The day dragged by and she faded in and out. She got up from the couch once because she had no choice. When she finished what she had to do she grabbed the half bottle of wine from the refrigerator and collapsed back onto the couch.
It had grown darker outside, but she could tell the sun wasn’t completely set. Remembering how she used to watch it with Chris and Tonya brought a fresh set of tears. After a moment, she collected herself and decided to go watch it, alone. On her way to the porch, she turned the radio on. She wanted to ease her mind some more by listening to some music as she drank and enjoyed the beauty of the sunset.
Immediately, once she was sitting in the wicker chair, her tired and bloodshot eyes were amazed by the beauty in front of her. Even though her soul was in pain, her eyes took it all in, one millisecond at a time. During the time she gazed upon the brilliant colors a miraculous thing happened. She began to feel comforted. It was almost as if God Himself had laid His hand upon her and eased her pain. Her shoulders relaxed and her breathing was calmer. She set the bottle of wine on the table next to her and forgot about it.
She could smell the salt in the ocean breeze and took a deep breath. Her soul was comforted by the fragrance of it. Her eyes scanned the brilliance that God painted for humanity across the vast sky and she loved the colors He created.
Oranges of several shades were mixed in with some touches of yellows. Nearer the base of the horizon she could see some slight tinges of red trying to make their mark. Closer to the stars the colors grew darker as night was taking over, blues and greys and black mingled together. She thought she had never seen anything quite as lovely as the sunset she was witnessing. So many different shades and it amazed her. She smiled for the first time in weeks. Maybe even months.
Time stood still as she was on the porch. She suddenly thought about God and felt more emotion pry itself into her already exhausted mind and body. She didn’t want to close her eyes for fear of missing any of the beauty before her, but her eyes closed on their own. She knew as always, He was there with her. She could feel God’s presence right beside her, comforting her and giving her strength. He knew her pain and her sufferings. He knew how weak she was and that she needed Him as much as ever. As always, He was there.
The bottle of wine had been forgotten about. Sam leaned forward and placed her arms on her knees and her worn face into the palms of her hands. She still hurt. She still mourned. But not quite as miserably as earlier, and she wanted nothing more than to talk to the only one who had never failed her, even during the times she was unsure.
“God, thank you so much for being here for me! Thank You my Lord and Savior for knowing my pain! Please, forgive me for being so weak and not turning to You the way I know I should and need to. I’m so sorry. I feel like You painted the sky for me tonight. It’s so beautiful! Thank You. As You have always been, even when I was angry, You are here with me again. You know when I am in need of Your grace and love and You never fail me. I am so grateful. I love You, Lord Jesus with all that I am. Please, help me get through this. Please, give me the strength and courage and comfort I need to get through Tonya not being here anymore. Please, help her family and loved ones, too, Lord. I know they are hurting as much as I am. I know she is up there with You. She is an angel forever now. One day I will see her again. Tell her I miss her, please. Amen.”
Opening her eyes, she felt an immense amount of comfort flow through her. She lifted her face toward the darkening sky and gazed upward. Her smile widened and her hand covered her heart. For the first time since Tonya’s cancer returned, she felt some peace within. Tears flowed freely from her tired eyes and she didn’t wipe them away. She let them fall because those tears weren’t filled with pain. They were filled with God’s love.
Her process of healing began again. She knew it would take time, but with God and whatever angels He blessed her with, she knew she would be okay. She was always okay with God. He never once failed her, but she had failed Him. She decided to work on that. She decided to talk with Him more and read her Bible daily. When Sunday arrived, she would go and worship Him. Yes, she thought to herself, she would be okay.
“Praise God,” she whispered as she left the bottle of wine sitting, untouched.
***
Marion
If an angel could cry, Marion would.
She sat beside Sam as she watched the sunset. She watched her facial expressions change numerous times. She saw warm tears escape and roll down her cheeks and she watched her talk to the Father. The poor child had to deal with more heartache than she should ever have to. First her health, then losing her husband, and now her best friend passing away. Marion’s heart ached for Sam.
Marion was thankful she was chosen to be the one to be with Sam through her trials. She had seen how strong Sam was even when most of that time she didn’t feel it or even wanted to be. For a long time, Marion wasn’t sure what her job was supposed to be with Sam, but she figured it out. God allowed her to conclude that she was there to provide comfort and strength and that’s what she had been doing.
She had seen many other angels have more difficult cases and unfortunately, some weren’t successful. She believed Sam was a success and would continue to be so. There had been much prayer and there would always have to be, but prayers were the best tool and the most powerful. She wished more people would use prayer more diligently and for better things than who they want to win the World Series or the Super Bowl.
Marion had a lot to be excited about because God informed her of part of the plan for Sam. She had a bright future ahead and it was going to include someone very special to her heart in a way that she had been struggling with. Marion would be by her side through the entire thing. She only hoped Sam would be able to open her mind to the possibilities. She prayed Sam would open her heart to the love that awaited her.
Chapter Eight
Junior
Junior sat in his recliner and pondered. Thoughts about Florida ricocheted around in his head like a pellet in a steel barrel. Most importantly, thoughts about Sam, who remained hundreds of miles away from him. He knew she was hurting and more than likely feeling alone because of Tonya’s death. He had sent her three emails and left two voicemails which had been ignored. He was confused and hurt, but he still missed her.
He decided he wasn’t going to bother her any more, at least not for a while. It had been two weeks since the funeral. He figured if she needed him or wanted to talk she knew how to get in touch with him. He had made his move; now it was her turn to contact him if she so desired. He didn’t think she did.
A lot had been on his mind lately, which wasn’t anything unusual. It seemed so much had changed in his life since his best friend died. Sam moving to Florida was the next major thing after that, of course, but there was more to it. Something had been aching inside him to search for something more. Something had been missing and he didn’t realize that until lately. He guessed it could be possible that Sam not wanting to love him was a good thing, in a way. It was possible someone upstairs was trying to get his attention. It was possible someone was telling him he needed to make some changes within himself before a woman could love him. It was possible.
He had joined a gym months ago and worked out on a regular schedule. He had even cut out most sugars and saturated fatty foods. Physically, he’d never felt better. It wasn’t that though. He knew that. It was in his head. His heart. He thought about it and began to think it could be his soul.
He thought about Sam and how devoted a Christian she was. Through all the things she had to struggle with, it wasn’t people alone who helped her get through those things. It was God. Junior had always believed, so what was his problem? Was it because he was worried what people would think of him? He’d never really had that problem before.
Shaking his head, he thought about going to the gym. They would be open until midnight so he could get an hour in. Before he walked out the door he had a strong impulse to check his email. He grabbed his keys and wal
let and started for the door, but the urge was strong.
“Wow, this has never happened before.”
He went to the table and opened his laptop. He was on earlier and there wasn’t anything there other than the usual junk mail and the few emails from Sam. But he hadn’t gotten one from her in weeks. He logged on and saw he had two from job searches and one from Sam. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t bother with the other two. He clicked on hers and sat back, anxious to read what she had written.
Dear Junior,
I know it’s been too long since we have written or talked. I’m sorry about that. I guess you know how I get when I’m hurting. Not that it’s the right way to be. I will try to work on it. How are you? I hope you are doing well since you have been home. I’m sorry if this is the sort of beating around the bush thing that neither of us like. I’ll just be honest. I’ve been thinking about you. I miss you.
His heart picked up its pace, a smile spread across his face, and he continued reading.
This might sound a little, I don’t know, like something a teenager would say, but have you been thinking about me?
“All the time!”
I don’t know what’s going on with me. I know I have told you before and I told you something along these lines when you were down here, but you and I are friends and I’m confused. I’m confused because I’m scared to let my heart go to someone else again. I’m scared of being hurt again. I lost Chris and now Tonya is gone. Honestly, even though I have made some friends since I’ve been down here, you are the only one true friend I have left, and part of me thinks it’s kind of a weird feeling to be having these thoughts and feelings about each other. Does that make sense? Probably not.
When you were here on your vacation we didn’t get to have any real time to enjoy you being here. I think even with certain feelings going on, we still would have had a good time. I did enjoy you being here. I hope you know that. I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this part, lol, but there were some times when I thought about you as more than a friend. When I wanted you to hold me. I haven’t forgotten about the kiss in my apartment. I doubt I will ever forget that. I guess it had more of an effect on me than I have wanted to admit, but it did.
When Tonya came over that night and told us the horrible news about her cancer, naturally it took away everything else, but in a way, it made me need you more. I didn’t know how to tell you.
The most important thing I need to tell you, Junior, is I don’t know if anything can or will happen between us. Again, I’m scared, but I want and need to live for God and I don’t know if you feel the same way as I do about that. If I ever take the chance of loving again, with any man, he must feel the same as I do. Like I said, I don’t know if anything more than friendship will ever happen, but if not at least we will always have that. I miss you.
Love,
Sam
P.S. I hope this doesn’t confuse you xo
He sat there staring at her email for fifteen minutes. He read it several times, trying to make sense of it.
She hoped it didn’t confuse him?
He was more confused than ever. Should he reply? What would he say? He shook his head and with a grim face he shut the laptop off. Grabbing his keys and wallet he headed out the door. A workout was exactly what he needed, and a long one if he had time before they closed.
***
Sam
Sam knelt on the floor at her bed. Her eyes were closed and her head was lying in her hands. Normally, she prayed in bed after her face was in her pillow and comfortable, but she felt she needed to start getting in the habit of kneeling. It was something that had been pulling on her heart. She felt it made it more authentic and everything about her wanted to be real with God.
“God, before I go to bed tonight I want to thank You for helping me get through my day. Thank You for giving me some comfort. I really needed it. Of course, You already know everything I need, and I know it’s going to take time. I wrote Junior an email tonight. I hope it was something that You would want me to do. I felt like it was. I told him how I feel and how I am confused and everything. Please, when he reads it, if he hasn’t already, make him understand. Please don’t let it hurt him. I do love him as a friend and I care deeply for him. You already know what is in my heart and what is right for me. I only think I do, but I don’t know if I am ready for love. I don’t think I am, Lord. I’m so confused and I’m sure I sound like it. Whatever it is that You think I should do, please guide me and let me know. I would appreciate that. If You let me know somehow what I’m supposed to do, I will do my best to do it. Even if it’s taking that chance I don’t think I’m ready for. In Your name, I pray, amen.”
Sam got off her knees and slid between the covers. Part of her felt comforted by what she wrote to Junior. Part of her was scared of what might happen. She had told God she would do whatever He told her to do, even if it meant taking another chance with her heart. With love. That terrified her. She wasn’t ready, but she didn’t want to keep being confused. She didn’t want to lose Junior’s friendship either. It was so frustrating.
She hit her pillows and grunted, “Sleep! I need to stop thinking and go to sleep.”
Chapter Nine
“Are you still taking your medicines the way I prescribed them?” her doctor asked her.
“Yes, sir.”
Sam sat in the chair in her doctor’s office for her regular checkup. She saw him every three months, and because of the stress she had been under he was worried about her.
“And you are eating healthy? Low sodium? Low saturated fats? More fruits and vegetables?”
Smiling at him, Sam replied, “Yes, sir. I’m doing everything you told me to do.”
“Even when you were dealing with the death of your friend? I know how hard that had to be on you and I’m concerned about how it would be on your heart.”
Sam wasn’t smiling any more when he mentioned that. She wasn’t surprised though. She had to be honest with him. Lying would not help and she didn’t like to lie to anyone.
“When I was going through that, and I still am, but not as bad, I didn’t do as good as I was supposed to. I’m sorry.”
She looked up at him with her head lowered waiting to be scolded. He wasn’t looking at her, but instead was staring at the floor as if in thought.
“I have no doubt that’s normal. I mean to be under extreme stress like that. I’m going to run a stress test and of course an EKG to be on the safe side. I’ll have a nurse come in and do that stress test first in a minute. More than likely you are fine, but I want to anyhow. It would be a good idea to draw some blood, too. To be safe.”
The idea of having to take a stress test wasn’t a fun idea, but the doctor knew best. Right? That’s what she had always heard at least. She waited for the nurse to come in and take her to the room where she had to do the stress test. While she waited, she had more thoughts about Junior and how he might be doing. She missed him.
An hour later and out of breath she was putting her shoes on when a knock sounded on the door. The doctor came in and smiled at her.
“I’m glad we were able to go ahead and have these tests today. I will have the results for you tomorrow or the next day at the latest. The blood tests take the longest, but your EKG was great. Nothing there that concerns me. The stress test was also very good. I’m glad you are doing well. I will call you or have a nurse call with the blood test results when we get them back.”
“Okay, thanks Doctor. So, I can go?”
“Yes, ma’am. We are all done here. Have a great day and don’t forget to make your next appointment for three months from now on your way out.”
“Yes, sir.”
She stopped at the receptionists’ window and made her appointment, then drove to the restaurant. She needed to talk to Steve. Since Tonya passed, things had been tremendously different. Not only in her life, of course, but also at the restaurant. It wasn’t the same without her, and Tonya’s death hit Steve harder than an
yone thought. She knew Tonya was like a daughter to him, and he didn’t have any children of his own. She had been praying because it was affecting him and his business. The main reason she wanted to talk to him was because she wasn’t sure she could continue to work there. It was too hard for her, too sentimental. He didn’t actually need her. He had plenty of staff to carry on without her so her not being there shouldn’t be a huge problem. At least that’s how she saw it.
She certainly didn’t need to work. Thanks to the money Chris had left her and the insurance money, she was set for life, if she managed it well. At some point she still wanted to own her own place, even if it was a small diner that didn’t specialize in anything. Just…hers.
When she got to the restaurant the parking lot was only half full. It was unusual since they normally had a great lunch rush. She walked into the back office and saw that Steve was leaning over his desk going over some paperwork. He looked stressed. He didn’t smile as often as he used too. Her heart hurt for him.
“Knock, knock.”
Steve looked up from the spread of papers and tried to smile for her.
“Hey, Sam. Come on in. How are you doing?”
She walked in and sat across from him and crossed her legs. Setting her purse on the chair next to her she looked at him and saw that his eyes were bloodshot. She worried about him.
When Never Again Happens (Never Again Series Book 2) Page 5
