by AJ Matthews
“Are you kidding? I have more to prove to you than anybody. You’re the one taking the chance on me. You have the right to expect as much from me as any normal boyfriend.”
“Hey. You are a normal boyfriend.” I use my firm tone, the talk him down from a meltdown tone.
“Not yet,” he counters. “Because I haven’t taken you out on any real dates. We hang out, but you deserve more. Mom knows now. So you’re just going to have to deal and date me.”
Biting my lip to suppress the laugh which desperately wants to break free, I breathe in and out then tell him, “Okay. I’ll deal…and date you.”
Chapter Ten
Rid drives us around on the back roads for a while longer, until the sun begins to dip below the horizon. He’s not ready for night driving yet, so after pulling over, we switch places and I drive us back to my parents’ house. We decided to ask my mom if he could sleep there because of his mother’s reaction to us.
Once we make the turn onto my street, I see the police cars parked in front of my house immediately. Rid sees my panic click in and squeezes my knee for reassurance. The driveway has been blocked off by police cars so I park across the street. When we run up to the house, I’m scared out of my mind, but knowing Ridley’s running right along with me helps a little.
As soon as I throw open the door and rush inside yelling, “Mom?” I’m immediately grabbed by the wrist by one of the police officers, swung around and pressed face first against the wall next to the door.
“Leif Fraser?” The officer asks as he’s cuffing me? What if I wasn’t Leif Fraser?
“Yes,” I answer him right away. “What’s going on?”
“You’re under arrest for kidnapping, and forced unnatural sexual acts upon a mentally incompetent person.”
“What? What are you talking about?” Once I’m cuffed, I notice the other officer allows my parents to leave the kitchen.
My mother walks over to me, “We’ll get a lawyer on this. I just can’t believe…”
“Who have you been forcing unnatural sexual acts on, Leif?” Rid asks.
“I don’t know, babe. This has to be a mistake.”
But it’s not a mistake. I know it’s not a mistake when a third police officer turns to Rid and asks, “Are you Ridley McAllister?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Well, I need to come with me son. Your mother is very worried.”
When Rid furrows his brow and asks, “My mother?” his voice hitches on mother. I know it’s because he can’t believe she’d be this evil. The cop thinks he’s scared.
“Don’t worry son, you aren’t in any trouble. You did nothing wrong. But she’s waiting at home for you.”
Then he grabs ahold of Rid’s arm. He’s autistic. They don’t like being touched by people they don’t trust. Rid starts to freak.
“Settle down son. It’s okay,” the stupid cop coos.
“Let go of his arm,” I tell him. “He doesn’t know you. You can’t grab his arm. Rid. Calm down. Go with the officer.”
“My son is right. I work with autistics all the time. Let his arm go. But Ridley is hardly a mentally incompetent person.”
“I suggest you call that lawyer, ma’am. These are very serious charges.”
The first officer tugs me hard to get me walking. I’m not resisting at all so I don’t know why he’s acting as if I am. The third cop leads Ridley outside to a different cruiser. Rid yells to me, “I’ll talk to my mom. We’ll get this taken care of.” Before the officer shoves Rid in the backseat. We leave in different directions.
I’ve never been in trouble with the law in my life. Never even been busted on an underage drinking charge. Now I can say I’ve had a mug shot taken and been finger printed. And I’m sitting in a jail cell waiting for whatever it is I’m supposed to wait for. My parents have already been in with my dad’s colleague, for representation. The firm felt it better my dad not represent me because he’s too close to the situation. I guess I agree. Because right now, I need my dad to only wear the dad hat.
Yeah, I said it. I’m nineteen years old and need my dad.
After spending the night in jail, that is, the whole rest of the freaking night, I’m bonded out. My dad’s firm is good. But I guess not that good because I’m being labeled as a predator by everyone. And I’m told under no circumstances am I to contact or accept contact from Ridley.
Being labeled a sex predator.
Utterly humiliating.
Rid’s not supposed to have any contact with me.
Utterly crushing.
Upstairs in my room, once the reality catches up with me, I cry like a punk. I melt down like a Ridley meltdown. If that woman was in front of me now, I’d be going back to jail on capital murder having wrung her neck. She’s trying to ruin me, I could spend the rest of my life as a registered sex offender and not be allowed any contact with Rid. I could spend the next couple decades in prison. But almost worse, the way she made Rid feel at my arrest. God his face. The crushing, crushing sadness and betrayal written all over his face. All of it’s too much. I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried.
My mom pushes open the door and comes in, closing it behind her.
“What the hell is her problem?” I yell through my tears. “All we did was fall in love. That’s it. That’s it Mom.”
“I know, sweetheart,” mom says back. Slowly, very slowly probably because I’m acting like a wounded animal with my freak-out, she makes her way over to my bed where I’ve crumpled onto the bedding. Mom holds me, holds me in a fierce hug. “Apparently after you two left, she went up and searched his room. She found the condoms and a lubricant and uh…” Mom’s cheeks turn pink. “Some toys.”
“Damnit!”
“I applaud you both. Not exactly an activity you want to rush into without some prep first. Not if it’s the first time.”
“Mom!” I yell again. “Are we really gonna talk about this now?”
“Yes, well. It’s just a really big step.”
“Yeah, it is. A big step Ridley initiated. I didn’t force him into anything. And how can she call her own son mentally incompetent? He’s more competent than most people I know.”
“We’ve already spoken with John Hammis.”
“Is that John the therapist?”
“Yeah. He’s willing to talk to whomever he needs to talk to, to let them know Ridley is very capable of making these decisions on his own. My friend Nancy, from work, is going in to talk about homosexuality in autism. I can’t do it because you’re my son. And from what John says, Ridley has already scheduled an examination by the court appointed psychiatrist to test his mental capability.”
“He’ll pass.”
“I know he will, sweetheart. I’ve been around him. He’s a smart, capable man. We’ll get these charges dismissed.”
“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you and Dad. Bet you aren’t so proud now that the whole world knows you’ve got a gay ‘pervert’ for a son.” I push out of her arms to turn away.
“Hey. Turn back around now.” Mom hasn’t spoken to me in that tone in probably years. So I roll back over. “We are still very proud of you. Even if you’re being a bit drama. The whole world, really Leif?”
“But—”
“Screw buts.”
“Already do.” I didn’t mean to say that to my mother. Never to my mother, it just popped out. But my unfazeable mom, she pauses any further words, blinks twice and throws her head back laughing. And she continues to laugh as she hugs me, using the sleeve of my T-shirt to wipe the laugh tears from her eyes. Somehow I feel better. The woman, she’s a miracle worker.
Morphing her face back to practical mom, my mom settles, kisses the top of my head and tells me, “We’ll get through this.”
“Rid’s birthday is in two weeks. He’s going to be twenty. What if I can’t celebrate his birthday with him? Twenty birthdays he’s never celebrated one that wasn’t just him and his mom. Me and Amanda were going to take him out. I love the guy and ca
n’t celebrate his birthday with him? His bitch of a mother ruins everything.”
She doesn’t answer. How could she answer when an answer doesn’t exist? What she does, pushes up from my bed and squeeze my shoulder a brief squeeze. “Dinner will be ready in an hour.” My mom leaves me to my thoughts then.
Sure enough, at the tail end of the hour we’re all summoned to the table by my dad standing at the foot of the stairs yelling, “Dinner!” With all the upheaval in my life right now, really all our lives because of my upheaval, having my dad keep up the tradition, it’s a godsend. Back when we were little, my mom made the mistake of telling my dad to call us to dinner. He thought he’d be funny and really call it out. Hence the tradition.
Let’s face it, any godsend is a welcome godsend right now no matter how it comes about. Because to say I’m nervous about seeing the rest of my family would be akin to calling Jaws a goldfish. That much of an understatement. I’m the last to make it to the table. As I slip into my seat, my sister says, “Glad you’re home.” That’s the most anyone says about the situation. The rest of dinner they spend talking about fun, happy, exciting and irritating things happening in all their lives. Just like we would have before my legal fiasco.
My mother didn’t even make my favorite dinner to lift my spirits or any crap like that. She made my dad’s favorite, sauerbraten and spätzle, for winning his case.
I have nothing to bring to the table. My heart’s not in it and really, what would I add? The only things going on in my life are Ridley and the arrest. Though, it’s fun to take myself away from my troubles for even a short while.
When I can fall asleep, it’s fitful. Most of the night though, I can’t shut my brain off enough to sleep. On about my elevntyith flop from one side to the other, my phone chirps with a text. I reach over to my nightstand to grab it.
Amanda.
Why would Amanda be texting me at (I look at the time on the phone) two-thirty in the morning? Immediately I swipe to read.
Hey Leif. It’s Ridley. Amanda and I switched phones. I miss you. Please text back.
Rid? We aren’t supposed to have contact.
Please. Please, I’m going crazy without you. No one will know I’m contacting you. Amanda is contacting you. See?
Babe. I miss you so damn much too. Only a couple of days, it feels like years.
Meet Amanda at the back gate tomorrow. By the automaton. At one.
Shoot! He’s arranging for us to see each other. If we get caught, I’ll be in so much trouble. But I need to hold him. Sucking in a sharp breath I type: I’ll be there babe. I love you.
I love you too. He texts back. Night.
Night, babe.
I feel lighter now than I have since before the arrest. Finally I’m able to close my eyes, knowing that I’ll be having sweet, sweet dreams about seeing Ridley tomorrow.
Chapter Eleven
I got to the back gate of the park early. But didn’t stay too close. I spend my time walking in circles along the beach until one. Subterfuge could be exciting, but scary as hell. On my probably fifth pass along the chain-link fence at the back of the park by the automaton, I see Amanda, the real Amanda, walking toward the back emergency gate. The park is old, it’s not hooked to an alarm. The gate just only opens out from the inside.
She opens the gate for me and I slip in. When I go in to kiss her cheek she whispers, “Go into the underutilized restroom. I’m keeping watch.”
Amanda stays close as I slip inside the men’s room. I only have to wait maybe five minutes, which feel like five hundred thousand minutes when you’re filled with nervous energy, like I’m filled with nervous energy, before Ridley slips inside too.
He’s nervous. His smile gives him away. We both know how risky it is for me to be here now. Rid doesn’t waste any time taking me in his arms, resting his forehead against mine. We hold each other. Breathe each other. We’re so close I feel his heart beating. Then he kisses me. While our lips touch, none of the evil in the world exists. His mother’s not a bitch. I was never arrested. We’re just Ridley and Leif. In love.
“I’m sorry about my mom,” he finally whispers, against my lips actually. And it feels great.
But I pull back because he has to see me. He has to understand. “Babe, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault, got me?”
He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t nod. He changes the subject. “I go in tomorrow for my test. The court psychiatrist will decide if I’m mentally capable to decide who I have relationships with. Then we wait. My court date is scheduled for my birthday, your lawyer’s doing. Got us fast tracked.”
“You know you’ll pass.”
“It hurts, Leif. My own mom wants me ruled incompetent. I thought she loved me. You asked me to give her a chance, but I’m done. I’m moving out. I’ll stay in one of those hotels or something.”
“What hotel?”
“The one’s you pay by the week. I have a job, and it’ll only be until I go to school.”
“Rid, once they drop the charges against me, you’ll stay at my house. Mom and Dad will be cool with it. We’re all adults, remember? They know we’re moving in together.”
“You sure?”
“Yep. My mom is convinced we’re going to get married someday. She and my dad started dating at nineteen, so I guess it’s a magic number.”
“Well she’s right. I already told you that.”
“Wait! No! Gabe, stop!” We hear coming from outside. Amanda’s voice yelling.
No time to cover, Rid holds me in his arms as we watch Gabe Cera walk into the men’s room with us. As always he looks good. But he’s also proof that once our kiss ended, evil existed again.
“So sweet,” Gabe says. “Must be true love.”
“Were you following me?” Ridley asks. Gabe ignores him. He had to have followed Rid.
“What do you want Gabe?” I ask, full of attitude as well as hope that he’ll end whatever this is soon so I can go back to doing what I came here for, that, being with my boyfriend.
“Should you two be seen together? I mean, those charges are pretty serious.” He places his hand at his collarbone. As if he’s shocked.
“What do you want?” I ask again.
“Listen Fraser, here’s the deal. You don’t want anyone to know you’re still seeing the retard. I want blowjobs.”
“What about your girlfriend?” Ridley asks. A good question. And I’m so proud of Rid not letting the retard comment get to him.
“Don’t think I was talking to you spaz. Fraser knows how I like it. Blowjobs buy my silence.”
“No,” Rid speaks up again. “He won’t have sex with you, when he’s in a relationship with me.” And he squeezes my hand.
I kiss his cheek and nod once, so he knows I’m with him. I won’t have sex with another man. Ridley is it for me. Blackmail or not, I won’t do it.
“Thought I told you to shut it.” Gabe steps forward, like he’s coming for Rid. I move myself between them. If he tries to hit Ridley, I’ll beat the shit out of him.
The air charges around us, an electric current feeding the vibe as we prepare to come to blows. And not the kind Gabe was originally after.
Saved by Amanda. She clears her throat. She’d been listening the whole time. With her presence, Ridley speaks up one last time, putting the issue to bed. “Here’s what’s going to happen, Gabe. You aren’t going to say a thing about me and Leif being together today. You don’t want anyone to know you like sex with men. All three of us know you do. The court will find me competent. I’m not worried. But what would your girlfriend think?”
“No one would believe you.”
“Really?” I ask him, sarcastically. “Because from my experience, all it takes is for someone to start a rumor. When three people start it, it’ll spread like a wildfire. I don’t like the idea of outing anyone. But if you force my hand, you get it.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Ridl
ey.”
“And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Leif,” he adds his two cents.
“And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of them,” Amanda throws in. “They’re my friends.”
“Damn Amanda, we’re friends,” Gabe whines.
“We aren’t friends. Your girlfriend is my friend. My friend you’re trying to screw over by cheating on her.”
Gabe’s eyes go wide only for a second before he forces the cool persona out again. “Whatever.” He tries to recover. “We’re done Fraser. Don’t come crawling back to me when the spaz spazzes.”
The three of us stand in the men’s bathroom watching Gabe Cera leave. With the knowledge of what him finding us could have meant, could still mean, we just watch lacking the ability to speak.
Then Amanda breaks the silence. “One down. One to go.” Ain’t it the truth?
Even as Rid and I fall back into our clinch, arms tight as we hold each other, I look over my shoulder and tell her, “thanks.” I wish I had a better word to give her to express the sentiment of how grateful I am. But I’m not sure that word exists. And I have Rid in a clinch.
Amanda sighs long. “I remember those days. Enjoy you two. I’ll just be outside waiting.”
Ridley only gives me a couple seconds to feel bad for how I ended things with Amanda, and pretty much using her today. His lips crush against mine once again and I only feel Ridley for twenty more minutes.
“Happy birthday to me!” Ridley shouts over the phone. No hello. But he doesn’t need to say hello because I know what that happy birthday means.
“I’m on my way, babe. Be there in twenty.”
“We didn’t even have to go into a courtroom.” Ridley’s excitement is palpable. I feel it thought the receiver. “Back when I had my test, I went into a room with the psychiatrist. He had a laptop open in front of him. He asked me questions from the laptop and typed my answers. It took about an hour. Then I had to wait, that’s what I’ve been doing, waiting for today. I saw my mom walk in, but I didn’t say hi or anything. After another hour me and my mom were called into an arbitration room where we were told I’m perfectly competent to make decisions on my own life.”
