I needed flames.
“Close your eyes!” I commanded, and to my relief, Jules obeyed. Her free hand shot up and guarded her face just as I unleashed the eternal embers inside of me with a scream.
Memories flooded back as I touched that blue-hot flame within me. Each one seared my mind like a blade. I’d only known loneliness and frustration all my life—until I’d met Tyler. I was over a hundred years old, but the memories that slammed into me felt as if they came from someone else. Someone sad, pathetic, and weak.
I could have fought Freya, but I’d accepted my punishment with the selfish desire to see Will again, and the stubborn vigilance that I could regain my memories on my own. What a fool I’d been. I’d almost taken Will’s life because I didn’t know who I was. I should have fought back and claimed my right as an Immortal with my own rules and my own mind.
Screw the last of the Valkyrie. They didn’t apply to me.
Something snapped in me at that fierce realization. I’d claimed to stand against Freya, but I’d never meant it with the ferocity that I held now.
A deep roar sounded from my throat, but it wasn’t from me. The beast to which I was connected echoed through time and space to announce its presence. I allowed it its moment of triumph. It sensed my rebellion to the gods and to anything or anyone who would stand in my way, but it believed that was its opportunity to use me. I would let it think me weak and malleable. I would use this power for myself and free the bonds that suppressed my sisters. No longer would Immortals like Odin push poor souls like Will into service, forcing them to fight for their very lives or else be used as a power source to create the Valkyries. This wasn’t the way things were meant to be. This was an injustice that needed to be righted. Valkyries were made for that purpose, but the deep irony that they were borne out of such injustice made a humorless chuckle rumble in my throat.
The Huldra stilled at the sound, recognizing me as a greater threat than I’d been a moment before. I was glad they couldn’t see I was close to losing consciousness. Black dots sprinkled over my vision as memories continued to pummel into me as if I’d open the gates to my mind and I was drowning under the ocean of my past.
The otherworldly beast sent tingles up and down my arms, wanting to control me like a puppet while I was distracted. I allowed its efforts to keep me upright. My necklace burned with warning, a scalding ember barely able to keep the shadow away. I shamelessly used my mother’s power to keep a monster from controlling my body and mind.
I should have been terrified, but an immovable confidence wound through me that said my mind would stay my own, just as it always had through everything I’d been through. I had too much love there for a shadow to understand. It couldn’t touch those parts of my mind which were the same parts my mother feared. She shouldn’t be afraid of the power of love. It’s what kept me safe in the face of the destruction of the universe… in the face of Ragnarök.
Even though embers burned my heart, my fingers frosted over with ice and Jules finally found the strength to detach herself from me. She was my only foothold in the Huldra’s nest. An invisible force knocked the wind out of my chest and the trees blurred as I catapulted backwards. I soon lost sight of Jules and the watching Huldra that glowed with an array of green. The blue light followed me out.
The glow, I realized, emanated from my chest and was a reminder of the power I held within myself now. I hadn’t taken everything, but I’d taken enough from the collection of Yggdrasil sap to unlock my memories.
I let darkness close around me as I was tossed out onto the street. When I fluttered my eyes closed, a touch grazed my shoulder. I didn’t have to look up to know that both Tyler and Will were here for me. They’d sensed my break.
One of them picked me up, and I didn’t care who it was.
I knew I was safe.
Ragnarök's Touch
When I woke up in my own bed, a headache thundered through my skull with such ferocity that I squeezed my eyes shut again. I gripped fingers through my hair and found the strength to squint one eye open, only to find Will curled up in a chair. I knew that someone would have watched over me during the night, but a part of me hoped I would awake to Tyler. He’d been with me for a hundred years and perhaps knew what to make of the mess I’d found myself in. Now that the intoxicating power had eroded into reality, I knew I’d made a mistake.
Asleep, Will was unable to maintain his mortal form. Soft ivory leather covered his body and for the first time, I noticed the silver roots that swept across his neck in the most vibrant tattoo I’d ever seen. That certainly hadn’t been there before. It reminded me of the branches of the World Tree from a memory so deeply rooted in my mind, I wasn’t sure if I could retrieve it even having broken Grimhildr’s bonds.
I wanted to reach out and touch his skin, but when I lifted my fingers, I drew in a deep breath. The black rune was visible now, a stark contrast to Will’s icon of life and purity. My mark was of Ragnarök itself.
I lowered my fingers to the bed and pulled aside the sheets. I was still in my clothes from last night, the guys probably too prude to change them for me. I laughed, both at their chivalry and in relief that my mark hadn’t spread to the rest of my body. My body was still my own… for now.
Unsure of what to do, I watched Will for a while. The slow rise and fall of his chest mesmerized me and I wondered how he could sleep so peacefully knowing that the threat of Ragnarök was just inches away. If I reached out, I could brush away the silver strands that fell over his eyes. Maybe he would wake up, but I was scared of how he was going to look at me. I wanted to peer into his innocent chestnut eyes, but he was losing that part of himself. In this form, I’d be met with the star-struck rainbow irises filled with crystal and Immortal power. I could almost imagine how he would look at me while intoxicated with his new life. William the mortal might view me as a victim or someone deserving of being saved. But William the Valiant? I only imagined disgust, fear… rejection.
The door creaked open, ending my debate to wake him, and his eyes flew open at the sound. He didn’t fulfill my fears. He didn’t even look at me. His gaze flew past me and zeroed in on the sound, every muscle in his body suddenly tense as veins stood out along his arms.
Tyler stepped inside, looking as if he hadn’t slept all night. His hair spiked on the ends and he gave Will a raised brow. “Calm down, lover boy. I sensed she was awake.” He glanced at me, his face completely unreadable as usual. For once, I was glad of it. If he hated what I was becoming, I didn’t have to see the judgment in his eyes. I kept my gaze on him, using him as a shield against the inevitable heartbreak I’d see in Will.
“And where have you been?” Will asked, his voice surprising me with its sharp anger.
Tyler narrowed his eyes. “Scouring the area for enemies.” He pointed at my hand. “The Mark of Ragnarök doesn’t show itself to the naked eye unless she was under dire threat. I don’t know what or who attacked her, but I intend to find out.” He frowned. “Not to mention, Jules is missing.” The full force of his gaze fell on me. “Now that you’re awake, perhaps you could tell us what happened?”
My fingers trembled and I clutched onto the sheets. Unexpected tears welled up in my eyes and I felt so pathetic. I’d been so strong the day before, but now that I was facing my protectors, they looked at me as if I were a victim. How could I tell them that I’d brought all of this on myself?
It was Will’s touch that brought me down from my rising panic. “Shh,” he said and his thumb stroked over my knuckles.
I finally found the courage to look at him. My chest tightened as I prepared myself for the brunt blow of his rejection. Instead, I found the ferocity of his protectiveness as his touch ran up my arm and squeezed. “Who did this to you?” he asked, his words encouraging.
I bit my lip, because I knew when he learned the truth, he wouldn’t want to protect me anymore. Yet, hiding in lies wasn’t the answer to this. “I found out who was taking the victims,” I said, my voice hoar
se and scratchy from sleep. “Dalia’s Huldra have been under siege by Baldr’s forces. He’s been making them sacrifice humans and gather their souls to create Yggdrasil sap.” I shivered. “All of it was in one place like a giant honeycomb. I…” my words halted and I forced myself to finish telling him the truth, “I pulled some of it into myself. I needed to become stronger. I…” My voice broke, because Will’s face had already begun to change. Horror streaked across his Immortal eyes.
“You… fed on souls?” His voice lowered with a dangerous edge as he pulled away, leaving me feeling alone and cold.
Tyler growled. “I can’t believe the Huldra are the culprits. That doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s what you’re focusing on?” Will asked incredulously. “Did you not hear what she just said?” He glanced at me as he leaned back. “That’s… how my mother became…”
My heart twisted at Will’s judgment. I wanted to say I was nothing like his mother, but Tyler defended me before I could. “I heard her just fine. You’re overreacting.”
Will scoffed and shot to his feet. He pointed at my hand in accusation. “So you’re not concerned at all about that? It didn’t materialize because she was in danger. It’s there to warn us that she’s about to fall off the edge. You’re really going to tell me you’re not worried?”
Tyler crossed his arms. “Nope.”
Will shook his head with disbelief. “I need some air,” he snapped, refusing to look at me as he slammed into Tyler’s shoulder on his way out.
Tyler righted himself as the door closed behind Will. He seemed unimpressed by Will’s freakout.
I’d fully expected Will’s reaction and my heart burned at his rejection, but Tyler’s calm demeanor completely baffled me. “Why aren’t you upset?” I asked. My voice was scratchy from sleep, but my throat tightened further with tears that threatened to overflow onto my cheeks. I’d been seduced by the power in the Huldra’s nest and now that I was free of it, I felt like I’d made the wrong choice.
Tyler released a long breath and settled onto the edge of the bed. He glanced at my hand. The black rune stretched across my knuckles and before I could hide it under the sheets, he reached out and laced his fingers with mine. “Because I’ve waited for this day for a long time,” he admitted.
My eyes went wide. Memories churned of what Tyler had been like from the beginning. The only reason he’d been on Muspelheim was to keep me from being seduced by the echoes of Ragnarök. It was his light that could keep the shadows at bay. He was a Valiant, and one of the most ancient and powerful of Odin’s forces. Having been a member of the House of Heimdall before his conversion, he knew the darkness better than anyone. Heimdall had gained her gifts from peering into secrets that weren’t meant to be uncovered. Her Sight was a gift of Ragnarök itself.
His eyes glittered as he recognized the way I looked at him—like someone who truly knew him. “You’re getting your memories back,” he observed. When I gave him a slight nod of confirmation, he retreated his touch, leaving me alone with the hunger that clawed inside of me.
Now I understood why Freya had tolerated any feelings I might have harbored for Tyler.
He was the only one who could save me from myself.
Tyler and I talked for the better part of an hour as he helped me to pluck new memories free from Grimhildr’s fragmented programming. My mind couldn’t handle regaining all my memories at once, so it compartmentalized them like a sea of locked boxes. Each one that I opened dosed me with a part of myself I’d lost.
Today, I opened boxes about Tyler, how he’d helped me, and how we’d become close over the years.
Valkyries aged much slower than humans. Our minds and bodies prepared ourselves for an Immortal life with the graceful aging Freya instilled into us. I’d feared what it would be like to regain a hundred years as a Valkyrie, if it would change me, but in so many ways I felt exactly the same… just more… complete.
As a hundred-year-old Valkyrie, my mental state wasn’t that far off from a sixteen-year-old human girl. I was still finding myself and learning what I wanted in life. That decision weighed heavy during the long years as an Immortal. Without the looming promise of death, it felt like anything I chose would be painfully permanent.
After Tyler had fallen into silence, my brain buzzing with the boxes I’d already opened, I wanted to focus on the present. The past hummed at me and I wasn’t sure I was ready to process all of it yet.
“Why hasn’t Will come back yet?” I glanced at the door. After learning what kind of connection Tyler and I had, I longed to know what it was that drew me to Will.
He shrugged. “According to you, Will’s always been a hothead.”
I blinked at him. “I talked to you about him?” I asked. “I mean… before?”
He nodded. “I was there when you went through your training and when you decided to reap Will.”
My spine went taut as I straightened. “You mean, when Freya decided?”
“No,” he said, the single word making my blood run cold. “That was your decision. You wanted to prove your mother wrong. You thought you were capable of becoming a true Valkyrie.”
I was never more glad to be wrong.
“Will cares about you more than he’ll admit,” Tyler continued. “He doesn’t want to see you falling for the same dark magic that took his mother.” His gaze fell to the mark on my hand. “It’s powerful. I can understand why some would want to use it.”
There were some boxes in my mind that lingered with the icy shadows of the House of Heimdall. Tyler wasn’t afraid of me because he knew that power for himself. Even if I couldn’t see it, the same mark that was on my hand wound over his entire body, only kept in check by his power as a Valiant. I wanted to ask how he’d gotten them… but didn’t dare risk unlocking those memories.
“When I was in the Huldra’s nest,” I said, my memories going back to the night before, “I felt like I knew everything.” Tyler leaned back as he listened to me. I felt like I could unleash any truth on him and it would still be okay. “I felt like I knew exactly what to do and that everyone else had been wrong.” I reached out to Tyler just as I had for so many years. He’d been a source of strength when the darkness had taken me and it was his light and understanding that had called me back. “We have to tell Dalia what’s going on,” I said. Her name was the only word that made him stiffen. “She needs to know that she’s breeding trouble by collecting Huldra,” I pressed. “It’s not protecting her territory at all. She’s inadvertently helping Baldr get stronger.”
I pulled at him, but he didn’t budge. “I know,” he said flatly.
I stared at him. “What do you mean… you know?”
He swallowed. “Why do you think I brought you here?”
A chill ran down my spine as I put it all together. “You wanted me to regain my memories,” I said, biting the words off with accusation. I wanted to be truthful with Tyler, but he’d been lying to me this whole time. I yanked away and he flinched. “Even though you knew I’d fall deeper into the echoes of Ragnarök, you brought me here anyway.” Anger stirred in my chest where hopelessness and fear had once been. A part of me felt better at having someone to blame, even if it was Tyler. “How selfish can you be? You’d risk Ragnarök just so I’d remember you?”
Pain cracked across his face with jagged lines and he reined in his emotions as fast as they’d appeared. “It’s no less selfish than what you did.”
I didn’t have to ask what he meant. The only reason I was here instead of being with him on Muspelheim was because I’d fallen in love with Will and abandoned Tyler and my Immortal life. I’d known that it would bring me closer to unleashing Ragnarök by pursuing a human… but I hadn’t cared.
I snarled. “Ever heard the phrase ‘Two wrongs don’t make a right?’”
Tyler glowered and then stood. “Do what you want,” he said, his words turning cold. He might as well have been a wall of steel for all the compassion he showed. “Now that you
know who you are, you can’t keep running away from me. I’ll be here when it all goes to shit and it’ll be me who puts you back together again, just like I always do.”
He left me alone and I wanted to scream. I yanked off the sheets and crawled out of bed. Heat burned my tongue and I knew there was only one way I was going to quench this rage.
I marched straight for Dalia’s restaurant and didn’t care that I left gleaming embers in my wake.
Don't Trust a Heimdall
One look at me and the restaurant’s security crossed their arms like immovable sentinels that guarded the front doors of Dalia’s fancy-schmancy restaurant. When I lifted my hand and showed my rune, one guard pressed a device on his ear and muttered something in Old Norse. I waited for the marbled response.
“She says to go through the back route,” he replied, shrugging when I glared at him. “We can’t let the guests see you like this. Bad for business.”
I had blood and dirt caked all over me. It wasn’t like I had time to stop for a shower when the end of the world was on the line.
Growling, I brushed past him and rounded the building, finding a blotchy red door on the other side.
I tested the knob and found the door unlocked. I jerked it up and yelped when I found Dalia staring right back at me, which was a startling image indeed with her golden grin and eerie blue-streaked irises. Now that I knew what the color blue meant... I was afraid of where she’d gotten her power.
“What a nice surprise,” Dalia said and ushered me inside. “Please, come in.”
Holding my chest, I stepped inside and the door closed behind me with a thud that reverberated through my body. I glanced at it, not wishing to test it to see if the dusty back of a restaurant was still what I’d find on the other side. Magic hummed, telling me that Dalia had already moved us to someplace new.
Valkyrie Rebellion: Valkyrie Allegiance Book 2 Page 13
