God was good. He’d brought her father back into her life and given her this wonderful evening full of love, light and joy.
“Morgan, there’s something I need to discuss with you.” All the joy seemed to have vanished from her father’s face. His expression was somber. All of a sudden the mood changed from upbeat to serious.
“Sure thing. What is it? What’s wrong?” Suddenly she felt herself catapulted back to the moment she’d been told about the impending divorce of her parents. Inexplicably, she’d blamed herself. If she’d been better, smarter, more well-behaved then maybe they would have wanted to stay together.
“Did I do something?” she blurted out, wanting to kick herself for asking such a foolish question. She wasn’t ten years old anymore. She was an adult.
“Of course not. You’re a terrific young woman. Which brings me to the matter at hand. I didn’t just happen to be traveling through Savannah like I told you.”
“No?” Her stomach dipped and she felt a squeezing sensation low in her belly. Suddenly, she was waiting for whatever was going to come out of her father’s mouth. And some instinct told her it wasn’t going to be good.
She felt as if everything went hazy. His words sounded like she was hearing it in a wind tunnel. Blood rushed in her ears.
“Your sister Maribel. She has leukemia. That’s where you come in. God willing, you might be a match. If you get tested and if you’re a match, donating bone marrow could save her life.”
Maribel. She’d met her once, maybe twice in twelve years. She was a beautiful little girl with curly long hair and dimples. Sometimes Morgan forgot she even had a sister, that’s how infrequently she’d seen her.
Her father’s lips were still moving, but she could no longer hear his words. Bile rose up in her throat. She was going to be sick!
She stood up from the table, her jerky movements causing her water glass to tumble over. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered at this moment other than getting away from him as fast as possible. She’d dared to dream that this moment was about her. About making amends. About finally treating her as a beloved daughter. And it had been about nothing more than a means to an end—helping his real daughter.
She heard the hostess asking her if she felt all right, but she kept walking, pushing her way past the glass doors and out into the balmy night. She took deep breaths of the cool air, knowing she had to calm down before she got behind the wheel and drove home.
“Morgan! Stop! Please. Where are you going?” her father called out after her.
She ignored him, walking at a fast clip toward her car. Right as she reached it, she felt a strong grip on her arm. She whirled around, wrenching her arm away from him.
He held up his hands. “Please hear me out. This is far from ideal and I may have handled things badly, but the situation is critical.”
She glared at him, not trusting herself to speak. At this point, what did it matter? Words meant nothing to a man who had abandoned and neglected her for most of her life.
“Morgan, please say something. I’m begging you,” he pleaded.
“I’m mad at you!” she blurted out. “You’ve done nothing but disappoint me…wound me. Hurt me. If I stay here one more minute, I don’t know what I’ll do. I was willing to forgive everything when you showed up because I have this hole inside of me that I thought you could fill up. Instead, you only want to use me as a cure for my half-sister.”
His brown eyes—the same color as her own—flickered with emotion. “I understand, Morgan. I really do.”
“I’m not sure you do. You left me broken. You twisted me up so much inside that I don’t know how to feel about love.” She pummeled his chest with her fists. “I’m angry at you for walking away from us and barely being in my life.” Her breathing became choppy. “Where were you when I needed you? On my sixteenth birthday? When I didn’t get into my number one college choice? When I was so confused about my worthiness that I ended a relationship with the man I loved?”
“Morgan, I’ve messed up as a dad for most of your life. My marriage to your mother ended because I was too immature and selfish to stick around and make things work. I left you in the lurch. I was too ashamed to try and pick up the pieces. So I stayed away. And the longer I stayed gone, the harder it became to come back into your life. But my life has turned around. I don’t want to hurt you by saying this, but I’m a better father the second time around.”
Pain seared through her chest. She felt as if she was choking. “No! Why would I want to hear that? How can you be so cruel and insensitive?”
“I have God in my life now. He’s taught me so much about life and responsibility and love. Please listen to the message and not the messenger. Maribela is only twelve years old. She’s your sister and she needs you.” There was a pleading tone in his voice that gutted her.
“Like I needed you?” she choked out the question.
His shoulders slumped. “I was a terrible father to you. I was weak and selfish. Lord knows you deserved way better.”
“Yes I did,” she said through clenched teeth. “But I never got it. And now you come back here under false pretenses to save the daughter you clearly must love very much.”
He let out an agonized groan. “I love you too. You must believe that.” He reached for her hand and she shook him off.
“I don’t have to believe anything. You see, you’ve missed your chance to shape my beliefs and my opinions. You skipped out on me. Simply put, you weren’t there. I’m very sorry about Maribela’s illness. It’s terrible and it’s tragic. But you had no right to trick me into thinking this was about us. And frankly, I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” She let out a shaky laugh. “Mama tried to warn me that you wanted something from me, but I refused to believe that. I chose to hope. Silly me.”
Morgan turned on her heel and headed toward the driver’s side of her car. Although she could hear her father calling out to her in a plaintive voice, she didn’t turn back toward him. He’d broken her heart tonight into a million little pieces. Like a fool, she’d chosen to believe in him. She had cast all of the past behind her, only to be burned in the process. In a matter of minutes her heart had been sliced into ribbons. She roared out of the lot and drove home on auto pilot, feeling more numb than she could ever remember.
As soon as she let herself into the cottage her cell phone began buzzing. Morgan looked down at the display. It was Luke. She didn’t have the heart to answer it. Her mind was still buzzing with her father’s betrayal. Luke had tried to warn her but she’d been suffering from a blindness of sorts. All common sense had flown out the window once her father had showed up and put on his Prince Charming act.
Salty tears stained Morgan’s pillow as she drifted off to a fitful sleep. A few times she heard her cell phone ping and she knew Luke was messaging her. The depth of her pain scared her. She had just begun to believe in achieving a happily ever after for herself and Luke. Now, in light of her father’s cruel pretense, she wasn’t exactly sure what to believe in.
**
Luke sat in his office at Duvall Investments, gazing out the window and wondering why Morgan hadn’t called him back yet. He’d called her several times last night, sent her a few text messages and practically sent up smoke signals. He’d almost been tempted to take a drive over to Savannah House, but he didn’t want to pester her while she was working.
Tonight Morgan was supposed to be coming over to his parents’ house for dinner. Although he’d told his parents that he was bringing a very special lady along, they had no idea it was Morgan. Luke hoped they’d be thrilled. Matter of fact, he was counting on it. Hopefully it would blunt the trauma of him announcing to his father that he wanted to cut his hours down to part-time at Duvall in order to pursue singing opportunities.
He’d asked Callie and Jax to join them. His sister always seemed to have a way of calming down their father.
He picked up his office phone and called Morgan’s cell phone. On the second ring
she picked up.
“Hey, stranger. I’ve been trying to track you down since last night.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I have a lot on my mind. I-I don’t think I can make it tonight to dinner with your parents.”
“Why? Aren’t you feeling well? You sound a little funny. Like you’ve been crying.”
She let out a sob on the other end, confirming his suspicions. It sounded like she was trying to muffle it.
Panic shot through him. “Tell me what’s going on. I hear something in your voice that I don’t like. Tell me or I’m going to get in my car and drive like a maniac to get to you.”
“No, Luke. Please don’t. It’s a long story, but suffice it to say you were right about my father. He didn’t come back for me. He only wanted to use me.”
“Oh baby, I know that had to hurt something awful. I want to see you and make sure you’re okay. Let me come to you, all right?” He knew he’d break every speed limit known to man to get to her side.
“I don’t want to meet at Savannah House. There are too many prying eyes. Why don’t we meet up on the beach? By the lifeguard chair.”
“Done. Give me twenty-five minutes to get there, give or take a few.”
Before he could say goodbye, the line disconnected. Grabbing his keys and wallet from inside his desk, Luke reached the door of his office in a few short strides. He needed to get to Morgan and make sure she wasn’t falling apart at the seams. He clenched his fists, wishing he could track down Roderick Lucas and give him hell. Morgan being hurt brought out a protectiveness in him that made him want to exact vengeance, even though it wasn’t his way.
When he reached Savannah Beach he took off his socks and shoes before venturing out on the sand. The wind was in rare form today, whipping the sand around and giving him quite a lashing. In the distance he spotted Morgan. She was standing beside the lifeguard chair with her arms wrapped around her middle. She was staring off into the distance, her eyes locked on the churning ocean.
She turned toward him, a wistful smile on her face. Shadows rested under her eyes. “Thanks for coming.”
He reached out and pulled her to him in an embrace meant to give her comfort. After a few moments she pulled away, seeming to distance herself from him. He wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it, but it hadn’t seemed if Morgan had been hugging him back.
“What happened last night?” he asked, cutting to the chase. He could see the pain in Morgan’s eyes and he knew a part of her had shut down.
She looked back toward the water. “We went to dinner and everything was absolutely perfect until he asked me to donate bone marrow to my half-sister.” Morgan’s voice didn’t even sound like her own. It sounded hollow. “He wanted to save his daughter, which is commendable. But he tricked me in the process. He made me think that he cared about me, that he wanted to make things right between us.”
“I’m so sorry he hurt you. So very sorry. But don’t let this make you jaded or bitter. Don’t let him change who you are at your core.”
“I’m trying, Luke. But this rubbed at an unhealed scar. It reached deep down inside me and yanked at my heartstrings.”
“I love you, Morgan. And I want to help you through this. Whatever you need. I’m here for you. I think it would be good for you to come to dinner tonight. It would be the two of us moving forward as a couple. It would be good for you to focus on something else rather than your disastrous evening with your father.”
“I’m sorry, Luke.” She shook her head. “My heart just isn’t in it.”
Frustration threatened to choke him. Suddenly he felt as if he was back at square one with Morgan. He was still pushing and prodding and trying to get her to step out on the limb of faith. And now, he had the feeling she was talking about more than dinner. Was her heart not in their relationship? Was she straddling the fence once again? She loves me, she loves me not.
“So, do I have your heart?” Luke asked, locking gazes with Morgan.
Surprise registered on her face. “Luke, you know how I feel about you.”
“Do I?” he asked. “Because as many times as I’ve told you that I loved you, you’ve never said it once back to me. Why is that?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m not good at saying how I feel.”
“Do you love me? It’s a pretty simple question.”
Morgan’s eyes went wide. She resembled a deer caught in the headlights. “I-I…please don’t put me on the spot like this. Not now. Not when all of my hurts are resting right on the surface.”
Her hurts? She wasn’t the only one who’d been hurting. He loved this woman more than he could every convey in words. He’d stood by her, encouraged her, courted her, uplifted her…and yet she was still unable to reciprocate his feelings of love. And he sensed that her father’s actions had caused her to question everything in her life. She was still uncertain. She wasn’t ready to walk out on faith and believe in his love. And without that, they truly had nothing. A relationship was only as strong as its foundation—the two people who’d laid the brick and mortar.
“For me, life is too short to not embrace love. To not chase it down.” He clenched his teeth as emotion began to overwhelm him. “I can’t help but try and reach for the brass ring. And I thought that’s what you wanted too, Morgan. If there’s anything I’ve learned from Rachel’s death, it’s to reach for the things I want in this life. Tomorrow isn’t promised.” He reached out and traced her lips with his fingertip. “I reached out for you. I’ve let you know in a hundred different ways how much I love and adore you.”
“I know, Luke. You’ve been wonderful. I just need some time to think, to process what happened with my father.”
“You’re backing away from this, aren’t you? It’s written all over your face. I can hear it in your voice.”
“No, I’m not. I still care about you Luke, but I just feel so uncertain about everything.”
“I don’t understand that. Your father hasn’t been in your life for years. And yes, I know what he did was hurtful, but it has nothing to do with the two of us.”
“I’m sorry for disappointing you,” she said in a small voice.
“It’s more than mere disappointment. We’ve been dancing around this for years! Years of both of our lives. Morgan, you know me. You know what kind of man I am. What else do you need? I don’t want to be collateral damage for the sins of the father. I can’t carry that load!”
“You shouldn’t have to. I’m releasing you from that obligation.” Tears slid down Morgan’s face, and although his first instinct was to comfort her, he knew it would be a pointless gesture. They were at an impasse. They were over. And there might not be a way to come back from this. If Morgan had reached out to him and told him she loved him, he would have knelt at her feet and asked her to marry him on the spot. But she was stuck. Chained to the past and the pain that had been inflicted on her by her father. She was afraid to reach out for his love, scared that he might break her heart or abandon her or twist her up in knots.
And he never would have. Not in a million years. But Morgan still didn’t trust in that. She still didn’t believe. He wasn’t sure she ever would.
As Luke walked back across the beach and toward his car, he felt the aching sensation of his heart breaking all over again. Strangely enough, it felt just as devastating as the first time.
**
Morgan walked back across the beach to Savannah House. Through a haze of tears she watched as Luke drove out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. She didn’t blame him for being angry. Feelings of unworthiness crept over her. What kind of woman couldn’t accept the love of a man like Luke? As if on auto-pilot, she entered the kitchen and began going over her menu for the following day. It felt strange to be doing something so mundane when her heart had shattered beyond repair. She caught Henry staring at her a few times with a puzzled expression on his face. Perhaps, she thought, he recognized the look of heartbreak etched on her face.
By
the time her shift was over, a numb feeling had taken over her. In a quiet moment she’d told Fancy everything and been consoled by her friend. She didn’t want to tell Callie just yet, although she knew Fancy might reveal all to her later on.
All afternoon Morgan had smiled and nodded, laughed at jokes and dished out gingersnaps and raspberry lemonade for the afternoon snack. She’d put a brave face on, never letting anyone other than Fancy see her pain. And it had taken a toll on her. Once she got behind the wheel she began to sob and pound her fists against the steering wheel.
Luke! Oh how she ached to be with him, to kiss him and tell him what a fool she’d been. She’d hurt him again. But this time around she’d really tried to be different. And when they’d been standing on the beach everything had happened so fast. Luke had put pressure on her and she’d failed the test. She had lost the love of her life.
When she drove past her mother’s house on her way to the cottage, she spotted her mother outside with her mini poodle, Daisy. Once she parked her car, her mother called out to her and beat a fast path to her side.
“How was your dinner last night?” her mother asked.
Morgan’s lips began to tremble. “Not good. You were right. So I’m guessing I’m about to hear a million I-told-you-sos.”
She turned toward the cottage and ran to the front door, opening it up with her house keys and pushing her way in. She sank down onto her sofa and put her head in her hands. Morgan could barely contain her sobs. Her shoulders heaved with the effort.
She felt her mother’s presence at her side just as Pearl reached out and caressed her shoulder. “Morgan. Baby, what’s happened?”
Slowly she raised her head and met her mother’s keen eyes. She opened her mouth and blurted out every detail about her disastrous dinner with her father, his request for a bone marrow test and her sudden breakup with Luke.
Pearl muttered under her breath. “Roderick came back like a bad penny and stirred up a hornet’s nest. I’m so sorry he caused you so much pain.” Pearl wrung her hands, a fretful look etched on her warm brown skin.
For Love Alone (Secrets of Savannah Book 4) Page 13
