by Peter Ackers
INT. haynes house, hallway - NIGHT
Nick Hangs up his coat in the long hallway.
master bedroom
An elegant bedroom, neat apart from an overflowing tall bookcase. On the double bed sits WENDY HAYNES, early thirties, athletic and elegant. She is fiddling with an electric alarm clock. Lying nearby is BABY JOE, their child of seven months, gurgling and kicking his legs as if riding an imaginary bike.
nick
What ya up to?
wendy
Setting my alarm.
There’s tension here. Nick flops hard on the bed and scoops up Baby Joe.
nick
How’s my little man? Did you have your tablet?
wendy
I said I did. I had one and a half.
nick
Jesus. You’ll be dead to the world. Why that much?
wendy
It’s my measly one night a week off, Nick. You know, that thing you get six of each week?
Nick is wrestling baby Joe, and pretending to lose.
nick
I don’t get six nights off. Now we’re back in the same bed, I get woken up in the night just as much as you do.
wendy
But you don’t get up and feed him your booby.
nick
And you don’t have to stay up till two every morning. That’s for you remember, so you can sleep for the first few hours. Only you stay up with your MP3 player and that bloody audiobook. And he has more formula than boob now.
wendy
It’s how I relax. Look, I don’t want to argue. I’ve had a tablet and a half so I can sleep through till eleven. If I hear him cry otherwise, I’ll wake. This is my night off. I need to catch up on sleep. You said -
nick (interrupting)
Said I’d take him, I remember. You said you wanted to sleep all through the night without being woken, then you said I should be glad you’re staying in because usually on a Saturday you go out with your dance class girls, and -
wendy (interrupting)
Yeah, well you should.
nick (cont.)
And then you said it’ll be good for me to know what it’s like to have to get up in the night when he cries, and blah-de-blah-de-blah.
wendy
Oh shut up.
Awkward silence. Nick tickles Joe.
nick (to joe)
Me and you, Joe, and a night of cagefighting.
wendy
And you know I don’t like him watching that human cockfighting crap.
nick
He doesn’t know what he’s watching. It’s all just movement and colour on a bit of glass.
(to joe)
Eh, Joe. You don’t see men pounding each other’s head in, do you? Moving colours. Not like when mum makes you watch those talk shows. You’ll grow up thinking the world’s full of cheats and thieves and warring families.
wendy
You’re funny. Look, it’s his bedtime, Nick. I want him asleep in his room by this time each night. We shouldn’t break a new routine.
Wendy puts the clock on the bedside table, arranges it next to the parent unit of a baby audio monitor.
nick (singing, to joe)
It’s got a cute nose and big round eyes; it’s created excitement you can’t disguise; it’s a wonderful baby from a perfect pair, and that’s reason enough for a great fanfare. You make us dance all day, dance-
wendy (interrupting)
Can I have him? Bedtime.
Wendy takes Joe off Nick. She heads for the door. Nick follows.
wendy
I’ll put him to bed, but he’s slept a lot today so he might not sleep for a bit, so you might have to run in and out to check on him. If you can tear yourself away from your half-naked men rubbing each other.
hallway
Nick follows Wendy out. They move down the hall.
nick (sarcastic)
I could always give him one and a half of your sleeping tablets. Don’t want to miss the rubbing.
wendy
Mr. Priority, you.
joe’s bedroom
Small, cramped, loaded with a changing station and toys and shelves of baby pictures and a cot more like a prison cell for such a small baby. There’s also a stereo with a double tape-deck. Wendy and Nick enter.
nick
Anyway, I couldn’t bring myself to touch your two month supply of sleeping pills. You need them over the next week or so.
wendy
Shut up.
Wendy lays Joe on top of the mat on the changing station, starts to root in the space below for clothing. She changes Joe’s nappy and sleepsuit during the following conversation.
wendy
Don’t have the TV on loud or you won’t hear him cry.
nick
It’s early, and if he won’t sleep, what’s wrong with me taking him in the living room?
wendy
You’ll fall asleep with him on that sofa bed. And what did I say half a minute ago? I want to get him into a sleeping routine.
Wendy pulls out a baby sleeping bag.
