by J. A. Delese
“Thomas,” she pleaded.
“Leave. I don’t want to see you in this house ever again.”
Catherine
The door opened for her. She saw a middle-aged lady—her mom was over sixty years old, but she looked much younger than her age. She went into the house. It was a small and old apartment. The tiny living room didn’t have enough sunlight from the window, since the front apartment blocked theirs. She was looking around the house and suddenly got slapped on her back by her mother.
“Do you know how worried I was about you!” she yelled at her with teary eyes. “How could you do this? Even your friend called me, you know. I didn’t understand exactly, but I think he was looking for you. I thought you had gone totally missing!”
Patrick.
Patrick called her mom. He was looking for her. He hadn’t forgotten her. He remembered her! The thought of Patrick made her heart beat faster.
I can be with him again.
She could finally be with the man she loved. She could finally go back to her life. She could finally go back to the normal world.
“Where have you been?” her mom asked.
She wanted to tell everything to her mom, but remembered her deal with Mrs. Sharpe. They paid for her silence. The money they offered was great, but she knew they wouldn’t let her go without a contract, so she agreed to it.
“Just traveled,” she said simply.
Her mom slapped her shoulder.
“Mom! It hurts!” she complained, rubbing her shoulder.
“You should have told me AT LEAST!” Her mom shouted back at her.
“I’m so sorry, Mommy,” she hugged her mom and said. She heard her mom whimpering, and it made her feel terrible. How many people got hurt from this? It must be worse for Patrick, especially.
How should I explain to him?
She signed the contract, so she should not tell him, but she doubts her ability to keep this from Patrick.
“Have you eaten?” her mom asked.
She shook her head. She couldn’t eat anything since the night before, and she refused the food in the plane, so she was very hungry.
Wait, it’s not really last night.
Korea was in a different time zone, so maybe more than twenty-four hours.
“I’ll cook for you. You go and take a shower first.”
Her mom gave her towels. She nodded and took a shower. She used soap and washed her body thoroughly. She wished it was possible to wash her memory away. She stepped out of shower and picked up a towel to dry off. Since she took a hot shower, steam had fogged up the bathroom mirror. She wiped the mirror with her hand and looked at herself. It seemed like she had lost some weight, but it didn’t matter. She came out of that house. She came home. That’s what mattered. She came back. She couldn’t believe she was home.
Everything’s going to be fine.
It would be okay from now on. She would go back to the U.S.A. and work as a lawyer.
It was just a nightmare, she told herself. What happened to her was nothing but a bad dream. It would fade away as time passed. Eventually she would feel as if it never happened.
She walked out of the bathroom and heard what her mom was saying.
“I don’t know. She didn’t say when she’s going back. I’m sure it won’t be so long. How can you say that, honey? She’s my daughter!”
It seemed that she was talking to her new husband on the phone.
He doesn’t like that I’m staying here.
She could read what was happening. Her mom chose the wrong man again and was being tortured every single day again. She breathed out heavily. She didn’t really understand her mom. How could she choose a wrong man every time? Seriously, what was wrong with her? She shook her head, feeling so sick and tired of her mom’s stupidity.
“Mom!” she called out. “I’m going to leave tomorrow. Don’t worry!”
She had said it loudly, and her mom stopped talking on the phone.
“Cathy!” Her mom came out of the room as she called her name. “You can stay here as long as you want. You came to your mom’s house. It’s also your house.”
“Thank you, Mom. But I’m very busy,” she lied. She felt pretty sure that she had lost her job already, so technically, she had nothing to do.
But I have to go to get my life back.
She would get everything back—her job, her boyfriend, and her career.
At least I can buy a house this time! She yelled in delight in her head.
“Are you sure?” her mom asked.
She took several steps to her mom and hugged her with her arms.
“I’m sure, Mommy. Don’t worry,” she said.
Her mom was about to say something, but before she could, the doorbell rang. The doorbell rang loudly two more times, and her mom went to answer it. Catherine walked back to her mom’s room and put on her mom’s pajamas.
“Cathy! Someone’s looking for you!” her mom said as she walked into the room. When she heard it, she felt a sudden twitch of anxiety.
Don’t tell me it’s him, she prayed in her head.
It couldn’t be. It was so far from the U.K. It was impossible for him to come here so quickly. Then, who was it?
“Who is it?” She asked. She had a kind of premonition of this visitor.
“A white guy. Tall and big. Is he your friend?” her mom asked.
She answered in a panic, “I don’t think so, Mommy.”
Tom
He was calling his secretaries on the phone constantly. He didn’t even know how many times he called them. He’d been asking them to find a pilot for his jet, but they hadn’t found anyone till now. He didn’t want to stay in this country even for a single day, so he wanted to go back as soon as possible. His original jet pilot refused to fly back to London right away. He gave Tom some kind of stupid excuses.
“I told you to find one,” he told his secretary.
“My apologies, your grace. We just cannot find any pilot now. If you don’t mind waiting till tomorrow, Mr. Metcalf can pilot the jet back to London,” his secretary said nicely, but he didn’t like it. He was about to yell at her, but he saw the door had opened.
It’s her.
He knew it. He put down the phone and stared at the door. She came in, wearing shabby old jeans and a t-shirt. He snorted and took away his eyes from her.
“I do mind. So find another pilot if this one can’t make it.”
“I will try my best, your grace, but very likely, there may be no option right now.”
Fuck.
He felt like the anger he had been suppressing till now was going to explode.
“Just check and call me back in ten minutes.”
He hung up the phone and tossed it aside. She had sat down on the sofa next to him. He wanted to check and see whether she had cried or not, but her head was lowered, so he couldn’t tell. He didn’t know what to say to her. He did feel bad that he had dragged her from her mother’s house like this. He wanted to tell her something similar to I’m sorry, but he was pretty sure that she was going to yell at him no matter what he said, so he decided to just shut up. He picked up the phone to call the secretaries.
“Am I going to take a flight now?” she asked.
He put down the phone and looked at her. It’d been only a day, but he felt like he hadn’t heard her voice in a long time. Her eyes were not red; at least he felt relief at that.
“I don’t think so,” he answered.
He checked the phone, but there was no message or call from them.
“When will it be, then?” she asked again. She didn’t sound angry or upset at all. It sounded like she was asking about her schedule.
“Tomorrow, very likely,” he said in a calm tone.
“Then, can I stay with my mom for tonight?” she asked.
“No.” He refused, looking her in the eye.
“Please. I’m not going to tell her anything. I won’t try to run away. I swear to God.”
“I said
no,” he answered shortly.
“Please. I just want to spend one night at home with my mom.”
Her voice told him how desperate she was, but he ignored it. He flew all the way to Korea just to bring her back, and he didn’t want to spend another night without her in his bed.
“Don’t make me repeat myself again,” he quoted his father and called his secretaries again. They repeated the same stories, and he hung up the phone. It seemed that there was no way out of staying in this hotel for tonight. He turned his head and saw her walking into the bedroom. He saw that her drooped shoulders, but he didn’t care. He’d already been extremely generous to her since yesterday. He was aware that his mother was the one who sent her here, so he didn’t punish her for running away. He would be much angrier if she had done this by herself.
He sat down on the sofa and leaned back against it for a while. He rested his arm on his forehead.
Such a hassle.
He can’t believe this whole thing happened in twenty-four hours. He expected that his parents would do something to bother him, but he had never expected it to be this way. This was more tedious than he thought it would be.
He glanced the door of the bedroom. He wondered what she was doing there. He approached the door, turned the doorknob, and entered the room. She was sitting on the bed, but she was reclining against the wall at the edge of the bed. She didn’t turn to face him. He wanted to talk with her, but didn’t know what to tell her. She must be upset now for what he did, but he really had no intention of letting her stay at her mother’s house tonight. He needed her in his bed for many reasons. He was thinking how to start a conversation with her.
Maybe something casual.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. It sounded so awkward, but that was the best he could do. She didn’t answer as he expected. He waited for a minute more, but she didn’t say a word, so he turned back to leave the room.
“Who is Liz?” she asked.
He whipped his head around when he heard what she said.
“What?” he asked. He couldn’t believe what he heard. Did she say Liz? Did he hear wrong? How did she know Liz?
“Who is Liz?” she repeated the question again.
“How do you… know?” he asked in a very careful tone. How did she know Liz? Did someone tell her about Liz?
Don’t tell me mother talked to her about Liz.
If it was his mother, he would be very angry, but he highly doubted it. His mother would not talk about Liz with a stranger. Catherine was nothing but a stranger to her, so it’s impossible that—
She has Liz’s voice, he reminded himself. The thought sent a chill to his bones. He really didn’t want Catherine to know about Liz. He didn’t think he could take it if she talked about Liz, especially in her voice. He breathed out once and said, “I don’t know what my mother told you, but—”
“She didn’t tell me anything,” she turned back and faced him, looking him straight in the eye. “You told me. You held me and called me Liz every night.”
He didn’t know what to say back to her. He hadn’t known that he’d been calling her name every night. He actually thought he had not dreamed recently.
“Do I look like her?” she asked.
“WHAT?” he unconsciously reacted. What made her think that she looked like Liz?
“Do I look like her? Is it why you are so obsessed with me?”
“No,” he snorted. “You are nothing like Liz. You are not…you are not even close to her. She has beautiful blonde hair and big blue eyes.”
“Then why are you doing this to me?”
She stared at him for a while after the question.
“Why do you call me Liz every night? You said ‘Don’t leave me, Liz!’”
Tom didn’t know how to answer to her. He could feel that his face has reddened. He felt so embarrassed. She even mocked his accent when she said it.
“Do I look like her? Is that it? Is that why you are so obsessed with me?”
She asked again and he couldn’t control his temper anymore.
“She’s nothing like you. She’s nothing like you at all! You had all those surgeries to change who you are, but she’s a natural born beauty. YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE LIZ! YOU WILL NEVER BE LIKE LIZ!”
He was shouting at her like a mad man and realized he said too much. He felt frightened at what he said and looked in her eyes. She wasn’t crying, she just looked at him. He felt damn bad for what he just said. It was so crazy that he suddenly talked like this. It sounded like a curse, even to him. He felt like telling her something, but didn’t know what to say now. He didn’t know whether he should say something to comfort her. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t mean to hurt her. He didn’t mean to say those words, but she suddenly asked about Liz and he failed to control his temper.
What the hell you suddenly asked about Liz!
For a second, he thought of telling her sorry, but he turned his back to her. He wanted to get some air outside first and think about what to tell her.
“If you despise me that much, why are you keeping me around you?” she called feebly. He heard it, but he didn’t turn back. Her question was the right one, he knew. Why did he keep her if he hated her this much? He felt his heart beat faster. He stood there for a moment and closed the door behind him.
“Fuck,” he hissed. He stalked across the living room and grabbed the vase on the table and threw it on the ground. The vase shattered into pieces and water pooled around it. The water spread and stained the red carpet like blood.
Catherine
She didn’t really understand why he had to do this, but since she had no choice, she sat down for dinner with him. She could feel that he was not in a good mood at all. For the past two weeks, he’d been in a bad mood every single day yet still insisted on having dinner with her.
She was wondering what kind of thing he was going to bring up today. He’d been asking all kinds of weird questions to her. Yesterday, he asked what exactly happened on the day her father committed suicide. The day before yesterday, he asked about her mother. He asked why her mother cheated on her father and why she chose such bad men all the time. Though she agreed with what he said—that her mom chose the wrong man every time—she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction by answering him, so she said “I don’t know” or “I don’t remember” to all his questions. He also asked about her records of plastic surgeries. She didn’t know why he talked about it as if she had committed a crime. She just had them to make herself pretty, and it obviously was not a crime. He said only gold diggers or whores did those things. She answered him by saying that she hadn’t dug up any gold so far, and what kind of whore had only one customer like this. She knew that really pissed him off when he broke his wine glass on the table. So, given their history, she was quite scared to have dinner with him now. She didn’t know what he was going to talk about tonight.
He wasn’t looking at her. He was looking at his wine glass. It seemed that he was thinking of something. She lowered her head and started to eat. She planned to finish her meal as fast as she could and disappear from his sight. Her plan was working well so far, as long as he was busy thinking of something. She had eaten through half of the steak already, but unfortunately, she choked on a bite and couldn’t stop coughing. He poured water in her glass and pushed it toward her. She drank the water and eventually stopped coughing. She didn’t intend to, but she had successfully drawn his attention.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered and started to eat quickly again.
“May I ask something?” he said.
As if you’ve never asked me anything, she snorted in her head.
“As you wish,” she answered shortly.
“Why did you divorce your ex-husband?”
Come on. What’s wrong with YOU! she really wanted to scream, but suppressed it.
“What do you want me to say?”she asked instead and looked in his eyes. She hoped to figure out what he wanted, so
that she could end these crazy sessions, but she couldn’t find anything in his pale, blue eyes.
“Truth,” he said. They looked at each other for awhile. There was an embarrassed silence at the table. She knew that she could avoid this question by saying ‘I don’t know’ again, but she wanted to find out what he wanted today, and so decided to give him what he was seeking—the truth.
“Because I can’t get pregnant,” she said simply.
A dead silence fell over the table. He didn’t say a single word, but just looked at her eyes. She was not sure whether what she was seeing correctly or not, but it seemed like he was in shock. He just kept looking at her eyes until she felt it was too awkward, so she lowered her head again to avoid his eyes.
“How do you know?” he asked.
She didn’t understand his question.
“What do you mean?” she asked back.
“How do you know you can’t get pregnant?” he asked again.
She wanted to ignore it, but she somehow answered it.
“I had checked at a hospital.”
They lapsed into another awkward silence after that again. She was studying his face to see if he was upset or something, but he was only looking at the wine glass again and looked like he was thinking of something.
He didn’t check my real hospital records? she wondered. She thought he knew about this since he had checked everything about her history already. Anyway, she finished her food and waited for him to say something, but he was just looking at the wine glass and thinking of something. She felt very uncomfortable sitting there without doing anything.
“May I go and take a shower?” she asked cautiously, and he nodded. She left the table and came back to the bedroom. She went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She dropped into a crouch. She thought it wouldn’t hurt anymore, but it still did. It was still so painful to remember that moment. She loved her ex-husband so much, and it was devastating for her that she couldn’t bear the child of the man she loved. She didn’t cry, but she felt her eyes fill with tears.
