“I know You have a plan for me Lord, otherwise I wouldn’t still be here. I would have died when that car hit me or because of my heart, but You wanted me here. Thank You. What I’m asking, Lord, is can You tell me what at least part of Your plan is for me? Can You let me know what it is I’m supposed to be doing in my life? Am I not supposed to be a chef? Am I not supposed to be in Florida? Am I supposed to go back to Connecticut or somewhere else? I’m not hurting and my health is a lot better and again, thank You, but I do want to do something with my life since You have blessed me with it. I know You will provide, Lord. Thank You. I know I don’t say it enough, but I do love You. In Your name, I pray. Amen.”
Sam stayed sitting on the rock for another hour. She didn’t want to leave the view. Even though she knew she could see the same view from her porch, she felt God’s presence with her right then and she wasn’t going to disturb it in any way. Her face lifted and as her eyes closed she smiled at the heavens above her. She could feel the soft breeze caressing her skin and she heard seagulls singing as they flew past. Before she could leave her favorite spot and head home an overwhelming thought came to mind. One that she already thought could be a part of God’s plan, but in so much more detail.
Her breath caught as images waltzed around in her brain. Images of a small family restaurant. Not one that boasted fancy cuisine or a hostess dressed in a suit. Not one that would be considered even a four-star place to dine, but a family restaurant for everyone. She could see every detail of the dining room, the kitchen, and the sign above the door that read, ‘The In Honor of Diner.’
As warm tears dried on her face she saw the surrounding area and immediately knew where she was supposed to go. God was letting her know in His loving way He wanted her to open a business in Connecticut. In Torrington. She lowered her face and wiped her eyes and accepted what she was being given. She wasn’t sure how to feel about moving back to Torrington, but she asked for God’s help and she was given it. She wouldn’t turn it down.
Walking home she thought about Junior and how being there would affect everything between them. She wondered if that was part of God’s plan, too. She decided to not worry about that but to start making plans to move. God was a patient God, but she knew what she had to do and procrastinating wasn’t part of it.
Chapter Eleven
Junior
Sunday morning arrived and Junior woke with a splitting headache. It wasn’t his favorite way to start the day, especially when he planned to attend church. He hadn’t been in a long time and it bugged him, plus if he wanted any chance with Sam, he needed to get his act together. He lay in bed trying to will his head to stop pounding, but it wasn’t working. Eventually, he had to get up and find something to ease the pain. With a handful of water from the bathroom sink he swallowed three Tylenol pills, hoping they would kick in soon.
He forced himself to take a shower and get ready. By the time he set out the door he felt somewhat better, and had enough time to stop for coffee.
On his way to church he thought about Sam and wished he knew what she was thinking and how she felt. He wanted to know what she thought about his response to her email. He missed her. He was tired of loving someone he couldn’t be with. Even more so with someone who didn’t want to be with him.
As he paid for his coffee he realized his headache had disappeared. He thanked God and drove to the church he planned on attending. He hadn’t been to it before, but found it on Google. The website said it was a relaxed and laid back type of place for worshipping Jesus Christ. He wasn’t exactly certain what that meant, but he had a good feeling about it and wanted to at least check it out.
After parking on the street about a block away he could tell it was rather large and his interest was piqued. An usher welcomed him at the door, handed him a pamphlet, and told him there was coffee in the next room. He’d already had one, but thought it was cool they offered coffee to the congregation.
Standing inside the large oak double doors, he was astonished to see how many people had already arrived. Walking down the side aisle he chose a seat about halfway down and tried to relax, anxious to see how everything would play out. He saw band members gathering around their instruments and remembered seeing on the website that they played contemporary music. Only seconds later the drummer started and Junior’s ears were filled with an exciting beat to a song he didn’t recognize.
A screen behind the band lit up with the words to the song and the guy playing the acoustic guitar started singing. The congregation followed suit and soon the entire church was singing and praising Jesus. Junior’s heart bloomed inside his chest. He hadn’t felt that way in years and was grateful he decided to beat the headache and be there.
After four songs, someone made a few announcements and directed the younger crowd to Sunday school. The pastor stepped up and greeted everyone. Junior noticed he wasn’t hiding behind a pulpit and for some reason that pleased him. Instead, the pastor walked back and forth and even a little up the middle aisle to be more engaging, to make sure all heard the word of God. At least that was how his actions made Junior feel.
The sermon touched Junior’s soul like he felt it never had been before. There were words he didn’t quite understand, but he was still able to get a great message. When it was over he was sure he would be back the following Sunday. If he ever heard back from Sam again, she would be happy to hear that he started going to church. He hoped she’d believe him when he told her he actually wanted to go, and not because of her.
***
Sam
Sam changed out of her dress and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. She loved the message at church earlier and believed it fit perfectly with how she felt yesterday at the beach. She thought it was yet another message from God telling her what she needed to do.
“I hear You, Lord Jesus, loud and clear,” she told Him on her way home as the wind blew through her hair. “I’m going to start making plans to move today.”
After lunch, Sam began making phone calls. She called her parents and told them the news. They were both surprised by the suddenness of her decision, but supported it. After she explained how she was feeling and the answer she was given when she prayed, they both understood completely.
She called her old landlord in Connecticut, Mr. Landford, to see if he had an apartment available for rent. She didn’t want the same one she had before but would be happy to look at something else. She knew God was providing when Mr. Landford told her there was an apartment coming open in two weeks on Winsted Road in Torrington if she wanted to fly up and look at it. After she got the basic details, she made a date to meet with him about it.
She sat on the back porch after talking to her parents and landlord and thought about Junior. She wondered how she would tell him and when she should call. She wondered if he ever replied to the email she sent over a week ago. Before she had the chance to go inside for her laptop, a visitor appeared.
“Hey girl!” She grinned and called to Sheeba when the loving Labrador trotted around the bushes and onto the porch to her. The dog’s demeanor never failed to brighten Sam’s day. She scratched behind the dog’s floppy ears and laughed at how fast her tail wagged. “How you doing today, girl? Yes, I know. It’s a beautiful day isn’t it.”
She let Sheeba visit with her for a while and pushed the thought of the email aside for the time being—it could wait another twenty minutes or so. Without warning, the dog bolted from the porch and back around the bushes.
“What? No goodbye sugar?” she asked out loud to herself and grinned. Seconds later the energetic dog reappeared with a red tennis ball in her mouth. Sheeba dropped it at Sam’s feet, her tongue hanging out and excitement in her brown eyes. “Oh, I see. Is this a request or an order?” Sam asked with a laugh. Sheeba bowed her head and nudged the ball with her nose.
Relieved to have something more to do than think about her own needs, Sam gratefully picked the saliva covered ball off the porch and stepped into the sand. On her heels
, Sheeba followed; once they were past the trees, Sam let the ball soar through the air for her neighbor’s dog to chase. For half an hour they played, and Sam enjoyed it as much if not more than the dog. Finally her neighbor called for Sheeba, thanking Sam for playing with her.
“It was my pleasure,” Sam replied, walking back to her porch.
She caught herself practically skipping into the house, not able to hold back the grin and feeling of joy. It was something she could get used to. When she was in the kitchen drinking from a bottle of water she eyed her laptop sitting on the table and remembered Junior’s email. She sat at the table, the feeling of excitement slowly draining with both dread and anticipation. When she opened her email, there was indeed a message from Junior.
“God, please give me comfort and understanding on whatever this email says.”
When she opened the email she scanned the words with pleasure. The most important thing was when she read that he had been thinking about God and that he did believe. Junior saying that he would like to talk with her about God and faith made her heart smile.
She wasn’t sure whether Junior chose his words because he thought they were what she wanted to hear. She tried to believe he was telling the truth—she had no reason not to.
Sam ran her fingers through her hair and allowed her thoughts to ramble. She considered calling him to talk about it, but realized he might ask her questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Questions about how things were going in Florida. Would she be able to tell him that God wanted her to move back to Connecticut? Was she ready to tell him?
She needed to consider why she was cautious about letting him know. He was the last true friend she had left. She would need his support, so why was she being foolish and afraid to talk with him about it? She knew the answer to that question if she was honest with herself. Certain feelings would rise to the surface, or at least threaten to. As much as she would like to be held, she couldn’t allow it. As often as she might dream about another kiss that could lead to something more, she couldn’t falter. Her heart had built walls to protect her and she couldn’t tear them down. It would have to remain a friendship. She hoped Junior would and could understand that.
Then she remembered what God told her. She remembered that He obviously had plans for her and was beginning to reveal more and more that Junior was a part of them. How could he not be a part of them if she was moving back to Torrington?
She covered her eyes and thought about how she may have given him false hope. How she was probably being wishy washy in her message. With a sunken feeling, she knew she would need to talk with him about it and set the record straight. That she could only be a friend. Or could she? With everything that was running through her mind and heart she was more than confused. She wasn’t confused about moving, even though she wasn’t looking forward to the snow. It was letting her walls down and being loved again that made her thoughts no longer rational. God hadn’t given her a concrete answer to that part, yet.
She felt like screaming. It had been well over a year since the tragedy of her husband’s death. She so desperately wanted to live in peace and not be afraid of another painful loss. She also looked in the mirror daily and saw a woman who still had many years to live. Many years to live a lonely life if she chose to.
Sometimes she asked herself if God wanted that life for her. Did He keep her alive to not enjoy sharing her life with another man? Those thoughts and feelings were becoming a daily struggle for her. She didn’t know why God wanted her to return to Connecticut. If it was up to her she would stay where she had already settled.
Frustrated, Sam slid her chair back and left the table. She gave up on any serious thoughts for the day. She couldn’t handle the stress. Being confused was bringing her good mood to an abrupt halt. Settling on the couch she watched television until she was too tired to keep her eyes open. She took her medicines and collapsed into bed with hopes of a good night’s sleep and no dreams. She hadn’t had those recurring dreams lately, and she didn’t want them to return.
Chapter Twelve
Over a week and a half flew by and Sam never did write or call Junior. As she carried her bag off the plane and stepped into the rapidly growing crowd in the airport, her sense of guilt rose. She wondered several times during the flight why she never let him know she was arriving. Or why she didn’t call, text, or even answer his email. Part of her knew she wanted to surprise him, but another part knew there was more to it than that. She still had a few days before she needed to meet with her old landlord, but she chose to arrive early. She was still asking herself why.
Hailing a cab, she wondered how she would approach the subject of moving with Junior. She knew when that came up, the topic of feelings would as well. She thought about how he would react to seeing her standing at his door when he opened it. She wondered if his expression would be one of joy or confusion or both. She thought about how she would explain herself to him about her sudden arrival and why. She had no doubt that it would be an interesting evening.
She had hoped the weather would be better. The temperature was fine, but the rain brought a slight darkness with it. It was dampening her mood and causing her sense of excitement to dwindle. She hoped it wasn’t some sort of sign for the rest of the day.
On the way to Junior’s apartment, Sam realized she didn’t think about one very important detail. What if he wasn’t home? What if he had plans and wouldn’t be home for days? What if he was working and she was outside his door for hours? She immediately began mentally kicking herself for not thinking about every factor. Then again, she also knew everything was part of God’s plan. It was God who told her to move back to Connecticut to begin with. She had no doubt about that, but that didn’t mean He meant for her to show up unannounced.
Taking a deep breath and letting out a loud sigh, she shook her head and asked God to help her with what ever happened. The cab stopped in front of Junior’s apartment building and Sam’s heart began fluttering as she stared at it.
“This is the place you want to be, ain’t it ma’am?” the cab driver asked.
Caught off guard she turned from the window and answered, “Yes. Sorry, I was lost in thought. This is the right place, thank you.”
She handed the driver her fare and opened the door to get out. The feelings that swarmed her were of dread and happiness combined. She dismissed the negative feelings that were trying to overwhelm her. She knew those were fear of Junior’s reaction. She didn’t think that was reason enough to be worried so she handed it over to God.
With her two suitcases she stepped onto the sidewalk and ran toward the stairs and out of the rain. That short distance felt like a mile by the time she stood in front of Junior’s door. With her luggage at her feet she raised her hand to knock on his door, but hesitated. She berated herself for being ridiculous and pausing. Taking a step back she leaned against the railing and stared at the door. She folded her arms and closed her eyes and did the one thing she knew would help her. That would give her the strength she needed. She prayed.
“God, I don’t know what is wrong with me. What has gotten into me, but for some reason I’m scared. I know I don’t have any reason to fear Junior, but I don’t know what he will think or how he will react when he opens the door. Please give me Your strength, Lord. I truly need You right now. You brought me here and I know this is right so please remove my doubts and fear. In Your name I pray, amen.”
With greater determination Sam stepped back in front of Junior’s door and firmly knocked. She had made up her mind on what she knew God wanted her to do and she wasn’t going to back down.
After rapping her knuckles on the door five times she drew in a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself, waiting. She didn’t hear anything. She figured he could be in the back room and not have heard her, and patiently repeated her firm knocking on the thick metal door. Instead of stepping back she remained standing in place. Seconds ticked by and she began to get the feeling one of her earlier premonition
s may be true. He wasn’t home. She knew he had nothing tying him down and it was hard to say where he could be and what he could be doing.
“Sam, sometimes you truly amaze yourself by not thinking things all the way through,” she mumbled to herself and leaned against the brick wall. She looked at the time on her cell phone and thought about calling him. She decided not to because she wanted to surprise him. Instead she sat on the steps to wait it out. It was quite possible he could be at the gym and would be back shortly.
During the next two hours, she had the pleasure of meeting several different types of people as they walked past her giving her inquisitive looks. None of them knew where he was, of course. One of the people she met was his next-door neighbor, as well as her Pomeranian. The last time Sam was there his neighbor was a young single mother with a five-year old daughter. The lady with the dog was nice enough. She let Sam scratch her cute dog behind its ears as she asked why Sam was waiting on the steps. After she and her dog shuffled away Sam gave up on seeing Junior any time soon. She dialed the local cab service and asked them to take her to a hotel.
“This was a mistake,” she scolded herself as she waited an extra fifteen minutes. She didn’t think it was a mistake to be there, but it may have been to arrive without Junior knowing first.
***
Junior
Junior looked at his gas gauge and realized he would need to stop soon if he didn’t want to walk to a gas station with a container as he left his truck parked on the side of the interstate. He had taken a week off from work to get away for a while. A much-needed break from everything. He hadn’t heard back from Sam and he decided he wasn’t going to press the issue or smother her with messages.
When Never Again Happens (Never Again Series Book 2) Page 7
