If that was the definition of love, Katie didn’t want to love anyone ever again. It hurt too damn much.
It didn’t matter anymore, anyway. Love, happiness, contentment—those were all just lies made up to make hopeless romantics believe they had a chance in this world. People weren’t meant to be happy; they were meant to do what was required to survive. And that was what she had to do now—survive.
With Jay.
She knew now she wasn’t meant to be happy with Chad. And he didn’t deserve to be caught up in the drama that had become her life. He could get away from it, but she never would.
Jay would never let it stop, either. He was Mason’s father, and he dangled her son in front of her nose like a treat, something he could take away at any time he sought fit. Katie would never have worried about such absurdities before, especially considering his own questionable antics in the recent years.
But everything changed the moment that newspaper published her face and her embrace with Chad, painting her as something she wasn’t. If Jay did push for full custody—and she knew he would; not only because he promised to, but because he had nothing left to lose—he had the upper hand. He was right; there was no actual record of his infidelities against her, but there was pictorial evidence stacked against her to back up his story of being wronged. It would come down to a case of being his word against hers, and with the aid of the picture, the article, and the timeline, it was a chance Katie wasn’t willing to take. Jay could be convincing, and his mastered manipulation abilities frightened her. She would never win against him, so she did the only she had left to do.
She succumbed. She wished she didn’t have to, but it was time to face the truth: Jay had won. For whatever his true motives were, he swore he would refrain from bringing the courts into the matter if she would stay. No more pretending to try. No more time to decide whether she wanted to. No more contact with Chad Kirkwood—and she’d agreed, out of fear and out of disgrace.
Being with Chad, having him to love in every way possible, had been a mistake. It was a beautiful mistake, one she would revisit and cherish despite never being able to feel that way again, but it was a mistake, nonetheless. For a fleeting moment, the two of them had been blind enough to think they could dig themselves out of the dark hole of discontent and mediocrity they’d fallen into after their past relationships had failed, but the hole was too deep and the darkness too opaque. There was no way out.
At least, not together.
It was time to face the sullen reality of it all. She wasn’t some princess who would find her prince and live happily ever after. Happy endings like that didn’t exist in the real world. She and Chad had never been meant to last, and she could see that now. He’d been shoved back into her life, but the moments they’d stolen had been nothing more than borrowed time.
If Jay had never coerced her into going to that single release party where she’d been reintroduced to Chad once more, where would she be now? Would things be any different for her? The truth was...
No.
She’d already been destined to play her part with Jay then, and neither time nor Chad Kirkwood had been able to fix that despairing fact.
“Mom?”
Katie looked down into the anxious eyes of her son. “Sorry. I must have been daydreaming. What were you saying?”
He stopped walking and peered apprehensively behind them. “I asked you if you could hear that? It sounds like sirens.” His eyes never wavered from the direction he was so engrossed in.
Sure enough, the telling wail of sirens drifted on the air, assaulting her ears from a distance. She turned and followed Mason’s gaze, but there was nothing to be seen except for a few other pedestrians who had halted, craning their necks in the direction of the sound as well. “It does sounds like sirens, but they’re in the distance. Maybe a few blocks over or something.”
“What kind of sirens?” Her son’s forehead creased in concern, his mouth turned down at the corners with worry.
Katie had never been good at distinguishing which sound was which. Police, ambulance, and fire sirens all seemed to sound the same to her. Then again, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever heard any of them simultaneously, so she wasn’t sure if maybe they were all, in fact, the same. “I honestly don’t know, buddy. I don’t see smoke, so I doubt it’s from a fire truck, but it’s hard to say for certain. It’s all right. This is the city. You will hear sirens a lot more here than you ever did back at the farm.”
He gazed beyond the buildings and crowds of people around him for a moment longer, and then turned back to her, his eyes full of weariness. Fleetingly, Katie wondered if his grim mood had to do with the sirens, or if the prospect of having to hear sirens regularly was something he didn’t want to think about.
“Come on. I’ll make you a deal. Let’s walk one more street over and if there’s no store there to buy you something nice to wear, we will take this party to Wal-Mart, okay?” She hoped for a hint of brightness to show up in his eyes, but she saw nothing beyond the murky somberness that clouded them.
“Why are you marrying Dad?”
If the directness of his question didn’t floor her, the sheer look of bewilderment on his face did. “Just because, Mason. We’re going to be a family.”
“We already are, but all you guys do is argue.”
“It’s not like—”
“You don’t even smile. You’re sad all the time.”
“I’ve just been—”
“Except when we went to see Chad. You smiled, then.”
She blamed herself for her son’s confusion. How could she expect him to know what to think about this whole situation when she didn’t even know herself? “I don’t expect you to understand. You’re a kid, buddy, so there’s no need to think about all that grownup stuff.”
“You were kissing Chad in that picture. In the newspaper.”
Katie sighed. “Mason, I was not kissing him. That newspaper is making it look like I was, but I wasn’t. We were talking, and Chad gave me a hug. Why were you looking at the paper, anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you open one of those.”
The little boy’s gaze dropped to the ground, and he kicked a stray pebble off the curb into the street. “Dad showed me.”
It took everything she could muster within her to keep her face neutral. But inside, she was seething. What game was Jay playing at? There’d been a chance that her son would never have been subjected to that misleading picture—and, thus, never been compelled to question her about such adult topics. Obviously, Jay’s manipulation knew no bounds. “Yeah, he did? What did Dad say when he showed you? It’s okay, you’re not in trouble or anything.”
The wide eyes he wore paired well with his bottom lip as it started to quiver ever so slightly. She needed to rein in her questioning, or he would clam up in fear of repercussions.
“I don’t know. Just that you were going to get in trouble if you weren’t careful or something. Or maybe he meant Chad would get in trouble. I don’t know!” Mason’s hands flew up in protest, shaking his head violently.
Katie reached out and held his arms gently but firmly. “Mason! It’s okay! Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal, all right?”
“But I don’t want you to get in trouble, Mom!”
She couldn’t help but laugh, no matter how laced with disgust the sound was. Whether or not she was in trouble should be the furthest thing from her seven-year-old son’s mind, yet there he was, getting wound up and emotional at the thought of it. When had she allowed the roles to reverse, and her son to grow so wise beyond his years? “I’m not in trouble, Mase. I promise you that.” Your father is the only trouble I’ve got to contend with now.
“Is Chad, then?”
She kneeled down on the sidewalk, ignoring the bystanders and pedestrians that hurried by them with vehement urgency. “No, baby. No one is in trouble. Your dad was just being—I don’t know—dramatic. You don’t need to worry about Chad...or me, for that matter.”
>
Mason gave her a hesitant nod, and she tapped her finger against the tip of his nose, rising to her feet. She pulled her cellphone from her pocket to check the time. The phone, however, was blinking repetitively, signalling an incoming call. The caller display read Private Caller, and Katie hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should pick it up, fearful of telemarketers and scam artists. Out of pure curiosity, she hit the button and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hello, ma’am. Is your name Katie?”
The voice was unfamiliar to her. “I’m sorry, who is this?”
The woman cleared her throat. “Of course. My name is Lucinda. Are you a relative of a Mr. Chad Kirkwood, ma’am?”
Katie’s heart stopped at the mention of his name. “A relative? No, I’m—I don’t understand. Where are you calling from, Lucinda?”
There was a moment of silence before the woman spoke again. “I’m calling from Nashville General Hospital, ma’am. Do you know a Mr. Chad Kirkwood?” She repeated the question again, this time more urgently, making Katie’s heart constrict.
“Yes, I do. I know him well.” It was the hospital calling her. The hospital. “What happened?”
“Ma’am, I normally wouldn’t reveal medical information regarding one of our patients to anyone who is not an immediate family member, but we currently have no records indicating a next of kin for Mr. Kirkwood. To be honest, your first name and phone number were found in the patient’s pocket at the scene of the accident—”
A sharp gasp escaped Katie’s throat, her mind immediately assuming the worst. “He’s okay, right?” Her voice came out shrill and unsteady. She took a deep breath and turned away from Mason, lowering her voice. “Tell me he’s okay.”
“Ma’am, Mr. Kirkwood is alive, but he has been in a very bad motor vehicle accident. Would you be willing to come down to the hospital? The staff here will be able to provide you with more information.”
“I’m on my way, Lucinda.”
She was about to pull the cellphone away from her ear when she heard Lucinda’s voice once again.
“Katie?”
“Yes?”
“Hurry.”
Katie ended the call, staring blankly at each of the cars as they drove past her. Did they not realize the world had stopped turning? Could they not tell that the entire planet had been tipped viciously on its axis? How could they just keep living their normal, mundane lives when her entire universe was crashing down so uncontrollably around her? What was wrong with them?
“Mom? What’s wrong?”
Katie lowered her gaze down to meet Mason’s, her vision blurry with the tears that brimmed her eyelids. “We have to go, Mase. It’s Chad. I was wrong. He is in trouble.”
***
The faint buzzing in Katie’s ears as she pushed her way through the sliding doors of Nashville General Hospital’s Emergency Department was beginning to alarm her. She seemed disconnected from everything around her, as though there was a veil between her and her surroundings, somehow keeping her void of any emotion that might incapacitate her.
Instead, she seemed to be on autopilot, holding Mason’s little hand tightly as she dragged him beside her. He was struggling to keep up, not fully sure what was really happening. But treacherous waves of worry wafted from his silent form as well. Katie hadn’t told him of the urgency in Lucinda’s voice, but she didn’t need to. His understanding of the seriousness of the situation was obvious. Once again, Katie’s heart broke for his loss of innocence, unable to shelter him from the nastiness and cruelty of the world around him.
“I’m Katie,” she advised the dark-haired nurse behind the counter. “I was called about Chad. Mr. Kirkwood, I mean. He was brought in after a car accident.”
The nurse’s face stayed relatively neutral, but Katie, having been a nurse in an oncology ward, knew the look in her eyes. There was a glimmer of pity there, a moment of hesitancy where she didn’t want to have to be the one to subject her to the ugly truth of what was to come. She nodded, though, rising from her chair rigidly.
“Yes, Katie. If you take a seat out there in the waiting room, I’ll advise the doctor and nursing staff that you’re here.” She motioned automatically to the overpopulated room just outside the automatic doors, and Katie hoped she wasn’t made to wait long. Each passing second was torturous.
“You’re not Lucinda, are you?”
The nurse gave her a muted smile. “I’m not, but if you would rather talk with her, I can let her know.” She paused a moment. “Our medical records for Mr. Kirkwood show no family contacts in case of an emergency, Katie. Do you know how we can reach his family members or his spouse?”
Katie avoided glancing down at Mason, who was turning his ashen face from one adult to the other, listening intently to the conversation. “He doesn’t have a...spouse. We—” She swallowed hard in attempt to relieve the lump forming solidly in her throat. “It’s a bit complicated. But his family are in Ontario. Canada, I mean. I’m not sure who to contact.” She glanced past the nurse, willing an answer to show up beyond the swinging doors in front of her. “But I can find out how to get a hold of them,” she added.
“That would be very helpful. I will have Mr. Kirkwood’s attending physician come and speak with you as soon as he’s able to, all right?”
Katie thanked the nurse, noticing for the first time that her name tag read Anna. “Thank you, Anna.”
The nurse turned to walk away, undoubtedly relieved to have passed the responsibility of telling her just how bad it all truly was on to someone else. Katie didn’t blame her for that. She knew what it was like, and it definitely wasn’t a highlight of the job description. She turned her gaze away as well, putting a reassuring hand on the back of Mason’s head.
“Katie?”
She whirled around at the sound of the nurse’s voice again.
“I think Lucinda mentioned it, but I thought maybe you would want an explanation. We called you because your phone number was on a scrap of paper in Mr. Kirkwood’s wallet. Just your name and number, but we called it, anyway. There was no way we couldn’t.”
Katie stared back at the woman, her confusion obvious.
The nurse held her hand out and slipped a small piece of paper into her hands.
She unfolded it slowly, her hands trembling uncontrollably.
“It might be unprofessional of me to say it, and I know you said that your relation to Mr. Kirkwood is complicated, but I would have to say that you must mean a lot to that man in the other room.”
Katie’s eyes swelled with tears again, and she tried to blink them back, to no avail. It was the same scrap of paper she’d given him, her own handwriting scrawled before her. But Chad’s familiar writing was there, too, now, in the upper right corner. The paper had been folded and refolded many times, creased and crumpled, soft in her hands. On it, he had written the words The One beside her name with a small heart beside it.
***
Katie sat squeezed into the only available chair in the emergency room waiting area, and it was only available because an older gentleman who was waiting for his wife had offered up the one he’d been sitting in. Mason was curled up on her knee, his legs dangling as he played idly with the string on the hood of his jacket. He’d said nothing since the nurse walked back behind the nursing desk, and she counted it as a blessing. She wasn’t sure what she should say, and she wasn’t sure that giving the little boy any false hope was a good idea, especially since she had little clue as to what Chad was dealing with.
“Ms. Wicken?”
While she waited, Katie had filled out paperwork so that the nursing staff had something on file to document who she was and why they’d called her and informed her—someone who wasn’t actually an immediate family member—of Chad’s medical status. Obviously, the doctor who stood before her had glanced at those forms before heading out to speak with her.
Katie stood, pushing Mason gently to his feet. She stepped out of the way and motioned for Mason
to sit back down and stay where he was. Whatever she found out next, her seven-year-old son did not need to be privy to the unfiltered version of it. “I am Katie, yes.”
“Come with me, Ms. Wicken, and we’ll discuss your friend.”
She glanced back in Mason’s direction. “I’m not sure I want my son to hear—”
“That is understandable. We will have one of the nurses watch him, okay? We shouldn’t be long.”
She gave her son a questioning glance, silently asking if he would be okay to sit there alone, and he nodded apprehensively. The nurse’s desk was a mere fifteen feet from the chair he occupied, so she relented, following the white-coated doctor beyond the swinging doors in fearful silence.
“Mr. Kirkwood is very lucky to be alive, Ms. Wicken.” The doctor stopped partway down the hall, setting his gaze assertively on her.
“Can someone tell me what happened to him?” Her voice was strained, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer to her question or not.
“As per the witnesses at the scene downtown, it would seem that your friend ran his truck through a red light, which resulted in his vehicle being hit squarely on the passenger side door. The other driver is also here in hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. His airbag saved him. Your friend, however, did not have that luxury.”
Katie nodded, her hand pressing against the base of her throat as though to prevent the sobs from rising within her. “He was downtown,” she muttered. The sirens she and Mason heard—they were coming to save Chad. A wave of nausea rolled in her stomach, and she held out a hand against the wall to steady herself.
“Are you okay, Ms. Wicken?”
She nodded furiously. “Call me Katie, please. Is he going to be okay, doctor?”
“He’s still in surgery at this point in time, Katie, and, if I am being honest, it’s too soon to tell. Mr. Kirkwood—”
“Chad. His name is Chad,” she corrected him.
“Chad has sustained multiple serious injuries from his accident, and he is currently in critical condition. These next few hours will be crucial in deciding what happens next.”
My Kind Of Country: The Complete Series Page 27
