by Stacey Lynn
“I am. Please.” My head rolled back until I bumped against rock. Was I really doing this? Having sex in the ocean, braced between stone and David? The Caribbean air hadn’t scrambled my senses, it had annihilated them.
He pushed aside the gusset of my bathing suit, the thick fabric running against my needy center. One of my hands fell to the waistband of his swim trunks. I hitched myself higher, pushed them down with the heels of my feet, and took him in my hand.
He was cool, but thick and hard. It had been so long since I’d had sex—years—that in the closet, it had hurt a bit. In his bed, he’d taken his time. But water wasn’t exactly a natural lubricant, and salt water felt worse. I wouldn’t be able to take him, but I could do the next best thing.
I slid my hand down his length, his swim trunks at his thighs. Gripping him firmly, I stroked him hard, once, then twice.
He pulled away from my kiss and dropped his head. Watched me jerk him off as clear water rippled between and around us.
“Fucking hell,” he groaned. I kept my gaze between us, both of us watching as his fingers ran along my clit, rubbing me at a perfect friction. I gripped him tighter, stroked him faster. “Harder, Cam. My balls.”
I pushed my other hand between us and complied. My legs shook from squeezing around his hips as I worked him. Harder. Faster. Long firm strokes, teasing soft touches where I swirled my thumb over his tip.
My stomach tightened from holding on to his hip, from the heat he created at my center. Every time he touched me, I shivered.
“David,” I gasped. His mouth slid over mine. He swallowed my groans and gave me his.
Together we worked each other. Faster, slow…hard…gentle…the mixture devastated my senses and stole my sensibilities.
When I came, I did it crying his name into his mouth. He swallowed it down and pushed into my hand, shooting himself all over my fingertips.
“You’re crazy,” I said, laughing softly. I wiped my hand on my thigh, letting the water wash away his come.
“Come on,” he said, his eyes looking sated from my hand on him. “Let’s get back to the boat before Raheem forgets we were ever out here. I’ve got more plans for you later.”
I followed him as we swam to a flat rock, climbing out when we reached it.
We reached the boat and found Raheem lying on the bow, clad only in a lime-green Speedo. He cracked an eye open as we stepped onto the boat and it jolted from our weight.
“Ah.” He grinned. “Another satisfied customer.”
I was. I most definitely was. David opened his mouth to answer and I clamped my hand over it, shooting him my best “don’t you dare say anything” look.
After Raheem stood and wrapped a towel around his waist, turning his back to us and heading toward the pilothouse, David leaned toward my ear.
“Oh, I’m satisfied,” he whispered in a husky voice. “Very satisfied. And soon, you will be, too. Again.”
—
“The fish and the sand sharks! I swam with those!” I chattered incessantly as we walked down the white sandy beach back to the bungalows. As the boat had driven away from the islands where we’d snorkeled and jumped, I could barely peel my eyes off of the view. Adrenaline and fear had turned to thrilled exultation.
I’d conquered huge fears of mine.
David listened to me talk, wearing a smile that was more than indulgent.
He slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me to him. “I’m proud of you, Camden. Today was fun.”
“Fun?” I pushed away, shoving him teasingly in the chest. “Today was the best! Thank you.”
I meant every word. What I’d avoided thinking about at any part of the adventure was our lives and our realities waiting for us back at home. I didn’t want to think about them now, either. Today had been the best time I could remember having. Hell, the entire time I’d spent with David since the wedding reception the previous night had been filled with more adrenaline rushes than I could ever remember having outside the thrill of the last two hundred yards of a 10K race.
They were different, though. A race I planned for, pushed for, worked for, trained for.
All of the excitement over the last twenty-four hours had been impulsive and spontaneous.
The exact opposite of how I lived. I couldn’t bring myself to question why I was behaving so insanely. I only wanted to continue living in it—at least for the time being.
I continued chattering on about the day, walking next to David. In one of his hands he held both of our shoes. I held on to his other hand, easily, like it was natural to be connected to him. He stopped occasionally and picked up a shell, flinging it into the ocean like a skipping stone, and then would return to my side, taking my hand again. We passed very few other vacationers staying at the resort on our way back down the beach. The sand, soft like silk beneath my bare feet, felt glorious. The sun dipping close to the horizon cast long shadows of David and me in front of us as we continued walking.
We were almost back to his bungalow when two small figures I recognized stepped out of the shaded area, arms crossed over their chests, scowls etched firmly on their faces.
“Oh no,” I said, my hand flying to my mouth. “We were supposed to get a massage…”
My voice trailed off as I realized what I’d done.
I’d completely forgotten about my friend. One of my best friends.
Because of a guy.
Chelsea stepped forward first, Trina quickly following. “Yeah, we were.” Chelsea’s scowl turned to a grin as she raked her gaze over David and me. I released his hand and stepped away. “But I see you had more important things to do, so you’re forgiven.”
“I’m so sorry—”
She lifted a hand and shook her head. “No apologies. Where were you all day? We looked for you for, like, ever.”
“Or an hour,” Trina said, smirking. “Declan and I at least figured with the way you two disappeared last night, you wouldn’t want to be disturbed for a while.”
Next to me, David tried to cover his laugh and failed.
Heat bloomed to my roots and enveloped my entire body. How embarrassing!
“They’re all talking about us,” I said, flinging my head in David’s direction. “I told you they would! They all know.”
“That you got laid?” Chelsea said, teasing. “You’re an adult—it’s bound to happen at some point.”
Kill her. I was going to kill her. As I stepped forward to throttle one of my best friends, David’s hand grabbed my wrist and yanked me back to him.
“Where were you, anyway?” Trina asked. “We looked all over the resort when you didn’t show for the massage.”
Chelsea held up a finger. “Actually, it was after the massage.”
“Nice to know you took the time to relax when you were worried about me,” I muttered.
She stuck her tongue out at me.
“We went snorkeling and cliff jumping,” David said, his shoulders still shaking from laughter.
Chelsea and Trina both turned to me, eyebrows jumping so high up their foreheads I thought they might fly off. “You?”
“Yeah, you didn’t know Camden here is a regular daredevil. Swims with sharks, jumps off fifty-foot cliffs…”
I elbowed David in the ribs to get him to be quiet.
“Twenty feet.”
He shrugged. “Forty.”
My eyes popped. “Really? That high?”
He chortled.
Chelsea’s jaw dropped to the sand. “What? You?” She snapped her mouth closed and clapped her hands. “That’s incredible!”
In the last twenty-four hours, I’d done things I would never have done before. Their surprise at my ability to actually let loose sent an icky feeling to my stomach.
Was I really so boring? So predictable? The thought tasted like sour milk.
“Yeah, but that’s wonderful. How was it?” Trina asked.
“The jump was terrifying,” I admitted.
“She was incredible,�
�� David said, cutting in before I could finish. But how do you tell someone what you’d experienced? There were no words to describe the thrill that rushed through me or the vivid, bright colors in the water. “All brave and bold.”
I blushed beneath his praise and couldn’t bring myself to look at him.
I hadn’t been brave or bold. I’d been a quivering, terrified mess most of the day and he’d seen me more vulnerable, more real than most people ever had in my life. Somehow, he’d stripped away a layer of protection I wore like armor and now pretended he hadn’t seen it in the first place.
“Great!” Chelsea chirped and grabbed my hand, tugging me toward her. “You can tell me all about it at dinner.” She paused, wiggled her eyebrows, and shot David a mischievous grin. “And…you can tell us what happened last night.”
“Kill me now,” I muttered, feeling that splotchy heat spread to my chest and stomach and down to my toes.
As Chelsea started pulling me away from David, he called out, “Kinda hard for Camden to get ready for dinner when all her stuff is at my place.”
She stopped so suddenly I ran into her back. She fell forward with an “oomph” before righting herself.
“What did you say?”
David grinned, crossed his arms over his chest, and nodded once. The move did incredible things to those chest muscles…plus that treasure trail that was boldly on display. “Yeah. She’s spending the rest of the weekend with me.”
Chelsea pressed her lips together, but laughter shot through her eyes. “Okay, then.” She winked at me and lost control of her laughter. “Looks like we have more to talk about than I first thought.”
—
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I scanned the disbelieving eyes of my friends, who sat around a table with me at the resort’s main tiki bar. After Chelsea and Trina followed me to David’s bungalow, they gave me thirty minutes to shower and get ready before they promised me they’d be back to pick me up.
“Wouldn’t want you disappearing again on us,” Chelsea had said, mirth filling her tone and her expression.
The thought of throttling her crossed my mind again, before I realized I actually needed her advice. Somehow, I’d started to like David. I’d trusted him, which was something I didn’t easily do, especially with a man. My past and experience with men had started out in the worst of ways and it had taken years of therapy, years of tears and recovery, to even be willing to date someone, much less have sex with him. I had the scar to constantly remind me of what I’d escaped, but that didn’t mean I’d ever be free from the memories.
Actually wanting to be around someone, finding enjoyment in a man’s company, was a new experience and one I needed to process.
Processing that over drinks and laughter with my besties seemed the wisest decision.
“Right,” Blue said. Nodding seriously, she continued. “Because you sneaking off and finally getting some from the sexy and cute bartender is not conversation worthy at all.”
I pointed a finger at her. “Don’t you have a husband to be messing around with?”
She laughed. “He gave me an hour.” She glanced down at her phone before meeting my gaze, her lips stretching into a large smile. “And we’ve been here twenty minutes already, so let’s get to the good stuff.”
I wasn’t sharing specifics. That wasn’t my deal. Suzanne and Paige could rattle off sexual positions and techniques like they were discussing a grocery shopping list, but I’d never been open about sex.
Taking a healthy swallow of my margarita, one that rivaled Fireside Grill’s drinks where we always had our girls’ nights, unease began to filter through my veins. “We spent the night together,” I finally admitted, my voice quiet. I hated the uncertainty I heard. “And the whole day. It was…fun.”
“Well, that’s a ringing endorsement of David’s sexual prowess.”
I laughed at Chelsea’s sarcasm. Typically, that was my role.
A blush bloomed on my cheeks until the tips of my ears burned. Under their watchful gazes, I took a moment to gather my thoughts. My insecurities and my fears. But these were my friends. Blue and Tyson had conquered unimaginable odds. Trina had been able to get past physical abuse from her ex-husband to trust someone again. And Aidan and Chelsea fell in love while he was grieving his teenage son’s death.
If anyone could understand my hesitation, it was these ladies.
“I had more fun today than I can ever remember having,” I said quietly. I ran my finger along the rim of my glass, gathering the salt at the edge. “David was fun. He is fun. He makes me laugh and makes me feel good and fine…The sex was some of the best I’ve ever had.” Chuckles surrounded the table at my admission, most likely also because I was turning the shade of a plum. I fought past the embarrassment and looked directly at Trina. “I like him. I liked being with him. But I need stability and safety and security, and someone who I know won’t punk out when things get hard. It’s not that I don’t want to date him because he’s a bartender; I just don’t think he’s the guy who can give me the rest of what I need.”
Flayed open, I’d never felt so raw and ripped to pieces as a quiet settled around the table.
Months ago, I had seen the look Trina gave me when I had adamantly declared I wouldn’t date David because he was a bartender. I’d seen the judgment in her eyes and the disappointment. I knew she thought I was shallow, and because of that one night, that one statement, she and I weren’t as close as the others. But only Suzanne knew everything, and she wasn’t here to hold my hand like she had for years and promise me that everything would be okay.
She was stuck at home, too far along in her pregnancy to feel comfortable flying and keeping Paige, who couldn’t get time off work on such short notice, company.
“No one’s saying you have to marry the guy,” Chelsea said, her sweet voice cutting through the stone silence. “I, for one, am glad you’re having fun, and if it just ends up being a weekend fling, so be it. But I like David, too. And he’s already shown he can be patient with getting your affection.”
She had a point. For months David had flirted with me, undeterred by my constant and sometimes rude rejection. I didn’t even understand why he still bothered.
“Give it time,” Blue said, slinging back the rest of her drink. She grabbed her handbag and stood from the table. “I’ve got to get back to my husband now, but I’m with Chelsea. Enjoy the rest of the time here. It’s one more day. Decisions don’t have to be made here.” She winked again and walked around the table until she kissed my cheek and gave me small hug. “I’m just glad you threw away your lists for the day and did something wild. The smile you’re wearing tonight is new and different and relaxed, and you look more beautiful than ever.”
She waved goodbye, and when she was gone, I caught Trina’s gaze. Her head tilted toward her shoulder, she asked, “But what would be holding you back from actually dating David?”
“It’s complicated,” I said. But that was a lie. I knew exactly what held me back. What always chained me to practicality.
Fear. The word flashed in my mind in a bold, large font like a neon sign.
Fear of pain, of failure, of heartbreak, of not being able to give someone parts of me that were stolen when I was young.
In the blink of an eye, all that fear was replaced with the sign I’d told David about earlier. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Did I have it in me to try? If I picked up the phone and called my therapist, Dr. Gryle would tell me to make a list. Write out my fears and list steps on how to move past them. Blue had suggested I throw away my lists.
I didn’t know how to live without them, yet I wanted to be able to the way I had all day.
David made me laugh and had a body I could possibly never tire of exploring. More importantly, earlier, I had felt safe with him. And that wasn’t something I’d ever experienced with a man. But would he stick around when he learned the full of weight of my burden?
There was only one way to
find out.
Trina’s gaze softened, and I sat back, thinking…planning…and then I scrapped it all and threw away the mental list I’d created.
No lists.
No planning.
“I’m going to take off,” I said, then slid from my stool. I tossed some cash on the table for my drinks and watched Trina and Chelsea smile up at me. “I have something I need to do.”
I turned and walked away, but I was still close enough when I heard Chelsea whisper, “Or someone…”
I didn’t look back, but I lifted my hand and flashed my friend my middle finger.
It only made her laugh harder, but I held on to the beauty of that sound as I hurried back to David’s bungalow, knees shaking, fingers trembling…determined.
To at least try to move forward.
Chapter 8
David
“Surprised you met us out,” I said, walking up to Tyson and slapping him on the back.
He jolted and glared at me. Then, bringing his glass of whiskey to his lips, he grinned. “Had to come up for some air, man. At least for an hour.”
“Happy for you.”
He set his glass down, and Aidan and Declan joined us at the table. When Chelsea and Trina had come back to pick up Camden, they’d insisted my presence was required at the lounge bar in the resort with the rest of the guys.
I was going to be facing a ton of questions; but until those started, I had no problem giving Tyson some shit.
“Thanks, man,” he said. “And I heard you had fun last night, and maybe all day today?”
“Took Camden snorkeling.” No way was I going into the specifics of our night. I wanted more to happen later, and Camden kept everything close to her luscious chest. If she heard I was talking about what she was like in bed, I figured she’d want to cut my dick off.
I very much liked my dick as it was.
“She worth all this effort?”
The question came from Declan and the irony wasn’t lost on me. A year ago when he’d been helping Trina get free from her ex-husband, she’d been hurt in Chicago. I’d left a shift at the hospital to check on the ankle she’d injured. I’d asked him the exact same question.
