have you been sleeping with my niece?”
RINA SAW Cash’s jaw tense at Mac’s question, jumped in to explain, make it right, but Cash stopped.
“My turn,” he said. “No dropping in, even for a good cause.”“Rina, come with me,” her aunt urged.
“This concerns me, too,” she said. She realized that neither man had moved an inch, and they were standing so close to each other in a show that would not end well.
“This concerns Cash. And me. I’ll get to you later,” Mac said.
“You’re not in charge of my love life, Mac,” she started, but Jenny grabbed her arm and pulled her away.
“Not a good idea to swing a red flag in front of an angry bull. No matter how good of a reason you might have,” Jenny said.
Rina nodded, mainly because the tension in the room was getting thicker. She gave her uncle and then Cash one last look before walking out of the kitchen, letting the swinging door shut behind her. Neither one had acknowledged her at all.
She pressed her palms on the closed door and waited.
“Are you going to stand there and listen for sounds of an argument?” Jenny asked, and Rina nodded. “And then what? Run in and stop it?”
She felt the tears rise up. “They won’t hurt each other, will they?”
“Oh, honey, give them their time. They’ve got to snarl like lions, circle each other for a while until Mac gets used to the idea.”
“Suppose he doesn’t?”
“Let’s not think about that now. Cash needs all the positive vibes he can get,” her aunt murmured. Rina followed her away from the door and said a silent prayer.
CASH WAS A DEAD MAN.
“Explain. Twenty-five words or less,” Mac growled. And didn’t move, crowded against Cash, and Cash refused to back down, even though his entire body ached.Somehow, he managed to fulfill that order, told Mac the basics of the DEA investigation.
“You were surfing in Hawaii?”
“For the mission, yes.”
“Don’t get smart, Cashman. That’s where you met Rina?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And you continued seeing her, under my nose, the entire time she was here? And choose your words carefully.”
“I didn’t expect her to come here, sir. I didn’t expect to see her again.” The words came out before he could stop them, mainly because the time for being careful had long passed. “And then she did, and I fell in love with her.”
Mac hadn’t expected that. He watched his mentor draw in a breath and then Mac backed off a step. Cash realized he hadn’t taken a breath in a while and drew in some air.
“Sit,” Mac said, kicked a kitchen chair toward him.
Cash nodded, didn’t bother to argue. He sank into the chair and took some deep, easy breaths.
“Do you need the doctor?”
He shook his head. “I’m all right. Just did more than I was supposed to today.”
Mac handed him a soda, let him drink most of it. The sugar rushed to his brain, made him feel moderately better, even though this was far from over.
“What happens now with you and Rina?” Mac asked finally. He’d remained standing, watching over Cash carefully, seemed to be debating whether to call the doctor now or just finish him off himself.
“Nothing,” he said flatly.
“What does that mean?”
“It means, she’s still going to Africa, Mac, if I have to carry her onto the plane myself. And this relationship would’ve been hard enough without that added pressure.”
“Well, that’s convenient,” Mac said.
“What does that mean?” Cash demanded.
“It means that it’s easier to walk away than walk the line, that’s for sure.”
“Let’s leave my mother out of this one,” Cash said through gritted teeth.
“I’m not the one who keeps bringing her into everything.”
Cash ignored that, felt his hands shake. He looked down and saw that they were fisted, that his entire body was tensed up, as if he was expecting the fight of his life. “I have never taken the easy way out, you know that.”
“When was your last relationship?”
“That’s by choice.”
“So, you were merely using my niece.”
“That’s not fair.” He ran his hands through his hair. “And no, for the record, no, and I’m not just saying that because you’ll beat the shit out of me. Since I’m pretty sure you’re going to try, anyway.”
“Try?” Mac said, his indignation was unmistakable. He took a step toward him, and Cash had to will himself not to stand up and move away. Mac was still taller and wider than him, and Cash only had a minor sugar rush to fall back on, one he was sure was about to run its course any second. “Would you blame me?”
Cash shook his head, slumped in his chair.
“Will you quit feeling sorry for yourself and act like a man?” Mac asked.
Cash’s head snapped up and if it had been anyone else—anyone else—in front of him, he would’ve taken them out for that statement.
“I’m asking and so far I don’t hear any answers coming out of your mouth,” Mac said.
“I can’t…”
“Answers, not excuses,” Mac yelled, and fuck, it was like some flashback to bootcamp, and that wasn’t any kind of time he’d like to return to.
“Don’t do this to me.”
“Do what? Make you finally face up to your fears? The fact that it wasn’t your fault that they died?”
“Mac, stop.” Rina’s voice floated over him, and after a long second, Mac pushed away and left the room. And Cash wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that Rina had stopped the trainwreck that was halfway done. He was lying on the tracks, bleeding, and he really just needed someone to complete the job.
“I’ve got to get out of here,” he said, hating the rawness he heard in his own voice. Rina put a hand on his forearm but he shook it off more roughly than he intended to. “I’m sorry,” he said, before he made a break for the door and his car, and he was. Really sorry.
ONCE RINA had cried herself out and refused to go upstairs to lie down, Jenny walked her out to the cab she’d called. Her niece insisted that she wanted to go back to the hotel and rest, and Jenny was glad she’d managed to convince Rin
a to give Cash a little space before running off to try and find him. Although she was pretty sure Rina would give him maybe an hour and then go looking for him.
And she still had Mac to deal with.He was sitting at the kitchen table, hadn’t moved since Cash left. He looked calm enough, but she knew he was on a slow, simmering boil.
“Do you want any dinner?” she asked, then waited a beat and got what she’d been watching for. Mac slid his chair back hard and stood.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded.
“Pretty much because of the way you’re acting this very minute.”
“Jenny—”
“Don’t pull your crap with me. I never did well with your big, bad-assed-man-in-uniform act,” she said. He’d crossed his arms and stood in front of her, bearing down like a wall of camouflage and still as sexy as that first night she’d laid eyes on him. Damn him. “Although, I don’t mind the big bad man in uniform act, sometimes….”
“Are you seriously trying to distract me with sex right now?”
She held up her hands. “It wasn’t my place to tell you. It was up to Rina or Cash or both, and I think they were waiting to see what was going to happen between them before they went public, if ever.”
“Guess what? It happened. Many, many times, it seems, and right under my nose.”
“First of all, they’re both grown-ups. Rina’s much older than I was the first time we were together.”
When Mac’s face darkened, she changed tactics quickly. “They didn’t know where this might lead, hon. It’s hard enough at the beginning of a relationship without having a bunch of people, including one bad-assed uncle and career mentor watching you.”
“Yeah, I would’ve watched Cash like a hawk,” he muttered.
“Why’s that? He’s one of your most trusted men. And friends, I thought.”
“Because I know what it’s like to be twenty-eight and a man, driven by sex and pure adrenaline without a care in the world!” he roared, and she had to bite her lip to keep from smiling, because, despite all his doubts to the contrary, Mac would make an amazing father when the time came. Although if they had a girl, she’d be in real trouble.
Risking It All Page 19
