To Chad, Jay seemed to want Katie as his own because he should, not because he actually wanted to want her—like he owed her that much after everything he’d put her broken heart through. Despite his dislike of the man, Chad believed that Jay, deep down, must mean well in his reasoning. He hoped, anyway.
But, could he not see that things were getting worse, not better? They may have once loved each other—Chad couldn’t attest to the validity of that—but now their union seemed volatile and destined for destruction, a ticking bomb getting dangerously close to exploding and destroying everything and everyone in its wake. How could Jay and Katie not see that?
Objectivity is the key, Chad surmised. Well, perhaps his perspective was somewhat biased, but he still didn’t believe he was wrong in his assumptions. He might be in love with Katie and want to do right by her and Mason, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t see what was right in front of him, or that he couldn’t see it for what it really was.
Did it?
A gentle knock at the door of the office he was camped out in, awaiting his next meeting—his producer for the new album had a few things he wanted to go over—saved Chad from having to ponder the question any further, and he quickly heaved his boot-clad feet from the desk, sitting up in alarm at the unexpected company.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear, he thought, his jaw clenching tightly at the sight of Jay, who stood comfortably, leaned up against the door jamb, his hand still on the handle.
“I’ve made some pretty big mistakes, Chad.” Jay didn’t look angry or agitated as he spoke, but his finger tapped rhythmically against the door frame, giving away his inner tension.
“We all have, I suppose. That’s life...” Chad covered his confusion with a fake grin. “...and that’s what country songs are spawned from.”
Jay didn’t seem to find him amusing. “One of my biggest mistakes was taking her to your single release party.”
It irked Chad that he didn’t even have the decency to say Katie’s name. “Well, I would beg to differ, but I could see how you would see it that way. It was a bold move, Jay. And a confusing one, for that matter.”
“Like I said, it was a mistake. And as for mistakes, I’d like to request that you leave her and my son alone.”
Again, he didn’t use Katie’s name, and Chad bit back the urge to snap at him for it. But he had more important things floating through his mind.
Does he know I kissed Katie? The thought resonated through him, and he finally decided that this man couldn’t possibly know, or he would’ve jumped over the desk between them by now and fought to recover the pride that had gotten him into this mess in the first place. “We’re friends, that’s it.” He would make no promise to stay away; there was no use making a promise he knew he could never keep.
“Funny, that’s the same rehearsed answer she keeps giving me.”
“It’s not rehearsed; it’s the truth. Katie and I are friends, despite what you might be thinking.”
Jay scoffed, shaking his head in protest. “I’m not blind, and, frankly, I don’t blame you. All I’m asking is that you don’t ruin this chance for her to start over.”
Chad arched an eyebrow at his insinuation. “I would never ruin anything for Katie. Don’t blame me for your faults.” He stood, deciding this conversation needed to end soon before it turned into something neither of them wanted within the halls of Mercury Records.
Jay stiffened, his tone growing terse and impatient. “You’ll ruin everything, Chad. It pains me to admit it, but you have the ability to ruin everything for us, and I hate you for that.” His frigid glare pierced Chad’s gaze. “I know I’m to blame for much of what led us here to this moment, but, damn it, if there’s any time I’d like you to hear me out, it would be right now. Just leave them alone and let me have my family back.”
Chad didn’t move. He couldn’t. Shock paralyzed him, though he struggled to maintain his outward composure. Jay saw him as a threat, admittedly hated him, and was asking him to back down and let him have another chance at being a family. Politely enough, even. He never thought he would ever have an ounce of respect for the man that stood before him, but he did.
“I can’t let you have something back that I don’t have in my possession to give you. Katie is not mine—but you and I both know she’s not yours, either.” He cleared his throat. “Your comments and suggestions have been duly noted, Jay, but I’d recommend that you question your own motives in all this and decide who’s really putting Katie’s chance at starting over in jeopardy. You can close the door behind you.”
Jay stared incredulously at him, obviously wanting to retaliate in some way. But Chad’s cellphone rang shrilly on the desk between them, breaking the tension, thick as fog. He dropped his gaze to the caller display, seeing Barry’s name flashing on it. He let his thumb hover over the answer button, glaring silently at the man before him.
“You have a good day, Mr. Ashton. It’s been a pleasure, as usual.” The door clicked shut behind him, and Chad let out a breath of relief. He let the call go to voicemail. Barry would just recognize the uneasiness in his voice, and he didn’t feel he could ever explain that he’d just been advised to stay away from the one person he would give anything to hear from, yet hadn’t heard from in two days.
He hadn’t promised to keep his distance from Katie, but so far, he had to say he was doing a pretty good job at doing as he was told.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
KATIE
Katie heard the door squeak open as Jay entered the apartment, which was surprising over the whoops and cheering coming from the living room where Mason and Bobby were competing against each other in their race cars via the video game console, bobbing and weaving their shoulders and sidestepping as they moved in time with the movements on the television screen.
His mumbled greeting was incomprehensible from Katie’s vantage point, but as she folded the rest of Mason’s laundry and tucked each item neatly into his dresser drawers, she could already tell he wasn’t in a good mood. She listened as he roughly kicked his shoes off at the door, made his way to the kitchen counter, where he slammed his briefcase down, and stomped his way down the hallway, stopping briefly at each doorway.
“I’m in here,” she called, apprehensive, knowing he must be looking for her. She tucked the last few shirts into the bottom drawer and slid it closed, breathing a steadying breath. Tension radiated from Jay’s impending presence, and she needed to steel herself for whatever storm was headed her way.
He stopped abruptly in the doorway, both hands clutching the doorframe. “It’s time to talk about this.”
“About what?” She glanced past him but couldn’t see the boys. But their laughter and witty banter were still going strong, and Katie was relieved they weren’t paying any attention.
“You know what I’m referring to. Him. Chad.” Jay spat his name out in disgust.
“What’s he done wrong now according to you?” She wasn’t in the mood for this again. Obviously, neither was he.
“Why did you wait to tell me about you and Mason going to visit him? Why did Mason have to be the one to tell me?”
Katie crinkled her forehead disbelievingly. “Jay, you’re making it sound like I had the intention of purposely hiding it from you, which I didn’t. Mason was excited, he’d just been to a recording studio, seen and done some cool stuff he’d never been privy to before. You were barely in the door and the words were already spilling from his mouth. You know that.”
“Would you have told me yourself if he hadn’t?” His eyes were wild with anger and jealousy.
“Are you seriously asking me that? Of course, I would have!” She hissed her response in attempt to keep her voice down. “Mason has a friend over. Can we not hash this out—” She reached out to put her hand on the door, wanting to block their heated voices from reaching the boys in the living room, but Jay shoved her hand away, making her flinch. He turned around, taking long strides down the hall.
“Mason,
it’s time for Bobby to go home.”
Katie began to protest, taking a few steps behind him, but Jay turned and locked his gaze on her—the menacing look in his cold eyes stopped her in her tracks. His request was met by protests from his son as well, and both boys were wide-eyed in wonder as to what was happening.
“Mason, Bobby has to go home now. Do me a favor, and go with him for a few minutes. I need to talk to your mom about something.”
Katie stood there in silence as the boys saved their game progress and exited the apartment, bewilderment outlining their young faces. At least she wasn’t the only one wondering what the hell was going on.
“Jay, you need to tell me—”
“No, you need to tell me why I’m so convinced I can’t trust you to be in the same vicinity as Chad Kirkwood.”
She crossed her arms. “That’s unfair and you know it. Whether or not you trust me with him really has nothing to do with me, now does it?”
“It has everything to do with you. You took my son to see him the moment I walked out that door to head to work!”
She arched a brow. “You’re being a little dramatic. We’re friends, Jay, and friends hang out and have coffee—”
“That’s all it was, Katie? Friends just hanging out? Be honest with me. Hell, be honest with yourself!”
She pressed her lips firmly together, choosing to ignore the question. “We are friends, and I have no one else here to—”
“Then go find friends, Katie!” he exclaimed. “Go out and meet other people who aren’t Chad goddamn Kirkwood! Put a little effort into making this your home!”
“This is not my home!” she fired back. Once her breathing leveled out, she cocked her head to the side. “Have you talked to Liz lately?”
His eyes locked with hers, words failing him. She found the truth in the silence looming between them, and swallowed hard.
“It’s okay for you to still speak with her—the woman you left me for, the woman who led me to believe Chad used me to get back at her? That’s all okay, but I can’t even bring a coffee to Chad and visit with him in the presence of my son? Yeah, the fairness in that is astounding.”
“This isn’t about me and Liz, Katie. It’s different. Chad still wants you, and don’t act like you don’t realize that.”
She said nothing. There was no use disputing something so blatantly obvious.
“What about you, Katie?”
“What about me?”
“Do you want him, too?”
“I—” Her inability to string a sentence together spoke volumes, even to her own ears. “It’s no secret that I don’t know what I want, Jay. You’ve known that since the beginning of this—this mess.” She chose honesty over damage control, as too much damage had already been done.
“This is never going to work—you being here in Nashville with me—if you don’t start putting a little effort into it. You’re bouncing back and forth between Chad and me like it’s okay to have us both.”
Katie’s eyes widened. “Me? Jay, you’re no better! You’re out that door the first chance you get every day. Oh, and perhaps I should remind you—you pushed me back towards Chad, not the other way around. I’m not with him, either. Nor am I with you, it seems.” She shook her head, running her hands through her hair in frustration.
“I’ll admit my mistakes, even if you won’t admit that you want to be with him.”
Katie tilted her head up at him. “Just because you and I aren’t working out like you—”
“Because you want him, and not me.”
“Because you and I aren’t meant—”
“Would you just admit it, Katie?” Jay yelled.
Katie winced at his sudden outburst. After a moment, she held her hands up in surrender. “Fine. I love Chad. Is that what you want to hear? I love him, not you! Is that what you want me to say?” Tears stung the edges of her eyes, but be damned if she’d let them fall, blinking wildly to keep them at bay.
“Maybe, if it’s the truth.”
“Well, maybe it is.”
“And maybe it isn’t. I don’t think you even know. Love is a pretty strong word, especially for you.” His voice lowered, defeat lacing his words.
“You don’t have any right to insinuate that I can’t tell love from attraction.” She peered up at him, her hands shaking from the emotional upheaval coiling inside her.
“Do you love me?”
The question floored her, a lump forming thick in her throat as she weighed her response. “That’s something I don’t know, and I’m pretty sure your answer would be the same about me.”
“You should go.”
“Pardon?” His words seemed so out of place that she wasn’t sure she’d heard him properly.
“If he’s the only other person you have here, you need to go to Chad.”
“I’m not going to—”
“I’m not debating this, Katie.” Jay’s voice was raw with conviction. “Until you’ve made a real choice, you should go. You’ll never know if he’s who you truly think he is unless you go.”
“You have got to be kidding.” Was he testing her in some way? “Jay, Mason is going to be back any minute—”
“And I’ll make up some ridiculous excuse why you had to leave. He’ll stay here with me tonight. Now, get out.” Jay picked her cellphone up from the kitchen countertop and stepped closer to her, pushing the device into her hand. He no longer sounded angry, which made his demand all the more incredulous.
“Jay—”
“Katie! If you want to find out how done you and I really are, you need to eliminate either him or me from this equation. It will never add up otherwise, and we’ll just end up continuing our ride on this carousel of unhappiness. I’m not blaming it all on you, but I am telling you to leave...alone.”
She stared up at the face of the man she once thought she would marry. He glared back at her, his tight grimace and disdain-filled eyes unrecognizable. He’d left her once for another woman, calling off their engagement and stating that the death of her father had turned her into someone too different from the woman he’d once loved—like his decision to leave was her fault.
Now, he stood in front of her, demanding her to leave his apartment after she’d stupidly taken him back.
But taking someone back after infidelity, and forgiving that person for his cruelty, were two very different things. Rebuilding trust with someone she hadn’t yet forgiven was even more difficult when she’d accidentally fallen in love with someone else before taking him back. She didn’t share the connection with Jay that she’d discovered with Chad, and the thought occurred to her that she wasn’t sure if she ever really did. Jay admitted he didn’t trust her with Chad, yet Katie was the one who had countless reasons to distrust him.
There was nothing left for them, then, save for a lifetime of arguments and discontent.
If he was testing her, fine. She would take the bait. As she shook her head and headed for the door, tears began to flow freely down her cheeks, and she idly wondered if she had passed or failed.
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAD
The consecutive late-night rendezvous in the recording studio with only his guitar as company were beginning to catch up with him, and Chad knew he needed to start sleeping more and thinking less. His tumultuous thoughts were aiding in his songwriting, however, and he’d put more lyrics down on paper in the last few days than he had in a year. The acoustic guitar lying across the couch cushions and the loose papers and pencils strewn about the coffee table and floor proved it.
I should hire a maid, he thought wryly. He knew he’d never be able to handle having a stranger rifle through his things, putting his stuff where it didn’t belong.
His cellphone chimed, alerting him of an incoming text message, and he had to dig it out from underneath a pile of sheet music. Barry was telling him he’d be away tomorrow, but he was more than welcome to let himself in and use the studio as he sought fit. His manager had been kind enough to g
ive him a key to the house after he’d returned to Nashville a few months ago with a new drive and fervor to take his musical career to new heights.
He appreciated the sentiment, but, as he’d said to Katie, he was beginning to feel as though he lived there, spending his nights and evenings singing the same songs over and over again into the microphone, scratching at his papers with a pencil as he made adjustments to the lyrics and music he’d created. He would never complain about it—it had taken his entire life to make it to exactly this point—but sometimes he longed to have a reason not to work so late into the night, avoiding the emptiness and solitary feel of his home. Sometimes, he wished he had a reason to want to come home.
Instead, he had the new album coming out and was in the planning stages of a tour. Opening for a bigger name and being able to reach larger crowds would only fuel the momentum, not to mention allowing him reprieve for weeks at a time from the confinement of his two-bedroom apartment.
He stood up to stretch his legs, placing the cellphone back on the table. Remembering that the coffee pot was still on, he headed for it. And he was practically in front of the intercom when it buzzed loudly, startling him.
“Christ...” His heart pounded loudly in his ears. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had come there, and even now he wondered if whoever was pressing the buzzer had actually chosen the wrong apartment number. He pushed in the button below the speaker and spoke into it.
“Hello?”
Silence met his greeting.
“Is there someone there?” He tried again, letting the button go and listening intently.
“Chad, it’s me.”
“Katie?” Surprise rippled through him in waves, and he realized he wasn’t holding the button to transmit his response downstairs. “Katie, I’m coming down. Hold on.”
She didn’t respond, but he was already heading for the stairs, anyway, taking them two at a time, refusing to wait for the elevator. He jumped the last few stairs and hit the landing with a dull thud, his sock-covered feet softening the landing.
My Kind Of Country: The Complete Series Page 22
