by Abby Gale
~*~
After a few minutes of awkward silence, Toby clears his throat. “Look, man. I know you’ve lost someone you loved. We’ve all experienced loss one way or another, and yours is still new, raw. I know how hard it is, I get it. But if you like Acacia you can’t make a mistake by pushing her away. Why waste time when you can spend it together?”
“I wish it was that easy,” I murmur.
“Enough, dude!” He slams his coffee cup to the table with force.
“That girl lost her parents when she was just seventeen. She was all alone in this world, trying to figure out life. She stood tall on her own two feet… and that girl is willing to put her heart in your hands, can you imagine how much courage that takes? Can’t you be half as brave as her? Don’t you think she deserves a little bit of a chance?”
Swallowing hard, I try to find an answer to that, but there is none. After the long stare, he gives me, he stands up. “You should sleep. Night,” he says, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
ACACIA
One day rolls into the next as I go through the same routine - get up, shower, eat even though everything tastes like cardboard, go to work with a fake smile on my face, and come home to cry myself to sleep.
I’ve never felt like this before except for when I lost my parents.
How can someone come to mean so much to me in such a short time?
How can losing someone I’ve never even had can hurt this much?
He has never belonged to me. I don’t even know if he will come back to me.
I try to forget him, but I can’t… whenever I try, I hear his deep rumbling voice. I don’t even know when he wedged himself so deep into the recesses of my mind.
Taking a deep breath, I plaster the fake smile on my face and enter the bar. Toby walks to me, “Hey Sia, how are you today, babe?”
“Hi guys,” I tell them without making eye-contact with Toby or Lily.
“Sia, look at me.” Toby stands behind me, but I don’t turn to face him; I know as soon as I look at him I’ll start to cry again.” He turns me to face him. All my emotions bubble up to the surface and burst, leaving me a sobbing mess.
He wraps me in his arms as I cry everything out.
“Sia, seeing you like this makes me feel like shit. Tell me what I can do to make it better,” he whispers, caressing my hair.
“I miss him, Toby.”
“I know, baby. I know…”
“What if he doesn’t come back to me? How can I keep going on like this?”
“He will come around, Sia. That guy must be stupid if he doesn’t realize his feelings for you.”
“But what if he doesn’t?”
“Then you will keep your chin up and stand tall… like you always do, baby. I know you’re hurting, but I also know how strong you are.” He kisses my forehead.
Nodding my head, I squeeze him hard. “Thank you, Tobs.”
“Anytime, Sia. Why don’t you go home? Lily and I can manage.”
“No.” Shaking my head at him, I refuse to go back there unless I have to. “I’d prefer to work, I need to be busy.” Wiping away my tears I give Toby a smile and turn away.
I enter the ladies room and put some water on my face, looking in the mirror I see the ashen-faced mess looking back at me. “Pull yourself together Acacia, you’re no good like this,” I scowl at myself.
After going back into the bar, I try to get back to some normality and ignore the fact that my eyes keep turning back to the door in the hope of seeing him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ASHTON
Two Weeks Later
It’s been one month since Acacia showed me the door.
It’s been one month since I last talked to her.
One month of loneliness in the middle of nowhere. One month of grieving for the loss of my love, April… but that wasn’t the only thing I grieved during that month. I also grieved for the loss of Acacia.
In only a few days she embedded herself under my skin and became an undeniable piece of me. And now, her absence is creating another big, empty hole in my life.
How do the women in my life capture my heart in such a short time? And why am I always being the bastard who can’t be brave enough to take the chance?
Caressing the frame of the last photo in the room, I pull it off from its hanger to place it into the box with others. April is watching me with her sweet smile, and shining eyes.
The pain in my heart is still there, a constant reminder of what I lost. I still love her like the first day I met her, but love isn’t about holding on forever; it’s also about letting go when the time comes.
And I decide to let go now.
It’s time to set April free…
Going to the kitchen, I smile when I see the message on it: Goodbye…
I caress the letters and rearrange them to create my own message: I will never forget you, Princess...
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ACACIA
I miss him.
I miss him a lot.
It’s been one month since I last saw him, last touched him, and last kissed him. I know making him leave was the right decision, but my heart chose him to fall in love with him instead of another man in this town.
I used to think falling in love was a hard thing to do. I used to think I can never love someone without knowing everything about him, without being sure of my feelings for him. But it wasn’t the case with Ashton.
I fell in love with Ashton Kennedy without knowing anything about him.
I fell in love with him when I actually hated him. At least I thought I did - it was easier that way. Hate is such a strong word, though.
Loving him was the easiest thing I ever did. I was already way in deep when I realized my feelings for him… and that didn’t take long either.
With Ashton Kennedy, days turned into infinity… with him, my world changed its axis only in a matter of seconds. One glance, one smile, or only one caress were enough.
Falling in love with him wasn’t an option. Option means I had a choice, but I didn’t. It was like a lightning flash - fast, unstoppable, strong, and blinding. It was like a thunderbolt - dangerous, magical, and intense.
Loving Ashton Kennedy was a strange force of nature, something that I had no words for or the strength to stop… and it changed my world. He changed my world.
Now, sitting on my sofa, I wait for him to come back to me. I’m waiting for him to decide I deserve a chance, we deserve a chance… but even the Seattle sky is crying for me, for us, and for the possibilities of what we could be.
Minutes turned into hours, hours turned to days. The days followed each other till they caught the month and all I did was wait…wait for him to decide.
When the lightning brightens the dark sky, I waited for Ashton just like I wait for the thunder. The thunder comes, but Ashton doesn’t…
Then…
I hear the doorbell and everything stills… my steps get slower, my breath becomes shallower, and my pumping heart pauses until the door opens revealing to me to what’s on the other side of it. Then everything turns back to its colors.
The voices become chirpier, the objects shine under the hallway light and spotlights its focus onto the one person who turns everything into high definition…
Ashton Kennedy… returns to me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ASHTON
I ring the doorbell without carrying any guilt on my shoulders; it’s liberating. My eyes roam over her body when she opens the door in only boxer briefs, a tank top that does nothing to hide her perky breasts and pink fuzzy knee-length socks on. Her hair is now the sweetest shade of pink, and it suits her. Even though I was kinda fond of her blue-gray hair.
Fuck!
She is even more beautiful than I remember.
“Ashton,” she breathes out, and I swallow the anxiety I’m feeling.
I want to beg her to take me. To need me the way I need her. I want her to pull me away from the loneliness I’ve created for myself
, but instead, I step inside. Grabbing her by the waist, I turn us and gently push her back to the door and let my mouth devour her. Her gasp gives me the entrance I’m dying for. I suck her plump bottom lip into my mouth; she tastes like exotic fruit and vanilla - exciting and comforting all at the same time.
“Ashton… wait,” she pants, gently pushing me back but keeping her body flush to mine. This gives me hope, she doesn’t want me to move away enough to stop touching her; this must be a good thing.
“What are you doing? What does this mean?”
“I need you, I want you to take me, Acacia, and show me how to be loved again.” I push her hair back and take her head in my palms before I continue, “I come to you in pieces and all those pieces are yours now if you’re willing to put me back together with your love.”
She looks at me for what feels like hours before finally eating the distance between us. I feel her grabbing the hem of my shirt. I don’t make a move as she lifts it over my head and I only help her when she can’t reach. Her fingers tentatively touch my torso, moving down to my abs before moving back to my neck again.
“Will you just stay like that?” she laughs.
“You’ll have me?” I whisper, feeling nervous of the answer I’ll get.
“Yes...” I don’t need any more invitation than that.
I lift her by the waist, and she immediately wraps her legs and arms around me as I keep kissing her against the wall. I can’t do this here, I won’t have our first time against a wall, after everything that’s happened between us she needs to be treated like the goddess that she is.
“Acacia?” I mumble against her lips as I try to break away from her. She stops and looks at me worried like I’m going to walk away again. No, not this time… not ever again. I place my finger against her lips to stop her from answering.
“Let me take you to your bed, I want to worship you if you’ll let me, baby?” She nods in response as I capture her lips again.
Entering her bedroom, I lay her down on her back and strip her of her tank and shorts as my eyes caress every inch of her body - her collarbone, her ample breasts, her tiny waist, all the way down her slender legs. I unbutton my jeans and let them drop to the floor. Pressing my knees against the edge of the bed, running my hands up her thighs, I lean down and kiss her belly.
Her breath hitches as a gasp leaves her mouth. I kiss all the way up her body until I reach her breasts, taking them in each hand, my mouth finds her nipple as I swirl my tongue around the peaked tip. I kiss further up her neck and finish up back at her mouth. Capturing her plump lips, I kiss and suck until my tongue finds hers.
“I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. I promise you’ll forget everything else but this moment. Just let me love you...”
With a slight nod of her head and a breathy ‘yes’, I kiss her again with everything I have.
“Condom, in the first drawer,” she breaths out.
Reaching for the condom, I take down my boxers as my rigid cock springs from its restraints. Rolling on the condom into place, hesitantly, I hover over her, careful to hold my weight on one forearm. I brush my fingers on her body like I try to memorize her every curve till I reach between her legs. She is already wet and soft as I push my finger into her. Her slick heat makes me groan as I gently add another finger, causing her to tremble under me.
“Ohhhh, Ashton!” Acacia gasps into my shoulder as I pull out my fingers so I can align myself with her entrance.
I take her mouth again as I thrust into her gently, slowly. She gasps again into my mouth and surrenders her sweet lips to me as I make love to her tongue just like her body. I cup her cheek into my hand and look deep into her eyes, her soul, her innocent but worldly eyes add a little more love to my once broken heart and begin to make it whole again.
I take her thigh in my hand and open her up to me, thrusting in and out in a soothing rhythm, her smooth, gentle lips find my neck and peppers kisses down to the dip in my neck.
“Harder, Ashton,” she whispers, driving me crazy with her breathy sex voice as much as her nibbles Losing all my control, I thrust harder, quicker all the while as I keep looking into her eyes. Her nails bite into my shoulder as her eyes roll back with pleasure and her body shudders with the intensity of her orgasm. I savour every moment as she comes undone around me, shouting my name. Only two more thrusts later I join her into the ecstasy.
This is heaven!
Collapsing on top of Acacia, I place my forehead against hers and kiss her lips before getting up and fetching a warm, wet cloth to clean her up with. I look into the mirror and genuinely smile for the first time after months.
No regret, no confusion… for the first time ever, everything is in crystal clarity for me. I walk back towards Acacia, my goddess, lying in the crisp white sheets, eyes closed, and biting down on her lip. Sitting on the edge of the bed I stroke her hair. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask her tenderly. She shakes her head cautiously.
“Open your beautiful eyes for me, baby.”
She slowly opens her lids as I bend down and kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks and last of all her lips. She looks at me, the emotions are shining in her eyes like she is waiting for me to reject her again. I did that. I put the doubt there, so I’ll fix it.
“Acacia, you are it for me now. You’re mine, baby and I’m not letting go of you again.”
A tear runs from the corner of her eye and into her hair. I clean her up, drop the cloth and climb in beside her to pull her into my arms. She places her head on my chest, then I hear the vibration of her voice against me.
“Promise?” she says timidly.
Tipping her chin up I touch my lips against hers and whisper, “Promise.”
I kiss her till I feel her smiling against my lips. She kisses me back without any timidity and places her head back on my chest with a relieved sigh before drifting off into a deep, contented sleep.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ACACIA
I wake up, but don’t open my eyes yet; I take pleasure in the happiness I feel. My heart is bubbling with excitement, and I can’t keep the smile off my face. Finally, I open my eyes and turn to look for him beside me. My smile freezes when I see the empty spot beside me, the confusion and fear show their ugly faces beneath my happiness, but I push them aside. Getting out of the bed I walk toward my kitchen, hoping to see him here. He isn’t.
No… he wouldn’t do that.
Swallowing my nerves, I try to put a smile on my face and call out his name with a fake chirpy tone, “Ashton?”
I wait for the reply, I know it will come soon, but it doesn’t. I’m pathetic as I look in every room in my small apartment, but I can’t stop myself. I refuse to believe he’s left me… he will come back, he has to - he promised me.
I sit on the couch where I can watch the door, seconds are slowly and painfully ticking by. With each passing minute that the door isn’t opened my heart pumps with pain and sorrow instead of blood to my body.
Tears are blurring my vision, my body is cold because of my lack of clothes, and I shake with the sobs I keep inside. Anger bubbles inside me under all the pain and I decide to hug it to my chest, wrap it around myself just like an armor as I covered my body with the first clothes I find in my room.
Grabbing my keys, I head for my car, not caring about the pouring rain. It’s giving me a good cover for my tears. I take off to the mountain road as rain hits the car, making it hard for me to see the way in front of me. Grabbing the steering wheel tighter I push back the tears, succeeding for a while, focusing on the road and the life that goes on around the town even though I can’t even breathe.
When I get out of the town, I can’t keep the tears back anymore. I let out the painful scream that was growing inside me since I found the empty spot beside me and push the pedal down, urging the car to move forward.
I’m trying to find my anger and hold onto it, but the frustration and longing has been so dominant I can’t reach anything else behind it.
> I gave him time.
I gave him a choice.
I have never forced him into anything.
I have never pushed him.
I have respected his sorrow, his pain, his loss. I loved his vulnerability, and I loved his love for a woman who wasn’t with him anymore even though that hurt me.
And I wanted him to choose me, come back to me.
He did, but for what?
When he kissed me I placed my heart in his hands, I surrendered myself to him. I did the scariest thing a person can do - I made myself vulnerable to him, I made myself weak for his love.
And he left me… he left me like I was just a huge mistake, a shame he needed to be rid of. But I won’t be silent this time. I won’t let him push me aside like I meant nothing because I saw his eyes; I know he cares, I know he wants to be with me… and I will fight for him this time, I will fight for a future with him even though he wouldn’t be on my side.
With determination, I increased my speed and the next thing I know there’s chaos - a bird hits my windshield, and I pump the brakes, all I hear are the screaming tires, and screams… then the darkness takes me, but it’s full of pain.
CHAPTER TWENTY
ASHTON
Acacia looked so beautiful this morning, beautiful and wild, and all mine. I didn’t want to leave her alone in bed, but the gut feeling inside me was forcing me to have a proper goodbye. It was like an unfinished business that ate me alive. And more, it wasn’t just a goodbye I needed when I woke up beside her. I was happy, and I wanted to share my happiness with the one person I knew would share in my happiness the most.
I wanted to share it with April along with my goodbye. I needed to reassure her that I would be okay in this world without her so she could be happy there so she could smile at my excitement instead of feeling my pain. I know her enough to be sure that she wants me to be happy and not mope after her.
