He’d been blunt with Liz, perhaps caustically so, letting her know there would be no second chance at the love they’d lost. He loved her as all people continue to love their first loves—as a memory. But they both knew his ways too well—Liz had once said his sensitive nature was the reason he could write ballads and love songs so well—and it was futile to think he would ever get over the way she’d left him. It was also impossible to think he would ever get past his love for Katie, especially knowing that they’d never really given their relationship a chance to even bloom. The thought speared his insides. They couldn’t possibly be over before they’d started. Even Liz had had the decency to apologize for the way things had gone down.
“Give her time, Chad.” Liz had touched his arm gently, a gesture to dissuade him from following Katie the way he wanted to. Her words sent his thoughts into a tailspin. Time? Did he and Katie even have time to make things right again? He’d swiftly pulled his arm away from her after that, but did nod to signal he understood her.
No words were uttered between them when he left the apartment and, surprisingly, he was okay with that. He’d save his words for when they really mattered, for the one who truly mattered. There was still time.
There had to be.
CHAPTER THIRTY
KATIE
Katie awoke with a sore neck and the sharp scent of bonfire smoke still lingering on her clothes and hair. A reluctant groan passed her lips as she peeled herself away from the arm of the couch she’d used as a pillow. Thankfully, poor Mason had drifted to sleep on her lap outside, wrapped snugly in his blanket, and Katie had been able to carry him back inside and tuck him into bed without waking him. At least one of them had gotten a good night’s sleep. Struggling to sit up, she stretched dramatically, willing her joints and muscles to wake up even if her mind wasn’t.
The muffled sound of giggling reached her ears, and Katie paused in mid stretch, her arms still raised toward the ceiling as she turned in the direction of her son’s unmistakable voice. Through the cedar trimmed doorway, she could see the back of Mason’s head bobbing up and down as he sat perched on one of the kitchen chairs, shoveling what was undoubtedly rainbow-colored cereal—the only kind he would eat willingly—into his mouth.
Who was he talking to, though? It wasn’t like Mason at all to be awake and not wake her up as well. Then again, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d been awake before she was, and she hoped it wasn’t later than she realized. Judging by the sun just beginning to peek in through the east-facing window, she wagered a guess that Mason was up earlier than usual.
She rose from the couch, less than gracefully, her body stiff and sluggish from the lack of rest. Her chest tightened at the thought that it might be Chad in the kitchen with Mason, and Katie didn’t know what she would do if it was. The last thing she wanted was Mason to bear witness to any more drama, and she would make that very clear.
However, it wasn’t Chad’s face she saw when she cautiously rounded the corner.
“What are you doing here, Jay?”
Mason wheeled around at the sound of her voice, grinning from ear to ear as a drop of milk dribbled from his chin. He waved his spoon at her, unable to greet her properly with his mouth full.
“Good morning to you, too. I made some coffee.” Jay got up from the table and poured some into the cup that was set out on the counter. He held it out to her, and Katie stared from him to the steam that floated from the mug and back again. There was a sense of eagerness in his steps that she couldn’t quite place.
“Thanks. I didn’t know you were coming by today.” The heat from the mug was soothing on her chilled fingertips.
“Dad wants to take us on a plane ride!” Mason blurted the words out, sputtering droplets of milk onto the tabletop. Katie’s eyes immediately narrowed, her gaze set firmly on Jay.
“A plane ride? Is that so, munchkin?” She searched Jay’s features for some kind of answer, but only a small, amused smirk greeted her in silent confirmation, and Jay held his hand to his mouth casually to cover it.
“I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.” He waved his hand dismissively, as though the idea of taking the family he’d all but abandoned away on a plane was no big deal. “At least let your mom devour that coffee before we tell her what we’ve got planned, okay, Mase?” Jay grinned fully then, reaching out to pat his son playfully on the head.
“I’m really not in the mood for games this morning, Jay, so I think we’re going to have this conversation now. No need to wait for the caffeine to enter my bloodstream.” Katie’s attempt to sound humored was minimal at best. She knew him well enough to know that, whatever plans he’d cooked up in his mind, whatever plans he’d already told Mason about, they were going to change things. Considerably.
Jay, however, didn’t seem concerned by her unenthusiastic response. He set his own mug down, his eyes flitting from her to Mason and back again. It might have been easy to make promises and plans with their seven-year-old son, but he was well aware that convincing Katie of anything would be a much more difficult feat. “I’m hoping you’ll let me take both you and Mason back to Nashville with me in a few days.”
“Why the hell would—”
“Katie!” Jay hissed at her language, and she struggled to rein in the flood of outrage that torpedoed to the surface, along with her heartbreak. Rarely did she ever use anything remotely close to foul language in front of Mason, and she exhaled deeply, casting a withered look in her son’s direction.
“Mason, if you’re done with your cereal, would it be okay if you went into your room for a little bit so I can talk to Dad alone?” She hated to banish him to his room and keep him in the dark, but she was afraid she was going to lose her mind, and she’d be damned if she wanted him to see that.
A dramatic sigh sounded from him, but he relented. “I’ll go out and check on the chickens. Then I can pack for our trip?”
“We’ll see, Mase.” Katie knew then that Jay had already advised their son that this trip to Nashville was a done deal, but she wasn’t nearly as keen to make promises to him that she couldn’t keep. She watched his eyes flicker toward his father, then he retreated outside, remaining in the mudroom only long enough to tuck his pajama bottoms into his rubber boots. He sighed loudly again just as the screen door banged shut behind him.
“Katie—”
She whirled around. “I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but I’m—”
“I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry. So sorry for what you’ve gone through. What I’ve put you through.”
Katie hadn’t seen that coming, but she scoffed nonetheless. “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it?”
“I’m hoping that’s not the case.”
She watched him stand and step toward her hesitantly, as though weighing whether or not it was safe to close the distance between them. She set her untouched coffee on the table and took a step back, holding her hands up. “Jay, you and I...I’m not...” She gave up trying to speak. Sentences weren’t forming properly in her reeling mind.
Thankfully, Jay stopped where he was, holding his own hands up in a sort of surrendering gesture. “I know I hurt you. And Mason, too. I get that. But I want to make things right, Katie. For you and I. For our son.”
His eyes never left hers, holding her in place. Katie wanted to look away—hell, her brain was screaming at her to avert her gaze—but she stared at him, struggling to comprehend what was happening. “After everything you’ve—”
“Katie.” Jay’s tone was more assertive this time, and she flinched slightly from the contrast between the weakness in her own voice and the confidence in his. “I’ve made mistakes, I know that. Let me try to fix this.” He held his hand out toward her tentatively.
Katie stared unblinking at his fingertips, seeing each of them as though they were foreign to her. In the silence, she could hear only her own heartbeat, loud and obnoxious as it pounded in her ears.
/> Suddenly, she snapped her head up and met her ex-fiancé’s gaze, clarity rushing through her in strong, bold waves. “Liz left you.”
For the first time since she’d entered the kitchen in a sleepy stupor, she saw Jay wilt. Uncertainty lined his face, and he slowly retracted his outstretched hand. After a moment, he nodded solemnly.
“She did. It seems that she and Chad—”
“You don’t need to tell me. I know all about her and Chad.” Immediately, Katie regretted the disdain coating her words, but the mention of Chad’s name lit a fire inside her, bringing on a new wave of bitterness. “So, Liz chose him, and that’s why you’ve come back to me? I’m a consolation prize of sorts?”
“God, no, Katie. Liz and I—breaking it off has been coming for a little while. I’ve never been able to stop talking about you, and she—I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I know I have. Please, let me fix this.”
Jay reached his hand out to her again, this time letting his fingertips rest tenderly on her arm. He didn’t pull her to him or make any move to get closer to her, and Katie was thankful for that. The air was thick enough as she tried to breathe normally; she wasn’t sure there was enough of it to share.
“I know I’ve hurt you—” His voice was softer again, but Katie was still teetering on the edge of anger and pain.
“You’ve got no idea, Jay. What you did to me—”
“It’ll take time, I know that. But—”
“Time?” Katie spat out, staring at him incredulously. “You think I’ll just get over it eventually? The fact that you left me after my father died? You abandoned us, Jay! For someone else, for God’s sake!” She was yelling now, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t hold it in any longer—the outrage, the hurt, and the disbelief were erupting from her in an uncontrollable influx.
Jay’s eyes bore into hers, seeming to look at her for the first time. Things obviously weren’t turning out as planned. “Katie,” he exhaled. “I’m sorry—”
“You’re sorry? You stroll back in here after months of being gone, with someone else—someone I had to find out about from our son, no less—and you think that sorry is going to make it all better? You think I’m going to let you continue to hurt me the way I’ve been hurting? You really think I’m—”
“I know Chad hurt you, too,” Jay interjected loudly, grabbing hold of Katie’s arms sternly to gain her full attention. “And I’m so sorry for that.”
Hearing his name again caused a lump to form in her throat, and she wasn’t sure she could handle the emotions threatening to capsize her rational mind.
“We can fix this, Katie,” Jay whispered once she grew quiet. “Us. We’ll fix it. I’ll do everything I can to fix what’s broken.”
She didn’t want to think of herself as broken, but it was brokenness she’d felt after he left her. She didn’t want to feel the pain anymore that she’d been left with after being abandoned by him, and she sure as hell didn’t want to keep company with the emptiness that had overtaken her since the truth about Chad surfaced. She didn’t want to be alone anymore; nobody deserved that kind of desolate life.
“I don’t want to be like this anymore.” Katie choked the words out, and only she was aware that she’d never meant to voice them aloud.
Jay took her statement as permission to come closer, immediately enveloping her in his arms and tucking her into him, his chin resting atop her head. “I’m going to fix this, Katie. I swear it.” His promise came out as a breathy whisper, and she half-heartedly struggled to push away from his body.
“I can’t—”
Jay held his finger up against her lips, basking the room in silence once again. “We’ll fix this, Katie.” He ducked his head slightly to peer into her eyes, his gaze flitting over her tired features.
“No—” She tried again to renounce his advances, but her voice seemed to mimic the weakness her body was succumbing to.
“For Mason, okay?” His hands lifted to cup her face, and her eyes widened slightly at the mention of her son. “He needs his father, Katie. We’ve got to do what’s best for Mason. Please.”
“You don’t—”
“You want what’s best for him, right? I do, too.”
What’s best for Mason.
In the silence that ensued, Katie felt as though everything had come to a crashing halt—the world stopped spinning, time stopped ticking by, and the mangled remnants of her heart stopped beating. There was only room left inside her to truly love one person, and it was her son. She may have loathed Jay for being right in that Mason needed his father around, but she was thoroughly disgusted with herself when she finally nodded in defeat and let the tears swell over her eyelids.
Jay exhaled, an earnest grin of victory claiming his features. “We’ll be a family again. You, me, and Mason.” He squeezed her tighter to him, and Katie fleetingly wondered if she was only still standing because he was holding her upright.
Mason, she thought. I promised I would do anything for him, to protect him.
Though Jay’s arms were wrapped around her and his words were consoling and full of hope, Katie realized then that she’d possibly never felt more alone and damaged in her life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAD
There was nothing worse than being mocked by the weather. As the drops of rain pelted from the thick blanket of clouds overhead, Chad knew that each dreary second of the storm was only mimicking the bleakness and monotony that he was feeling.
He’d contemplated driving to the hotel on the outskirts of town to escape the cramped confinement of his truck cab, but in the end, it just didn’t matter enough to him. Instead, the rain pounded rhythmically against the windshield all around him in attempt to drown out the wretched thoughts that floated repetitively through his mind.
If that were possible, he would welcome the reprieve. Unfortunately, not even the darkest of clouds or hardest of rainfall was going to be able to match the despondency that he was immersed in. If he’d been a drinking man like the ones in all those country songs he sung, he’d be glad to be inebriated in a smoky bar somewhere. However, he knew all too well that a temporary fix like that only helped as long as the song was playing. After the last chord, a man like that was still drunk... and still alone.
Only thirty minutes ago, he’d mustered up enough nerve to dial Katie’s phone number. He’d been rewarded with only the repeated ringing on the other end, though. Deflated and disheartened, he’d hung up and turned the phone off. All he had to do was steer his truck along the five minutes’ worth of road and go talk to her.
But he couldn’t.
He’d hurt her enough, on more than one occasion, and he owed it to her to stop the cycle. The poor woman had been through enough before he’d wandered onto her property, and his antics had only added to her pain and suffering.
Go back to Nashville, he instructed himself. There’s nothing left here for you. Hell, if he were honest with himself, there had been nothing left for him there when he returned after Liz left him. He should have known better.
It was time. He wasn’t as thrilled about it as he knew he should be, but he knew there was a life he had to get back to, even if it was one that he wasn’t quite certain he wanted anymore. It was time to go home, to the only home he had left. At this point, the pain in that city—the hurting he’d run from—was far less agonizing than the one he harbored here and now.
The thing was, he couldn’t bring himself to just leave. As he watched the rain splattering against the driver’s side window, he realized that leaving without saying goodbye to Katie—to Mason, too—the thought of it made him feel like a coward. She might consider him a liar, but if her remembrance of him was that he was gutless...
He couldn’t handle that.
Damn it, why did he have to leave her at all? He slammed the steering wheel with the palms of his hands, his pent-up frustration getting the best of him.
“One last chance,” he whispered to himself, and the statement sounded lou
d as it hung in the silence of the truck cab. He had to see her once more, had to try to explain once more. After that, if she couldn’t stand the sight of him, or told him to steer his truck toward the border and not look back, he’d do as she asked.
One last chance, he repeated again and again in his mind as he turned the key in the ignition and pointed the truck towards Rustic Acres.
***
Chad ducked his head as he headed for the porch steps, letting the rain pour off the brim of his ball cap. He pulled it from his head once he was under the eave, shaking the droplets from it before he put it back on. When his gaze landed on the bonfire pit and the obvious wood that’d been recently dragged up close to it, his chest clenched with a flicker of hope that ignited within him.
He exhaled, steadying himself for whatever lay beyond the screen door, and he knocked. Each of the three raps on the door seemed to reverberate through the seemingly soundless house. When Katie pulled open the door, her eyes widened.
“I just need a moment of your time, Katie.” Chad held up his hands, deciding to just throw caution to the wind and proceed straight to begging for her to listen. “Please.”
Hesitation flickered in her eyes, and Katie held the door in her hand, not stepping aside to allow him inside. The tense silence that ensued caused Chad’s throat to constrict, and he wondered if he should speak again.
“Mason, I just have to run outside for a second. I’ll be right back,” she called out, never letting her eyes leave his. Quickly, she brushed by him and closed the door. Chad wanted to believe it was so the rain didn’t splatter into the mudroom, but his instincts told him she was trying to prevent Mason from realizing he was there.
“I’ve only got a few minutes to spare.”
My Kind Of Country: The Complete Series Page 14
