by AJ Matthews
She startles when I pull her near, my erection pressing into her.
I can’t wait to enter her this way—bend her over, squeezing her butt as I watch myself move in and out . . .
Like a bucket of ice on my head, it hits me.
No condoms.
“Did you bring anything?”
She leans over the wall of the tub and retrieves the packet from her robe pocket.
“Always prepared.” She rips open the foil with her teeth, and I jump when she rolls it on my erection.
The friction of her hand combined with the latex is better than I expected.
I’m dying to get inside her. She faces the wall and peeks over her shoulder, hair sticking to her face as she bites her lip and waits.
I bend my knees to get the angle right, and she’s squeezing me so tightly I’m going to explode.
She holds her hips still and lets me control the motion, and within minutes, I come so hard I think I might pass out. I grab the shower curtain rod and thrust a few more times.
A cracking sound fills the air, and we fall in a heap in the bottom of the tub, wrapped in the shower curtain.
This is awkward. We both laugh.
“I’ll fix that later.” I kiss her and regret my class schedule is full today. At least I have an excuse to come back soon.
Even if I don’t need one anymore.
Chapter Sixteen
Thea
I feel more naked sitting on this exam table in shorts and a flimsy paper shirt than I did yesterday in the shower.
Crazy, right?
The doctor finished the exam and studies films on the monitor.
I’m anxious to see if I’m in the clear. Even the most minuscule of spots would require further tests and delay the mastectomy. I’ve had this tentative date set for months, and any delay is going to kick my psyche in the crotch.
I’m ready for the mastectomy to be done, for recovery to begin, and for reconstruction to start in a few months.
There could still be complications: infection, bleeding, and even losing the nipples I’m trying to save.
If the nipple-sparing procedure works, I’ll retain a sense of normalcy.
My breasts will never be the same, but at least I’ll still have nipples.
Shay squeezes my hand, bringing me back to the present.
Dr. Beltran turns from the computer. I hold my breath.
She smiles. “Your test results are fantastic. The films are clear.”
I exhale, and Shay kisses my lips before touching his forehead to mine.
“Yay . . .” he whispers, happy for me.
No more waiting.
Say your goodbyes, girls.
You’re outta here!
I should be happy, but a sense of dread falls over me as I continue to second-guess myself.
Being cancer-free trumps everything, but I’ll still miss out on lots of things.
I get dressed and check out, shoving the negative thoughts to a dark corner of my brain.
I’m craving frozen yogurt. It’s warm, so we leave my truck parked in the garage and walk across campus to head to Fro Yo-Yo. Outside the humanities building, a former instructor of mine, Dr. Knox, is sitting at a table having lunch with his wife. I pull Shay by the hand to where they sit.
“Dr. Knox, hello. How are you? This is my boyfriend, Shay Kelly.”
“A pleasure, sir.” Shay extends his hand and is beaming. I think he likes being introduced as my boyfriend.
I turn to Dr. Knox’s wife. “Mrs. Knox, congratulations.”
Mrs. Knox is holding their tiny baby girl, nursing her.
I suck in my stomach like I was punched.
Shay glances away, and I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing. “We’ll be going. Enjoy your lunch.”
“Good to see you, Thea, and to meet you, Shay. Have a nice afternoon.” Dr. Knox turns back to the table.
I move from the little family as my flip-flops can carry me, but Shay closes the distance on his long legs.
“They’re nice.”
“Mm-hmm.” I’m in no mood for small talk.
“You must want that frozen yogurt bad. I don’t think they’ll run out.”
“You never know.” My tone is more clipped than I’d intended since he didn’t do anything wrong.
“Thea, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. You’re busy, so I don’t want to dawdle.”
“Fine.”
We walk in silence, then place our orders and begin the walk back to the car.
I’m not feeling the frozen yogurt anymore. The mint cookie I ordered, my absolute favorite, tastes like cardboard.
I can’t stop thinking about babies. I won’t be able to nurse one, and if the brca1 mutation results in ovarian cancer anytime soon, I won’t be able to have kids.
That’s not fair to Shay. He comes from a close family, and he must want kids. We’ve never talked about it, but I can’t imagine him without a family of his own someday.
A family I may never be able to give him.
Shay
I let her moodiness go. She’s having radical surgery soon, life-altering surgery, and she’s going to be moody. If she doesn’t want to talk about it with me, at least she has her therapist and support group members
Her family too.
Speaking of . . .
We’re curled on the couch, and she’s sprawled across my lap, head on my thigh. A gory zombie show plays in the background. She circles her fingers over and over on my jeans, and her non-reaction to the bloody violence tells me she isn’t paying any attention.
“Hey, did you talk to your dad and sister yet?”
She stiffens.
That would be a “no.”
“I don’t think they’ll be mad,” I say, regretting my anger last week, “but they’ll be upset you held back. Don’t delay anymore.”
She props her chin on my chest and takes my hand in hers.
“You’re right.” She absently toys with my fingers. “With Jen’s treatment and daddy helping out with the twins, they’ve been stressed. I don’t want to add to it.”
“You’ve been helping out too. How is holding this in not stressing you? They’re your family. That’s what family does. They take on each other’s burdens to make them lighter.”
“You’re right.” She squeezes my leg.
“Wait, did you say twins?”
She nods.
“Do they run on your side of the family or your sister’s ex? Because if it’s yours, do you know what the chances would be of us having twins?”
She shields her face in my lap again and doesn’t respond.
Hell, maybe she doesn’t even want kids, but she trained to be an elementary school teacher, so I assume she wants kids of her own.
She’s under intense pressure. These last rounds of tests, telling her family, the looming surgery.
“Come with me. Sunday. To family supper. Daddy wants to introduce me to his new girlfriend. I want them to meet you.”
It’s a big deal, meeting the family over a meal. I smile, remembering my first family dinner with Thea—pizza in the kitchen after Mom found her undressed in my room.
There’s a story for the reunion.
I squeeze her. “Yes. I need to study in the morning. What time should I be here?”
“I’ll pick you up at three thirty. Wear something decent.” She pulls on my ratty Miami shirt.
Family dinner. Dressing up and meeting her dad. A ball of nerves settles in my gut. This could be great, or disastrous, but I’ll support her. She needs to talk to her family. They’ll want to help her, support her through recovery.
Because that’s what families do.
The end of medical school is years away, but it can’t come soon enough for me.
Then I can start my own family, with Thea.
We’ll make adorable kids.
I hope they look like her.
Chapter Seventeen
Thea
Sha
y sucks in a deep breath and releases the air in a slow whoosh. It’s endearing how nervous he is to meet my daddy and Jen.
“You’ll be fine. They don’t bite.” I squeeze his arm to reassure him. “Unlike me.”
“I like when you bite. And when you say those things, I can’t stop thinking about getting you naked later. That’ll be dirty in your childhood home.”
I grin at him as he cracks his neck and shakes his shoulders out. We walk up the sidewalk from his car, and he pauses.
I link my arm in his and pull him along. “Come on. Don’t be a big sissy.”
“Your dad, is he a large man? Does he own a gun?”
“No, and yes.” His eyes widen in terror, and he tries to turn around and walk back to the car. “He’ll only use the shotgun to scare you.”
“That’s reassuring.”
He has no reason to be nervous, but I’m quaking inside. I’m meeting Daddy’s new lady, and I’m having the private conversation with my family to tell them about my surgery. It’s in a few days. The time has flown.
I first met Shay about three months ago.
And here we are, at a family supper together.
Though technically, we had one of those with his mom after we knew each other for a few days.
Still the most embarrassing thing ever.
If Daddy had caught Shay in my room practically naked, the outcome would have been much different.
We mount the creaky stairs to the open front door, the fresh October breeze blowing in through the screen.
Shay holds the door open. I told him he’d get brownie points from Daddy if he caught Shay acting like a gentleman, which he already does without outside motivation.
“Hello? Daddy? Jen? We’re here.” Shay’s carrying the six-pack of beer we grabbed on the way, and I take the bottles from his shaking hands before he drops them.
“Baby, calm down.”
“This is a first for me. I’ve never ‘met’ anyone’s parents before. My first girlfriend, our families knew each other forever before we started dating freshman year of high school.”
“Follow my lead. Be normal.” He cracks his neck again. “And relax!”
He shakes his arms, trying to throw the tension off.
Daddy comes out from the kitchen and kisses me on the cheek, his whiskers rough on my skin. Like when I was little, his beard still tickles me, and I giggle like the baby girl I used to be.
He steps back, narrowing his eyes, and glares at Shay.
I slap Daddy on the arm. “Stop! He’s scared as hell, and you’re making it worse.”
Daddy bursts out in laughter and pumps Shay’s hand. “A pleasure, son. We’ve heard all about you.”
“G-good, I hope.” He glances at me, and I shrug.
“Of course, of course. Doesn’t mean I won’t interrogate you tonight. The ex-cop in me, son. Need to make sure you’re good enough for my baby.”
“I doubt it, sir, but who is good enough for her?”
My stomach clenches, in a good way. He’s more than good enough for me.
“An-T’s here! An-T’s here!” My niece and nephew, in all their four-year-old glory, wrap themselves around my legs and threaten to topple me with their exuberant hugs.
I kneel to their level and whisper, “Can you stand still long enough to say hi to someone special?”
Kyle stands straight and nods, fingers twitching and eyes rolling. A four-year-old can’t be perfectly still, but it’s good enough. I glance up at Shay, and the tenderness on his face leaves me breathless. I smile, and motion for him to join us.
He crouches, and I point at the kids. “This lovely lady is Josie, and this handsome fella is Kyle. Guys, this is my friend Shay.”
They both wave at him, and he shoots them a dazzling smile.
“Happy to meet the tiniest McBrides.” He winks at Josie. “The prettiness runs in the family. You’re a lovely little lass.”
My sweet niece buries her face in her hands and runs away. He’s so charming he makes even the littlest girls blush.
Kyle tugs on Shay’s sleeve. “What ‘bout me?”
Shay chuckles and eyes Kyle with consideration. “You? You’re a strapping lad. Strong enough to defend your auntie and mama and sister from monsters.”
“Yeah, monsters. Rawwwrrr!” Kyle darts off and goes after Josie, growling like a creature from the black lagoon.
We stand, and Shay rests his hand on the small of my back. My skin tingles through the thin fabric of my dress and light sweater. It’s a comforting touch, one meant to reassure me and help me through dinner, but it still warms me. It makes me think of him folding me in his arms and kissing me senseless.
“Thea!” Jen wanders out of the kitchen in her stained apron. Her hair’s coming back in, and the color is returning to her skin. Her eyes widen as her gaze scans Shay from the top of his carefully styled dark hair to the tips of his polished black shoes. “Hello. You must be the amazing guy my baby sister can’t stop talking about.”
Shay’s face reddens, but he shakes my sister’s outstretched hand. “It’s wonderful to meet you, Jen. Thea neglected to mention how gorgeous you are.”
Jen blushes, and I squeeze Shay’s arm in appreciation as she drops his hand and takes a hold of mine. “Come on, little sis. You must meet Marcy. She’s an extraordinary nurse and one heck of a cook to boot. You’ve got to try her mashed potatoes and homemade gravy. To die for!”
Jen leads, and I follow. Resistance is futile. When we get to the kitchen, a tall woman with coal-black hair and bright violet eyes works the pots on the stove top like a professional chef.
She’s striking. Very Elizabeth Taylor.
Way to go, Daddy.
I slip the beer into the fridge and turn back to the older woman.
“Marcy, meet Thea. Where did Daddy get to? He should be making introductions. Marcy, I was telling Thea about your spectacular cooking. She’s a hearty eater, so she will appreciate your efforts.”
“Wow, thanks, Jen. ‘Hearty eater.’ Is that the latest euphemism for ‘carrying a few extra pounds’?”
“Ooooh, touchy. No.” She steps back and assesses me. “You look fabulous. The gorgeous hunk of man-meat appears happy with all this.” She waves her hands at me.
“Um, thanks?”
“Yeah, sure. He agrees with you, too. You’re glowing. He must be a dynamo in the sack.”
My face burns, but Marcy smiles and shakes her head. Jen’s return to normalcy is complete, her interest in living vicariously through my sex life as inappropriate as ever.
I was so nervous all day I couldn’t eat, but now I want to feed my fear, guilt, and anxiety with a ton of carbs.
The warm scent of freshly-baked bread stokes my craving.
“Marcy, hi. It’s wonderful to see Daddy smiling again. I think you can take all the credit.”
“Maybe not all the credit.” She nods in Jen’s direction. “Jen back on her feet, and getting back to herself, is huge. You being happy helps, too.”
I gulp. I don’t want to stand around useless, and I need something to take my mind off the thing I must do tonight. “What can I do to help?”
Marcy nods at the family room. “We’re good here, right Jen? I think you may be better off rescuing your young man.”
I glance over my shoulder. Daddy’s talking non-stop. Shay nods and shakes his head, unable to get a word in.
I tip my head at Marcy. “I think you’re right. He’s gonna talk his ear right off, isn’t he? Then he’ll move on to showing off the television.”
The sound of cheering from a football game sweeps across the room, so that’s started. Poor Shay. He’s not a sports fan—that’s more his brother Liam’s thing—but he’ll tolerate the game if he thinks it’ll make Daddy happy.
Which will make me happy.
He is one unselfish man, and I remind myself again how I’m lucky I found him. Lucky he found me again here in North Carolina.
Fate, kismet, coincidence. Whatever you w
ant to call it, it’s right.
He’s in for the long haul.
I am too.
Shay
“Son, Thea tells me you’re in medical school.” Burt’s fork pauses in midair as he waits for my answer.
“Yes, sir. First year.”
“What are you going to specialize in?”
I finish chewing my meatloaf, washing it down with a sip of water.
“Neuropsychiatry, sir. I started an internship with one of the physicians at the university hospital and studied psychobiology at Miami. I’m confident it’s the right choice for me.”
“Why? Out of all the specialties?” Burt shovels a forkful of mashed potatoes and gravy into his mouth, waiting for my answer in silence.
“Daddy, can you let Shay eat in peace?”
“No, Thea. I don’t mind talking about it.” I set my fork on the table and consider my words. I’m not ashamed of my family’s history, but people can struggle with processing the situation.
Burt narrows his eyes at me again and waits for my answer.
“When I was a child, my mother died, and we later found out she was severely depressed, and it wasn’t an accident.” I decide not to say “suicide,” since the kids are still at the table. They’re not paying any attention to our conversation, but I don’t want to mention sensitive topics someone may need to explain later.
I take a deep breath and continue. “My little brother, Mac, has inherited some of those tendencies, and also has autism. I’m most interested in research. I’d like to help find more concrete biochemical and structural connections in mood disorders, as well as developmental disorders. Better treatments will follow from there.”
Burt continues to eat, but keeps his eyes on me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Thea squeezes my thigh under the table, and I smile weakly at her.
I want to impress her family, and while I think Jen likes me, the jury’s still out on her dad.
Burt scratches his chin and crosses his arms across his chest.
I hold my breath.
“Good to see a young man who knows what he wants. Has a plan. Kids these days are clueless about what to do when they get out of college. But you, son, and my Thea, you’ve got it all figured out. She’ll be a remarkable teacher, won’t she?”
