The pyres’ flames were fuel to her fury when Michael and Diego dragged an accused spy before her, and she found betrayal in the thoughts of the man to whom they had given work and food for his family. He had dishonored the very lives of those burning on the pyres behind her, and more of her warriors were in danger because of his treason…because she had let him slip into her camp undetected. Her warriors.
The betrayal was personal for you, wasn’t it? You still carry the weight of each death. You can’t. You can’t. It will crush you.
Her warriors. Red fury boiled and roiled into the deadly darkness that over many lifetimes had mindlessly guided her blade as she slashed her way through many battlefields, swiftly and accurately sighted her target to release a barrage of bullets or a deadly laser, or fueled the white-hot fireballs flung from her fingertips.
Where did you go? So dark. Where were you, Jael?
The spy was guilty. Death was his sentence. Not the instantaneous death of honor Bast had earned. The darkness tempered her flame and gloried in his scream.
Oh, stars. His pain. Burning, burning. I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t.
It was finished. She felt nothing. The darkness was a void of emptiness as she stared at the pile of ash where the man had knelt less than a minute before. Something niggled at the void, and she raised her eyes to a woman at the edge of the field, her expression horrified and filled with fear. The darkness feeds on that terror.
You looked at me like a stranger. So cold. No recognition. Is my hold on you so tenuous?
Breathe, she couldn’t breathe. The darkness she’d always embraced was choking her, constricting her chest. She fought it. Then she was aloft, with Specter’s wings sweeping cool night air against her heated skin and into her ravaged lungs. The darkness was receding. She was on a cold mountain ledge now, angry and…empty. She longed for her mountain and peace. She longed for her lover.
Our field of wildflowers. Oh, Jael. I want that, too.
Lust normally followed her rage, but the darkness this time had given way to a different hunger. She needed Alyssa’s light to banish the black remnants clinging to her soul. She found only an empty tent. A hollow ache replaced the anger, the righteousness, the sense of honor and duty. She was drained and surrendered to exhaustion.
I failed you. Again. I am not worthy to be at your side. You need someone stronger.
Alyssa pulled away, withdrawing her hand from Jael’s chest, but Jael refused to let her go. She sat up cross-legged, facing Alyssa, and drew both her hands up to her chest.
“One more thing you need to see.”
Jael gently positioned her fingers along Alyssa’s temples. “Close your eyes.” Instead of thoughts and feelings, she projected scenes, from her point of view, like she did to communicate with her dragon horse.
Tan lifts her hand, then concludes her conversation with some medics and strides over. “I know your brain has been controlled by your ovaries lately, but I need Alyssa at the clinic today, not warming your bed.”
“You haven’t seen her?”
“No. And I was hoping to catch a few winks—” Tan stops. “Wait. She hasn’t been with you?”
“No. I haven’t seen her since last night.” A visual sweep of the temporary camp shows everything has been disassembled and loaded onto transports to return to the main encampment. A cold weight is forming in her chest. Where is Alyssa?
Second hops off a chow wagon and waves the driver on down the mountain. “You look better.” Her steps slow. “What’s wrong?”
“Alyssa’s missing,” Tan says.
“Missing?”
Nicole is on the edge of the meadow, shooting nervous glances their way as she shoulders her personal pack and starts toward them. They jog to meet her. “Where’s Alyssa?”
“I was hoping she was with you.” Nicole looks worried. “Last time I saw her was last night. She was, uh, she was—” She stops and bites her lip.
The coldness in her chest expands, its weight crushing her lungs. She grabs Nicole’s head and tears into her thoughts. Nicole gasps, and Tan wraps a supporting arm around Nicole as she sags.
“Stop it.” Second is pulling her away, shaking her. “You could have hurt her.”
Her thoughts are spinning, nausea rising. She grabs the only solid thing under her hands, fistfuls of Second’s shirt. “Something’s happened to her.”
“This is my fault. I shouldn’t have let her go off alone.” Nicole’s face is pale.
Second covers Jael’s hands and gently pulls them from her shirt. “This is nobody’s fault. Alyssa is an adult. A very resourceful adult. She traveled more than half a continent alone to find you. She bears the Advocate mark, and the locals will honor that.”
Her gut is churning with so much nauseating fear that she barely feels the tap of Second’s finger against her head and against her chest. “Trust me. If something had happened to her, you’d know it.”
She’d faced battle and death over and over in her previous lifetimes, and she’d often faced seemingly insurmountable odds and certain massacre. But she’d never felt the paralyzing, all-consuming emptiness that threatened to drown her if Alyssa was truly gone.
“Don’t leave me.” Jael flinched at the sound of her own choked voice. Her hands were wet with Alyssa’s tears, and she realized her own tears were dripping from her jaw onto Alyssa’s hands, where they rested on her chest. The only tears she could remember shedding in this lifetime were as she stood beside a funeral pyre with Second, who was distraught at the loss of her mate, Saron.
Alyssa shook her head. “I should love you enough to give you up to someone stronger, more worthy to be at your side.”
“If I were stronger, I’d send you away before I contaminate the purest, most talented soul I’ve ever encountered.”
Alyssa blinked, her eyes beginning to dry. “Meeting you, all of The Guard, has opened my eyes and my mind. You are so much more than war and violence. You’re honor and duty, loyalty and pride. You haven’t contaminated me. You’re teaching me wisdom.”
Jael lifted Alyssa’s hand to her lips for a brief kiss. “And you’re the only light that has ever pierced my darkness. I would’ve wrongly executed Kyle if you hadn’t brought me back to where I could reason.”
Alyssa’s eyes grew unfocused, and Jael fought the itch to listen in on her thoughts. Maybe she shouldn’t have reminded Alyssa how close she had come to executing Kyle. Maybe Alyssa was thinking of what could have happened if she hadn’t been able to stop Jael. Maybe she was having second thoughts about their relationship again. “Alyssa?”
Alyssa returned her gaze to Jael, her eyes softening. “Don’t.” She entwined her fingers with Jael’s, and Jael felt a surge of affection wash away her insecurity. “I was thinking about gray.”
“As in the color gray?”
“Han was trying to help me see that everything isn’t as simple as good and evil, black and white.” She smiled. “It was a lesson in the art of compromise.” She grew serious again, her eyes searching Jael’s as if she might find the key there. “He said he had a message for me from The Collective Council.”
Jael straightened, surprised. A message from The Collective Council? It was Alyssa’s to keep or share, but a communication from the Council was so rare she’d expect Alyssa to have shared it with her. On the other hand, she’d withheld things from Alyssa, too. “When was this?”
“Before the bonding. Right before I came to you and…you know. I didn’t tell you because, well, I suddenly had other things on my mind, like you, hot and naked.” She stroked along Jael’s collarbone and between her breasts, then pulled her hand away and refocused on Jael’s eyes. “Mostly, I didn’t understand it.”
“But you do now?”
“Maybe part of it. Not all. It might make more sense to you. We’re stronger working together, right?” Alyssa smiled at the play on The Collective mantra.
A breeze ruffled the curtains drawn to darken the room, and a sliver of late-afternoon s
un flickered across Alyssa’s face as the smile softened her features and lit her green eyes. Red spikes of her short hair poked out in an erratic disarray, and her cheeks were still flushed from the heat of the room and their recent lovemaking. Sun and stars, she was beautiful.
“Jael?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t you want to hear the message?”
Jael shook herself mentally. Message. “Yes, if you’re comfortable sharing it.”
“Only with you.” Alyssa closed her eyes, her brow scrunching together.
“If you can’t remember the exact words, I can extract—”
Alyssa stopped Jael’s offer with an upraised palm before she began to speak. “War and peace may seem like night and day. But without the dawn, day would not break. Without dusk, night would not come. The Collective can only be restored when the warrior finds peace and an Advocate takes up her mantle.”
“What do you think it means?”
“The message contains many meanings. You and I are light and dark, day and night. We must use our skills together to protect The Collective.”
Jael pulled Alyssa into her lap. Stronger together, their destinies entwined. “Agreed. Together.”
“There’s also a greater meaning.” Alyssa settled against Jael’s chest. “I believe The Natural Order is a catalyst, a test meant to strengthen The Collective if we are successful. Without dusk, there is no night, without night no dawn, and without dawn, day will never break.”
Jael absently rubbed her cheek against Alyssa’s shoulder. “This feels like the night. This enemy has no army I can march against. He utilizes small pockets of soldiers disguised as believers and hides among legions of misguided innocents.” She thought of the spy who had infiltrated her own camp. “When I walk through town, I don’t know if a person I meet on the street is loyal to The Collective or secretly part of The Natural Order.”
Alyssa cuddled into Jael, stroking absently along the arms that embraced her. “The warrior and the Advocate could be referring to us, but I’m afraid to try to interpret that. It could mean many things. Some of them I don’t want to consider.”
Jael felt uncertainty, then fear, then deep sadness. “Stop.” She tightened her arms around Alyssa and cupped Alyssa’s cheek, finding her gaze and holding it. “We are soul-bonds. I can feel it. And when this is all done, I want to make it official.”
Alyssa choked out a half laugh, half sob and smiled. “Are you asking me to officially bond with you? It sounded more like an order than a proposal.”
Jael returned her smile. “I haven’t had much practice at asking for things.” Her smile faded. “If I ask properly, would you say yes?”
“Even if you don’t, I’ll say yes.” Alyssa kissed her, deep and sweet. “Yes, because I am only a half-soul without you.”
Chapter Three
Kyle stood next to Furcho and thought her heart would burst as five lean dragon horses, wings spread like great birds of prey, drifted downward in the dying light. Furcho murmured their names to her as each of them touched down. Specter, ghostly in the moonlight, pressed his forehead to Jael’s. Titan, a dusky buckskin, danced his last steps to Second. Kyle imagined calling one of those beautiful beasts to her side, pressing her forehead to the ridged head, sharing thoughts, riding the wind. Furcho’s Azar, a shimmering silver dapple, touched down lightly next to them, while Diego’s black, Bero, landed with a snort and jerked his head impatiently. He moved away when Diego stepped toward him. Diego cursed.
Tan stood apart from the rest, watching Phyrrhos circle overhead.
“Call her in, Tan,” Jael said.
“I’m trying.” Fists clenched at her sides, Tan didn’t take her eyes from the circling animal. “Get down here, you daughter of a dung eater, or I’ll singe your wings from here.”
Phyrrhos lifted her head and screamed into the night, spewing a column of flame.
Kyle was fascinated. What happened when a warrior couldn’t control her dragon horse?
Another scream, so close that Kyle’s ears rang with it, and Bero launched into the sky.
“Bero! Get back here, you black devil.” Diego might as well have been talking to the wind.
“Oh, this isn’t good,” Furcho muttered.
“What’s happening?” Kyle didn’t know anything about dragon-horse armies, but it looked like the beasts were breaking rank. The words were barely off her tongue when Specter launched into the sky, and Jael’s curses rang out across the meadow.
“Guard, hold your bonded.” Second’s command was unnecessary since only she and Furcho still had their dragon horses at their sides.
The moon hid behind a blanket of clouds as the dark night lit up with a burst of fireballs sparking like strobe lights. The three dragon horses appeared in different positions with each flash. It was impossible to tell who was attacking whom. Phyrrhos. Kyle blinked. She needed to protect Phyrrhos. Where was that coming from?
Jael stood ramrod still, her focus intent on Specter’s dodging, darting form. Tan, too, watched the sky but paced restlessly. “Phyrrhos has gone in season.”
“Your bitch better not hurt Bero. This is all her fault.” Diego shoved Tan hard, then grabbed his hip as if something unseen had struck him. He whirled on Jael. “Specter. Son of a dung beetle.”
Jael turned to him, her hard stare immobilizing Tan and Diego where they stood. Second grabbed them both by their collars and shook them.
This was the elite Guard of The Collective? Kyle had seen schoolyard brawls less chaotic.
Bero landed heavily next to them, a swath of scorched hide on his hip and a portion of his tail burned away. Diego swore.
“Second, you and Furcho escort Diego to the main camp before Specter decides to singe off the rest of Bero’s tail.” Jael’s order was curt, her eyes following Specter’s shimmering figure in the night sky. She glanced at Tan, her tone softening a bit. “I think if the rest of you clear out, we can get Phyrrhos under control and back to the main camp, where we can confine her until her heat is over.”
Kyle started at the choked sound that came from Tan, but the enigmatic warrior had turned away. For the first time, she wished she were more than a pyro—that she was also a telepath—so she could hear what was going on inside Tan’s head.
Furcho clapped his hand on her shoulder. “Ready for your first flight?”
❖
A few smooth sweeps of his wings, and Azar lifted them easily from a canter to airborne. Kyle had never felt anything like it. Her blood sang with each slide of his shoulder muscles under her thighs. Furcho had let her mount in front so she could get the full experience of seeing nothing but stars beyond the ears of the dragon horse. The warm Gulf crosswind ruffled her hair. She was born for this. She knew it. And she knew other things, things niggling at the edge of her consciousness just beyond her grasp.
Things happen when they will, Kyle. You can sometimes change what happens, but not when. She smiled at the sudden memory of her younger sister. Maya was always making statements like that. At first, they’d thought it just the prattle of a child who spent too much time around adults, but as Maya grew, it became evident that she was a gifted seer. A pang of guilt pierced her. She was flying around on dragon horses without a thought of finding her sister. Cyrus claimed that he had her, but where? Had he starved Maya into submission like he did Kyle?
She grabbed at Azar’s mane when he dipped to pick up a different airstream. She’d expected to be queasy at that height with nothing but Azar’s slim shoulders under her, but she felt completely at ease in the sky and wind. She wondered, not for the first time, if human souls lived previous lives as animals. Perhaps she’d been a hawk or some other bird.
“Ready for your own dragon horse?” Furcho balanced effortlessly behind her. She was surprised to hear him so easily over the wind, then realized the complete absence of life’s white noise.
“Yes.”
“They’ll test your DNA at the main camp, but you’ll qualify.”
Furcho was quiet for a long moment. “No, Kyle, it doesn’t. Your mother carries the gene. That’s all I can say. Anything else, she’ll have to tell you.”
There’s more? Hope flared. Could Furcho be hinting that Cyrus wasn’t her biological father. Could she even hope? She hated that any part of her could have come from him. Maybe Furcho was her father. He and her mom were close. Uh, no. He was too young, and she looked even less like Furcho than she did Cyrus. Besides, she could only hope she’d see her mother again. With her brother gone, she was sure Laine would be trying to find where Cyrus had taken Maya.
“Can I ask something else?”
“No. I’m not your father.”
“I kind of figured that out already.”
He chuckled. “Ask away, then.”
“Is Tan a bitch to everybody? Or just to me?”
“Tan’s strongly under the influence of Phyrrhos right now. Don’t judge her yet.”
“I don’t know much about her.”
“After hours of intricate surgery to reattach a boy’s hand this morning, she found out the man assigned to bring the child’s mother to the hospital didn’t go. So, she commandeered a transport, got the GPS coordinates of their coffee ranch, and went herself. She’d promised her patient that his mother would be there when he woke, and she kept that promise. That’s the Tan you should get to know.”
That certainly didn’t sound like the person Kyle had met. Still, Alyssa seemed to respect Tan, so she must know a different side of her.
“What’s the deal with Alyssa? What exactly is First Advocate? Isn’t she really young to be in charge? I know she’s a healer, but what else? Is she gifted?”
“Yes. She’s a very powerful empath.” He hesitated. “I guess that as her personal guard, you should know. Only a handful of people are trusted with this information, but she can project as well as detect feelings.”
Tracker and the Spy Page 3
