by Helen Brooks
‘But then the other side of you is incredibly wary and suspicious,’ he went on softly, ‘which is perfectly understandable after all that’s happened.’
Her chin rose. ‘I’m not wary and suspicious. That’s nonsense. I admit I’m very aware of being a single mother with two small children depending on me, and I certainly don’t intend to be the sort of woman who introduces a succession of “uncles” to them either. That simply won’t happen, now or in the future.’
‘I’m glad to hear it,’ he said solemnly.
Her lips tightened. Was he laughing at her? Anger made her speak before she thought as she bit out, ‘And we’re better off keeping it to just the three of us. I won’t allow them to be let down again. We’re perfectly happy just as we are.’
‘You love them very much,’ he stated quietly. ‘Don’t you?’
‘They are everything to me and I to them. It’s always been that way since they were born.’
‘And their father? Where did he fit in?’
Not sure if she sensed criticism, she glared at him. ‘You needn’t feel sorry for Richard. He wanted nothing to do with the girls. I didn’t shut him out or anything.’
‘I didn’t say I felt sorry for him, I asked where he fitted in. That’s quite different.’
Yes, it was, and she didn’t know why every word he said caught her on the raw. She swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry, I thought …’ She looked away but the robin had gone. She really was on her own with him now. Gathering her thoughts, she said flatly, ‘Richard was the sort of man who should never have fathered children. He didn’t like them. It was as simple as that. He had no time for little ones, none at all.’
‘Not even his own?’
If she hadn’t been so tense she would have smiled at the incredulity in his voice. ‘Not really. We knew each other for such a short time before we got married, just twelve weeks or so.’ Stupid. Very stupid. ‘He was … different afterwards, but by the time I was beginning to think we’d made a mistake I found out I was expecting a baby. Two, as it happens.’ She gave a wan smile but his dark face was still in the lengthening shadows. ‘I’d had a stomach upset on honeymoon. They said it had probably interfered with the pill. Richard wanted me to have an abortion and we rowed terribly when I refused.’
She shifted slightly in her chair, wondering why she was telling this to Steel Landry, of all people. ‘I’d always thought my going through with having the babies had made our marriage the way it was, blamed myself for it, I suppose, although I would never have considered doing anything else but what I did. Of course I knew nothing about the gambling, this whole other life he lived. Whether I could have helped him if I’d found out, I don’t know.’
‘Not if he didn’t want to be helped,’ Steel said quietly. ‘The first step in conquering any form of addiction has to be a desire to be rid of it.’
She nodded. ‘I suppose so.’
‘I know so.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘My father was an alcoholic, on and off the wagon once or twice a year. Most of the time he was a good husband and father, but when he was on a bender …’ He shook his head. ‘But my mother loved him. He’d been on the wagon for months before they went out one night with friends to celebrate their twentieth wedding anniversary. He started drinking that night and although he wasn’t falling-over drunk when he left the pub he was on his way. Apparently, according to one of their friends, my mother wanted to drive but he wouldn’t let her. He changed when he was drunk and she wasn’t strong enough with him so she gave in. He killed himself and my mother and a young couple with a four-month-old baby in the crash that followed.’
‘Steel …’ Even in the darkness she sensed his pain.
‘If my mother had phoned me I would have gone and picked them up, she knew that. I’d just bought my first old jalopy.’ He stopped abruptly and she felt rather than saw him take control. When he next spoke his voice was flat, cool. ‘He liked it too much to want to be rid of it, that was the thing. Just like your ex. When the need was there it didn’t matter about anything or anyone. An addiction does that. It’s evil.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.
‘It was a long time ago. I’m merely illustrating the truth that you couldn’t have helped Richard unless he was willing.’
It might have been a long time ago but he was still hurting. Toni leant forward but the words she’d been about to say were never voiced. Instead her mother bustled out of the house, her father following with the tray of coffee, and the moment was lost.
It was only ten minutes or so later that her parents said they were going to bed and took their leave of Steel. ‘We find it’s early to bed and early to rise since the twins came,’ Vivienne said with a smile. ‘It’s been a long time since Toni was small and I’d forgotten what energy little children have.’
Steel had stood up to shake their hands. Now he watched them go and resumed his seat as he said, ‘I must let you get to bed too. I’ll finish my coffee and make tracks, OK?’
Toni nodded but made no comment. It hadn’t escaped her notice that for the last ten minutes or so Steel had concentrated on talking to her parents and had barely glanced her way. To all intents and purposes nothing had changed since he’d divulged the facts about his father, but she could sense a definite coolness where there’d been warmth before. It shouldn’t matter but it did. He clearly regretted talking to her. Maybe he thought she would gossip? She wondered how she could reassure him without bringing up a subject he clearly didn’t want to discuss any more.
Looking at her, Steel knew exactly what she was thinking. Her face was very expressive, the exact opposite of most of the cool, elegant, superbly controlled women he liked to date. She was the exact opposite. And therein lay his problem. He had no concerns she would discuss his father with anyone; it was more the fact he had found himself revealing what had happened that had panicked him. He’d never talked about the incident that had shattered his family and left himself and Annie orphans, not even to well-meaning family and friends, and certainly not to the lady from social services who had tried to press him to come to counselling at the time of the accident.
Somewhere in the distance a dog barked, the sound intruding into the sheltered little garden where only the low hum of distant traffic served as a background to the scented night. He drained his coffee cup and stood up, feeling the need to distance himself from her and take stock. For the first time in his life he felt as though his feet were on shifting sand and he didn’t like that; he didn’t like it at all. All the circumstances surrounding her were wrong and he’d known the moment he’d agreed to the mother’s bidding to come into the house he was treading on dangerous ground, so why the hell had he done it? Why had he followed the desire to meet her family, her children, and why had he shamelessly played on the mother’s soft heart to wangle a dinner invitation?
This wasn’t like him. Dammit, he didn’t feel like himself. He was autonomous and independent; he didn’t do happy families in any shape or form. Everything in his life was on his terms and that was the way he liked it. And why the hell was he brooding over this right now anyway?
Toni had risen too, and as he walked round the little table she was saying something or other about how pleased she was she’d been to the site today and what a lot of ideas it had given her, but that was on the perimeter of his mind. He knew exactly what he was going to do. There could be no excuse afterwards about it being an impulse; he was going to kiss her because he wanted to. It was as simple as that. Simple, and hideously complicated.
His gaze fell to her mouth as he took her into his arms before she realised what he was doing. Her lips parted as she tried to speak, and he felt heat like liquid fire racing through his body as he took her mouth. She smelled as sweet as the night and was as warm, her hands resting against his chest as he let the kiss deepen slightly, shamelessly testing the water.
He had told himself that a kiss, a swift goodnight kiss at the end of an evening, could be explained away as s
ocial politeness, but now she was in his arms he knew he’d been fooling himself. He couldn’t draw away. He deepened the kiss still more, his tongue rippling along her teeth until she opened fully for him, and as she kissed him back it sent his senses reeling.
Her hands had risen to his shoulders and now the delectable length of her body was pressed against his. As his fingers tangled in the raw silk of her hair she arched towards him with a little involuntary moan that destroyed the last of his shaky control. She was delicious, intoxicating.
He placed a hand in the small of her back to steady her as he plunged into the undefended territory of her mouth, fuelling and feeding on the fierce rush of sensation the feel and taste of her was producing in every inch of his body.
He wanted her, right now, on the stone slabs under the stars. He wanted to make love to her in this velvet darkness until there was no room in her mind for anyone or anything but him. He wanted to possess her completely, to make her his.
Her tongue had joined in the blistering exploration, stroking the rough inside of his mouth and provoking such heat he felt he was burning up, that only one thing would quench the agony. The kiss was now a kind of consummation in itself and his thighs were hard against hers, his heart pounding like a sledgehammer. He moved, pressing her against the wall of the house, but in the next moment his mobile phone began to ring, shrill and painfully persistent as it destroyed the magic.
He felt her freeze. He was breathing hard as he straightened away from her and he swore softly as his fingers fumbled for the phone, which he turned off without looking at it.
Toni had her hands to her cheeks and when she reached out blindly behind her, searching for the handle of the back door, he made no attempt to stop her as she turned and entered the house.
Steel stood for a moment, running a hand round the back of his neck and wondering what the hell had just happened. He was stunned by the raw desire that had hit him so suddenly and provoked such a powerful chain reaction. What had begun as a goodnight kiss had exploded into something outside his imagination; a seduction of mind, soul and body. But who, he asked himself, had been seducing whom?
And then he shook his head at himself, remembering the look on Toni’s face when she had edged into the house. She had been mortified. Damn it all, how could he have been so stupid? She worked for him, for crying out loud, and he’d just broken every rule in the book.
Did she think he was in the habit of forcing himself upon the women who worked for him? He groaned softly, raking back his hair with a savage hand. Hell, what a mess. How could they work together after this? And she needed the job; there were the debts for a start, and if she was going to make a new life for herself and her girls it was imperative she earnt a good monthly salary. This place was far too small for them all now; as the twins grew it would get worse. Why hadn’t he thought of this before he’d kissed her? She’d made it clear she didn’t want a man around and what had he done? Bulldozed in like some callow youth who kept his brain in his trousers.
OK, OK, calm down. He breathed deeply, summoning the control that had always served him well in the past. When all was said and done he’d done no more than kiss her. It had been stupid and unprofessional but if he made it clear it wouldn’t happen again this whole episode stood the chance of dying a natural death.
He knew what he was dealing with now. For some reason he couldn’t fully trust himself around Toni and so he wouldn’t put himself in such a position again. He’d treat her the same as his other employees and nothing more. From her side she’d been to hell and back the last few years and it was obvious she hadn’t been on good terms with her husband for a long time. Tonight there’d been the moonlight and the wine and the euphoria of knowing she had the chance of getting her life back on some even footing again. He’d caught her at a vulnerable moment and she’d responded without thinking about it. It was just unfortunate that they were clearly sexually well matched.
The cold reasoning and logic were helping. Toni George was just an employee. An employee who was damn good at her job, admittedly, and for that reason he didn’t want to lose her. That being the case, he had to make this all right, take all the blame and reassure her he wouldn’t lay a finger on her in the future.
Could he make that promise, though?
The thought came out of nowhere and caused his mouth to set in a grim line. He’d have to. End of story.
Toni was waiting for him in the kitchen when Steel walked into the house. If she could have sunk through the floor and disappeared she would have done so; she had never felt so ashamed of herself in the whole of her life. He had kissed her—a ‘thank you’ for the meal and the evening—and what had she done? Practically eaten him. She clenched her teeth against the humiliating memory. He had been surprised, she knew he had, in the moment before he’d responded to her blatant invitation. And what man wouldn’t? Lay it on a plate for any red-blooded single man—and some who weren’t single, come to it—and they’d be up for it. It was the way men were made. Sex to them was like eating and drinking and as elemental as breathing, but without the emotional element necessary to most women.
She could hardly believe she’d reacted in such a way; it had never been like that with Richard or any of her boyfriends before him. Some of them had kissed well and some not so well, but Steel … Her traitorous senses were still tasting him, the feel of his mouth, warm and urgent against hers, his kiss hinting at pleasures and passion she’d never imagined in her wildest, most erotic dreams since she had met him.
She stared at him, utterly bereft and not knowing what to say or do, her cheeks burning hot and her hands icy cold.
‘That was inexcusable,’ he said quietly.
For an awful moment she thought he was talking about her behaviour and her heart stopped beating.
‘I want you to know it won’t happen again, Toni. You have my word. My only defence is that I didn’t expect to lose control in that way, but once I held you in my arms …’ He hesitated. ‘Somehow a desire stronger and more compelling than I’ve ever known took over, but it’s no excuse. Merely an explanation.’
‘It—it wasn’t your fault,’ she stammered helplessly. ‘I shouldn’t have—I mean—’
‘It was totally my fault.’
His voice was strained and she took a little comfort from it; she wouldn’t have been able to bear it if he’d been blasé about the most devastating experience of her life. And it had been. She’d made love with Richard, she’d had his children and then tried to make the marriage work by being accommodating in bed and trying to please him, but never had she felt anything akin to the sweeping passion and desire that had taken her over tonight. And all he’d done was kiss her. What would it be like to make love with him? To spend a night of endless pleasure in his arms?
He was still standing just inside the doorway and his voice was low as he repeated, ‘Totally my fault, I know that, but the bottom line is you have my assurance this won’t be repeated. I don’t want to lose you, Toni. You’re a damn good interior designer and with the plans I have for the future you could go far. I’d hate to think that my stupidity would interfere with that. We will need to work closely together at various times; will you be able to do that after my assurance that this mistake was a one-off?’
Mistake. The word hit her between the eyes, producing a piercing shaft of pain before she told herself that of course that was what it had been. A mistake. One he regretted as much as she did. And that was fine. Just fine. Suddenly, for the first time since he had kissed her, anger was there. It provided a healthy dose of adrenaline that put iron in her backbone and acid on her tongue. ‘Of course,’ she said coolly, wishing she hadn’t run from him outside like a scared rabbit. ‘It was nothing, after all, just one of those things that happens sometimes when the atmosphere’s right and one’s had a glass or two of wine after a hard day’s work.’
The silver eyes surveyed her steadily but a muscle jumped in his jaw, the only thing that indicated he hadn’t liked he
r tone. ‘Not to me, it doesn’t, and I’d like you to know I don’t make a habit of mixing work and play. This was a first.’
Did he expect her to be honoured? she thought waspily. She nodded tightly. ‘It’s already in the past.’
‘Thank you.’
‘I’ll see you to the door,’ she said quietly, her voice completely neutral and screamingly at odds with the turmoil inside.
She stood aside for him to pass her after she had opened the front door, vitally aware of every handsome muscled inch of him as he brushed past her and stepped down onto the pavement. He didn’t immediately walk to the car, looking at her with glittering silver eyes for a moment. ‘Thank your mother again for the meal, would you? You have a lovely family.’
Now she wanted to cry, which was unthinkable. Speech was beyond her so she moved her mouth in a smile as she nodded.
He studied her for a second more, the lean, strong face imperturbable. ‘Goodnight, Toni,’ he said, very softly, before turning away.
CHAPTER SIX
‘YOU COULD HAVE him for sexual harassment. From the sound of it he wouldn’t miss a million or two and you need it more than he does. Hit him where it hurts, in his wallet.’
Toni stared at her best friend; she wasn’t sure if Poppy was joking or not. Very happily married with three children under the age of five, Poppy was the typical earth mother: plump and rounded with a natural prettiness that owned nothing to cosmetics and all to good organic living. She also possessed a wicked sense of humour, which had been the thing that had drawn the two girls into a close friendship when they had met at antenatal classes. As luck would have it Poppy lived quite close to Toni’s mother and Poppy’s eldest child and the twins were due to start the same school in September. Poppy had already offered to help out, taking the twins to and from school any time Toni’s mother couldn’t, and although that wasn’t necessary Toni appreciated the offer.
