And even better, with Cefin there, professing his undying love and devotion to her—and marriage—she would never have to think about how Josh hadn't loved her enough to marry her. She could secure that thought in the back of her mind with the other painful thoughts, like her underlying worry about the Anghenfil.
At once, fear swooped through her and she took a deep breath. She knew the connection between her and the Anghenfil was severed as long as the necklace remained in the plains. She knew she could get away with never having to tell Cefin about the connection, or that she'd called the dragon to Traegaron. It would be her own secret. She could outlast it and get over it.
The problem was that she couldn't seem to contain her worry about it. It was a violent storm in her brain, ripping and tearing all of the other thoughts until there was nothing but the fear. She grasped for her necklace again, remembering it was gone.
She placed her hand on Bessie's neck but felt nothing but horse hair. She bit her lip and took a deep, cleansing breath, but only filled half of her lungs before having to exhale. She clutched at her dress and—
"Lauren?"
Cefin was back and she nearly flew into his arms, his touch calming her down immediately.
"What is it?"
"Nothing," she whispered. "Just…missed you, is all."
"We should get moving," he said, stepping away from her. "If we stay here much longer, I might get thrown in jail for theft."
She slipped her hand into his, needing to be connected with him to protect herself. He didn't seem to mind. He grabbed Bessie's reins and started up the mountain path to Rhianu.
But even with Cefin right there with her, holding her hand, she was unable to fully contain her worries about Traegaron. She knew she had not paid her consequence yet, and she deserved something for calling the monster to her. The thought settled in the bottom of her mind, moving around much like the Anghenfil used to. More than one time, she reached out to touch Bessie, hoping to get a calming connection from the horse, but remembering she had given up her powers.
She wrapped her hand around Cefin's arm, gripping it as the worries spiraled out of control in her mind again.
"I'm not going anywhere," he laughed, pulling his arm a little bit. "I fear you're going to tear my arm off."
"Sorry," she said, releasing it. "It's just…I was so lonely. I want to make up for lost time."
He kissed her forehead and they continued to walk, but she felt no release from her worries. Three or four times, she wondered if she should tell him everything. After all, the stone was gone, and there was nothing to fear anymore. But each time, the fear overpowered her desire to speak, and she remained quiet at his side.
They were almost into the village when a loud noise startled both of them.
"OY!"
A small head of red hair burst from the nearby bushes and flew at Lauren, wrapping his arms around her. She smiled down at Eddy, who seemed confused that she wasn't going into an empathetic fit.
"What's this?" he asked, stepping back from her. "Why aren't you…you know…" He shook and twitched like she probably did when reading another person.
"I guess I'm no longer an empath." Lauren grinned, winking at Cefin. "How's your sister?"
"She's better, I 'pose. Mum keeps me outta the house during the day." He cocked his head up at her. "How come you aren't an empath anymore?"
"Lost my powers. Don't quite miss it, to be honest."
"But wait…" Eddy's eyes grew large. "We need the empath!"
"You guys got along fine without one for a while," Lauren retorted, trying to keep her consternation at bay. It was just like when she faced the king; he had wanted to use her for his own twisted purpose. Why was she to suffer just because she was an empath?
What if they found another stone and forced her to—
"It's fine, Eddy," Cefin said, ruffling the boy's head. His voice cut through her panic, and she tried to relax.
"It's not fine!" Eddy cried, his eyes filling with tears. "What if Mairwan falls again?"
"She won't," Lauren waved him off.
"But what if she does! What if she falls and she—"
"Eddy," Lauren said, reaching down to cup his cheek. His skin felt strange in her hand, and she realized it was the first time she'd ever been herself while touching him. "Your sister is going to be fine. Don't worry, okay?"
But Eddy wasn't the only one who was worried about Lauren losing her powers. Siors nearly dropped the tome he was reading when Lauren and Cefin walked into Aerona's house hand-in-hand, and Aerona spilled the pail of water she had been holding.
"What is…" Siors gasped, coming quickly to his feet.
"I lost my powers!" Lauren grinned, sitting down at the table. Lauren tried to ignore the way Aerona's eyes lingered on their joined hands. Suddenly, she didn't want to tell Aerona that she and Cefin were getting married.
Siors, as well, seemed to be absorbing the situation slowly. "You…you're an empath. How can you lose your powers?"
"The necklace!" Lauren said, trying to ignore the concern on their faces. "That was the source of all my empath powers," she grinned at Cefin. "Should have taken it off weeks ago!"
"Slow down, Lauren, "Aerona asked, joining them at the table. "What happened in Traegaron?"
"Your buddy Probert's a real jackass," Lauren said darkly. "He forced himself on me."
"No!" Siors gasped, his hands coming over his mouth.
"It's true," Cefin nodded, squeezing her hand under the table. "I found them in the library."
"He said it was some kind of advanced empathy thing," Lauren said. "Instead of having me read all of his emotions, he focused on all of his negative thoughts. Did you know about this?"
"Of course not." Siors shook his head. "Lauren, when Brother Probert sent word for you, I was hoping to accompany you myself. But you left without me."
Lauren felt a twinge of guilt for leaving so suddenly, but she buried it. "I don't know if you would have been any help."
"I tried to convince her to leave Traegaron," Cefin said, "but we were summoned by the king."
"The king!" Aerona gasped again.
"And then…" Lauren trailed off, unable to tell the truth about how she had finally given in to the temptation of the Anghenfil. She could see the looks on their faces; she knew that telling the truth would help no one, and perhaps just make things worse.
"Then the Anghenfil appeared," Cefin finished for her. "We escaped in the ensuing chaos. The castle was burning."
Lauren remembered the library, and prayed that the Anghenfil's fire didn't reach it. Guilt swelled in her chest, too much for her to bury with the rest of the feelings about Traegaron. She was responsible for it all; she shouldn't have gotten out in time. Something bad was going to come out of it all, she just knew it.
"What called the beast to Traegaron?" Siors asked, tapping his finger to his chin. "It hasn't been seen in the king's castle since…"
"I don't know," Lauren shrugged, reaching for her nonexistent necklace again and hoping that could be the end of the discussion. She was beginning to panic with all of these questions again, and she couldn't take a breath. She needed something else—maybe to crawl into Cefin's arms to chase away all of her nerves.
"And your necklace, what of that?" Aerona asked, noticing Lauren's movement.
"It—" Cefin began.
"I just took it off," Lauren interrupted him before he spoke about how it had turned black. He looked surprised but didn't correct her. "Realized that it was the source of my power and chucked it."
"Where is it now?" Siors asked.
Lauren shifted nervously. "It doesn't matter. I'm not putting it back on again."
"I think it's for the best," Cefin agreed, and she smiled at him in gratitude.
"But your powers!" Siors continued, looking between Aerona and Cefin. "We must return them to you! The village needs you!"
"The village got along just fine without me," Lauren snapped. "For fifty years, you guys did
n't have an empath. Why the hell do you need one now?"
"Because you have a gift," Siors said.
"A gift?" Lauren shook her head, unable to believe that Siors would value her powers over her mental well-being. Her guilt from calling the Anghenfil, the fear that she'd be made to put the necklace on again, the unending panic in her mind—it all combined to form a hurricane in her mind and she exploded in anger. "You have no idea what it's like to wear that thing! I'm better completely rid of it!"
"Lauren, dear," Aerona said, reaching across the table to take her other free hand. "We don't mean to upset you, but you've been a great asset to the village, and—"
"Is that all I am to you people?" Lauren asked, standing up so fast the chair fell behind her. "Just a freak that you can—"
"No, Lauren, that's not it at all!" Siors began.
Aerona leaned forward, concerned. "Lauren, sit back down."
"Why do I have to suffer? I'm already stuck here, and now you want to make me even more miserable by preventing me from being normal. I hate being an empath, I hate the pressure everyone's put on me to solve their problems." Lauren was on the verge of tears. "What about my problems, huh? What about my own tyllwyllwch?"
Lauren looked between Aerona and Siors. Even Cefin seemed unable to argue on her behalf.
"Forget it," she huffed, unable to stand being in the room another minute longer.
***
She was irrationally angry and she knew it, but it was easier to be angry at them. She brushed the tears away from her cheeks as two more dripped to the ground. Her angry tirade left her by the river, the only place she felt she could go without someone bothering her. She'd sleep out here if it meant never having to see their faces again, to have to deal with the consequences of—
"There you are."
Lauren's heart beat out of her chest when Aerona came to sit next to her. Aerona looked at the river and then began to laugh quietly.
"What?" Lauren asked.
"I'm just remembering the day I sent you to wash our laundry."
Lauren remembered all too well as well, and the ghost of a smile appeared at her lips.
"You have been an enigma since the moment you arrived here. And it has nothing to do with the world you came from." Aerona smiled when Lauren turned her head. "You have so much locked tightly in your head, it seems, and you don't share it with anyone else."
Lauren nodded and tried to play with the stone, remembering again it was gone. Why did she suddenly miss that stupid thing?
"I'm sorry if we upset you," Aerona said.
"And I'm sorry for acting like a child." Lauren nodded. "But after what Probert did to me…I just…I don't want anyone to ever take advantage of me like that again."
"We would never dream of taking advantage of you," Aerona said, looking at her strangely. "But you never mentioned any ill effects from being an empath, and so we assumed…"
"I couldn't touch anyone, Aerona. Do you know how lonely that is for me?"
"You aren't lonely anymore," Aerona whispered, and Lauren tried her best to ignore the feeling that Aerona may be jealous of her and Cefin. After all, Aerona and Cefin had grown up together, it fit for them to be together. And Lauren belonged somewhere else, at home.
Lauren shook her head, clearing it of these odd thoughts welling from somewhere deep inside her. She was with Cefin, although she still couldn't bring herself to tell Aerona that they were to be married. For someone who had been dreaming about it for so long, she was suddenly dreading the occurrence.
"You know how terrible it's been for me," Lauren said. "I'm in a strange land, and all of a sudden I have these powers that I don't understand."
"But you were helping people!"
"And I was drowning in it!" And the Anghenfil was always there, offering her a life jacket. Again, she pictured what would happen if she told Aerona about the monster, and glued her jaw shut.
"You should have told me," Aerona said, wrapping her arm around Lauren lovingly. "You seemed to be well. I had no idea you were struggling so much."
"Well I'm not anymore, as long as I don't have to be an empath."
"Very well then. We won't ask it of you anymore."
Lauren nodded, wishing that Aerona's words had made her feel better. But they only served to make her feel guiltier than before.
***
After a fitful night's sleep, Lauren helped Aerona with breakfast and with tending to Mairwan, who was still slowly recovering from her fall. Seeing Mairwan renewed the fear that she was going to tell everyone about the Anghenfil, but the little girl seemed to have no memory of it.
"So since you aren't going to be healing anyone today, what do you plan to do with yourself?" Aerona asked, tearing Lauren away from her bubbling fear.
"I don't know," Lauren said. "I'm not really much use to Baltes anymore, am I?"
"Perhaps he could use an extra set of hands on the farm," Aerona suggested, with that same tone in her voice that reignited Lauren's guilt.
Lauren made an excuse to leave, taking a deep breath once she was out of the house. She surveyed the village of Rhianu, which was busy in the early morning. The people, now used to her, nodded and smiled at her. She was one of them now, a normal villager without some stupid superpower.
A young boy bumped into her and she sighed, not missing the way she would have known every little thing about what he was feeling. With a smile, she spun him around and sent him on his way.
She supposed she could go spend the day with Baltes, but she wouldn't be much use without her powers. She was pretty strong now, and could probably help out with laundry or some other manual labor. Aerona hadn't asked her to do anything this morning. Perhaps she hoped Lauren would change her mind about retrieving her necklace.
Lauren knew in her soul that she was taking the easy way out, but she didn't care. She'd spent so long living with her fears that it was pleasant to take a break from it, to give herself the freedom to just live without being constantly on edge. It was exhausting to constantly be afraid of everything.
A ruckus at the edge of town drew her attention, and she and other villagers walked over to see what was going on. Two children were slumped over an old mule, and a woman, perhaps their mother, was crying.
Even without her necklace, Lauren knew they had tyllwyllwch.
"Please, where is the empath!" she cried. "My children are sick with the tyllwyllwch."
Lauren felt a few eyes move to her and she shook her head, hoping the woman didn't see. But she apparently recognized Lauren, as she came rushing over, grabbing her hands.
"The empath, you're here," the woman cried, tears falling down her face. "You have to help, my daughter she—"
"I'm not an empath." Lauren smiled nervously, taking her hands out of the woman's. "Sorry, I can't help you."
"I saw you," she begged, grabbing at Lauren again. "Down in Heulog, I saw you heal an entire village!"
"Sorry." Lauren stepped back, feeling very uncomfortable. "I don't have my powers anymore."
"But if you can't help me, no one else can!"
"I…don't…" Lauren looked around the village, feeling the eyes of everyone in the village on her. They were accusatory, curious, angry, all of them focused on her, wondering why she wasn't helping the woman.
Lauren's breath came in short spurts, and she became lightheaded from the lack of air. Without another word, she turned around and ran out of the village, up the trail to the watcher's post.
***
"Cefin!" Lauren cried, running into the clearing. The man in question was sitting against the rock, his spear by his side, but he was up in a minute, cradling Lauren in his arms as she flew into them. It felt so nice to be comforted, she breathed him in.
"What is it?" he said, rubbing her back.
"There was a lady in the village," Lauren said, burying her head into his chest. Could she tell him about the tyllwyllwch? She felt like a bad person, but she also felt selfishly and stubbornly like a good person, just try
ing to do things for herself.
"What did she want?" Cefin asked.
"Oh who cares?" Lauren said. "Kiss me?"
He complied happily and passionately, but she could not shake the nerves. She was avoiding reality again, her mind reminded her loudly, and she turned to kiss Cefin even harder.
"You're distracting me," Cefin said, burying his head in her neck. "I should be watching the village."
"You were working so hard," Lauren murmured, running her hands through his hair. "And I needed you."
"What's got you so upset?"
"It's silly. I probably overreacted." Lauren shook her head as she clung to him. "I mean, it's not like the Anghenfil returned or anything. That's what should worry me, right?"
Cefin stroked her hair gently. "There are other things that could bother you. If you feel something, you should honor that."
"I'd rather just not feel anything but you," Lauren smiled.
The sex with Cefin wasn't better the second time around, and didn't serve to sooth her nerves whatsoever. As the sun set on the ridge, she sat with him and oscillated between telling him everything that was on her mind and not saying a thing.
She stayed with him until his shift was over, when the old man Graves hobbled up the path to take his spot. She worried about returning to the village, about what people would say when they knew she decided not to help those two children with tyllwyllwch. The urge to bury her head in the sand came back, so she turned to Cefin with a smile.
"So…you and me getting married, right?"
"Yes?"
"I should probably stay at your place now, right?" Lauren asked, hoping he would say yes. She wasn't sure she could take another night of Aerona's guilt-inducing stares. If she stayed with Cefin, she could pretend none of it existed.
Cefin, however, seemed to be completely flabbergasted. "But we aren't married yet. Why would you ask such a thing?"
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